Author Topic: More Poems From The Plantan (as always, comments and critiues PWEASE :3 )  (Read 3649 times)

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Offline Plantan

  • Sr. Member
  • Species: The only Collie, Sugar Glider, Raccoon Hybrid
  • The sun is gone, but I have a light.
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  • Posts: 480
How I am left
How I should be
How I am kept
It's just me
I am alone

A Family's Love
I am dying inside
I know while I sit here alone
My brother's world will collide
While my mom gets off to the cologne in her nose

My father will be crushed
When he knows how I feel
When my brother's friend's cheeks flush
I know how to conceal

I know I should care
But I know I can't do that
While starving me in the lair
While she's petting her cat

I write this in silence
Afraid to speak
May solitude commence
As I fear being seen

Anxiety's Brew of Invisible
Needing to breathe
Gasping for air
They stare at me
But don't know I'm there

I look around
And hear no soul
I know that I'm bound
To lose all control

I'm pretty sure death
Feels something like this
You take your last breath
They forget you exist

You search through a crowd
Looking to find
Not jewels nor crown
But a set of kind eyes

The seams come unglued
Out comes the frayed thread
Your thoughts become crude
You know this is the end

Keep Inside
Blink. Keep your eyes closed.
Breathe, do that if you can I suppose.
Grab a friend and hold them tight,
Give them your sickness, day or night.

Keep your insanity in your head,
And maybe get somebody in your bed,
To cuddle you and hold you close,
To keep you alive, you suppose.

Just take your pills and keep inside,
All of the sadness lingering nigh.
Night time is so terrifying to me.
As fear takes hold, I put my face in my knees.

Fighting tears with my fists.
Bleeding blood from my wrists.
I'm trying to sketch the pain away,
But I know that this leads me astray
Inactive Here- Add me on Discord if you knew me in my active years on the forum :) - plantan0615

Offline Evilo

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  • Posts: 85
Re: More Poems From The Plantan (as always, comments and critiues PWEASE :3 )
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2014, 10:46:22 am »
Poetry wise this is amazing. The metaphors are great, the meaning is awesome and it sounds so mellow... You know me i like what you write ^^. But it's so sad though :'( ... I mean I write sad stuff as well but once in a while, rarely even just try to write something more happy or just more random, get away from the pain of the pouring anxiety :) .
Reconciliations lying sprawled one on top of the other.
Action gets ahead of us.
Keep believing without realizing a long gone shadow.
Hide a voiceless word I saved yesterday
And lose track of it.