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Author Topic: No Pain  (Read 482 times)
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Black Siberian Husky German Shepherd mix
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« on: April 26, 2012, 07:14:37 PM »

This was some old writing I did a long time ago. I think it was 2, maybe 3, years ago. My cousin, Kiley, and my sister and I were bored, so we tested ourselves. We had ten minutes to write something from the top of our heads. Anything we wanted. My sister wrote about a puppy. Kiley wrote about some princess in a castle.... and I wrote this. The title is "No Pain" and I have kept it all these years on the same paper I originally wrote it on. I really like it, and I think it is reflective of how I felt at the time. I still write similar to this, but I dont know if I write better or worse... it feels the same to me. This is something different, in my opinion, than what most others write about. And there has been some controversy over whether it is a short story, or a poem of sorts. I'll leave that for you, the reader, to decide.

--- No Pain ---

The wall. Directly in front of me. The drab marble stone stares back at me. They’re coming. I scoot my seat back and overturn the desk next to me. There’s no way to stop it now. They’re coming. My grip tightens on the pistol as I take cover behind the metal desk. They’re coming. I can hear them, outside, moving. They’re coming. The sweat builds and waterfalls down my forehead. They’re coming. “Clear,” the wall screams at me. They’re coming. A fiery explosion reduces the marble to a pile of charred dust and fragments. They’re full-body armor tells me I have no chance. I raise my weapon and squeeze the trigger. A shot rings out, deafening all other sounds. They fire back. A shower of screaming metal tears through my chest and I fall to the floor. The surreal world swirls as I lose blood. The men stand over me and say something to each other. I close my eyes and plunge into the never-ending torment of the black abyss. No pain.
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"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


PLUR
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« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2012, 11:53:47 AM »

Intense story. Pulls the reader into the scene well. Bunny
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oldrabbit.com
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« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2012, 05:03:49 PM »

Thank you Old Rabbit. As I said, this was technically my first story, although some have told me its more of a poem, but I think this was a great start for writing. Thanks again.
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"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


PLUR
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« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2012, 02:48:51 PM »

I like it, i was immediatly hooked by it.  Cheesy
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« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2012, 02:58:23 PM »

Thanks Kek. I am glad you liked it! Smiley
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"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


PLUR
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