Ascetic self-aggression was well-deserved
Now unconscious suppression no longer preserves
Soft glow, gleaming so distant
Feelings within it, but I'm
Hard, unyielding, cold and unfeeling
(Futile without it)
Inhibition twisted me into an expressionless mute
Something neurotic and aphotic, want absolute
Though I yearn I insist on resistance
Might get burned...
(Better keep a safe distance)
Tired of this deprivation that I've mired myself in
When suddenly I see,
A stream of salamanders pouring out unharmed by the flames
Have something to say to me...
(It's okay)
Bright fire, flickering so near
Hope surrounds and dissolves the fear
Soft, annealing, hot and healing
(Feel good about it)
Paralysis is only a way to exist
Beacon of lucidity provides reasons to persist
Too hurt, too young to remember
Didn't know why I was chasing embers
Just a light around the bend
Do not ask of me an impossibility
Cannot continue on like this
It's not enough to pretend
Need to be complete, want back my senses
Don't care about the consequences
Only want the frustration to end
I want to touch it, I want to give in
Please don't let it disappear again
Painful void that warmth will mend
Salvation in immolation
I know it must be predestination
Show me the way to bliss
If you're curious what it's "about," I can try to communicate the indescribable as best as I can, but I feel that it can only be adequately described in terms of itself. The verse explains more. I will try anyway: It's a personally relevant poem about a life led without love and the mysticism of creative expression. But also, the freedom that comes from realizing this error.
It seems silly and trivial, but this is one of the more significant things I've done. I think it's fitting that a poem about the difficulty of expressing oneself should be one of the first and only things I have shared with anyone. I've never shared a poem before because they usually take on a surreal form that little resembles actually poetry, but this is the most coherent things I have written to date. I don't like verse 4 but the inspiration is gone and further alterations will only damage it.
Maybe I will try a visual medium next.