Author Topic: Revised first chapter of Blade Dance  (Read 995 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Blade Dance

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 503
    • Blade Dance
Revised first chapter of Blade Dance
« on: May 05, 2004, 02:10:45 pm »
':blush:'  I haven't got my site quite done yet, but I know there are some you who want to read it, I will post the first three chapters here in this forum for you all to preview!

Comments good or bad would be welcomed graciously! Thanks!

Blade Dance

A story by

JIM WILSON

© 2004 by Jim Wilson. All rights reserved. Story content and Characters herein are fictitious, any resemblance to any person living or dead or any actual event is coincidental. Characters Delanne, Luki, Malu, Alana, Raul, Kekona, Lani, James Terra Flastif, Kimberly Burr, Mister Thomas, or any other character other than specified. © Jim Wilson. Character Ce'Dra © Bobbie Wilson. Character Shoshana © Mellina Lathe-Steindler. Character Fixer © Robert Steindler.


CHAPTER I
  
EVERYONE EXCEPT ME


For most, becoming of age was a symbol of maturity and development. An occasion of celebration and the commencement of the youth into the furtive learning of the blade dance. For Delanne it was just one more painful reminder of her abnormal lineage. Anticipation for her own coming of age brought years of delightful dreams to her heart. Only a handful ever completed the age long tradition and had the honor of being a blade dancer.

What did they care of her dreams? What did her father care? The thoughts racing through her mind as she walked along the beach accompanied by her lioness friend. After all, she was not the only one becoming of age. Last nights commemoration of the new moon recognizing the youth into adulthood saw several others from her pack, among them, her twin sister Kekona. In addition, she was sure that other tribes throughout the island had youths becoming of age. Ce’Dra her best friend from the eastern tribe on the south end of the island was one in particular she knew of.

"Why do we have that stupid coming of age ceremony anyways? I'm no one special, I'm not even pure!"

Ce'Dra's eyes widened. When one became of age, they were branded with their tribe’s symbol, and then it was carefully inked with their families color. With the thoughts of her own ceremony last night floating around in her mind, the fact that Delanne had no symbol escaped her.

Slowly she came to a stop, not really knowing what to say, reluctantly she answered. "You’re special in many different ways Delanne."

Delanne stopped walking and swung around, her tail snapping in frustration as she crossed her arms and looked out over the vast ocean. "Oh sure...what business does a mixed mutt have in following a pure heritage?" Tears began to run down her cheek.

Cautiously Ce'Dra placed a comforting paw on her weeping friends shoulder. "No one on the island thinks of you that way."

More tears poured out of her, saturating all the fur around her muzzle. "Oh yeah!" She boasted out turning to stare at her friend. "Name one blade dancer that isn't pure?" 'Sniff.' "Only the pure ones have ever completed it!"

Ce'Dra hated arguing with her friend, she placed her other paw on Delanne’s adjacent shoulder. "That law was written centuries ago Delanne, long before the separation of the tribes and way long before the communion of your parents."

All her life pups and cubs from the neighboring tribes teased her of her markings and had always excluded her from group related activities. However, Ce'Dra was right after all; as she matured, the teasing eventually ran dry. Nevertheless, what if the elders of the neighboring tribes still saw her as impure? Now those memories were coming back, haunting her thoughts.

She uncrossed her arms waving them over her body. "Look at me Ce'Dra!" Tears were now screaming down her face.

Her body was that of a wolf; however, she had the standard markings of a red-tailed fox. Despite her body being wolf, she had a fox's tail and a set of fox ears to match. Where the black markings of a fox should be her fur was a medium grey color. Where the markings were supposed to be white, she showed a light grey and the rest of her body was covered in a natural grey tone. Her hair was a completely different story. It was full and lay to about the mid center of her back with long bangs flowing over from her left ear, dropping over the right side of her face. However, it was a mixture of all three colors of her fur forming tiny multiple streaks of each color through out her hair. The only notable difference on her body was the turquoise color of her eyes that flared out among all the grey.

Closing her eyes as her friend looked her up and down she continued in a soft tone. "Even if I was accepted, what do I announce myself as, Wolf or Fox?"

She was referring to the calling of oneself upon entering the circle. It was a silly old tradition, but all the same just as serious. The passing youth had to announce their name, their bloodline, the purity of their ancestor’s tribe, and what path of the dance they chose to follow.

This is serious! Ce'Dra thought as she looked down at her own left shoulder, where a purple colored ankh had been tattooed during her tribe’s ceremony.

Taking a couple of steps backwards, Delanne had seen the lioness glance at her symbol and pointed a shaking finger at her friends tattoo. "See, everyone was tattooed last night with their family's emblem!" 'Sniff.' "Everyone except me!"

"Uhh…" Ce'Dra was speechless, not knowing what to tell her friend.

Falling to her knees in tears, Delanne cupped her paws over her eyes. The crashing waves began drenching the green colored skirt she wore as the receding water covered it in sand. Thankfully, the tide was low and most of her blue tank top remained dry.

"Oh Delanne." Ce'Dra sorrowed as she kneeled and embraced her friend holding onto her tightly as she wept. "I'm sure there is some kind of explanation for it…Have you talked to your parents about it?"  

Sniffing back her tears and leaning up from the embrace she looked into the eyes of her lioness friend. "Nnn...Nooo."

Fleeing the ceremony last night in tears and spending the night in a cave, had prevented anyone from approaching her.

Ce'Dra teased her friend with a wide smiling grin, and began to playfully rub noses with the wolf fox. "Well then, what’s all the fuss about?"

"Sniff." It was the first time Delanne had noticed how green and beautiful the lioness's eyes were. They reminded her of the many times she had spent swimming around within the break of the waves. They would carry and float her freely back to shore as her friend was now offering the same. Closing her eyes the thoughts of riding a wave back to shore sounded comforting.

Gently nestling against the tan colored fur of the lioness' cheek she whispered a soft "thank you" and tightened her embrace. It was so pleasing to have a consoling companion. Leisurely they separated and glanced over each other. Ce'Dra was a pure lioness, her body covered with the gentle markings of tan and brown colored fur. Her hair was a medium blend of brown wavy hair that vaulted down onto her shoulders. Like most of the islanders, her clothing was made of silk. She wore a burgundy loose fitting wide shouldered tank top that v-necked down just above her breasts, an exact match to Delanne's blue one. The skirt was also burgundy wrapping completely around her waist, buttoning on the right side with a second button in the rear next to the tail securing a flap around it.

"You know…" managing a smile. "Kekona was recognized last night."

Ce'Dra cocked an eyebrow. "You're not going to cry on me again are you?"

"No…" shaking her head. "I just find it strange that we are twins, and look nothing alike."

It was true; her sister was all 'wolf'. At least she appeared to look like a wolf. She shook the thought from her mind. "Doesn’t make her any different than you sweetie…you both carry the same blood as your parents."

Delanne's eyes began to swell with tears. Quickly Ce'Dra caught her self and gently placed her paws around her friend's cheeks. "No, no, no...don’t you cry on me." She looked dead into the center of those watery eyes. "The truth is your ceremony is tonight."

The turquoise colored eyes of the wolf fox widened as she perked her ears while her tail made a slow swish in the water. "What?"

Ce'Dra looked down and away from her friend, her paws falling from Delanne's face to her side. "It was supposed to be a surprise..." she shook her head looking back up into Delanne's eyes. "Your father and Uncle Malu are forming a new tribe."

"A new tribe?"  Delanne repeated questionably.

Shaking her head with conformation. "I don’t know the complete details, but I over heard my father talking about it."

The news was shocking and unheard of. "Would the council of elders even allow them to...?"

Ce'Dra cut her off. "I don’t know...he was talking with Uncle Malu, I heard the name Luki and something about a new tribe…they fell silent when they noticed I was nearby." Smiling. "I do know that the council of elders is in session as we speak and that your father is making the request."

*POUNCE!*

Ce'Dra fell onto her back with Delanne now straddled over her, lifting her up with a big hug of excitement. "Thank you Ce'Dra!"

Laughing as she returned the hug. "You’re welcome sweetie, but you didn’t hear it from me."

Smiling, they both stood as Ce'Dra changed the subject. "Your mom has asked me if I would join you guys for lunch, your mom makes one excellent crab salad sandwich, I don’t want to miss out."

Agreeing with a simple nod. "Yes she does…Go on ahead without me, I want to stay and swim around for awhile."

Embracing her friend again. "Okay, I’ll let everyone know."

Delanne smiled as she watched her friend head off towards the village then gleefully dove into the ocean and began to ride the waves.
~Jahmus~ The Jedi Fur

My Furry Code: FC FCFmps3admrw A+ C- D+ H++ M P+++ R+++ T+++ W Z Sp+++ RLA a+ c++ e++ f++++ h++++ i+++ j+ p+ sm++.

Offline Otto Lontra

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 5156
Revised first chapter of Blade Dance
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2004, 03:35:45 pm »
Wow! That's really awesome, Blade Dance. I just read over the first chapter and I really like it. Very descriptive in your characters and the conflict that Ce'Dra is facing. I myself need to go back and be a bit more descriptive of mine and Patrick's characters.  Looking forward to reading the other chapters. Most excellent job. '<img'>

Offline Blade Dance

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 503
    • Blade Dance
Revised first chapter of Blade Dance
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2004, 04:24:29 pm »
'<img'>  Thanks Otto Lantra! I'm glad you find the story fun!

Means a lot to me!
~Jahmus~ The Jedi Fur

My Furry Code: FC FCFmps3admrw A+ C- D+ H++ M P+++ R+++ T+++ W Z Sp+++ RLA a+ c++ e++ f++++ h++++ i+++ j+ p+ sm++.

Offline Otto Lontra

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Male
  • Posts: 5156
Revised first chapter of Blade Dance
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2004, 05:08:51 pm »
You're quite welcome. The story has a great flow to it and some very interesting twists. I see that you posted the 4th chapter. Must read it. '<img'>