Author Topic: Foxes  (Read 1689 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Alexandre

  • Hero Member
  • Back to waggles
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 4242
    • Alexandre's Fur Affinity Account!
Foxes
« on: May 27, 2009, 01:27:44 pm »
Ooh.  Unique title, huh?  :)

Comments and critique are always welcome.


Foxes

Peer over
The line dividing
Day from night,
Vision blurred by golden
Leaves twirling
To a pebble-strewn
Highway.

Steal the gaze
Of a wandering
Five-year-old girl
Sucking on a lollipop
Mixed with a tuft
Of her hair.

Get buried
Up to the waist
In soft snow,
Diving head-first
For the scared,
The twitching.

Stand on a mossy
Tree trunk with
Ears raised like static,
Ducking
At a twig's snap.

Feel each drop of rain
Pull fur tips toward
Earth soaked with
Footsteps and leaves,
Red and white
Scattered like a waltz.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2009, 11:38:44 pm by Alexandre »
Allasso, Volume 2: Saudade is now out!  Feel free to check it out ^_^

Offline Ricco92

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Male
  • Posts: 82
Re: Foxes
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2009, 11:26:39 pm »
i thought it was enjoyable to read,
the choice of words you used painted a colourful picture of whats happening in my mind
Add me on MSN or Myspace (www.myspace.com/471911831)

There is no such thing as death......there is only change.

I live my life at an hour at a time

Offline Arbutus

  • Hero Member
  • Species: Rabbit
  • Also known as Sir Bunny-Face
  • *****
  • Posts: 8322
Re: Foxes
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2009, 11:33:51 pm »
Hey, leave the scared and the twitching alone. We don't appreciate that. ;)

Wonderfully well-crafted as always, Alexandre. But there was one sentence in there that mystified me: "Learn the difference / Between poetry / And an asp's lair." Is that a Cleopatra reference? I think I'm missing the connection between this and the other stanzas.

Offline Alexandre

  • Hero Member
  • Back to waggles
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 4242
    • Alexandre's Fur Affinity Account!
Re: Foxes
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2009, 11:38:29 pm »
But we love the twitching one!  :)

That stanza that you mentioned, Arbutus, was sort of put in with the original poem "Children" in mind (though I can't quite remember who wrote that one; I need to find it).  I think, though, that you're right.  I like the idea, but it doesn't really fit into this poem very well.

Let me see how it feels without that stanza.

EDIT:  That feels better.  Grr... I do like surprise and things that don't fit in, but that just distracted a little too much.  Okay.  That stanza is gone.  :)

However, I'm still gonna think about it and see if it can be changed to fit in.  ;)
« Last Edit: May 28, 2009, 11:40:34 pm by Alexandre »
Allasso, Volume 2: Saudade is now out!  Feel free to check it out ^_^

Offline Arbutus

  • Hero Member
  • Species: Rabbit
  • Also known as Sir Bunny-Face
  • *****
  • Posts: 8322
Re: Foxes
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2009, 11:46:07 pm »
No! Wait! Come back! You never told me what that line meant!

...or is that a secret of the poet's trade? ;)

Offline Alexandre

  • Hero Member
  • Back to waggles
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 4242
    • Alexandre's Fur Affinity Account!
Re: Foxes
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2009, 11:21:59 pm »
You know, some say that poets avoid telling the meaning of something because they don't want to destroy someone else's opinion of the poem by their own.  However, I think they avoid telling because they don't know themselves.  ;)

Anyway, the basic meaning that I wanted to get originally is this: poetry, obviously, is quite different from any snake's home.  However, such a simple difference has to be learned both by humans and any other animal (maybe they wouldn't comprehend the words, but they'd know that they are some sound coming from an animal).  Even foxes have to learn the little things.

Also, poetry to me is something very positive, whereas an asp's lair has a strong negative connotation.  Learning the difference between the two, then, would be to understand the difference between the good and the bad, the thing that lifts from the thing that destroys.

There's probably more, but I'm not thinking of it right now.

That was the original intent.  But it still doesn't feel like it fits quite right.  I dunno.
Allasso, Volume 2: Saudade is now out!  Feel free to check it out ^_^