Author Topic: Chuck Norris Facts  (Read 8299 times)

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Offline victorwolf

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #50 on: December 29, 2011, 08:16:35 pm »
chuck Norris won a staring contest against the sun
god pays tribute to chuck norris
when chuck norris sleeps the sun goes down in respect
when chuck norris takes a shower he uses corrosive acid insted of water
chuck norris doesn't use a gun, his stare will put holes in you
chuck norris is the only one in the world whose able to play the worlds smallest violin
chuck norris doesn't use a light switch when ever he walks into a room the lights automatically turn on
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS IS HUNGRY a deer automatically cooks its self and put its self on the table just before he gets there
a rose by any other name smells just as sweet

Offline aspect

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #51 on: December 29, 2011, 11:26:03 pm »
God granted Chuck Norris the ability to create laws of physics, so Chuck Norris created himself.

Chuck Norris doesn't have real enemies; they're too afraid to be born.

When a bullet exits a gun in Chuck Norris' presence it's because it thinks it can get away from him.

When Chuck Norris builds a nuclear weapon, energy equals mass times the speed of Chuck Norris squared.

Chuck Norris can know the speed and position of a particle simultaneously. But scientists cannot know Chuck Norris' speed or position.

Chuck Norris writes Chuck Norris facts sometimes but to him they all seem to be direct logical consequences of the Peano Axioms, so it's an unnecessary exercise.

When Chuck Norris writes Chuck Norris facts, the jokes are never too obscure.

Offline victorwolf

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #52 on: December 30, 2011, 10:16:10 am »
chuck norris eats coal and poos diamonds
chuck norris already died but death is to afraid to tell him
chuck norris cooks food by looking at it
when chuck norris wants to make a phone call the phone dials its self
before every meal chuck norris thanks himself for the bounty
a rose by any other name smells just as sweet

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #53 on: December 30, 2011, 01:31:54 pm »
Chuck Norris can unring a bell.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline aspect

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #54 on: December 30, 2011, 09:48:31 pm »
Everyone thinks their baby is the cutest, but Chuck Norris actually was the cutest baby.

Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that if the Internet had existed when he was born there would have been no cat pictures on it. All our desktops would be Baby Chuck Norris desktops.
Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that other mothers had to be quarantined from him in the hospital so that they would still take care of their children.
Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that if someone had put a baby-sized cowboy hat on him, the Universe would have reached its maximum cuteness level and kittens would start spontaneously dying to keep the fabric of reality from collapsing.
The word "Kawaii" originally entered the Japanese language in order to describe baby Chuck Norris.
Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that the Gerber baby wet his pants.

Offline Hashira

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #55 on: December 30, 2011, 10:25:08 pm »
Chuck Norris's mother spanked him once... ONCE.
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #56 on: December 30, 2011, 10:44:14 pm »
The main export of Chuck Norris is PAIN.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline aspect

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #57 on: December 31, 2011, 12:17:37 pm »
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris doesn't wait... he sleeps.
In Soviet Russia, Death died years ago and Chuck Norris doesn't have the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shipped off to Siberia, Siberia gets sent to Chuck Norris.
In Soviet Russia, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. (Yes, this is a Chuck Norris joke. :D )

Offline Soulneko

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #58 on: December 31, 2011, 03:13:42 pm »
chuck norris can stop shuffling
"I've never talked to a girl before. I don't know how to handle it."
"Hey everyone! Isn't this fun? The door opens to the inside, right?"
"Oh, by the way... my blood is black."
"Because I don't know how to deal with girls...
"Bloody needle." -Crona i love anime

Offline aspect

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #59 on: December 31, 2011, 05:12:47 pm »
Nobody really dies of fear; they die of Chuck Norris.
The moon doesn't really orbit the Earth. Chuck Norris is spinning it around his head and waiting for the right moment to release it.
Chuck Norris looks Medusa in the eye when he wants to make his skin softer than steel.

Offline Hashira

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #60 on: December 31, 2011, 10:20:23 pm »
Chuck Norris aimed a sniper rifle at an enemy 750 yards away, he killed the enemy, then he fired the rifle.
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #61 on: January 03, 2012, 08:30:58 pm »
Revenge is a dish best served by Chuck Norris.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline victorwolf

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #62 on: January 07, 2012, 07:22:29 pm »
chuck norris is so strong he won an arm wrestling match against the hulk
when chuck norris gets shot at the bullet doesn't leave the barrel and the gun explodes not hurting chuck norris at all
chuck norris is the only person to be able to beat some one up so bad that their great grandchildren will enharet the broken bones
a rose by any other name smells just as sweet

Offline Narei Mooncatt

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #63 on: April 28, 2012, 08:58:45 pm »
Hurricanes are what happen when Chuck Norris yawns.
I've got a 53' tail. Truck driver by trade, professional tourist by choice.

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #64 on: April 29, 2012, 07:12:32 pm »
You slept with a teddy bear. Chuck Norris sleeps with a live grizzly bear.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline McMajik

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #65 on: May 06, 2012, 05:11:57 pm »
Chuck Norris does not catch diseases, diseases catch Chuck Norris

Offline Akita

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #66 on: May 10, 2012, 01:16:42 pm »
Ok here we go....
Chuck Norris does not jump. He forces gravity to pick him up. :)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity.... Chuck Norris got it back
Chuck Norris has counted to Infinity... Twice
Chuck Norris does not churn butter... Instead he roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Yes i did read these from a Chuck Norris list of facts poster  ;)
Life will get you down at some point but there is always someone to lend you a paw.

Offline McMajik

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #67 on: May 11, 2012, 01:09:13 pm »
Chuck Norris does not talk, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks words straight into peoples brains

Offline Akita

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #68 on: May 14, 2012, 11:15:30 am »


Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his bedroom.. The bear is not dead, It is just too scared to move
Life will get you down at some point but there is always someone to lend you a paw.

Offline Hashira

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #69 on: May 27, 2012, 10:47:44 am »
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone!
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Offline Leeseetsa

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #70 on: May 27, 2012, 10:51:00 am »
Chuck Norris can scale Mt. Everist in 3 sec. flat.
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Offline Hashira

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #71 on: May 27, 2012, 10:53:19 am »
When you say nobody is perfect chuck Norris takes that as a personal offense.

Chuck Norris threw a banana peel out the window so if could decompose, and a bird slipped on it in mid air.
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Offline Fuchsia Puff

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #72 on: May 31, 2012, 03:50:22 am »
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns.
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Offline victorwolf

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #73 on: June 05, 2012, 08:28:03 am »
chuck norris is the leader of the world, all of the "world leaders" ask him what to do when something goes wrong.
a rose by any other name smells just as sweet

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #74 on: June 08, 2012, 11:07:58 am »
Night occurs when Chuck Norris switches the Sun off.
Chuck Norris can catch lightning in a jar.
Chuck Norris rides shotgun on Santa's Christmas sleigh rides.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2012, 11:11:59 am by Rocket T. Coyote »
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)