I've been having these dreams about death. Not my death, but the deaths of others.
The first one was quite a while ago. You can find it here:http://forums.furtopia.org/index.php?topic=43074.0
The second one was the night before last. It was about my stepdad dying, I guess.
The first time I ever had horrid trouble with grades, my biological father screamed at me, called me an idiot, and disowned me for a weekend. Well, this year I fell into the same moat (Not gonna drown, but a decent amount of swimming is needed to get out). Even though my father has become considerably lax over the years, in the dream I told him and he went into a rage. We where at my mom's house, for some odd reason, so I ran to my room and hid in my closet. Dad followed me to my room, screaming that it was obvious that I was hiding in the closet, but just randomly fell. I hid in the closet for a little bit longer- hey, my room's messy, what if he just tripped on something? But he didn't move. I peeked out of my closet to see that, laying where my dad had been, was my stepdad. I walked out to the body and sat down next to him, softly crying. I think I was aware that he was dead long before it registered in my mind that he wasn't going to get up again. Just as I started sobbing, I woke up. I wanted to go and hug my stepdad and tell him I freaking love him. But, I didn't want to seem stressed out over nothing, so I didn't.
The final straw was last night. Me, my sister, and our youngest dog (2+1/2 year old great dane named Barnabus) where at this really old house in the middle of a forest. Apparently, there was this old urban legend in the area of an old lady who used to live there- and how she was a cannibal that ate... well.... The skin and muscle of a person's head. I have no clue why (if there was a reason for me doing this, then I forgot at the shock of the dream), but for some odd reason, I had to behead someone with a cleaver. Long, painfull, grotesque story short, I cut off Barny's head. This time, whenever I woke up, I got up, found Barny (who is very much alive, thank the higher powers) and cuddled him and cried for about an hour. Then, I got up, went to the living room, and gave my stepdad a hug (He had been in the living room the entire time working on a knotted lanyard). In the dream, my sister wasn't responding to any horrid thing I did. Hell, maybe I killed her too....
I still shudder and throw up a little in the back of my mouth at last night's dream. I looked up the term "Death" in Dream Dictionary, and it said that this could be representative of me not having a trait that my mind embodies these people as being. However, That really doesn't add up....
The reason why this is in the Lucid Dream thread is that with Barny's death..... The first cut wasn't..... "Clean," if you will.... And before I even raised the knife, I knew that It wasn't going to be just one quick cut. Lo and behold, it wasn't! That means I had some influence in my own dream, which means that.... I could have stopped it all. Dropped the friggen' knife and ran.
But I didn't.
(Feeling more disgusted by the millisecond)
Any help is appreciated.... There has to be something more than that I secretly have a murderous, locked-away alter-ego....
EDIT: Okay, I talked to my mom about the dreams, and she says that the most recent one (Barny's head) was sort of an unveiling, which kind of makes sense. Barny is our mother's non-genetic baby almost, and would follow her into a volcano. To her, Barny in my dream represented oblivion and bland faith, and my cutting his head off was a mental resistance to following this sort of life. This does make sense, but if that's the case.... then I seriously need to meditate on what the other two mean.