Jet's First Poetry

[Jet]

Well....this is my first poem I guess...and yes, this is vent writing. I dont know, just some bad feelings and some worse experiences. I just...got noone in real life I can talk to really without the fear of judgement, so I write it out...and I guess in this moment I felt a poem was in order? I dont write poetry.......sorry if this makes you sad or anything, its just how I feel...


---Collapse is Imminent---

I am one way
Yet I am another
Two sides
One breaks me down
But I agree with him
The other wants what’s best
Yet I ignore him
Collapse is imminent

People think I’m dull
But inside I’m ablaze
My friends see who I am
Yet inside I’m someone else
They know only what I permit
Even to myself
I’m someone different
Collapse is imminent

I tell myself not to worry
That everything will be fine
But within I wage war
Both sides want me oblivious
But I know what is going on
I must choose a side now
But neither are beneficial
Collapse is imminent

I have an escape
A way out
But the escape is worse
More dreadfully fear inducing
Than facing reality
Yet I run away in this escape
And I enjoy it
Collapse is imminent

I have two sides
And they are at each others' throats
My friend’s don’t know me
I don’t know me
I want to escape
But the escape is terrifying
The collapse is coming
Collapse is imminent


 

[WOLFWOOF]

Split personality?

[Jet]

Yes, among other things that all sort of just hit me at once. The biggest one though was the split. It's starting to take its tole.

[WOLFWOOF]

Lol believe me I know the feeling

[WOLFWOOF]

For me its WOLFWOOF.. . My fursona.... and it likes to get out randomly.... and people will think I'm a fun guy wenvin reality I'm shy

[Jet]

My split is slightly different. But its not a different person. Both are Josh, just one is shy, yet loves fun. The other is an abusive, depressed, egotistical thing. I dont know where to turn. The split is only mental though, so noone in real life has seen it come out. But inside, its tearing me apart so to speak. My fursona suffers the same split, but this isnt about my fursona. This was poetry written at a low point. Just venting, although it hasnt seemed to help me any yet. My fursona parallels myself in a multitude of ways, especially with the mental instabilities and eventual collapse. As detailed in the poem "Collapse is imminent."

[WOLFWOOF]

Huh.... if it scares u so much id see a shrink.... just saying

[Jet]

Its not really that it scares me, so much as I am having a harder time nowadays repelling my split from intervening with my life. I've noticed my second side coming out more often, while I'm around school. I have enough control over it too suppress the actions, but the feelings remain. Call me uncooperative, but I refuse to see a shrink or take any form of medical aid.

[WOLFWOOF]

Huh.... idk wat to say then lol

[Jet]

I didn't really expect anyone to try to say anything. This was just some venting I did I guess, and I felt like posting it, see what happens. Maybe Im good at poetry, maybe I suck. Maybe I need to do more to get my feelings out, or maybe this was a one time thing, I dont know. It just sort of happened, so here I am, posting poetry I guess...

[WOLFWOOF]

For it being ur first id say it was good and u should keep at it .... believe me on this I would always compare my work to others so I stopped and now I'm starting back up but if it weren't for that id probly be great at it by now sooo..... moral of the long and pointless story.... don't stop

[Jet]

I dont know. I dont really write poetry, i write novels and short stories. I felt that a whole story was too long for just a simple feeling of going crazy. I just couldn't see creating a whole character over a small event in my life. So I guess I instead wrote a poem for these feelings. I dont know how much more of this I will do because I really don't enjoy it as much as character development. Thanks for commenting though.

[TK_FPS_KING]

life seems to get us down
it happens to us all
in the words of a good friend of mine
the one who had the gall

we are all in a dark room
we just need to make a call
now is this a call?
is your back against a wall?

i understand you don't need a pro.
but maybe i will do?
when u need someone to talk to
i'll be there for you

if u let me through
the wall that you have built
maybe i can see
maybe help it tilt

tilt it in a good direction
and not into a rage
not into a dark side
but turn another page

you have alot ahead of you jet
don't let this get you down
and this will sound kind of tacky
but turn that frown, UPSIDE DOWN!
 

[Jet]

. . . You weren't at school today. . .

lol, Jk.

This may sound odd or even mean, but I can't talk to you. As I previously told a friend I know, I can't talk about this to people I know. There's no escape. What's said is said. Sorry you had to find this, Ty...

[TK_FPS_KING]

don't be sorry that i found this. and I'm sorry i wasn't there today. is there a reason that u cant tell me? i mean we have been friends for about 10 years now and i just learned that i only know 20% about u? you're really good at keeping secrets Jet...

[Jet]

There are several reasons I can't tell you, the main one being social anxiety. If you know, and i know you know, and we talk about it and stuffs, it will kick in. My skin burns and feels like falling off. Sweat overtakes my body. I forget how to breathe, usually talking until my lungs can't support the word "so..." I lose my train of though and beat myself up for it later. I get so self-conscience about every little thing, from the dumb shirt I am wearing to the possibility a strand of my hair isnt plastered to the side of my head and is making its attempt to fly away. I cant handle it. That's why I blacked out in my freshman year... Wasn't the funnest time of my life.

Even when I came out I was furry, that was terrifying. I wish you woulda told ME you were furry. Thats why i had that video, i felt I was gonna pass out, so I drew the attention away from me. I don't know why I...well no i do know why and how I have social anxiety, but I dont know how to handle it fully. So I cant discuss this...least not in person...its too.. ... ..stress inducing...

[TK_FPS_KING]

then why not talk on facebook or something?

[Jet]

Never quite liked facebook. I dont seem to have a problem here on the forums talking in general. I talk amongst some other furs I know on the IRC about this stuff, i wont name names unless said furs come out. I dont want to pin them into a possible situation that they dont necessarily want to be in. Being marked as a "helper" and such. but I have no time for Facebook. My time, what little I have after school and family, is poured into my arts and future life work, which my family doesnt believe I can make any money off of. So I can spend some time here and on the IRC, but most of my talking is between the hours of 11 and 3 in the morning, when I am alone with myself and can't help but think...never a good idea to analyze yourself, Ty. Remember that...

[TK_FPS_KING]

actually i've recently analyzed myself. specifically after i started seeing a shrink, and i found alot of undesirable characteristics in myself. so i'm making it a point to change them to make myself better. and i was just alerted by my mother that, due to said attempts to changes, my attitude has improved alot recently. in fact she just told me that because of it she was at work yesterday and pre-ordered  Black Ops 2 for me.

[Jet]

Well that was a mistake... you shouldn't have told me you already bought a game I wanted... now I gots ta kill ya. Oh well you were fun while you lasted... *Shrugs and prepares knifes*

Anyways.... Firstly I did not know you were seeing a shrink. Your attitude has improved. Annoyingly at some times, but still... good for you. Its not so much that I despise these thoughts, its more that they interfere and I cant stop them... I have another thread here that explains a little more, but I wont post a link. I'd rather fate allow you to find it or not. I dont care, but I still dread the discovery....

[Kobuk]

How's about taking the conversation to PM's, please, so that this thread can stay on topic for posting poetry.