Author Topic: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)  (Read 1480 times)

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Offline Sledge

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Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« on: July 20, 2013, 01:07:51 am »
So, I've thought about posting one or two of my short stories that I have written for school, especially one, "The Hallowed Place." I will warn anyone that is going to read it that it has violence and is kinda morbid. I think it's the best one Ive written, though. I'm gonna post the first paragraph tonight and see how it goes.

"The Hallowed Place"
The junk yard lay quiet and still. Dust and leaves rolled past my feet in the cool moist breeze. The cranes swayed softly against the dark, churning sky. Bullet casings, linkages, and other debris littered the ground and made soft metallic clinks as I walked. The office, a brick building about the size of a trailer house, still stood. The door was splintered and the wall above was obliterated. The roof was now partially on the floor. Just inside the door, on the wall, hung a black dented helmet with a faded 2 painted on the side in ice blue. Under it was a stain on the floor. It had darkened and washed partially away with time, but it was still obviously blood. This marked where she had died, and the last hallowed place in existance for me.
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2013, 08:12:14 pm »
Alright... I can see that someone has read this... Let me know what you think, but remember that I am no professional.
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline SkyFire

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2013, 08:41:49 pm »
Tha-that was pounce, wasn't it?
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Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2013, 08:46:52 pm »
No... Good guess though. I wrote this before I came up with the twins. The person you're reading as is very much male.
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline SkyFire

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2013, 08:49:17 pm »
Hmm.... I was thinking pounce was who died there.....

Very powerful, especially for me, given my knowledge of the twins, even though this predates them.

Who died, and who is visiting?
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Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2013, 08:52:37 pm »
Ah ah ah... I can't tell you that. It would ruin the story. What is your opinion this far though?
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline SkyFire

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2013, 01:09:42 am »
Good, and like I said, very powerful.
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Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2013, 01:40:52 am »
Good. Second paragraph is coming up in a sec. It's pretty short, so I might post the third as well... Just depends.
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2013, 01:47:41 am »
"The Hallowed Place"
The junk yard lay quiet and still. Dust and leaves rolled past my feet in the cool moist breeze. The cranes swayed softly against the dark, churning sky. Bullet casings, linkages, and other debris littered the ground and made soft metallic clinks as I walked. The office, a brick building about the size of a trailer house, still stood. The door was splintered and the wall above was obliterated. The roof was now partially on the floor. Just inside the door, on the wall, hung a black dented helmet with a faded 2 painted on the side in ice blue. Under it was a stain on the floor. It had darkened and washed partially away with time, but it was still obviously blood. This marked where she had died, and the last hallowed place in existance for me.


The details of how we met are no longer clear to me, but they matter little here. In the time I knew her, I came to love her as a friend, a sister in arms, and now that I think about it, a bit more than that as well. Throughout our campaign, she had saved my life countless times, and I hers. This time, however, I was too slow.

Like I said... It's short, but it is a transition of sorts.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2013, 01:56:59 am by Sledge »
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline HazardJackal

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2013, 05:58:54 am »
*Claps hands furiously* YAY!  STORY TIME!

In other words, i like it.  gives me an idea... i wonder if i still have 'The Gnome', a lil short story from a few years back...

Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2013, 01:10:32 am »
Glad you like it, fellow RPers...

Now... before I type this next part, which will probably be tomorrow, I should warn everyone that I had to fit this onto the front back of a paper, so its a little rushed. I might take some time to add length to the action, like I had originally planned.
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.

Offline Old Rabbit

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2013, 12:06:22 pm »
You have done a good job painting the setting while creating a bit of mystery.

It's a good start.

Also I think the story works well in that it holds the readers interest. That
is what every author is looking to do.

Keep up the good work. :orbunny:
« Last Edit: July 23, 2013, 12:10:35 pm by Old Rabbit »
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Offline Sledge

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Re: Blood and Thunder (yes, it's a real writing style.)
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2013, 12:10:46 pm »
Thank you, sir. I am still rewording the third part, else I would post it as well...
A wise man once said: "don't anger a man who can end you from another zip code."

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. - If You Want Peace, Prepare For War.