Author Topic: Evil little Kitten Man, Supervillian  (Read 1224 times)

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Offline Jackalman

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Evil little Kitten Man, Supervillian
« on: June 04, 2004, 05:34:15 pm »
Evil Kitten Man, Supervillian

Batman stood there, trying his best not to laugh or snigger, doing his best to look as stoic and menacing as ever as two kittens nibbled on his boots.  They were not the most threatening minions he had ever come up against, but they were persistent.  He looked to their master and said;

"Y'know, if you sicked all these grown cats on me at once, you might have done some damage."

A small pointy eared figured looked sheepishly and said, "The name's Kitten Man.  Kitten's do my evil bidding.  When they grow up and become cats they don't listen to me anymore."

"Right...." said Batman, "Listen, did you steal the Wayne diamond?"

"No, but I was offered the job," said Kitten Man.

"By who?" asked Batman.

"You know I wouldn't ask their name," said Kitten Man, "I don't know, I don't want to know.  I was offered the job, I turned it down.”

“You said no?”, asked Batman.

“I didn’t say yes,” said Kitten Man, “I like Wayne, he contributes a lot of money to the shelter.”

“Since kittens do your evil bidding,” Batman speculated, “I imagine you were the one who stole the Braun diamond broche since that’s the largest thing a 16 week old kitten can carry.”

“Wow, you really are a detective,” Kitten Man said sarcastically, “And here I thought everyone was just puttin’ me on.”  ':p'

“Aren’t you worried I’ll turn you over the to law?” asked Batman.

“Laws only apply to people,” said Kitten Man, “I’m not human.  I’m just doing what any of these cats do to survive.  Don’t you think if homeless cats were smart enough to fence stolen goods for cash and buy food they’d do it?”

Batman paused for a moment, then asked, “You’re one of Dr. Emile Dorian’s creations, aren’t you?”

Kitten Man looked away, then nodded.

“I ran into his ultimate creation, Tygrus,” said Batman, “Dr. Dorian kidnapped someone to create a mate for him.  Is he still trying to do that?”

Kitten Man got angry.  His ears bent back, his whiskers twitched, and his tail got all bushy.

“I was created before Tygrus!” he screamed, then settled a little, “I was one of Dr. Dorian’s first experiment’s to create an anthrocat.  A human/cat hybrid to see if human and cat genes can be successfully spliced together.”

“There were others?” asked Batman.

“There were a lot more before me that were destroyed,” said Kitten Man, “And a few after.  The gene splicing was a hit and miss technology.  Many grotesque mutations too deformed to live were created.  They were all destroyed.  I don’t know how many successful ones Dr. Dorian created, but I was the first.”

“What exactly did he base your genome on?” asked Batman.

“Dr. Dorian couldn’t afford to use exotic animals like he did with Tygrus when he was still in the experimental phase,” said Kitten Man, “So he experimented with his own genome and common strays.  I’m the product of a simple, ordinary house cat.  That’s why I’m so much smaller than Tygrus or you.  Doc explained it was a compromise between being the size of a cat and a human.”

“But there is an advantage,” said Batman, “Being smaller gives you a survival edge around here.  You need less food to eat.  You can crawl through smaller spaces, and you’re a lot quieter and harder to see.  That’s why you’ve been so good at stealing things without getting caught.  Tell me about this person who commissioned you to steal the Braun diamonds.”

Kitten lightened up for a moment, figuring there was no point in resisting Batman and no one would fault him for it.

“They did their best to cover their identity,” said Kitten Man, “Big overcoat, hat, sunglasses at night, the usual, but I could tell it was a beautiful woman under that get up, and she had fishnet stockings on.”

“Expensive shoes?” asked Batman.

“Expensive, but not overly so,” said Kitten Man, “And.. I don’t mean to sound like I’m being rude or anything but...”


“She smelled like fish,” said Kitten Man.

Batman stroked his chin.

“The Penguin,” said Batman.

“You said it, I didn’t,” said Kitten Man.

“I’ve got a question,” asked Batman, “Why ‘Kitten Man’?”

“I didn’t choose it,” said Kitten Man, “Someone else picked the handle and it stuck.”

“Yeah,” said Batman, nodding his head, “Same here.  It’s impossible to shake it once your labeled, but, you might want to rethink the evil part of the handle.  You’re just not that evil.”
“Stealing is evil,” said Kitten Man.

“You’re not stealing.  Stealing is a human concept,” said Batman, “You’re surviving.”

Batman leapt out of the window and out of sight, and poor, tiny, evil little Kitten Man, comforting one of his minions in his paws went back to his lair.  His mission, to find homes for the homeless, and there were so many all around him.  Stray cats crowded the city from all around.  He would find homes for them, but would he ever have one for himself?