I’ve had some awful experiences being involved in the furry fandom or even being involved with the therians and otherkin, but to me I classify it all the same. I am a fan of furry and therians, shifters is something I grow up in awe about. As I discovered the Internet I fell try away into the massive trap of wanting to be something different and special. I found some websites on how to become a therain at the time I was a totally new so I believed every word of it. I changed phenotypes so often back then and I still have no fursona. As I became more involved I started having dreams of shifting into a werewolf, I believe this was only a call for power because my life seemed so powerless, I felt I had no control over anything. I believed it so much and I was very depressed this thing being “therain” or “furry” kept me feeling I was special or independent. I just couldn’t live with the fact of being human in the body I have now. I came to realize that all this has caused me so much trouble in my life and it still does. I left the Internet for four months or so maybe five, but that whole time I still had the shifting dreams and the thoughts of being a therain or something. I’ve been going though this since I was ten years old even then I had to believe I was some sort of creature. I think I had to believe I was something because I knew I was otherwise worthless with out having another side to me. Each time I believed I was a different creature it some how seemed to changed my personality and I lost a piece of myself more and more each time.
I lost myself many times as I changed more and more then when I found myself again I’d jump right back into believing I was a creature a different one each time something else has gone wrong in my life. I one time I archly believed I was otherkin, therain, and furry and more that I will not discuss. I felt I was otherkin because of the dragon I believed myself to be, therain for this wolf side I thought I had, furry more a fursona hedgehog I had.
Once I returned to the fandom or communities for the second time after I should have learned to stay away from it because I feel I don’t belong, I had gotten a boy friend who was a ploywere. I thought for sure he was my soul mate, I mean he understood me, at lest I thought, I stayed with him because he was a therain and I believed myself as one as well. In the end he used me and hurt me, and I rejected the ideal of everything I opened my eyes to and thought I awaken too this vampire side. I became a whole other person while believing that my family said I turned into the wrecked witch and I pushed everyone away from me. I soon realized what I was into wasn’t me at all despite the continuing dreams. I was then gone another four months or so then I came back yet again, but this time I realize something. I’m not all of the things I mentioned before, I’m just a human person with a desire to be something other then myself, which in return gotten me into such horrible problems. I feel my life will never be the way it was before I came onto the Internet only to destroy myself.
I wrote this to some up how I felt and to show someone what it is like to go though a sample or what I did :
“You are lost life feels like war. Maybe you are a no body, maybe people hate you, maybe you have family issues, a short of depression or just simple life problems. War! Your life just feels like war raining down on you. You don't even have control of your life anymore. It's plain and simple you think war leaves people feeling disillusioned. Suddenly life feels like there’s no purpose there is no reason to be around. Everything becomes a false hope and you start to lack something in your life. You wonder upon this lack, but you see it's simple. You lack power and control. You start drawing disillusioned conclusions from web sites, from others "like" you. You notice they have powers they have abilities you can create your own hopes. You become something of a vamp/were creature/furry/or otherkin something powerful something expected. Suddenly you draw conclusions of being a predator a creature who can win this war in your life. It seems to click but only because the ideal is cool but that you truly are this creature deep inside your soul is nothing but human. The powers you obtain create a feeling of uncertainly nothing no matter how cool seems to fit, and you forget to realize it doesn't fit because you are human inside. Now this creature in your life serves a function it makes you feel special it gives you a purpose and power to over come others. You become egotist and forget about others around you because you believe you are high above them only forgetting this creature is in your mind and is your mind only. You slowly become this creature and lose yourself in more disillusion and uncertainly still forgetting your human and there is a real world around you. Finally you have excepted your troubles and became a character in your own story, soon you lose your self and who you are. But a character is a caricature nothing more.
Stop for a second and look in the mirror, anyone who believes they are such things, what do you see? Not this creature, but a human a human the rest of the world can see. Nothing high powered. In fact, being disillusioned gets you no power. Instead of hiding behind a mask face your problems and enjoy loved one's. You are human, you soul is human. How can I say this? Ask God if you believe in him and he will tell you the answer. Just what would be the purpose of an animal soul in a human? None. It doesn't exist your soul is who you are inside. Your personality is what's inside not a creature, but a fragment of your mind and personality. You are human you can see that sometimes all you need is the truth and not this lie you've created. “
As I leave this place forever, yes, forever I was going to also get a discussion started, what do you think of my story relating to your own life? Have you had these same experiences? I still my believe I am something, I am not a furry (life styler) , therain, otherkin, or vampire. Yes, I still love weres and furry artwork and stories and always will. I am nothing more, but the thing I hated being the most a human, but as began to think of the fandom and all I began to realize I do not belong here, and I am not a furry.
*hugs you all on the way out* Now if you will excuse me I have a new life to get a hold on.
Bye forever:
Supersonic
~But now I know she never was and never will be…
With out the mask where will I hide, can’t find myself lost in my mind, I know the truth now.