Author Topic: Paws's short story challenge  (Read 14646 times)

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Offline typingwithpaws

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Paws's short story challenge
« on: July 16, 2012, 04:42:50 am »
oh man...what am i getting myself into here.
i loved Jets original idea and i am going to try and MAKE time to write these.
should help me write my main novel as i get to it also. please ignore the bad grammer/spelling etc....BUT POINT IT OUT, i'd like that  :)

lets see; Jet has started me off with 'Asphyxiation'


the bright white light of the moon shone through the curtain less window in the early hours of the morning, illuminating the glass shards impregnated into the concrete floor from a past decoration experiment.
despite this peaceful setting, there was unrest within the room. the sheets tossed and turned like a sea churned into a froth by an angry wind, eventually sliding off the bed exposing Chip to the moonlight.
a cold chill crept over the fox even as he squirmed in his sleep.

within his minds eye, the waters of trouble thoughts and worries had risen to engulf him. this left him feeling like he was drowning, suffocating as the waters closed over his head. Chip was overcome with a sensation of the bed tilting up; "no, NO!" he screamed to the creator of the nightmare but the bed threw him feet first toward an endless abyss.
Chips gut lurched as he fell, feeling the weightlessness overcome him.
the sensation was quickly replaced by a pressure to his head and a fuzzy chill that ran the length of his body, from the tip of his muzzle, down his spine and into his well groomed tail.
Cold. Cold seeped into his body and chilled his core. this finally aroused his consciousness from it's slumber. Chip became aware that it was only a dream and he was able to awaken. he opened his eyes and rolled onto his side to discover that he had fallen out of his bed, face first onto the floor.

it was one of those dreams that Chip had heard his friends at work talk about, it was not uncommon for a falling dream to occur. but he was very pleased to be rid of the many horrid mental pictures that had plagued him that night.

Chip picked himself off the floor and got back into bed, pausing for a moment to grab his teddy bear from the bed-side table. the Toy had been with him since his early childhood and even though at 25 years old it was a long way out of his maturity level, it still had the power to calm his thoughts. Chip settled down, reached over and with one powerful swing of his arm brought the thick bed cover over himself once more. teddy arranged on one side and the moonlight on the other. peace could now take place within the small bedroom and the last few hours of night could be enjoyed at last.

Chip closed his eyes and let some memories of his early life play, the soothing images turned his conscious thought to mush and soon the only noise heard within the vicinity was the slow breathing of the animal as he slept away the remainder of the night.







well lets see how that sounds  :-[
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Offline Jet

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2012, 05:17:15 am »
ANOTHER CRAZY JUMPS IN THE HOLE! :D

It's alright, I have medical tape for when your arms start to become severed, and band aids for when the liquid comes from your ears. Symptoms usually occur within three to five hours after the event, and can last up to a recorded nine to twelve years. If you place all your trust in me, and my six and a half minutes of medical education beside the two thirds of a page from Teen Magazine detailing how to apply cosmetics properly, I know we can get through this mostly alive! :)

Being as I already gave you a word, I will wait for some others to suggest words before I give you another. As for this story, I liked it. I do see that you have a problem with capitalizing those words at the beginning of your sentences. We aren't gonna be having any problems, now are we? You aren't looking for any trouble, right? Didn't think so. (I am only kidding of course! :P ) I say, great job. And have fun with this, no pressure.


Also....I will be back in a few hours to check for pulse and motor skills. We need to keep your vitals as non flat-lined as possible for now. Just make sure to find something to bite down on. I suggest an old chunk of wood, or maybe a bone. Wadded paper works fine, or even your own arm if non else works.......
"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2012, 09:22:31 am »
Jet's medical prowess should soothe you Typing, although I didn't know that writing short stories could cause massive bodily harm... :o *scans all over his body to locate any abnormalities* But considering that you've written your first story without injury (you have a knack for descriptive imagery...I felt asphyxiated reading it), I'll give you another word. How about...lens? Have fun with that, and hopefully you'll get a lot of practice and fun from this short story thread! :)
« Last Edit: July 16, 2012, 09:24:17 am by Mylo »

Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2012, 12:19:56 am »
Lens:


"I don't care what the production officers do or don't about their own safety! The rules clearly state that all personnel on site must wear Australian Standard safety glasses." yelled the boss, his anger clear through not only his facial expression, but also his stance and the vigorous movement of his tail.

"All I am saying is that we here in the engineering department always cop the brunt of the attack when it comes to petty little issues like this." explained Shane from where he leaned against the cupboard. A smug expression on his face.

I had well and truly had enough of this argument. Somehow it appeared that otter's and their genus had a knack for getting into arguments over pointless things such as this. Safety glasses are mandatory through out my workplace but there are people starting to whine about how they affect vision. It had something to do with the distortion of the light through the plastic lens before it entered the iris. I suppose that there is some small amount of jealousy between Shane and the others, he is the only otter here amongst the variety of other species and he does have a disadvantage in the vision department.
Because of this he was employed in the welding shed and often undertook jobs involving hot metal. His short fur and it's wax-like coating wasn't as flammable as the rest of us. I have lost count of the times that I have set myself on fire, boy does that stink.

"Look, I'll talk to the production manager and I will get on to that issue, but in the mean time you will all wear safety glasses and will not remove them until you knock off and vacate the workshop." Finished the boss, clearly having had enough of arguing for the morning.

We all got up from our relaxed positions and ambled off to our various work places. I took my usual place behind the lathe and picked up where I had left the other day. Small blue chips of steel shot past my head as I shaped the round bar of silver metal into a complex shape.

Nuts came over to see what I was up to. After assessing my performance he said; "you might wanna back the feed off a little bit mate, get that swarf nice and short again. You don't want to end up like me."

He was right, I didn't want to end up like him. Nuts, like me, was a vulpine. To be more specific, a Fennec fox where I am a common boring Red. But nuts had some peculiarities about his figure, for one he was missing an ear, in it's place was a bald patch of fur with a hole where the ear canal entered his head. He was also missing half of his tail and though you couldn't see it, had a large bald patch on his back. I had seen the patch in the change room after work one day, he never told me where he received that particular injury but the one he was referring to was his missing ear.

Somehow Nuts had managed to get a long piece of swarf wrapped around his ear whilst machining some stainless steel. it caught on the rotating chuck and being that stainless swarf is razor sharp it lopped off his ear with the greatest of ease.

While this was a gruesome story, it was a daily reminder of the power that these large machines have. They do not care about what gets sucked into them, they just keep going round and round until someone turns them off.
I was happy at least to have only set myself on fire with the plasma cutter a couple of times with minimal consequences, just pat out the flames with my paw and get back to work. Unlike the school children I remembered in school who would have run around screaming then roll on the floor to extinguish the flames while another went for the fire extinguisher. Small fires just require quick and simple actions.

Life in the workshop was thus and will continue to be like this for many more years. Day in day out making and repairing machinery to keep the factory running, with Nuts on the occasion yelling out some kind of obscenity at a passer-by in mock. Shane always gave us something to talk about to pass away the days too while we all waited for the weekend to arrive.
Looking back on it, It seems like a boring existence, but I enjoy what I do and that is all that matters in the end.









slightly more boring than the others but i was experimenting with first person again  :)
« Last Edit: July 17, 2012, 02:51:51 am by typingwithpaws »
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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2012, 12:50:05 pm »
More boring?  It's a slice of life...I liked the way you wrote it to make it seem as if all this stuff was nothing, just day to day work (which it is, but to someone that's never been in that situation, it can be pretty overwhelming at first).  You're pretty good at this short story writing.  :)  So how about another word?  Let's see what you can do with...login

Offline Jet

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2012, 01:15:44 pm »
So, I think I finally have a word for you. Being as you seem to be big of cars and other motorized vehicles, I will suggest the word engine. Let's see what you can do with that. ;)


As for this story, it wasnt really boring. It was interesting to read what one person (the main character) thinks about their own life, while another person may think differently. Maybe if someone were to be doing the same thing over and over, that may eventually become boring to them. I like at the end that you said all that mattered was that he liked his life, no matter how boring of an existence he may think it was. Keep this up. :)
"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2012, 12:47:33 am »
Login:


Florescent lights flashed past as Sophie ran down the hallway. Each passing light left a slight burning after image on her retina as she passed, then carried over to the next light and blurred the entire lighting system into a singular white strip.

She had to escape. The entire base had been compromised and the alleged assailants had informed the occupants only minutes ago that they intended to remove the control rods from the central reactor. To accomplish this they had already disabled the alarm systems and safety shut-down systems in a matter of minutes. Sophie had assumed that there was as tech guru among the terrorist organisation who had infiltrated the systems.

She rounded a corner, dropped down to all of her paws for extra speed and sprinted toward the exit door located at the end of the adjoining corridor.
Pens, paper, notes and even her purse escaped from her pockets as she flew over the linoleum floor. The horizontal angle of her clothing did not allow items to be held in their pockets via gravity. Thankfully the important equipment was strapped securely to her belt for times just like this. Her ever present radio and pistol along with the super-bright tactical torch that she always carried.
When she reached the door she found it to be locked. Standing up she opened the control panel and was greeted by the always annoying artificial intelligence named Andy.
"Please state your name and pass code to login" said Andy, as emotionless as ever, despite his programmers giving him the ability to show limited emotion for a trial in AI technology.
"Sophie, number two four five one dash alpha" replied Sophie in a clear tone to avoid confusion over the background humming of machines.

"Your full name please miss Sophie, you know the rules" said Andy in a mocking tone.
"Oh give me a break you mechanical oaf"
"Full name"
"Sophie Bryer" she said with a huff.
"Passcode" asked Andy again.
"You twit!" she screamed.
"System corrupt, commence automatic shut-down. enter safe mode. mobile unit will activate in thirty minutes"

Sophie screamed again and pounded on the exit door. With Andy out of service and his mobile version not active for a further half an hour she was going to have to try and find another way out of the complex before the terrorists carried out their goal.

She turned around and came face to face with a large burly armed, short legged gorilla wearing a black woollen balaclava and wielding a high wattage laser rifle.
The gorilla charged with the butt of his rifle aimed at Sophie's head, she ducked under it quick as the eye could see and smashed the ape in the face with her paw. The gorilla recoiled at the impact and stumbled back and finally fell to the floor, dazed. She unsnapped her pistol and prepared to draw it on the gorilla if he stood up once again.
Suddenly stars exploded in Sophie's feline vision and she lost all sensation in her limbs. As she collapsed to the floor she saw another large ape who had snuck up behind her.


Sophie awoke with a start but upon realising that she was in a room with more of the terrorists she promptly closed her eyes and relaxed again, hoping they had not noticed.
They had not and kept grunting to one another in a language that Sophie did not recognise.

she opened her eyes just a crack to get a view of her surroundings. From between her eyelashes she could see that she was in the medical wing in one of the bays.

"Sophie" someone whispered.
she looked around slowly trying to see who had called her name.
"Sophie Bryer" came the voice again, right in her ear. She realised that her headset was still on, the voice was Andy who was broadcasting from her portable radio.
"Sophie, wiggle your ears if you can hear me, i'm looking at you from the camera to your left" said Andy, for once sounding friendly. Sophie complied and wiggled her left ear for him to see.

"Good, they shut the whole place down, the control rods have begun exiting chamber, you do not have much time. All door passcodes have been changed but I have been able to watch the infiltrators punch in the numbers. I will relay these numbers when you reach the appropriate doors. Your sidearm is still unsnapped, I have unlocked the remote safety on it. You must shoot the gas canister to your right front, in the corner of the room. It contains laughing gas, so take a deep breath before discharging your firearm then make your way to the door. Wiggle your ears again if you comply."

Sophie took a moment to digest this vast amount of information that Andy had offered. she wiggled her ears again.

"Open your eyes when you are ready and I shall disable the restraints, do not hesitate. I am keeping you locked up until the last possible second to keep the infiltrators unaware."

Sophie took a moment to compile herself then opened her eyes. Andy released the restraints almost instantly which was an amazing feat considering he was operating from the small confines of her hip mounted radio.
Quick as a flash she pulled out her primitive projectile pistol, chambered a round and fired on the gas cylinder. The shot was straight and true and pierced the canister as she took one last breath of fresh air. The various ape species within the room jumped with fright, with their jump came a lung full of the medical gas and sent them sprawling to the floor, writhing and squirming, occasionally giggling.
She lept out of her tilted bed where she had been placed and made a run for the door.

"2332" read Andy and she punched in the code. The door slid open and she sprinted out.
"You are in the south end of the medical wing, the closes exit is to your right but judging by your body temperature, sweat analysis and tail movements I can make an educated guess that you intend on stabilising the reactor core, correct?" asked Andy.

"So you have been watching me in your spare time, you know me too well." said Sophie through her mouthpeice.

"After the emotion upgrade i became attached to certain people, you would call it 'friendship' and now with my main server gone, I will do anything to help you get out of here alive." said Andy honestly.

"You sound like you're hurt." said Sophie as she began running toward the reactor complex.
"Of course I hurt, I just had several subroutines shut down and half of my code pulled apart, to you that's like having your arms and legs ripped off and your torso set of fire!"
"I didn't realise, sorry."
"Lets just get this over with so you can upload me into a proper server when we are out of here."

Sophie reached the main door to the reactor room, punched the code and opened it. inside were fifteen apes.
A large mischievous grin spread across the tigers face as she drew her firearm.

"Get them." said Andy flatly.










phew! that was a long one! think that flowed better than the previous. wanted to try an action peice this time. will take a crack at yours soon Jet  :D
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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2012, 02:07:51 pm »
Cool story Typing!  The pace was fast, and like you said, it really did flow well.  That was also kind of touching when Andy and Sophie reconcile (and a bit unexpected :)).  So after you are done with Jet's story, here is another word for you: maximum.

Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2012, 02:20:17 am »
Engine:



"This is it." thought Jake as the pit crew pushed the vehicle to the start line.
Jake worked over the procedure for his quarter mile run, months of work had gone into his vehicle to get it to this moment. The competition was not anything to scoff at either. The challenger was an old school friend of his and Jake knew that his car had many thousands of dollars spent on it. But Jake also knew that his competitor, Phill, had little mechanical knowledge. Most of his vehicle was made from off the shelf parts that required no more ingenuity to put together than a difficult jigsaw puzzle.

When the crew had positioned the car and given Jake the go ahead to start he began the procedure.
First he turned on the fuel supply and pressurised the system, along with the oil supply. Then to the crowds shock he exited the early model Van and inserted a crank handle into a receptacle just behind the drivers door.
The crowd laughed out loud at this ridiculous act as Jake grabbed hold of the crank handle with his paws and began to turn it.
Jake strained as the handle was very hard to turn but after several seconds he had picked up speed and a low whine was becoming audible to his sensitive ears. Jake smirked, no one had any idea what was going on while Phill was busy warming up his engine and impressing the crowd.

"Oh you're so gonna get it" said Jake to himself, a toothy grin spreading across his face. the Pit crew glanced at one another, still puzzled at the goings on. One approached with an inquisitive look.
"Are you aware that you are not permitted outside your vehicle?" he said.
"I wont be long, just about ready to fire it up." replied Jake.

The whine has increased to a higher pitch and now most of the crowd could hear it. They still however looked puzzled.
Jake was now panting as he reached full speed on the crank handle. With one swift movement he removed the handle and got back in the drivers seat.
"Keep away from the exhaust guys" he said loudly over the whine and pointed to the large diameter opening just in front of the back wheel.

Jake flipped the ignition switch to 'on' and then hovered his paw over the 'start' button. "CONTACT!" he yelled at the top of his lungs and pressed the button.
There was a small groan that was replaced by the whining noise decreasing in pitch with each corresponding compression stroke as the inertial starter flywheel turned the ten litre engine over.

A gout of flame shot out of the exhaust and the engine exploded to life, drowning out all other noise. White unburned fuel vapour poured out the exhaust and engulfed the van as the engine coughed and spluttered while it warmed up each of it's nine cylinders.
Jake had always wanted to yell that out when starting an engine, normally no one was around to hear him though. Especially when his daily drive was a small pathetic hatchback.

The smoke had cleared and the engine temperature had reached an acceptable level. Jake prepared to warm up the tires on the burn-out pad. He locked the front brakes on and dumped the clutch in third gear. The engine shuddered slightly under the high load at no throttle but kept ticking away. Jake drove his boot into it, mashing the throttle peddle into the floor. Smoke bellowed out from the rear wheel arches and heat waves from the exhaust distorted the vision of the pavement surrounding the exhaust ports.
The crowd was silent for a moment, no one had ever seen anyone drop a burnout at idle speed before and apply the throttle afterwards. The silence did not last long, soon they were all cheering and waving their beverages and flags around in a boisterous manor.

He released the brakes and the van lurched forward, leaving a smelly white smoke trail behind it. Disengaging the clutch and allowing the engine to return to it's usual rough idle, Jake selected reverse and made his way back to the white painted line. He snatched a glance over at Phill who looked a little nervous but revved his engine anyway, giving voice to the challenge.

Jake readied himself, the yellow warning light had illuminated, indicating for both drivers to ready themselves. Jake could hear Phill increase his revs in preparation as the lights descended toward the green 'Go' light.
Jake now bumped the RPM of his radial engine into the low thousands.
The green light lit up and both contestants mashed the throttle peddle into a pulp. Phill had the jump on Jake and quickly selected second gear bot to no matter. Jake roared past still in first gear and overtook the V8 Ute in a flash. He grabbed second gear and accelerated further, the van leaning over to the side as the huge torque from the engine being transmitted through the driveline twisted the suspension.
After grabbing third gear Jake glanced up in his rear view mirror, in the small space left between the mid-mounted engine housing and the roof he could see through the back window the expression on Phill's face as he dwindled into the distance. He chortled and selected forth gear, the finish line was rushing up the greet him.
Jake screamed over the white painted surface and began the arduous process of slowing down. Full engine braking locked up the wheels and too much hydraulic brake overheated the pads so he was forced to alternate between the two methods. Phill on the other hand simply deployed his chute and slowed down much faster.

When Jake reached and acceptable speed he turned and made his way back to the start of the drag strip to collect his time ticket. He smiled and punched the air out the window, all that work had paid off. The hassles of procuring an aircraft radial engine, installing it and then beefing up the driveline in a very inappropriate vehicle.


Later that night, Jake was in a pub, celebrating with his friends when Phill barged in the door looking a little annoyed. "You!" he began. "What the heck have you got in that thing?"
"less power than you do" replied Jake. This thoroughly confused Phill and he came over and sat to listen.
"You're running what? 800 horsepower at the wheels?" began Jake.
"850" replied Phill.
"only 560 for me, but i'm also pumping out about tripple the amount of torque you are producing and my power band is very very wide" explained Jake.
"It's still not fair, I was supposed to win that race"
"I'm not sure why you're complaining, you did!"
"Huh?"
"Take a look at your ticket, I exceeded the time window, you win by default." finished Jake.

Phill smiled and thanked Jake, but before leaving he asked one more question; "can I ask why you're celebrating?"

Jake laughed. "I still destroyed your time!"












there....not super happy with it, but i added some more specifics in it that the average reader would not understand, this is because of the nature of the word Engine. sometimes you must appeal to a certain group of readers?
onto Maximum  8)
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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2012, 08:46:08 am »
You talk about car stuff like IRC talks about...computer stuff. :D I loved the way you broke it all down and elaborated on all the details, even though some of it is a bit verbose for the average reader (nothing a little googling doesn't solve ;)).  But still, I much enjoyed it!

Offline Jet

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2012, 01:33:09 pm »
I dont know. Although it is good to think about the audience that will read it, and try to make it understandable to them, I think its more important to think of the subject. This character knows a lot about cars, so naturally he would know all the lingo and stuff a normal person wouldn't know. I do so in Project Tango. The main character thinks a certain way based on her personality. So although a normal person would yell at her to go back and bury her best friend or give some last words, she wont. In her life, people dont do that, this is normal for her. I will have a similar issue with Project Foxtrot since the main character is basically insane and truely believes there in someone traveling with him. The fact is this other person is just a figment of his imagination, and both dont act "normal." So I think its better stay true to the character's personality and mindset, but maybe give small context clues as to what the things he is talking about is.

Anyways, this was a good story, even if I understood about ten percent of it. x_x   That's okay, we have internets nowadays. And you were right when you said you were getting a little long with these. :D  Don't worry too much I guess. But anyhows, it was a good read. So whats about another word for ya. I will attempt one of sort of the other side of the work spectrum. How about Lazy. 8)
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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2012, 12:54:11 am »
have a bad case of the laze, will get onto it hopefully later tonight....IRC is so distracting hahahaha
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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2012, 02:00:17 am »
have a bad case of the laze, will get onto it hopefully later tonight....IRC is so distracting hahahaha

Tell me about it. :P  I've neglected mine as well...

Offline Jet

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2012, 04:15:43 am »
have a bad case of the laze, will get onto it hopefully later tonight....IRC is so distracting hahahaha

Tell me about it. :P  I've neglected mine as well...
I've just decided to do one every so often. In between other work I have to do. Sort of a way to keep me at least writing something without taking too long of a period without writing. But I don't think i will be posting three stories a day any time soon. That's ok though. :)
"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2012, 12:07:16 am »
ok...got an idea for it....

Maximum:

Wind rushed across the tips of the swell, tossing the thin water into a mist as the wave crested. Up and over the undulations in the water surface I went, with each pass adjusting my weight to keep the boat steady.
The tell-tails on the sail were spinning in random directions, indicating that I was required to make an adjustment to the mainsheet. I checked my heading then looked down briefly to search for the mainsheet rope. It was lying in a tangled mess in the bottom of the small boat but was still cleated off to the cross member where I had left it.
I quickly ducked down and grabbed the rope and gave it a small tug to disengage it from the cleat then returned to my usual seat on the gunwale.
Giving the rope a small tug achieved the result I was looking for, all the tell-tails on the sail began streaming toward the rear of the sail as the wind was captured and redirected efficiently.

"Right; where's that mark?" I said to myself as I searched the horizon for the small yellow inflatable buoy. It was my goal, it marked the finish line and so far, it marked my place on the podium if my boats handicap correction was up to scratch.

There it was, appearing intermittently between wave crests as it rose and fell.
There was a change in the air, I could smell it first, then as I twitched my ears to my left side I could hear the squall approaching. I turned my head slightly to snatch a glance, sure enough, a dark shadow on the water was sneaking up on me at an alarming rate. The gust was like an invisible monster that rushed out of no where to grab unsuspecting sailors, such as the unfortunate tiger in her Mirror behind me. I watched as the gust took hold of her sails and pushed her boat over onto it's side like a leaf in a hurricane. Thankfully I had less sail area in my trusty wooden Sabre and I also had time to prepare for the upcoming excess.

I leaned out of the cockpit, using my legs under the straps to hold on in preparation. Suddenly the wind dropped. The boat lurched to windward and my tail dipped into the seawater. The cold surprise made me jump a little. Just as I had planned the gust then took hold and the boat heaved over to leeward. I was catapulted skyward during the manoeuvre but my body weight was not sufficient to hold the boat at an acceptable level. Instinct took over and I spilled some wind from the sail to allow the boat to return to an acceptable angle.
Now with the boat sitting flat I yanked on the mainsheet again and the boat rocketed away.

The waves tossed and turned the small vessel and made it quite a handful to keep under control. The speed I had picked up was monumental, the whole rigging was beginning to hum and the tiller vibrated softly in my paw, this truly was the Sabre's maximum speed.

Up ahead there was a large cruising catamaran, whose owner had entered the race as an excuse to get the white behemoth out for a day. Even with it's immense size it was still keeping pace with my current speed. However, the crew were on deck sipping cold drinks while the simply waited for the finish line to arrive. Meanwhile in my small dingy it was utter chaos.
My fur was soaked to the skin and my ears burned from the chilly wind. I growled at the cruiser's crew, I guess I was jealous but I also know that I was having more fun.

Looking up again I noticed that in the commotion, the distance had closed a considerable amount between myself and the finish line. There was only a few minutes of sailing left before I would have to head home.
Gritting my teeth, I checked all my settings, the tell-tails, the luff, the heading then settled down. Sitting still and making hardly any adjustments was a sure way to pick up speed. The less you move the tiller, the less drag you create and hence the faster you go.

Seconds crept by while the strong wind howled and pulled at the rigging. But to my delight, ever so slowly the distance between myself and the large cat closed. They had already lost to me on corrected time anyway but I was still determined to beat them across the line.

A minute passed and I was overtaking the wash that their yacht created, the crew saw what I was up to and all stood up to cheer me on. I felt my cheeks heat up, It was slightly embarrassing but it felt good to have positive reinforcement, especially from the competition.

Our boats were now level. Thankfully I remembered to pass on the windward side or due to the large size of their sail, I would have never passed them as they block a lot of wind.
The finish line was close, breaking my concentration for a second I looked to the control boat. The operator was holding up the siren ready to announce the completion of the race.
As if the Sabre itself knew what I was doing, it inched forward, putting my a few feet in front of the catamaran.
A double siren sounded from the control boat. We had both finished but what confirmed my success was a loud roar from the lion with the siren and a shout of "Well done Chip!"

The catamaran crew cheered and I beamed widely. Today was a great day for a race.










First person....there you go. let the critics read and bask in it's.....learningness  (:
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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #15 on: July 25, 2012, 12:20:01 am »
You do seem to like races and competitions...you describe them well and with great thrill.  :)  It's awesome to see you expanding this writing thread with a great set of stories, each one engaging (and furry, I might add, that's always good :D).
So here is another word to keep you writing: Apocalypse

Offline Old Rabbit

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #16 on: July 27, 2012, 05:06:30 pm »
Looking good.  Here is a word. "travels"
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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #17 on: July 29, 2012, 11:21:17 pm »
Apocalypse:

Chris could see fires blazing from the window as he peered out into the massive expanse of rubble that was once Sydney. He had had enough. All the running, fighting for survival and the lowered quality of life in general was overwhelming. Sasha padded over, choosing to use all four of her paws as she often did to walk.
"Are you ok?" she asked.

Of course he wasn't. It was 13 months to this day that the first victim was taken by the virus. Chris had read about the burial in the newspaper and the subject was given a proper service being someone of his stature. The charity worker had apparently fallen ill after a trip to the hospital while on holiday, he was flown home after his condition stabilised but eventually he just, stopped. The only problem is that just like in a science fiction film gone wrong, he didn't stay where he was left to rest.
Several hours later multiple cases of the virus had sprung up all over the city.
It was not nuclear fire, aliens or even a giant meteor that brought about the end of the world. It was a simple case of a bio-terrorist not knowing the consequences of what they planned on doing. This sparked the start of what can only be known as the zombie apocalypse. As immature as it sounds, it is the best way that Chris could describe it.

"No i'm not ok. I really thought that after a year things would have started to improve. The virus is inactive now, there have been no new cases for over nine months but where is the help?" Said Chris as his eyes began to well up.

"You know how fast this thing travelled, it went worldwide in under three days, the only help we can get is what we can provide for ourselves. Just keep your chin up, your tail straight and your emotional wall in place. There is still hope." Replied Sasha, trying to cheer up the wolf.

Sasha was right, in part, there was indeed hope. rumours had spread that further south there were still abundant supplies of crops and other supplies.

"We make our own life" murmured Chris.

"Huh?" replied Sasha.

"Nothing, just something my dad used to say to me when I was a pup."

"At least you can remember your dad." huffed Sasha, now feeling upset herself.

Chris replied by tackling Sasha into a hug, the sudden movement made them both forget their sorrows and forced them to continue with the hand they had been dealt.

"S'pose we had better get back to the others, Gorge wanted to get moving soon when I left so he's probably pretty keen to get going now." Said Sasha.

They both walked back down the stairs of the apartment block and into the large convention room where the others sat around a table discussing plans for the coming weeks travel. Sasha and Chris took their own seats as silence rippled through the air between them and the six others.

Gorge issued a curt nod to the new arrivals then said "Good of you to join us again, we have much to do so let us begin."

And so the long arduous practice process of planning the trip south began...








might go right onto Travel now :p    if only i did my homework at school as often as i do this now. maybe that's why i didnt do so well XD
« Last Edit: July 29, 2012, 11:24:08 pm by typingwithpaws »
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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #18 on: July 30, 2012, 12:22:08 am »
ive been wanting to type the post event part from my novel for some time but found it to be too early to do in the actual document. so i'll throw around some ideas in a short story format so i can see for myself how it will pan out :)


Travels:

"This has got to be the scariest thing i've ever done in my life" exclaimed Sophie as she and Shaun both hobbled to a quiet corner of the large mess hall to eat their breakfast.

"Even scarier than turning into a fox, getting shot and plotting the demise of an insane doctor?" replied Shaun.

"By a long shot. Look, everyone is staring at us!"

"Wouldn't you if you saw two non-native canids walking upright, carrying plastic trays laden with cereal and toast through a military mess hall?"

"Smartie pants." retorted Sophie.

The truth in Shaun's words was abundantly clear however. Since bringing about the demise of the company responsible for not only the Animan project that had turned Shaun and Sophie into the hybrid animals they were now, but multiple other bio-weaponry was uncovered and subsequently destroyed as a result of their findings.

Soon after the job was completed and having escaped the authorities, Shaun was water skiing with his father and his new and old friends when a sudden ambush took place. Boats came from everywhere and cut short the enjoyable time they were all having.
Shaun's father was told to go home, ensured that nothing bad was to come and told to speak to no-one about the goings on.



*out of story moment: using FBI instead of AFP here since FBI sounds better than AFP, which is the Australian federal police. but anyway, country location is not important for this short story i dont think. right back to it.*




The head of the FBI was present when the four captives were brought ashore, dripping wet and slightly cold. Shaun had shaken most of the water off on nearby escorts in an act of defiance, and you could also call it revenge at ruining their fun. Krum was completely white with fear, despite having been part of the armed forces in his previous years he had accompanied the other three in many illegal activities to serve justice in the past month. Nathan didn't know what to think, Sophie could see from her four-footed stance that his facial expressions were ever changing and becoming increasingly hard to decipher.

All questions were washed away when the FBI's chief commissioner announced that he wanted to give the four a job in a special forces decision within the narcotics sector.
Before more information was exchanged the four hero's had informed the commissioner that they would have to think about the decision before a simple answer could be made. The time spent away from home would be challenge enough, long travel distances away from their home country was not out of the question either. There was also the fact that the two pawed members of the group were completely against war, killing and unrest. Dispute what they had achieved together.

Several weeks later they had all decided to join on a few conditions. One of which was to be kept together as a team, and another was to be treated as equals to the other battle hardened members of the military and detective squads they would be working with. The last request came from Sophie and Shaun, that their existence and purpose were to be kept from general knowledge. Data of their past was to be wiped, any Internet rumours squashed by the use of a specialised computer virus and every member who was to come into contact with them to be sword to secrecy. These measures ensured that their safety was preserved to the highest degree possible and that no one else had any inspiration to re-create the Animan project based on what they may have seen or heard.

With the conditions met, they had signed up for short missions here and there in an attempt to squash terrorism rings and other forms of unrest from a covert point of view.


Krum and Nathan barged out of the crowded canteen line and looked around the hall, searching for their friends. Sophie stood up, nearly knocking over her cereal in the process, and waved to them. They both raced over, sloshing porridge all over the place in their exited dash.
The two animals sidled their chairs along to make room for the two men as they arrived and sat down.

"So? How'd it go?" Asked Krum eager for information.

"It's only basic training, surely you remember what that was like, you've done it before." Commented Nathan.

"It's still slow but getting better now we're into day five. They must have been keeping you two busy, haven't seen you all week." Said Shaun and Sophie together.

"They even made me brush up on my heavy weapons skills." Scoffed Krum.

Nathan let out a gasp of air, trying to suppress his laugh.

"Oh shut up you! You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a bucket of wheat!"

"Not much been happening in our training over the last five days besides..." Shaun was cut off as an announcement sounded from loudspeakers and echoed through the mess hall.

"Attention: Team A-M 51 Please report to loading bay for immediate departure. Repeat: Team A-M 51 to loading bay."

The entire hall fell silent, making the following actions of the four all the more awkward.

"That's our call guys, looks like today is about to get a whole lot more interesting." murmured Krum









and thats it, just an idea i wanted to write down. Question of grammer thingie...
when writing a conversation. do you finish the sayers sentence then put 'said krum' afterwards outside the speechmarks as it's own sentence?

Eg: "So what do you think they've found." Asked Krum.

vs

     "So what do you think they've found" asked Krum.

which one?

paws

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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #19 on: July 30, 2012, 12:35:54 pm »
You would write it: "So what do you think they've found," asked Krum.

Otherwise, in the apocalypse story, I liked the way you made it sound like a tried-and-tested cliche...you know, the zombie apocalypse.  It was just slightly comedic, but then realizing what a zombie apocalypse entails, you realize just how serious and depressing it may be...

Also, you say this is an excerpt of your novel?  It ought to be interesting; I'd like to know more about the setting and the adventures that these characters have in the future.

Oh!  And another word!  How about...life?

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #20 on: July 30, 2012, 04:05:42 pm »
Try this word.........Picnic.
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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2012, 03:15:20 am »
real life caught up on, time for some mental challenges!
where was i?

Life:

Once again I find myself outside.
Another argument that did not achieve a great deal. The problems never seemed to stop sprouting since I came back from active duty. Ethics often came up, along with the usual "we have to find a cure" topic. Truth is I still don't want a cure.

After the events that proceed the nasty illegit experiment conducted by Mr Parva that resulted with myself and Sophie in our four legged forms things have been difficult.
Sure the missions that we have been sent on together with Krum and Nathan have been somewhat fun as well as dangerous but even so, the legitimacy of our original experiment involvement has indeed been justified.
Parva wanted the ultimate in disguised operatives, yep it did work. Some of the methods he used have been banned under international law for many years and the motive behind the madness was a bit nasty. Both myself and Sophie were destined for the black market before we messed up his plans and escaped before the memory wipe was carried out. But all in all we are kinda doing what he wanted anyway, but fighting crime instead of causing it.
This year alone we have shut down twelve drug rings and another three gang related crime rings, not only in this country but abroad as well.

But now I have returned from service for a while, and Sophie is also two thousand kilometres away with her family. I hope she isn't having the same issues with family that I am.

I took my usual hiding spot in the large bushy macrocarpa pine in the front yard and lay down. The smells of spring filled my nose with pleasant aroma's. From my hiding spot I could see a few flowers coming into blossom. T've never cared for plants or nature as such but now that I've been stuck with the body of an animal for nearly a year I feel somewhat more connected than I ever did before. Life never ceases to amaze, all the small cells and organisms that go together to make that frangipani into the faint scented flower it is today. I kneaded the dirt with my paws, my mind absent to the activity, drawing a rough picture of my former self with my index claw. The basic human shape took place, then some limited facial features. The dirt caved in at the edges when too much was asked of it's capabilities. Slightly frustrated I tried again but larger this time.

Sunlight shone through a gap in the tree's fronds as the earth's rotation allowed the angle possible. I squinted at this new light source and glanced up towards it slightly.
"If there is anyone up there" I began, "What do you have planned for my future?"

I don't care if I get an answer or not but it'd be nice to know that someone is watching, even if they are laid back on a nice couch and eating popcorn like my life is some home movie.
The thought of that made me laugh out loud to myself. "Yep I can just picture that, God being the ultimate couch potato with 3 billion channels on his TV, all of which being a person's life" I said to no one.

There was a rustle of footsteps up the driveway, my ears instinctively swivelled to face the incoming sound waves. I sat in silence, probably as a result of my recent military training. The footsteps evolved into two pairs of footsteps as the two people lost synch with each other.
Making as little noise as possible, I slowly made my way to the edge of the shrub and peered out. There were two men standing at the door to the house, both wearing large overcoats, one slightly shorter than the other. The taller one had long hair and a beard that was visible even from behind but there was one small piece of information that allowed me to recognise them.

The small red paw print that the forces had embodied on the ends of their coats, the logo that was not attached to our unit. I was so exited to see Krum and Nathan again after the past two months being apart but I contained my excitement for a nice friendly prank to play of them.

as they muttered to one another I slipped out of my hiding place and around the back of the shed.
Peeping around the corner, they still had not seen me so I silently padded up behind them, stood my my hind legs and howled right in their ears!


Oh the look on their faces, loving life right now!







there, another tye in with the novel, more of a post events story but it was easier to use pre-made characters  :P

next ive got Picnic!
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Offline Mylo

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2012, 09:43:54 am »
This story really exemplifies life to me Typing. Especially the last part: that was great adding a bit of comic relief to break up the seriousness. In fact, that's something that I need to do in my own writing from time to time. :)

And how about another word? cyber

Offline Old Rabbit

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #23 on: August 25, 2012, 09:56:11 am »
I agree, the comic relief added a extra bit of life and realism to the
story.   Good job Typing.  :orbunny:

Ok a new word..  How about "Ponder"
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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Paws's short story challenge
« Reply #24 on: August 25, 2012, 04:59:02 pm »
ha, using pre-made characters makes things much easier to get the ball rolling, but i'll have to break the chain next story so it isn't too easy ;)

Picnic:
to the average passer by the sight beheld in the park would have almost passed as normal. Stereotypical red and white checked picnic cloth, basket brimming with food and a nice looking fellow retrieving the dishes and cutlery to set among the attendee's.
But one such peaceful citizen was sent running and screaming when she caught glimpse of what she first took to be a strange pet dog, stand up and assist the first man in setting out the dishes.
The group paused for a moment to watch the woman run away. Sophie was the first to laugh; "I doubt I'll ever get tired of seeing the looks on people's faces every time we mess up and break cover" she said, the foxes dry fur ruffling with the jostling movements of her laughter.
"you're not wrong" chuckled Krum.
"And you are also a bit of a laughing matter yourself mr big-tough-millitary-man" retorted Nathan.

Soon, Shaun returned leading a group of nervous looking young adults that Nathan immediately recognised as his friends from school. Left to right were; Ben and Tonn the tall ones, Kevin the human calculator and Jonty the resident computer genius. But from the expressions on their faces, it was apparent that they were still in semi-shock after their encounter with the shaggy haired talking wolf that was one one of their friends.

Nathan raised a hand and waved to them and after a few seconds or eye squinting and memory sifting they all waved back. A long time had passed since the last time they had sat together and long gone were the days of buying chips at the school shop and socialising around the table while feeding the seagulls.

After the five sat with the others the situation quickly turned into one of those awkward first meeting moments where everyone just looked around waiting for someone to break the ice.

To everyone's relief, Krum began first. "Right...I suppose introductions are in order. My name's Krum, Nathan you already know and the fox to your right is Sophie." Krum extended a gnarled hand to each of them in turn, shaking their hands and taking note of each of their names.
This stimulus seemed to have little affect on the conversation level so Sophie interjected with the only conversation topic that she knew everyone was thinking about.

"So um, bit of a shock meeting Shaun again since last time?" she started. The four nodded nervously.
"Oh this is no good, Lets try again." said Sophie, getting up and extending a paw to shake with each of them. Physical interaction, she reasoned, would help greatly. After a short moment Jonty repeated the gesture and then the others followed suit.

"So what are you guys doing with your time these days?" asked Shaun when she had finished with the familiarities.
"I...I'm doing a diploma in quantum mechanics" replied Kevin, breaking the silence with his small stutter.
"Ben and I are in the state Basket ball league" answered Tonn with an almost normal tone now that the conversation was making way.
"Certificate four in video game design for me" said Jonty as a small smile spread across his face.

there was a slight pause, Ben opened his mouth as if to say something but then shut it again.

"What is it Ben?" queried Nathan.
"Nothing."
"Come on, out with it!"
"Oh ok" began Ben then turned to the two canines; "What's it like? going from who you were before to what you are now? how does it feel? I must admit, i'm rather curious." explained Ben while the others nodded in agreement.

"Bingo!" broadcast Sophie to Shaun via her limited telekinetic abilities, a last minute addition to the original procedure that resulted in her transformation.

"What's it like, what's it like...hmmm. Well vision was the first thing I noticed, colours are a lot less lustrous now than they were before but vision clarity overall is greatly improved. Despite the fact that our animal types often don't have very good long distance vision. You see, foxes at least, have more movement based vision than actual recognition based vision, it's not until the object in question gets close that we can make out what it is." Explained Sophie.

"So you're pretty much blind to detail?" asked Kevin.

"Well I didn't say that. I think part of the project design was to hybridise both human and animal vision properties for the best possible outcome, so yes I've lost colour. But I have gained long distance clarity along with being able to detect movement at the distance."

"Since when did you know so much about your own species?" asked Shaun mockingly.

"Uhh since I became a fox and had enough spare time to read up on my species type!" came the reply. "I suggest you do the same, it might come in useful" she finished.

"Ohh you just got told!" laughed Krum as Shaun's ears drooped slightly at the thought of being so absent minded.

"What about smell? I can only speculate that animals have greater sense of smell but is that really true?" asked Jonty as Krum began to serve the salad and cold meat.

"That's a hard one to describe" began Sophie. "Oh I know, you walk past a Eucalyptus tree and what do you smell? the slightly sterile smelling oil within the sap yes?"

"Yeah...so?"

"Now did your mum or dad ever rub the concentrated oil on your chest when you had a cold or something?"

"Once or twice yes."

"Remember that the smell was so strong that your eyes watered and you almost gagged until some of the oil evaporated? Now picture every single smell you have experienced is now that strong. That's what it's like, after a while you learn to block out the stronger smells and take notice of the more subtle ones. Like Krum over there, he used strawberry scented deodorant this morning but not quite enough of it." Said Sophie, cocking her head at Krum with a mischievous smile.

Krum grumbled and muttered something about a glandular disorder then plonked a hunk of meat and salad onto everyone's plate in turn.

"Ok one more question then?" asked Kevin.

"Shoot"

"Eating and drinking, how's that working out?" he asked. It was a simple question but one of both Sophie and Shaun's more embarrassing downfalls.

"Uhh, well I suppose..." began Sophie before Shaun cut her off. He knew it was not a subject she enjoyed talking about.

"Well obviously there are small etiquette techniques that we cannot follow, but I doubt such techniques were ever designed around having a mutant, furry, four-legged, tailed, animal sitting at the table. Little things like keeping ones mouth closed when chewing. Almost impossible but I think we've got it worked out the best we can." He explained.

Krum was seeking a little revenge on the previous comment made against him, a small smirk appeared on his face as an idea formed. He grabbed the two water bowls from the basket and placed them in front of the two animals.
Sophie placed a paw over her eyes and shook her head.

"Aaand then there's the drinking problem" said Shaun, hanging his head. The others all burst into laughter.







oh the problems of being furry hahaha.
what's next? ahh; Cyber....hmmm my future writing sense is tingling  (:
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