Author Topic: idea for a story  (Read 1506 times)

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Offline BlueFox

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idea for a story
« on: March 20, 2004, 03:28:47 pm »
i got an idea for a story last night, but, seeing as im more lazy than a 3 pound sack of irish potatoes (no offence to any irish or potatoe loving people  ), i havnt done the following:
create the charecters, and refine the storyline abit,....and think up a title...and actually WRITE the story...

well, anyways, here it goes, straight of the chat log (i already told it to a friend):
the story takes place in a redwall like world..but, without redwall abbey, or anyother of the places that are in the series, as to keep it original.

seemingly out of nowhere, the largest empire of vermin known ever to this world appears, headed by 2 anthromorphic animals...

this vermin empire has grown to be so large, that its "base camp" has grown to be more of a vermin town, complete with stores,and a slave market, which is also called "the zoo" by the towns vermin inhabitants, where the members of this vermin following can buy captured, innocent slaves, to be their own.
other than that, there is also an "arena" of sorts in which the slaves compete in various events at the bidding of their "masters"

this story joins one recently captured slave, and another slave he has befriended, in their try to escape from this horrible "zoo". once they do escape, the leaders of the vermin army find out, and go out to hunt them and bring them back to captivity, and the two escaped slaves must travel around the land, making allies and evading the vermin army

thats pretty much it

any ideas? opionions?

Offline BlueFox

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idea for a story
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2004, 07:19:46 pm »
just to give you an idea of what its like, ive completed the first paragraph:

Milo stared out across the wide grassy expanse. The young fox loved how the glow of the sunlight brought a certain radiance to all of its thriving life. Every morning he took a short walk, but this time he decided to try a different route. He had often stood here when he was younger, wondering what lyed beyond the beautiful field. Now that he was fully matured, he felt it was finally time to see for himself what lied beyond that  mysterious plain.

i already have one writing partner,or so i think, BlutWulf,but extra help isnt minded.

Offline Loganberry

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idea for a story
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2004, 09:03:06 pm »
I like the atmosphere you create in that first para, particularly the way in which you draw readers into the story by making them wonder why Milo had never been beyond the field before. And I do like the word "radiance," as well. '<img'>

One small tip on the English - the past tense of "lie" differs depending on which meaning you're using. Like so:

Present: I lie because I am dishonest.
Past: I lied because I was dishonest.

but

Present: I lie down in bed.
Past: I lay down in bed.

So in your paragraph, you should use "lay". Hope that helps. '<img'>
Hazel considered this lot briefly, but it beat him.

Offline BlueFox

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idea for a story
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2004, 09:19:07 pm »
thanks for the tip, and the complement.

update: me and blutwulf now have 4 paragraphs

note: if any artist wants to/wants to help illustrate the book, that is also welcome.

Offline Otto Lontra

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idea for a story
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2004, 09:31:11 pm »
I agree with Loganberry. The intro with Milo is great. Very nice imagry. Looking forward to reading more. '<img'>

Offline BlueFox

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idea for a story
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2004, 09:46:36 pm »
heres the 4 paragraphs we have so far:

Chapter 1

Milo stared out across the wide grassy expanse. The young fox loved how the glow of the sunlight
brought a certain radiance to all of its thriving life. Every morning he took a short walk, but this time
he decided to try a different route. He had often stood here when he was younger, wondering what lied
beyond the beautiful field. Now that he was fully matured, he felt it was finally time to see for himself
what lied beyond that  mysterious plain.

Taking a deep breath, he turned and walked down the other path for the first time. Within a few
minutes, the grassy plains had disappeared and he found himself enveloped by forest. He
stopped and looked around in wonder at all the new sights, besides the trees, there were
many small patches of wildflowers, berry bushes, and a small stream that ran quietly
nearby. Pressing on, he listened to the birds sing and the wind blow calmly through the
leaves. It was all so beautiful, he thought, and he decided to keep exploring.

After hours of exploring, he came upon a large clearing. He stared up at the trees around him. Sure
enough, this clearing was definitely man made. Upon further investigation, he noticed various broken
twigs and bruised foliage. Shortly after noticing those small details, he came across what appeared to
be a burnt out fire. If he was correct, whoever made camp here left about 12 hours ago. He sat upon a
small rock to contemplate where to go next. All the sudden, mid-thought, a large net fell over him. He
struggled to get out, but the large stones tied to the bottom of the net prevented him from reaching his
goal.

A deep voice sounded from behind him. “We’ve got him, boys!” He slowly turned his head around,
and sure enough, there was a small pack of vermin. Some of them wielding cutlasses. Others
slingshots, daggers, and other miscellaneous weaponry. “Don’t try to escape now, little feller, your in
our hands now.” He had been captured. shortly after that thought popped into his head, he felt a large
rock hit him on the head, and then everything just went black.
---------------------------------------------------------

there. hope ya like it!

Offline Otto Lontra

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idea for a story
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2004, 09:57:05 pm »
Sounds great. I like the fact that you're not using a lot of dialogue at the beginning. For me, it helps the reader to create in his mind just what is going on. I did that in my first story. I like using imagry to tell the story sometimes. I feel that it draws the reader into it and it makes them want to read more. '<img'> *is currently writing more in his story*