Author Topic: Blade Dance (opinions?)  (Read 1401 times)

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Offline Blade Dance

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Blade Dance (opinions?)
« on: February 26, 2004, 02:30:44 pm »
Hi everyone, a little nervous of posting this. I have never had my writing viewed online before, only by close friends. But I want to get everyones opinion on it before I get it edited and upload it along with my site. It is only a small part of the story in the beginning I hope you enjoy it, all feed back positive and negative will be welcomed most appreciatively. Thanks.

Blade Dance

A story by

JIM WILSON

2004 by Jim Wilson. All rights reserved. Story content and Characters herein are fictitious, any resemblance to any person living or dead or any actual event is coincidental. Characters Delanne, Luki, Malu, Alana, Raul, Kekona, Roselani, James Terra Flastif, Kimberly Burr, Thomas Bree Jim Wilson. Character Ce’Dra Bobbie Wilson.

CHAPTER  I
  
EVERYONE EXCEPT ME


    For most, reaching the epoch of a century was a symbol of maturity and development. An occasion of celebration and the commencement of the youth into the furtive learning of the blade dance. For Delanne it was nothing more than another restraint, binding her away from the joyous independence of free play. For years, she watched as others became of age and entered the relentless training. Only a handful ever completed the century long training and had the honor of being titled as a Blade Dancer.

What did they care? What did her father care? The thought racing through her mind. She was perfectly contented with being an older youth among the pack.

After all, she was not the only one celebrating her one hundredth birthday. Last nights commemoration of the new moon recognizing the young into adulthood saw several others from her pack, among them her twin sister Kekona. In addition, she was sure that other packs and prides throughout the island had youths becoming of age. Ce’Dra her best friend from the eastern pride on the south end of the island was one in particular she knew of.

“Why must I go through the trials? I’m not a warrior! I’m not even aggressive.” She asked of her dear friend.

Ce’Dra was reluctant to answer her friend. She wasn’t sure if she had an answer. Slowly she lowered her head and came to a stop; they had been walking along the beach all morning. She was actually looking forward to the trials and could not figure out for the life of her why her friend was so adamant about it.

“Well, it is only for a couple of hours each day, surely you could just fail and walk away unashamed.”  Ce’Dra encouraged.

Delanne stopped walking and swung around, her tail snapping in frustration as she crossed her arms and looked out over the vast ocean. “There’s a brilliant solution, the mixed mutt of the legendary Luki fails to follow a pure heritage.” Tears began to run down her cheek soaking her medium grey colored fur.

Cautiously Ce’Dra placed a comforting paw on her weeping friends shoulder. “Is that what’s bothering you?”  She shook her head feeling her friends sorrow. “No one on the island thinks of you that way.”

More tears poured out of her, saturating all the fur around her snout. “Oh yeah, name one blade dancer that is of mixed heritage, only the pure ones have ever completed it!”

Ce’Dra hated arguing with her friend, she placed her other paw on Delanne’s adjacent shoulder. “That law was written centuries ago Delanne, long before the separation of the tribes and way long before the communion of your parents.”

All her life other pups, cubs, and kittens teased her of her markings and had always excluded her from group related games. Now those memories were coming back, haunting her thoughts. “Look at me Ce’Dra!”  Tears screaming down her face. She had the body of a wolf with fox markings, along with a fox’s tail and ears. Where black should have been she had dark grey fur. Where most foxes had white fur she showed a light grey and the rest of her was covered in a medium grey tone. Her hair was a completely different story. It was full and lay to about the mid center of her back, but was a mixture of all three colors forming multiple streaks through out her hair. The only notable difference on her body were the turquoise color of her eyes that flared out among all the grey. “What do I announce myself as? Wolf or Fox?”

She was referring to the calling of oneself upon entering the temple. It was a silly old tradition, but all the same just as serious. The passing youth had to announce their name, their bloodline of blade dancers before them, and the purity of their ancestor’s tribe.

This is serious. Ce’Dra thought as she looked down at her own left shoulder, where a purple colored ankh had been tattooed during last night’s ceremony. She then tactfully glanced over to her friends left shoulder and noticed there was no tattoo of any kind. Unfortunately, she wasn’t tactful enough and Delanne had noticed.

Turning her gaze from the ocean she looked over at her friend took a couple of steps backwards and pointed a finger at the tattoo. “See, everyone was tattooed last night with their family’s emblem…Everyone except me.”

“Uhh…” She was speechless, not knowing what to tell her friend.

Falling to her knees in tears, Delanne cupped her dark grey furred hands over her eyes. Her knee length blue skirt was now getting drenched by the crashing waves as the receding water covered it in sand. Thankfully, the tide was low and her white tank top remained dry.

“Oh Delanne.” Sorrowed Ce’Dra as she kneeled and embraced her friend holding onto her tightly as she wept. “I’m sure there is some kind of explanation for it…have you talked to your parents about it?”

Sniffing back her tears and leaning up from the embrace she looked at her lioness friend. “No…”  The ceremony last night took most of her parents’ time and afterwards there was the traditional dancing that occupied all the remaining hours before everyone passed out for the night. This morning hadn’t proved any better with the blade dancers preparing the temple for the passing ceremony set to take place on the next new moon.

Ce’Dra easily created a huge grin smiling at her long time companion. “Well, then what’s all the fuss about?” She said playfully as she reached into the ocean and splashed Delanne with a hand full of salt water.

The two of them laughed playfully as a friendly war of splashing ensued. Delanne was sure of one thing, as a wave crashed over them knocking them both over. Ce’Dra was always the one person she could count on in times of need….
~Jahmus~ The Jedi Fur

My Furry Code: FC FCFmps3admrw A+ C- D+ H++ M P+++ R+++ T+++ W Z Sp+++ RLA a+ c++ e++ f++++ h++++ i+++ j+ p+ sm++.

Offline BlutWulf

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Blade Dance (opinions?)
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2004, 05:35:15 pm »
Very nice! You're very talented, I look forward to the next one. '<img'>

Offline Blade Dance

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Blade Dance (opinions?)
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2004, 06:02:04 pm »
'<img'> Thanks BlutWulf, I appreciate that. I will have alot more when I return in a couple of weeks. Hopefully several chapters.
~Jahmus~ The Jedi Fur

My Furry Code: FC FCFmps3admrw A+ C- D+ H++ M P+++ R+++ T+++ W Z Sp+++ RLA a+ c++ e++ f++++ h++++ i+++ j+ p+ sm++.

Offline Chaz_wolf

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Blade Dance (opinions?)
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2004, 02:07:00 pm »
It is very well done Blade Dance,

I look forward to seeing more, keep up the great work.

Your folfy
Chaz
When you are laying in the gutter, you can see the stars.

Email or message me to chat.
See my site = http://chaz-wolf.sytes.net

Offline Blade Dance

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Blade Dance (opinions?)
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2004, 03:35:30 pm »
Thank you Chaz_wolf!

"WOW!" I'm glad you guys like it, I can't wait to upload it to my site. Once my site is finished.  '<img'>
~Jahmus~ The Jedi Fur

My Furry Code: FC FCFmps3admrw A+ C- D+ H++ M P+++ R+++ T+++ W Z Sp+++ RLA a+ c++ e++ f++++ h++++ i+++ j+ p+ sm++.

Offline beefy

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Blade Dance (opinions?)
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2004, 05:43:00 pm »
It's very good, write faster, but get rid of the numbers, they are WAY too confusing.  Good luck on the next part!
The burger returns...