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I'm sorta scared...

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WhiteShepherd:
I can not talk as a doctor Joel but I do have some experience IMO.  Something to keep in mind is Depression is not always permanent.  The theory is that when a lot of bad things happen we build up a lot of negative memories which may not be at the surface but we never forget.  This “depression” creates a cycle by coloring other events in our life “down” that really shouldn’t be.  Sometimes drugs can help to cut out the depression cycle of lows but if often not a fix all.  Also self management is “very” important.  Think of your mind as a “room” and your senses are the window to that room.  Good things are “light” and bad things are like “darkness”.  If it’s so dark in your “room” then you will miss the “”light” that is around.  One of the few ways around that which actively works is to force yourself “each day” to notice good things that you enjoy or love.  Ie force the light in despite so much dark.  Some people have found a “tremendous” amount of good just forcing themselves to sit outdoors in a nice place (backyard under a tree, etc) for an hour a day during daylight.  It’s something good and visible sunlight helps produce an endorphin in the brain that can naturally raise your spirits as well.  It’s hard work to motivate when down.  But actively doing these has proved for lots of people they can dig themselves out of a bad depression.  It’s just a suggestion from experience and perhaps worth talking with your doctor if your unsure?

Firestorm Six:
*I understand how you feel Joel, I have been going through a form of depression since xmas myself. I have been visiting a doctor too, and i am currently taking medication aswell. Depression can be somthing the a person can't control, even a "chemical imbalance" in some. For Some it can be triggered by a number of "traumatic" events, When i was young, I went through the pain of witnessing my parents going through a long & violent divorce, that probally contributed to my condition now. I guess recent problems at my work,  among others , ..have triggered my condition over the last fiew months. My doctors have been monitoring my condition alot, he tells me its' somthing that is almost unpreventable in my case do to past events. but it's definitely treatable ! you are not alone when it comes to this kind of condition, and should  not make it worse by blaming yourself. there is help , believe me. I hope things get better for you, ...I know it will.  

DrakonianDanceR:
With any thread like this, you seem to get a lot of people joining in saying, 'don't just look at him; I've got problems too!'.  It's most likely because people want to have the attention, though it also makes you realise you're not alone in your problems.  I can only really talk from personal experience here, so I'll see if I can make a good moral of the story at the end of it.  Until fairly recently, I used to see a councillor on a regular basis.  I don't really want to go into the reasons why, but I'll just say I had some issues.  The thing is, I stopped seeing her, by my own choice.  The reason was because I felt I could not be open to her about myself, and about my problems.  The result of that was that I still wasn't any better after seeing her, and was pretty much a waste of time.  It did not help me at all.  I say to you, if you feel like you really want to go ahead and see this councillor to 'help' you through your depression, then do so, but don't hold anything back.  I know it's hard - I couldn't do it - but I feel you're more open to humans than I.  Another thing I wish to say is that if you don't feel like you want to have any help, then don't.  Do not let anyone force you to go through it if you don't want to, as it is a scary thing, and you'll need to be certain in your mind that it is what you want to do.  Look both ways before you cross the street.

Ecco:
With the way the world is today, it's hard to stay positive...but you just have to be strong!

Zero:
I've never heard of Ausberger's before, unless you meant Asperger's syndrome, which is closely linked Autism.

I'd say it's just a bad case of depression, and you should try and take it easy for a while. If things are getting difficult talking things over with your doctor can help.

As everyone else here has said I'm wishing you the best.

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