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Author Topic: Chuck Norris Facts  (Read 28037 times)

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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #125 on: September 14, 2013, 02:12:37 pm »
Chuck Norris is unaffected by continental drift.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #126 on: September 28, 2013, 09:35:00 pm »
When Chuck Norris punched a bag of charcoal, it turned into a bag of diamonds.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline HazardJackal

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #127 on: October 01, 2013, 11:56:54 pm »
Nobody can understand the workings of Spoonman's mind.  Many believe that Chuck Norris is an exception.  While this may be false, he DID roundhouse kick Spoonman into another dimension, much to that dimension's displeasure.
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #128 on: October 19, 2013, 08:49:51 pm »
Chuck Norris is monitoring the NSA.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Kobuk

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #129 on: July 26, 2016, 03:12:34 pm »
Chuck Norris doesn't catch Pokemon. The Pokemon surrender to him.
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Offline ShopePapilloma

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #130 on: July 26, 2016, 06:29:51 pm »
Chuck Norris invented the cheeseburger by throwing a cow at a barbed wire fence.
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Offline Doc

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #131 on: July 26, 2016, 07:01:02 pm »
There are two from The Expendables 2 that I really like: Barney: "Rumor has it you were dead." Chuck Norris: "Yeah, I heard that too. So how's life treating you?" Then this one: Barney: "I heard another rumor that you were bitten by a King Cobra?" Chuck Norris: "Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died." *The Expendables got nervous*
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Offline Jakoo

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #132 on: August 05, 2016, 06:44:13 pm »
Chuck Norris tried to swim in lava once. He nearly drowned.
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Offline Robert_Silvermyst

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #133 on: August 20, 2016, 07:45:33 pm »
God said 'Let there be light!' Chuck Norris replied 'Say please.'
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #134 on: August 21, 2016, 04:01:26 pm »
Chuck Norris is tough because he eats marble cake, rock candy, and brick ice cream.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #135 on: August 31, 2016, 06:28:37 pm »
Chuck Norris uses live Civil War cannonballs as Ben-Wah Balls.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #136 on: February 11, 2017, 10:40:45 pm »
When Chuck Norris falls into the ocean, he doesn't get wet--the ocean gets "Chuck Norrissed".
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rainy

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #137 on: February 22, 2017, 05:32:47 pm »
Earthquakes are made from Chuck Norris jumping.
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #138 on: March 18, 2017, 10:23:30 pm »
Chuck Norris likes his eggs hard-boiled.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #139 on: November 13, 2017, 11:23:31 pm »
While serving in the Air Force, Chuck Norris started the engines of a B-57 by breathing into the air intakes instead of employing the cartridge start method.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #140 on: November 23, 2017, 11:51:24 pm »
For Daylight Savings Time, rather than reset his clocks, Chuck Norris just gives the Earth a slight roundhouse kick in the proper direction.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Kobuk

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #141 on: August 12, 2019, 07:39:51 pm »
Chuck Norris doesn't cry or say Sorry in his movies. He lets a stunt double do it instead.
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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #142 on: August 12, 2019, 08:23:28 pm »
When Chuck Norris punches someone out, he breaks every bone in their body with one hit, and same for everyone in their immediate family.   :D
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Bear your soul and take control
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Invite them in and make them beg for more!
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #143 on: August 13, 2019, 08:55:24 pm »
Chuck Norris doesn't fear Death, but Death has a healthy respect for Chuck Norris
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #144 on: September 01, 2019, 12:27:39 pm »
Chuck Norris is so awesome that Ray Charles even said so...in Braille.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline FarFar

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #145 on: September 11, 2019, 07:31:17 pm »
Chuck Norris can deflect a hurricane just by looking at it.
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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #146 on: September 11, 2019, 11:31:53 pm »
When Chuck Norris works on cars, he uses no tools because he has vice like grip. And for rusted bolts, he just scares them off.
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Bear your soul and take control
If the wolves are howling outside your door
Invite them in and make them beg for more!
(Name that tune!)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #147 on: October 02, 2019, 09:09:07 pm »
The Great Red Spot of planet Jupiter is the result of a Chuck Norris punch.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #148 on: October 02, 2019, 09:38:49 pm »
The only who can resist assimilation by the Borg is Chuck Norris
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Bear your soul and take control
If the wolves are howling outside your door
Invite them in and make them beg for more!
(Name that tune!)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #149 on: October 11, 2019, 09:49:32 pm »
Chuck Norris had his own cartoon show.
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"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)
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