Author Topic: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!  (Read 519 times)

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Offline Jade Sinapu

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*snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« on: November 25, 2017, 10:19:04 pm »
Hi, My name is Jade Sinapu.  Jade is my favorite color and gemstone, and Sinapu is the Ute word for Wolf.  (I may change this name but for now it fits well I think.)  The wolf is essentially my spirit animal and has a great significance to me and has been a reoccurring theme in my entire life.  I am an electrical engineer working in aerospace as a programmer, circuit designer, and test engineer.  Due to my type  of work, I often have no access to internet, cellphone or the outsideworld in any way for 12 hours per day.  So I may post sporadically.

I am I guess what is called a grey muzzle being in my 30's now, and I wish I found this hidden better world a decade or more ago!  I sure hope there is room for an older German Shepard Wolf mix in the group!  I will work on my fursona image as soon as I can!  For now, my pic is of my beloved dog Heidi!

How I found this fandom is simple.  I was at work when my friend came in for Halloween as a Dragon!  This is amazing considering we work at a huge, conservative, strict company!  Well, I wasn't as respectful as I should have been, and was asking too many prying questions about her attire.  My dragon friend (who is a good anime and manga artist) handled it very well and quickly taught me the truth about furies.  I knew "furriness" wasn't new, but also knew nothing about it except for the lies on TV/internet.   I privately had some preconceived bad ideas about furies and I seriously apologize to the whole community; I was very wrong.  All of this is hard for me to talk about, because over the course of a month, I had a mental breakdown after I came to the abrupt realization that I am a type of furry and have been one for a very long time!  I didn't know it was real.  I lived under a rock.  In fact I identify with furry more than anything in my life so far.  It has made me question everything I thought I knew about myself, religion/spirituality/beliefs, sexual orientation, purpose, sanity etc...  I didn't sleep for 3 days straight because of it!  I was in denial about myself.  I know it may sound like I am taking this too seriously, since its a hobby, but nevertheless it happened.  I was so wrong to judge people I didn't know anything about! 

I feel like I fell into a trap door, and was dangling upside down by a shoelace, observing a strange new world and no one knew I was watching.  What I saw was truly amazing and it filled me with child like joy! I hadn't felt that in so long!  People being true to themselves having fun!  A world where you could be what you wanted to be and no one would judge.  Anything seemed possible!  I felt younger! I then felt old as I realized I missed out on being myself for most of my life, and was considered a "creepy" grey muzzle due to my inability to stop the passage of time!  :(  I broke down crying very hard as if someone had died, and i supposed that is exactly what happened.  The bad part of me died that day. I was awakened to something special.  Was I starting to become who I really wanted to be?

My interest in the furry fandom must have started with childhood (even though I didn't know it) when I would secretly watch cartoons and movies instead of doing homework etc... as well as my long history of interactions with dogs and coyotes.  I would see an anthropomorphic creature,i.e. Charlie from All Dogs go to Heaven for example, and imagine how it would be to exist in his world and not the real one.  I felt his troubles and yearned to help him.  And I identify with Ash from Fantastic Mr. Fox, and wish I could have been more like Disney's Robin Hood.  And of course there are the many ultra realistic dreams of living as a wolf...  which I never mentioned until now.  Oh yeah, and the 2 years I spent walking around with coyotes at night in the field near my house, watching them, petting one, almost being part of their family.  And how can I forget the Pet-co Incident...  I was at the store to buy pet supplies, and got distracted.  To my left was a girl ( as a cat) in a cage, raising money for homeless animals.    Now I am rather shy, but I fast walked to her cage, and said Hi.  She then proceeded to tell me about her fundraising efforts, and showed me how much they needed.  If they achieved the goal, she was able to be free!  That's when it happened.  I got the wallet, removed all the cash (~$250!) stuck it in her hand/paw and excitedly asked, Is that enough to free you from your cage, when can you get out of there?!  :o  My mind had been erased...  Its sorta creepy I admit.

As a child I often wore the dogs collar and pretended to be a dog and thought this okay.  I even growled in my sleep at times!  My father used to make flies for fishing and had many animal products  :( .  One of these was a real fox tail, which I promptly "reclaimed" and wore whenever I could (in private).  The feeling I got wearing it was something strange, powerful and nice. I have always had a connection and a way with larger wolf like dogs, German Shepard, Huskies, Malamutes etc. I keep collecting wolf/coyote/dog themed things its an obsession.  I still to this day wear a dog collar when I sleep, mostly as a reminder of the fact that a German Shepard saved me by actively preventing me from carrying out suicide, and another German Shepard saved me from a carbon monoxide leak which almost killed us both.

In our childhood home, unfortunately, there were few luxuries due to money constraints, but our imaginations were overflowing. We had no video games and few art supplies and self expression seemed to be rather stifled at times.  Our parents forgot what a child was supposed to be and do (they had no childhood), and the word FUN seemed to be absent from their vocabulary.  So being a dog/human was out of the question, so was learning to draw (they thought it a waste of time).  My parents were and still are very judgemental about a person not being 100% straight, and my being "odd" has always been an issue in our house as they automatically assume I'm "gay".  I have always told people the truth, I'm almost always non-sexual, but they find that hard to believe.  They would rather me lie and say what they wanted to hear!  So I didn't fit in and turned to science, math, engineering, programming, and my animal friends who didn't judge me and loved me truly.

Again I turned to the open spaces around the house full of wildlife.  My longing to be more animal and less human at times made me into what I am now.  I would rather be that way since I saw around me a lot of bad being done by humans, the superior species. Animals were my protectors, teachers and friends and got me through the toughest times of my life so far.  And when I saw an animated talking human/animal as a child it resonated with me as a piece of a better world.  It still does. Think Zootopia.

So I am not sure if I am a therian, otherkin, furry, or something else.  All I know is that finding this fandom was a true shock to me, as in it I found people who are more like me and I wasn't alone anymore.  But alas, perhaps I still don't truly fit in? I have little artistic talents, don't know much about gaming/role playing and am "too old" I suppose.  I hope that be being in the fandom, I can get back into drawing, creative writing, maybe do some  fursuiting, furmeets, and learn about what the fandom has to offer.  And in return I hope to give back to the community in some way.  I hope I can find some friends who get me, and I want them to teach me more about all things furry.  I have a lot to learn!

Sorry this was so long. :-[

If at first you don't succeed, you have the diode backwards, again! -- Me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin.

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Online Varg the wanderer

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2017, 08:37:49 am »
Wolf! Dog! Engineer! Aerospace!

*wags tail* Hi!!

If you're a grey muzzle then I guess I'm stepping into that range too. And of course there's room!

Not everyone here is an artist. A lot of us simply appreciate art, and that's what the fandom is really about. Art is a huge spectrum, too, so you don't have to limit yourself to drawing, writing, music, and performing. There's sculpting, carving, and designing furry animations (hint hint wink wink nudge nudge) to parts of a fursuit. How many furries wouldn't jump at an opportunity to be able to bare teeth at someone simply by baring their own teeth? If anyone can design something like that it would be an electrical engineer. There's even furry leatherwork (don't believe me? PM me).

Too old? That's news to me. I guess Old Rabbit, Storm Fox, Rocket, Cause, Kobuk, Movian, etc will all have to leave then... You're never to old to start up a new hobby or pick up a new talent. My dad just started wood carving in his sixties and loves it. He does a lot of birds and it's a lot of joy watching him get better and better with each one. You're an engineer doing design work. I think the last thing you have to worry about is creativity.

I too worked for a large, very conservative aerospace company, this one being in southern Louisiana. As you have found out, though, you'll be surprised who else is working there. Once you figure it out though it's almost like a underground club. You're also an engineer. People expect you to be a little strange (I'm in a mechanical program myself. Nobody in my department is what the world considers 'normal'). Besides, normal is boring.

My history is similar to yours, only my parents didn't care what I did as long as I was safe about it. Instead of watching cartoons instead of homework (we didn't have a TV) I wrote terrible furry stories and, uh, hung out on these forums  :-[  You'll pick up things fast. In my experience the furry community has always been very friendly and accepting. I've had some experiences one might consider therian, but never cared for the community they've cultivated. When I went to MFF in 2015 it blew my mind and really reinforced that my decision that the furry community was where I belonged.

You've posted a fantastic introduction, so most of these 'get to know you' questions have been answered already, but you should familiarize yourself with the forum rules in case you haven't already and check out some of the other features if you haven't already. All contained in your issued MPOD (Mod Post Of Doom):

Quote
Here are some introductory questions you can answer if you like:
Mind telling us how you happened upon our friendly community?
How long have you been a furry / known about the fandom?
Do you have a fursona? If so, what is it?
What interests you about the anthropomorphic (furry) fandom?

Hope you enjoy your stay! Be prepared for an onslaught of warm welcoming hugs and pounces from fellow members! If you don't want the hugs, just let us know and your wish will be respected! Click on any of the gold-colored links above or below for further information. ;)

We also have an IRC chatroom you may want to join. Just enter your fursona name and start chatting! If you need help on accessing the Furtopia IRC, please see this thread here: How to use an IRC client

Please take the time to read the Furtopia Forum Posting Rules. This is a PG rated “family friendly” forum. Please also take the time to post your topics in the most appropriate section - it will be greatly appreciated by all. If you have a question or problem, or if you need help with anything on the Furtopia forums, then feel free to contact an Administrator or Moderator via PM (Private Message) or use the Report to Moderator button found in every post. Please let the Admins and Mods handle any problems that arise. :)

Again, welcome!  :)
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Offline Kobuk

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2017, 09:23:35 am »
Welcome to Furtopia and enjoy your stay. :)
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Offline Old Rabbit

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2017, 09:45:14 am »
Welcome to furtopia Jade Sinapu.

Hope you have a nice stay.

"Tosses you a chocolate chip cookie of welocme."

On the age thing. I think people worry too much about how
they are supposed to act at a certain age. As long as you
are a responsible person. Who should care what they like or
do as long as it doesn't cause harm to others. Some do
though, so I don't make a big deal  about likeing cartoon
animals, and fantasy stories about them.

Old Rabbit :orbunny:



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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2017, 09:53:46 am »
Thanks Old Rabbit! 
*catches cookie in mid air* 
That was tasty, how did you know I liked semi-soft dark chocolate chip cookies, and home made too! 
Now I'm hungry! 
I do still like cartoons etc... but rarely make a fuss over it in public or with family.  And yep I'm an adult and responsible.  I never do anything inappropriate.  It would take a lot to make me do something unacceptable, considering I have Vulcan like control over emotions at times...  sorry wrong fandom. ha ha!  :)

Thanks Varg! 
I appreciate the comments! *hugs, tail wagging*  Sorry if I was too friendly  I was so excited! :-[

The way I see it, being a furry is part of what I am, so an age limit seems illogical. It would be like asking me to not exist after some future date.  So that is why I was shocked about a very small number of people commenting on YouTube that people may be "too old". But I have thick fur, and its okay.  I figured that there were many great people around here! 

And Varg, you may have read my mind.  I have a full blown home electronics lab, and specialize in microcontroller programming.   I was about to give it all away to a friend because I was "tired" of it all.  And once I was introduced to the fandom, I have had lingering thoughts about animatronic suit pieces.  Ears, brows, teeth, vocalizations, color changing LED items.......  Perhaps I will keep my stuff and get back into building!  I will just say that the interface will either use patches on the skin to trigger motors, or perhaps voice command.  Some thing like "Suit: tail wag", "Suit: angry pose" etc...  Its not too far fetched.  And if someone out there can design in 3D and print out parts, then maybe we are a GO for launch!

I did use to draw with colored pencil, but stopped 10+ years ago, so am rusty, but I have seen much art on DA and like it a lot!  Maybe in my spare time, I will try to resurrect what I lost.  What I see people do is amazing, all ages, all abilities and tastes!  I did chat with Fern and friends yesterday, and had a good time and loved it!  For a long time I have wanted to extract from my mind what I imagine on an almost regular basis, but can't get it out!  Ahh!

I did investigate the therian sites a little, but I do not fit in there well.  I just have had some weird experiences, but I am 100% human so far.   ;)  I think that any dreams I have had were mostly my subconscious helping me through life's hard times, and the images took the form of what was familiar to me, wolves.  I got my jade wolf statue when I was walking through a store in Fairbanks as a teenager.  The owner and creator of the piece said that I needed to have it, and it was given to me.  Its been special to me ever since.  He knew i wanted it, but it was expensive.  I wonder why he gave it to me?  As for the dogs saving my life, I can't explain that, very strange but true.  So I am indebted.

I wonder if we are talking about the same aerospace company?  I think we are!  They are HUGE.  If I felt like they wouldn't find out, I would just say who it is.  I feel they would fire me if they found out.  Or I would lose my clearances, which would be effectively the same thing.  All I can say is, do you like using a GPS? Do you like accurate weather forecasts brought to you by GOES satellites?  How about a truck mounted 60KW+ laser that can blow holes in trucks from 10+ miles away..... no that is not a joke!

Normal is boring, and boring is apparently everywhere.  I like being me (strange), and like others who are similar.  Furies rock!

Now time to read the rules you sent me.
Thanks!


If at first you don't succeed, you have the diode backwards, again! -- Me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin.

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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2017, 09:55:27 am »
Kobuk, I didn't mean to forget you!   :-[

Thanks for the warm welcome, and if all the people here are as friendly as all of you, then I sure will enjoy my stay!   :)
If at first you don't succeed, you have the diode backwards, again! -- Me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin.

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Offline Loc

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2017, 09:59:15 am »
Welcome to Furtopia :) It was good to see you around on the IRC last night, and I hope to see you back there again. Enjoy your stay.

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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2017, 10:10:47 am »
Hi Loc!

I will make it a point to come here as regularly as I can, and since I am new to this fandom, it will take me time to get up to speed.  Despite being in a technical field at work, I apparently lack many skills others have.  I mean I designed power supplies that are running servers, perhaps the ones hosting this site.  I even designed laser range finders, but I can't get the hang of the nuances of the chat room!   :-[  *paws cover face, quietly whining*
If at first you don't succeed, you have the diode backwards, again! -- Me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin.

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Online Varg the wanderer

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2017, 10:22:35 am »
I've come to learn that if you're really good at your job most companies don't care as long as you aren't parading it around. Maybe it's different being a mechanic though.

And we didn't do any of that where I worked. We were strictly aircraft at my site.

I know someone who does 3D design and printing. In fact, he just finished printing the under structure to his fursuit head. He might be interested in working with you. -I'll talk to him about it.
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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2017, 10:39:22 am »
Thanks again Varg!

At my site, we are space products oriented.  The most I've been furry there was taking casual friday too far and wearing a tame SFW furry themed T-shirt, with slacks and dress shoes....awkward!

It will be a little bit before I can get full swing into electronics here. 
I have some obligations to take care of first, but knowing someone who has 3D printing skills is great.
If I get into it, it couldn't be full time due to my job.
Would this be a topic for the fursuit section of the forum?  Has anyone started a post on animated fursuit parts?  8)
If at first you don't succeed, you have the diode backwards, again! -- Me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin.

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Offline Kobuk

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2017, 10:41:20 am »
Quote
And Varg, you may have read my mind.  I have a full blown home electronics lab, and specialize in microcontroller programming.   I was about to give it all away to a friend because I was "tired" of it all.  And once I was introduced to the fandom, I have had lingering thoughts about animatronic suit pieces.  Ears, brows, teeth, vocalizations, color changing LED items.......  Perhaps I will keep my stuff and get back into building!  I will just say that the interface will either use patches on the skin to trigger motors, or perhaps voice command.  Some thing like "Suit: tail wag", "Suit: angry pose" etc...  Its not too far fetched.  And if someone out there can design in 3D and print out parts, then maybe we are a GO for launch!

If you ever do decide to do more work on animatronic suit pieces, etc., then you might want to broaden your horizons and look at what is done in the movie and tv show SFX (Special Effects) industry and/or also the hobby model kit community (Of which I belong.).  Looking at both of those may give you inspiration and creative ideas for future projects. ;)
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Offline Kobuk

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2017, 10:42:27 am »
Quote
Would this be a topic for the fursuit section of the forum?  Has anyone started a post on animated fursuit parts?  8)

Yes, post a topic there. ;)
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Offline Jade Sinapu

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2017, 10:48:45 am »
Thanks for the info Kobuk!
I do need inspiration, I've recently kinda fallen into a sort of low.  I used to do electronics from about age 10 till only a few years ago.  Perhaps I will see what inspiration I can gain from the furry fandom, model builders and SFX creators!  Good ideas.

 :goldhowl:

If at first you don't succeed, you have the diode backwards, again! -- Me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin.

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Offline Michen_S

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2017, 02:28:34 pm »
Hi there! I'm your weirdo feral snow leopard messing around. I do have to say, how did you know I love reading stories like those? In your introduction thread no less. I'm half tempted to lie down and read it upside down for that, but uh... I'm sitting on a chair...

Aaaaanyways, if you ever want to talk, I'm only a PM away... I hope to see you around.
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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #14 on: December 07, 2017, 05:42:57 pm »
Hi Jade, thank you for the introduction story!  :D Welcome to Furtopia, take your time exploring the forum and enjoy it!  :D
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Offline Firelight

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Re: *snif* did I find home! Hello there!
« Reply #15 on: January 16, 2018, 06:00:07 pm »
Welcome fellow wolf!