Author Topic: Bad movies you have seen.  (Read 4244 times)

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Offline Kosill

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Bad movies you have seen.
« on: July 20, 2015, 12:34:46 pm »
As the title says I was wondering what are some bad movies you have seen?

There was one I got on one of those 50 movies boxsets.  It was for old 50's monster movies.  I can't remember the name at all but what I do remember was three things.  One it was boring most of the time.  Two you only see the monster for literally two seconds.  I blinked and missed it.  That's not an exaggeration either.  And three it had James Earl Jones in it who was the best part of the movie.  The only good thing I can say about the movie is it gave me an excuse to say I have seen a movie where James Early Jones blows himself and a monster up with dynamite.
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Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2015, 01:30:28 pm »
Blood Dolls. Calling this a knockoff of Child's Play or Puppet master is an insult to knockoffs of Child's Play and Puppet master. You could take a horse with the hershey squirts, position him over a white tarp and guarantee that the resulting splatter would make a better script than the one used for Blood Dolls.

Aliens in the Attic. You think Mac and Me is the absolute worst kids and aliens movie ever? Mac and Me is Star Wars compared to this tripe. You basically have tiny aliens who seek to invade the planet. Their powers allow them to control people's minds but for some reason children are immune. Naturally the kids outwit the aliens. They are aided by a good alien. The movie tries to give him a happy ending but anyone with two brain cells to rub together will realize he's probably going to die. He betrays his comrades, helps the kids trick his people into thinking that humans are way more advanced technologically than they are and flies home alone to be with his family.
But he's the only one out of the initial invasion force to return. No way his leaders will find anything fishy about that. And any species willing to enslave a planet certainly wouldn't be shy about excecuting race traitors. They'll probably kill his family too. Guilt by association and all that. So not only is this film brain breakingly stupid but it basically dooms one of it's central characters. But the makers probably didn't expect you to think too hard about that. Or at all. Because the only people who could enjoy this thing unironically are lobotomy patients. The best thing I can say about this is that it's better than Nukie. But a kick in the crotch with steel toed boots is better than Nukie so that ain't saying much.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2015, 01:34:21 pm »
Fun fact the same guy who made Blood Dolls also made Puppet Master.  The more you know!  Also some knows about Nukie other than me!
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2015, 01:48:35 pm »
Really? Boy, he really went downhill. Puppet Master is no masterpiece by any means but it isn't terrible. Blood Dolls is an atrocity.

Nukie is a horrible, horrible film. It may well be the worst thing I've ever seen. Helpful hint director, if you want to center your movie around a friendly alien and you want people to sympathize with the thing maybe don't make it look like something Cthulhu crapped out after one too many bean burritos.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2015, 01:52:08 pm »
There are eleven Puppet Master movies technically twelve on is not in cannon with the others.  I have them all......I am not ashamed to say that.  Okay number six and I think eight are on my bad list.

Number six because it is just boring.  Literally the puppets are second characters in their own movie.  It wouldn't be that bad if the human characters were interesting but nope.

And the one puppet master movie that I think was number is a clip show.  That's it,  they only show clips of the older movies from what I remember.
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2015, 02:01:43 pm »
Have you seen Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys? That was a crapfest. The Toys pretty much got curb stomped. Especially that poor, poor teddy bear. He didn't even put up a fight. He just stood there and got shredded.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2015, 02:05:24 pm »
Alright I was wrong there are only eleven.  And yeah I have seen that one.  I was about to bring it up.  Especially Six Shooter getting laser beams.

Puppet Master X is also not that great mainly one of the evil puppets.  His name is Kamikaze.  The movie is set during WW2.  Here is a link to the poster.

http://www.yellmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Puppet-Master-X-Axis-Rising-poster-large.jpg

You can see Kamikaze on the right side.  I just don't like that puppet at all.
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2015, 02:17:35 pm »
New introductions are rarely as popular as the previously established cast. Kinda like Poochie the dog on the Simpsons.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2015, 02:28:02 pm »
I will say thought my all time favorite puppet is Blade.

But back onto the topic of bad movies.  Birdemic one and two, I say to whoever sees these movies for cheap pick them up.  It is literally a so bad it's good type of show. So much I could say about these movies.  Hitting poorly done CGI birds with coat hangers.  The dive bombing exploding birds.  All of this was caused by global warming.
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2015, 02:41:35 pm »
To Catch a Yeti. First of all did the creature designers ever actually see a picture of a yeti or sasquatch? Because the thing in that movie is in no way a yeti. It's small enough to be held by a child. It has a rat's tail for God's sake! OK I get it's a low budget direct to video thing. I know there's no way they could even come close to affording the kind of quality work Rick Baker did in Harry and the Hendersons. But a passable yeti isn't hard to do on the cheap. Basically get a guy in a slightly altered gorilla suit and you're golden. But the thing in this movie looked like a deformed mogwai. With a rat's tail! I just can't get over the rat's tail. You want to make a movie about a cute creature, fine. But don't take an established creature and change everything about it. This was worse than Twilight turning Vampires from unholy bloodthirsty night demons into a bunch of sparkly fairies. Well, maybe not worse but just as bad.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2015, 02:45:59 pm »
Not going to lie I would take a rat tailed not yeti over Twilight not vampires any day.

Okay there is one movie called A.P.E. don't ask me why it's like that.  This one is on the rare side so I have only see bits and pieces of it.  But what I do remember from watching things about is.  We get a man in an ape costume fighting a shark.  He also throws a middle finger at the military.  And there is a tag line I think on the box or said in the movie that goes "Not to be confused with King Kong."
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2015, 02:54:45 pm »
Well, I think I'm right there with you. At least the not yeti was cute. The not vampires were just annoying.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2015, 02:58:34 pm »
Yep but one thing still puzzles me.  What would ever make a person write a story where the vampires sparkle?  To this day I still can not wrap my head around that idea.  Also Twilight could of used a good dose of Nicholas Cage yelling "I'm a vampire!"
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2015, 03:11:29 pm »
The Vampires were basically Gary Stus. Screaming in agony and bursting into flames when sunlight touches you is neither sexy or beautiful, so instead they sparkle like fairy characters in a cartoon for five year old girls.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2015, 03:15:54 pm »
Oh that makes sense.  Well Dracula 2000's version of Dracula had him played by a young shirtless Gerard Butler.
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2015, 03:24:50 pm »
Yeah but I'll bet he still burned in the sunlight. Twilight vampires aren't vampires. They're a completely made up race with no real basis in folklore or mythology. The author just called them vampires for name recognition. It'd be like creating a creature that's hairy with six legs  and a monkey's face and calling it a dragon.
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Offline Kobuk

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2015, 03:26:56 pm »
I wouldn't exactly call the following bad, but I've heard and read that a lot of other people did. The movies:
Battleship, and Battle: Los Angeles. Both films dealt with aliens coming to Earth.
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Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2015, 03:31:57 pm »
Battle Los Angeles was more dull than anything. Can't speak for Battleship but it does seem odd they took a game about naval warfare and added aliens because reasons.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2015, 03:33:05 pm »
Yeah that's how he died.  Burnt by the sun.  It would of been better if she just gave them their own name instead of calling them vampires.

On the topic of bad movies.  There is a monster I can't remember what it's called but it was as big as a battleship.  Oh yeah it was called The Claw.  A giant flying vulture thing.

I haven't seen those movies Kobuk.  But I have heard the same as you.  That they were bad.

Also did you know that made a horror movie about the Ouija board?
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #19 on: July 20, 2015, 03:39:08 pm »
Yeah, I kind of want to see the ouija movie. At least making that into a horror movie makes sense.
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Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #20 on: July 20, 2015, 03:41:14 pm »
I also heard rumors of a magic 8 ball movie.
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline Elusive

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #21 on: July 20, 2015, 03:44:12 pm »
Not sure if I should even mention this one but, The Last Airbender...

Offline Kosill

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #22 on: July 20, 2015, 03:46:00 pm »
That movie.....just that movie.  I can't even talk about that movie.  It's just so bad.
"Do not panic, I am a fire marshal!"- Fire Marshal Bill

Ready my knights for battle. They will ride with their king once more. I have lived through others for far too long. Lancelot carried my honor, and Guenevere, my guilt. Mordred bears my sins. My knights have fought my causes. Now, my brother, I shall be... king.-Arthur Pendragon.

Offline wereaibo1

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #23 on: July 20, 2015, 03:48:34 pm »
Yeah, I heard they butchered the original series. I've never seen the series but I did attempt to watch the movie once. I didn't make it very far before I changed the channel.
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Offline Kobuk

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Re: Bad movies you have seen.
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2015, 03:53:20 pm »
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

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