Author Topic: My First Story!  (Read 1215 times)

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Offline Amethyst_Niger

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My First Story!
« on: February 25, 2004, 05:46:47 am »
It's not EXACTLY furry, but it's pretty close... It's based on a RolePlay I did on Neopets once. Any feedback would be apprieceated.

 Vision ~ Chapter 1 ~ Giants Worms

 Idola’s name meant vision.
Idola Russet had been having visions since she was born. They nearly always came true!
 She had a vision while she was walking to the Registory. It was of a 50ft squirm attacking another monster.
 She stopped for a moment and shook her head.  Then she carried on walking.
 At the Registory, Idola was given a form. She filled out her name, age, date of birth, and the date and signed it. Then she went into another room and chose her watch. There were thousand’s of watches to choose from.
 Idola finally decided on a black watch, with red stripes. It matched what she always wore; a red top, black jeans, reddish shoes and red studs in her ears.
 Idola also had black hair, with red highlights and a radio around her neck. On her back was a patchwork drawstring bag, which Idola had made herself.
 Idola smiled and went outside. A little way away were two people talking. She went over to them.
 “Hi,” Idola grinned, shaking hands with the girl, then the boy. They smiled.
 “I’m Tai,” Said the boy.
 “I’m Naiya!” Said the girl. Idola grinned and sat down on a rock.
 “Are you new?” She asked.
 “No, I’m a level 7.” Tai grinned.
 “I’m new.” Naiya grinned. “Do you like SpringDragon?” She started to walk to the beach, pointing at the little dragon-like monster next to her.
 “Yeah, he’s really sweet! … Err… How do I get the monster out of my watch?” She asked Tai.
 “Push the centre button.” Tai smiled, looking for something in his bag. He found a bag of berries and ate one.
 “Oh.” Idola pushed the centre button. A wolf-like monster appeared. It had small red horns and wings.
 “Aw! How sweet?!” Idola grinned, “Do you have a name?”
 “You name them!” Explained Tai, half-way through another berry.
 “Oh! I knew that!” Idola laughed. She thought for a bit.
 “How about Davu?” She asked, “It means the beginning.”
 Idola was quite into names and there meanings.
 Davu barked happily.

 A girl walked up to Tai and challenged him to a battle. He accepted.
 Naiya was watching the waves, when Tai yelled “Naiya! There’s a taimat!”
 Naiya turned round and saw the fox-like monster.
  “How do I get it?” She hissed back.
 “With a taimat? Food, food, food, oh! And did I mention more food?!” Tai grinned.
 Naiya smiled, and knelt down, searching for something in her bag. She found an apple and gave it to taimat. It took it and nibbled, then nibbled and purred.
 “It’ll go with you now!” Tai shouted, getting ready for his battle.
 His opponent was a girl called Sarii and her monster was a firebirrd.
 Tai let out his monster. It was a ‘small’ squirm. It looked like a cross between a worm and a snake.
  “You call THAT small?!” Naiya shouted.
 “He’s only fifty feet; I’ve got one that’s seventy!” He grinned.
 “Great!” Sarii mumbled. “Are we gonna battle or not?”
 Tai frowned.
“Fine! Digger, Underground!”
 “Firebirrd! Fly!”
The firebirrd flew into the sky.
Carefully Idola walked over to where Naiya was sitting, with Spring-dragon and the taimat.
 “Hi,” She whispered, watching the battle in aw. “He’s good, isn’t he?” “Very!” Naiya grinned, stroking her taimat.
 “What are you calling him?” Idola asked, looking at the taimat.
 “What? Oh, Foxy.”
Idola smiled as she sat down. She watched as Firebirrd shot a fireball, and digger reflected it. Then, Digger used a slam. Idola realised that that had been her vision. She also realised that Firebirrd was getting tired. Digger was too, but not as much.
Digger used a beam attack. Flame was getting very tired, but it wouldn’t give up! Sammy’s face softened.
“Can we call it a tie?” She asked nervously.
 “If you want” Tai smiled.
Sammy returned her Firebirrd. Then she ran into the woods. “Thanks!” She yelled.
 Tai returned Digger and walked over to Misty and Idola.
 “You are really good!” Idola grinned.
 “Thanks, but I’m not the best- yet!” He laughed. “And Digger’ll be alright after he’s had a little rest.”
 “ Er… Tai? Would you mind if Idola and me, kinda travelled with you?” Naiya asked.
Tai shrugged. “Sure, I’m getting lonely anyway!” He took out his bag and ate some more berries.
 Idola looked around.
“So… Where are we headed?” Idola asked, petting Davu.
 Tai put the berries away.
“I’m going to the tournament, in main city. That way!” He pointed to a wood.
 Idola nodded, “When? Now?” She asked, excitedly.
 Tai grinned. “Eager are we?”
Idola grinned back, “Got it in one!”
They laughed and started walking.
FFw3adfrsw A+ C- Dm H++ M P+ R T+++ W Z- Sf# RLU a- cn++ d? e- f+ h* iwf++ j p++ !s ~ GUESS WHO HAS A FURCODE!!!!!

Offline Kale

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My First Story!
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2004, 06:37:31 am »
hmm... well, i like it, (but then again, i like any major work of fiction) It seems to have close ties to stuff like monster rancher and pokemon.
My advice, More intro to the character, why is she here, what is her motives for going into this moster taming thing... knowing a bit more, even if its vauge would be better...
"A picture paints a thousand words, but only a thousand words can paint a thousand diffrent pictures" - unknown

my fur code: FMOp3a A? C- D H++$ M? P? R+ T+++ W Z? Sp+ RLLW/U/- a- cadn++++ d+ e# f- h* iwf++ j p+ sm--

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Offline Amethyst_Niger

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My First Story!
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2004, 12:05:21 pm »
Ok, my friend kinda madeup the whole creature path thing... But I guess I wrote the story...
FFw3adfrsw A+ C- Dm H++ M P+ R T+++ W Z- Sf# RLU a- cn++ d? e- f+ h* iwf++ j p++ !s ~ GUESS WHO HAS A FURCODE!!!!!