Author Topic: Dragons and Gryphons  (Read 1052 times)

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Offline User_of_Shadows

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Dragons and Gryphons
« on: April 03, 2004, 01:36:18 am »
Well, I have yet another start of a story. One of the two I am currently working on. I would like to ask the people who read this their opinions please.

well here it is Dragons and Gryphons

Please Please comment even if it is a complaint or something negetive I rather have those than none at all,

Thank you *goes back to his corner* ':blush:'

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Offline TheIronMaiden

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Dragons and Gryphons
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2004, 02:21:44 am »
Well, I just read you story. It was quite good. I'll say what I thought you did well, and what I thought you can do better. I'm not a writer so my critique my not be the best though.

Good points:

Plot: It was original and intruiging.
Characters: They were interesting and had varying personalities
Character Development: This is already obvious within the story.
Description: You include enough description to allow the reader to visualize the story, but not so much that it boggs the story down.

Weaker points:

Typos: There were a few (missing words, missing punctuation, misspelled words) in the story. Just making sure you were aware of this.
Repeated words: Try to stay away from starting multiple sentences in a paragraph with the same word or basic phrase (EX. A war... A war... The war...). I relalize this was probably done for style in the first paragraph, so there you may just want to try combining some of the sentences to get the same basic affect, but make it flow better. You can also try to rearrange some of the sentences so that the paragraph will flow better. Also, just a tip: keep a thesaurus handy and use synonyms for words to spice up your writing instead of repeating a word over and over again.
Incomplete sentences: I realize this is probably a style thing, and it is fine; just make sure that you don't overuse it.

They say the mind bends and twists in order to deal with the horrors of life...  ...sometimes the mind bends so much it snaps in two.