Author Topic: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"  (Read 3428 times)

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Offline Nicholai

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Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« on: June 22, 2009, 08:37:51 pm »
I read a news article on this, and I knew in a second that this belongs here.  :D

The article (I'll link to it in a few sentences, bare with me), written by a recent divorcee, glances over the idea that as times evolve, marriage serves less and less of purpose. As she puts it:

Quote
Sure, it made sense to agrarian families before 1900, when to farm the land, one needed two spouses, grandparents, and a raft of children. But now that we have white-collar work and washing machines, and our life expectancy has shot from 47 to 77, isnít the idea of lifelong marriage obsolete?

She also points out that divorce rate in the USA is 50%, and that according to a recent poll, only 38% of married couples find themselves happy.
She also states, unequivocally, that she believes the whole idea of marriage in modern, (mostly) gender blind society is not only pointless, but emotionally risky.

Full article here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178/ns/today_relationships
I have strong opinions on this, but I want to hear you!

+Do you think marriage is becoming increasingly obsolete as society and culture continue to evolve?
+In your opinion why do so many marriages fail? Why are so many couples unhappy?
+Do you think marriage is worth the 50/50 emotional risk?

P.S: I don't know how you would, but don't bring gay marriage into this. Entirely different debate. Seriously:P
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Offline RedneckFur

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2009, 10:39:10 pm »
I do not think that the idea of marriage is outdated.  I do think that marriage and divorce need to be simplified.  I think that too many people jump into marriage before they are ready, and now days, we live in an age when we are bombarded by so much information and so many choices.  Its simply easier now to loose intrest in a mate.

I do belive in lifelong mates, and I hope to spend my life with the right person.  Casual relationships do not really apeal to me.

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Offline Sskessa

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2009, 11:54:01 pm »
Quote
+Do you think marriage is worth the 50/50 emotional risk?

Before we get any further with this discussion, let's get this cleared up:
A 50% divorce rate in America DOES NOT MEAN that you have a 50% chance of getting divorced if you get married. That is not how you interpret statistics.

74% of Americans currently identify as white/non-hispanic. These numbers are unlikely to change significantly in the next year. If you conceived a child, would there be a 74% chance that it would be born white?
Just wanted to clear that up.

Anyway, as far as my thoughts on marriage go, do you consider friendship to be outdated in our modern age?
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Offline Yip

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2009, 01:32:58 am »
I think the underlying problem is that too many assume they know what marriage is. In fact, marriage isn't a single thing. Not only has it changed and evolved throughout history, but also there is no one single right way for a marriage to work. It's something the individuals involved have to work out. And I think the reason for the high divorce rate and unhappy couples is due mostly to people getting into it without really taking the time to honestly discuss what each other want from the relationship.

Another issue is the fact that people change over time. So some marriages just won't last, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing. People shouldn't automatically treat it as such. (in fact, in cases like abusive relationships, breaking up is a good thing.)

Offline Narei Mooncatt

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2009, 10:18:45 am »
Another issue is the fact that people change over time. So some marriages just won't last, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing. People shouldn't automatically treat it as such. (in fact, in cases like abusive relationships, breaking up is a good thing.)

This was true with my first marraige. We just come to realize that we weren't compatible anymore as mates, but we kept our promise to each other when we first started dating to at least always try to remain friends. To this day, I still consider her my best friend (next to my current mate of course). I think marraige is still important, and needed. At least from a legal stand point we need it or something similar to decide things like home ownerships, child rearing, hospital visitations, etc. While things can be set up to specify certain wishes we have of others, being married makes it much easier, and keeps you from, say, kicking your mate out on the streets with no place to go. When you're just friends, everything is owned independently even if it is shared. When married, you own most everything together for the good of the family. Of course, that's also what makes a divorce so tricky sometimes. I.E. you only have one house in most cases, so you can't just split it and deciding what to do with it can be hard. Thankfully my divorce was clean and simple with no houses or kids to battle over.

I've heard about the marraige contracts idea that basically means the license has an experation date. After so many years, you have to renew it or it's a defacto divorce. While the upside is it accounts for things like changed people, it would be hard to settle down. You'd be constantly thinking "Do we really want to buy this house when in 10 years she may want to leave me after the license is up?" It would make marraige seem a more casual idea, which makes it appealing to some, but I wouldn't personally want it, because I think sometimes taking the easy out isn't the best thing to do.
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Offline WhiteShepherd

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2009, 04:32:04 pm »
I think marriage IS important because it is a choice many feel is important.  Many feel when you marry someone it is a formal promise saying "I want to be with you forever.".  So to many it's an important step in a relationship.  That is why when the government steps in and says same sex couples can't marry it's using a law to try and prevent people from traditionally committing to each other.  For SOME people marriage and traditional ceremonies are an important freedom to have.  For others they could care less and will build their own commitments.  The important thing is we must protect the right of choice for marriage so it belongs equally to all of us or we WILL create a future where any group in power can reserve civil liberties just for themselves. 

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Offline Nicholai

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2009, 06:12:49 pm »
  For SOME people marriage and traditional ceremonies are an important freedom to have.  For others they could care less and will build their own commitments. 
  WhiteShepherd

To be honest, this was the answer I was looking for. For some, formal cultural traditions hold considerable significance (this isn't limited to marrage, think Easter mass, Christmas).  For others, it's the thought that counts (so to speak).
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Offline Alexandre

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2009, 02:53:45 am »
I think marriage IS important because it is a choice many feel is important.  Many feel when you marry someone it is a formal promise saying "I want to be with you forever.".  So to many it's an important step in a relationship.  That is why when the government steps in and says same sex couples can't marry it's using a law to try and prevent people from traditionally committing to each other.  For SOME people marriage and traditional ceremonies are an important freedom to have.  For others they could care less and will build their own commitments.  The important thing is we must protect the right of choice for marriage so it belongs equally to all of us or we WILL create a future where any group in power can reserve civil liberties just for themselves. 

  WhiteShepherd

Now this seems to make a lot of sense to me.  Marriage stands as a symbol of the commitment that people make to each other... I'm gonna have to think about this.  :)

I'm a big supporter of marriage.  I think people often rush into it a little too soon, especially where I live (three out of four of my sisters got married before they were 20; the other one is still in middle school).  I don't think they understand what it takes financially, emotionally, or mentally to sustain a healthy, balanced marriage.  They've done well so far, though, so I'm not sure what's going to happen...

I'm not sure what I'm saying anymore about this.  I'd like to get married some day and have a nice reception, though; it would mean a lot to me.
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Offline Acton

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2009, 01:43:07 pm »
Lets see marriage exist for thousands of years in hundred of cultures in human history. Yet some how in 2009 America marriage is obsolete. The problem is not marriage it our sick, stuck up, narcissistic generation, staring with mine the counter culture boomer generation. 

Offline Marurashi

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2009, 12:25:33 am »
personally i would love to get married, but i beleive it its all a matter of opinion on weather it is worth it or not.

to me, i hate seeing the little girls running round up here who are getting married at age 16...... why you ask? because they alredy have 2 kids... it makes me sad, they are making their life so much harder, its harder to see the world or go to school when you have a full family you have to take care of.

my point is that i really think that they should wait, even if their parents agree to let em get married at such a young age, they need to slow down, stop and see if its really right before they just jump into somthing that is alot bigger than they realize it is.

Offline Motor Mouth

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2009, 09:30:39 pm »
Marriage isnt outdated, it's that people get everything about marriage twisted and confused. People seem so wrapped up into themselves these days, that a long term commitment to one person just seems "outdated" to them.
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Offline Traumerei

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2009, 07:21:32 am »
Outdated? No. Perhaps unfit for a certain amount of today's society? Certainly.

High divorce rates only mean that  >50% of people couldn't get it right the first (or second, or third...) time around. People like my aunt have had two divorces, yet my father has stayed with my mother his entire life. If they were the only two people kept track of, the divorce rate would be 66.6~%. I believe that some people are cut out for marriage, others take a while to find someone they really wish to stay with, and others... not so much.
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Offline CiceroKit

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #12 on: July 03, 2009, 12:14:18 pm »
Throughout much of the world, I think it is.

In the U.S., there are some important legal rights afforded with marriage. Despite how "pro-marriage" a society this might be, there are policies that apply to some of us that are anything but. Itico and I had planned on getting married this year, but had to postpone because we found out that if we were wed, I would be considered his guardian and he would have all his disability benefits taken from him, including Medicare. I work for a non-profit, and the budget is tight, so I have no benefits that would carry over to a spouse. We are very much in love, and would like to have the partnership rights, but we don't have a romanticized view of marriage either. We both believe that two people can be in a loving partnership without being wed.

In some other countries, that view is held more widely than it is here. In this country, marriage is still very much the norm.
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Offline Baako

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Re: Is the Idea of marrage "outdated?"
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2009, 06:29:10 pm »
Lets see marriage exist for thousands of years in hundred of cultures in human history. Yet some how in 2009 America marriage is obsolete. The problem is not marriage it our sick, stuck up, narcissistic generation, staring with mine the counter culture boomer generation. 

But that's the point of this thread, OP is claiming that the idea of it is outdated.

Aside from the legal benefits of marriage I see it as an aesthetic more than anything, simply an age old tradition born from a religion which I myself don't follow, and this appears to be becoming a more common mindset.

Ultimately, each new generation creates new social stigmas (or moulds the existing ones), you can't stop it and should embrace it.

Having said all that, I can see how some people view marriage as a sign of trust and security, making a commitment as they believe their in love for each other and don't see their marriage as a '50/50 emotional risk'.


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