Author Topic: Somewhere in my secret heart  (Read 923 times)

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Offline Rukan Hisashi

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Somewhere in my secret heart
« on: April 30, 2004, 01:05:45 pm »
Somewhere in my Secret Heart
A never-ending story by Rukan Hisashi
Based on true events

Episode 1:
The Storyteller’s Secrets

   Life has a funny way of making things change in the blink of an eye. One minute a person might think they have it all but in the next they see it fall apart and become a smoking pile of rubble. Now the real successful people in the world can use that pile to create a totally new life. And thus they are like a phoenix rising from the ashes of their former life with resourcefulness and creativity.
   Sometimes, however, life likes to play games with that which we hold most dear and true to ourselves, something that once broken takes a very very long time to heal. The heart.
   Rukan lay on his bed looking at the ceiling of his bedroom with a smile on his face. Everyone that knew the kitsune’ would have thought he would have a frown but no, a smile shone there brightly as he shook his head. He found himself deep in thought over what the past week had brought him and the one that took his heart and ran with it.
   He found that not even a tiny cell in his body could hate her for what she did to him. He figured that she had her reasons but it didn’t matter anyway because he loved her. He felt it every time she came to mind. A warm comforting feeling rising in his chest quickly that lingered there and the funny smile on his face causing him to give out a content and happy sigh.
   “Cali I would still wait for you.” Said Rukan softly closing his eyes and rolling to his side.
   The best way to start a story is at the beginning so let us begin there. One month prior to that fateful week.
   Rukan sat on the IRC chat like he normally did on a Saturday listening to his friend’s radio show. Things could be going better for him but he couldn’t complain. He had a boyfriend but seriously doubted the relationship. Rukan had a feeling that his significant other was just too attached and way too young. He knew it was only a matter of time now before he just let himself go and ended up single again.
   Rukan sat back in his chair and watched the DJ and a very strange and energetic feline flirt constantly as the music was blasting into his ears through his headset that was normally turned up way too loud. A long sigh escaped his maw as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back so his muzzle pointed to the ceiling.
   Why was he doing this to himself? He knew it was going to hurt but why was he putting it off? It would only hurt more wouldn’t it? Rukan opened his eyes and joined back into the conversation on the chat to make it seem like he hadn’t left them. He felt so distant, like he was empty inside.
   He didn’t know exactly when the feeling started but the black and white kitsune’ did know that it was definitely the feeling he was fearing for a while now. He knew that the love for his companion was gone and that trying to force himself to keep loving him would only cause them both great deals of pain.
   <calico_Panthera> *jumps into Bastian’s lap and purrs softly*
   <DJ_Duvane> *pets Cali’s head*
   That was it. Rukan couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of causing a scene he just told them he was tired and needed some sleep, which was true in a way. He needed some rest from that wretched feeling most call love.
   The nine tailed fox shut down his computer and looked at his bed with a bit of a frown. It was a mess as usual. He had a problem with keeping things up in his life. All that seemed to matter was how he felt and at the moment it wasn’t very good at all. He flopped himself down and looked up at the ceiling with a frown.
   “Why am I doing this to myself? I know it’s only going to end badly for the both of us.” Said the depressed vulpine rolling to his side and throwing the comforter over himself. He held a pillow close to his chest and closed his eyes as if trying to imagine that the pillow was more than just that.
   Rukan slowly opened his emerald eyes and saw a swift fox looking back at him. He smiled warmly and put a paw on her cheek leaning forward and giving her a soft kiss. She was beautiful. He had never seen such beauty in his life and he knew the gray toned vixen by name.
   “Oh Sasha, when are we going to run off into the sunset and live happily ever after?” Said Rukan with a smirk.
   “When you finally grow up lover boy.” Replied Sasha.
   Rukan joined her in a soft chuckle but found himself staring into her eyes again and the familiar touch of his lips on hers send a warm comforting feeling through his body almost making him shiver. He pulled back from the kiss still tasting her faintly as a kind reminder that she was indeed there.
   He watched her stand up and leave his perch of the stoop in front of his Minnesota home and begin to walk the yard in a sort of a tease telling him to come and get her. He slowly rose from his seat starting to follow but found that his legs wouldn’t work. Sasha had spotted a neighbor across the street and began to jog over to greet them.
   Rukan felt panic rising in his chest as he began to run like he was being held down by thousands of gallons of water. His eyes were wide with fright as he saw and knew what was coming. A small car sped along the road and he began to push himself harder opening his maw to scream to her but his throat was dry and only a strange crackling noise came out, as finally he was able to run.
   It was too late. A loud screeching and a thump filled the air with that terrible noise as Rukan ran over to his fallen lover on the side of the road. He cradled her softly in his arms blood dripping from the corners of her mouth.
   “No… please no… don’t leave me…” whimpered Rukan holding her close to his chest his tears matting the fur under his eyes as he held tight. He felt her paw on his cheek and looked down at her a smile playing at her lips.
   “Rukan… I’m sorry but I guess this is goodbye… I love you.” Said Sasha leaning up to kiss him and he cradled her softly holding the kiss determined that if he ever let it stop she would be gone. He felt her body go limp and pulled back from the kiss with wide eyes.
   “Sasha? Sasha!?” he said shaking her softly as if she had fallen into a deep sleep and needed to be roused. He knew though that it was not a sleep. She was gone.
   “SASHA!!!” shouted Rukan sitting upright on his bed the fur of his face matted close to his skin along with the rest of his body now drenched with sweat and smelling of something awful.
He put his paw over his face and rocked back and forth a little chanting, “Just a dream, just a dream.”
   He slowly turned letting his legs fall over the side of the bed and shook his head looking at the clock and saw it was only three in the morning. The vulpine groaned unhappily. He shook his head a bit still trying to cut the last strings sleep had on him as he got to his feet and stumbled through the kitchen to the bathroom and started the hot water.
   The kitsune’ hated it when he smelled bad so it was time to clean off all that nasty night sweat. He threw his boxers aside and stepped into the shower leaning slightly against the wall with his shoulder still trying to wake up.
   The water made Rukan’s fur sag from him as he leaned forward pressing his head against the wall of the shower tears flowing down his cheeks and soft whimpers escaping his maw. It had been nearly five years now since it happened yet he couldn’t ever seem to find all the pieces of his shattered heart.
   He could still swear he could hear it crack and break into a million pieces when she left him and still through every heart that touched him since then he found that it was still chipped and broken in places. He opened his eyes slowly lost in his own thoughts of the past and knowing what he had to do as soon as he could, but he would have to do it slow. Otherwise he would cause the pain he had on another and no one deserved that.
   Rukan quickly went about cleaning himself not wanting to find enjoyment, possibly even shunning it feeling guilty should he partake in pleasures while he was going to cause another pain. He was quickly out of the shower and dried wiping the steam off of the mirror and looking into his emerald eyes, the right being marked by a scar.
   “What are you? Who are you really? I am Rukan Hisashi, there is no one else I can be… I am me and no one else. What a silly question…” He gave a bit of a smirk and trace a claw along his scar. A bad habit he never got around to kicking. The fox of nine tails reached forward placing his paw on the mirror on his face.
   “I would be convinced that I was the one looking back at me but am I? Perhaps it isn’t a silly question after all… I am Rukan but have I been acting like myself lately?” He knew the answer was no. He knew that he was definitely not being true to himself or others and thus was nothing more than a fake.
   He looked away from the mirror ashamed of himself and his actions, collecting his towel and heading back to his room. Rukan felt weary again and sat down on the bed eyeing his computer. He sighed and got up turning it back on and logging back onto the IRC knowing that someone would still be there.
   The black and white male was correct in his assumption and found that the DJ and Calico were still there. He actually wanted to talk to the DJ on the phone so he offered the chance but to his surprise Calico offered hers and Rukan saw nothing wrong with contacting her so he took it down always willing to meet someone new. It got lonely in his new home and he needed the outside contact.
   Rukan quickly found himself a pen and a scrap of paper to scrawl the number down on so he could enter it into his cell phone memory at a later opportunity. He spent a bit more time getting to know this calico panther that night and soon realized he had talked far too long and he had to work the very next day. He decided it best to cut off the conversation with a simple, “I’m going back to bed,” And left.
   Rukan was quick to find his way back to his bed and looked back up to the ceiling. He could feel the winds of change blowing but they had not yet reached him. He had always prided himself in his intuitive side but never really took time to develop it very well. But he did know when it was trying to tell him something. He figured he’d run this one by the seat of his pants this time and just go with the flow. No one needed anything more than that anyway.
   The kitsune’ rolled over and actually had a small smile on his face knowing that indeed his favor was changing and a new chapter in his life was about to be written. It was exciting but somewhat horrifying at the same time. Would this new turn of events be as tragic as the ones in the past? Would they bring him in favor with his parents? Would he finally be able to reach even a few of his goals? No one knew the answers but he knew they all depended on his actions and the actions of the other’s around him.
   He grabbed the pillow again and hugged it close to his chest burying his face in it for a moment before drifting off into his restful slumber.
   Rukan awoke with a start to his alarm clock blaring “If we had this Night Together” and it was quickly silenced by a flying tail and a loud smack as the clock fell from it’s perch and hit the ground. Rukan laid back on his bed again and let out a long groan. He could feel that today wasn’t going to be any good already.
   The kitsune’ swung his legs off the side of the bed and got to his feet slowly stretching out and picked up his clock putting it back on it’s perch after a quick damage check and dug through his dresser to find his work uniform quickly.
   He had always hated his job but it at least paid him so he couldn’t complain that much. He was quick to get dressed and was soon out the door still wiping the sleep from his eyes and on his bike heading to work quickly.
   It was just another day at the theaters. Kids trying to get into movie’s they shouldn’t and making huge messes that of course Rukan had to clean up. He got his break and sat back in the break room with really nothing to do so he just went about the mall that housed the theater for a bit.
   He found that he was actually excited to talk to Calico tonight after he was done. He didn’t really know her all that well. She was still just an acquaintance really. The kitsune’ sighed softly with a frown as he saw it was time for him to work again.
   The rest of the day went by quickly because business picked up. It wasn’t too stressful so Rukan wouldn’t be completely exhausted when he got home which he was grateful for. It wasn’t long before he was running out the doors and hopping onto his bike and flying down the road to his home nearby.
   He wasted no time hopping from his bike tossing it against the rail of the porch and running through the door wanting to get away from anything that had to do with work. He ran into his room before anyone could catch him with a question or strike up a conversation and took off the work uniform.
   Now standing there in his boxers he let out a sigh of relief finally feeling free of that oppressive labor they call a job. The kitsune’ found a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt and figured it was good for then. Reaching into the pocket of the discarded slacks from his uniform he snagged his cell phone and was already going through the memory to find the number he was to call. It didn’t take long and he was hearing ringing.
Fine! I'll go to my room! I have lots of video games ^.^

Offline Blade Dance

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Somewhere in my secret heart
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2004, 02:48:40 pm »
':?:' Nicely constructed, almost like a sit-com. Look forward to seeing how his heart finds that glow we all search for!
~Jahmus~ The Jedi Fur

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