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Why the need to tell about furry?

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*takes off Admin badge while I post the following*

*stands on soapbox*

Seriously, W..T..H?  :o After nearly 7 years in the fandom, I just don't get it, and I don't think I ever will.  :P I just don't understand the mindset of today's youth (Anywhere from 12 to about early 20's) where some of them feel like they NEED to come out to friends and family about being furry. THERE IS NO "NEED" , FOLKS! If you feel like you absolutely MUST tell people about being furry, then you're making the issue much bigger than it needs to be and you're blowing things way out of proportion. Do yourself a favor and chill and calm down.

Let me give the younger generation a couple quotes from other threads by members from long ago:

--- Quote ---I have a query, why?  Why did you feel the need to "tell your parents you're a furry?"

Honestly, the fandom is just a hobby.  There is no need to "come out about it".  Would you "come out" as a stamp collector?  No!  Furry is no different.
--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---Everyone is so seriously nervous and seemingly paranoid about being furries! Whats to be afraid of? If for you furry isnt a sexuality, religion, or way of life, whats to fear? Tell everyone what you are and forget about what you arent! What is being a fur to you, ask yourself this. Then repeat your answer to all who might ask when you figure it out!

Well, still, if its something youre ashamed of in any way, or should be so dang cautious about, then should you be doing it? If you're going to do something, you have to accept the consequences, and then go on and enjoy it! I just hope this kinda helps around here.

--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---1.) There is no anti-fur conspiracy.

2.) Your parents most likely don't even know WHAT furry is, let alone care.  Even if they have heard about it they don't know what it is.  Or care.  No one else does, either (except for people IN IT).  There is no furry closet.  If, for some reason, you NEED to tell them to make them understand, YOU ARE ALREADY MAKING TOO BIG A DEAL OUT OF IT.  If you start obsessing about stuff then OF COURSE it looks weird.

3.) If you make these problems up, THEY WILL EXIST.  If you don't, they will not.  If you say to your friends "I'm into cartoons and animals and stuff" I really doubt they will think anything of it.  If you say "I found out I'm a furry, and I'm not in it for the secks and stuff but I needed to tell you because I think it changes things a lot and I hope you don't hate me, yadda, yadda, yadda....." then they will think it's weird.

There is a pattern developing here.  Make a big deal out of it and it becomes one.  Don't and it never will....

--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---There is one part about coming out about furry that I don't understand. I've read some posts here at Furtopia and elsewhere in the past where furs/people are over the age of 18, are an adult, are out living on their own and not living with parents, but yet are still worried about coming out of the furry closet? I don't get it? If you've met the criteria above, then certainly you can do whatever you want with your life, right? Only you have to deal with the consequences of your actions whether they be bad or good. No one else has the right to tell you what to say or do or how to act. You're an individual and you have freedom. Use it. If you want to enjoy furry and wear your tail and also talk about furry to friends or maybe draw furry artwork while someone is watching you, then go ahead and do these things. Who cares what others think. IT'S YOUR LIFE, NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S.

On the other paw, if you're over 18, an adult, but yet still living with your parents, then things might be slightly different. Yes, you're an adult and have freedoms and can do whatever you want. But if you're living in your parent's house, they may still have rules about what you can and can't do and are probably still concerned about how you will live your life.

Now if you're under 18 and living with your parents, that's an entirely different ballgame. Parents have a right to ask what their children are getting into and naturally will be overly concerned and suspicious of new things. Face it, the things like Internet, raves, drug use among teens, etc. probably didn't exist much, if at all, back in the days when your parents were growing up. A lot has changed over time and parent's attitudes and suspicions about stuff change also. A parent only wants to see that their children grow up and live a happy normal life as best as possible. Parents only want the best for their children. If you hide or deny something, then they will get suspicious and ask about it and also probably not want you getting into whatever that something is. But if you talk openly about furry without making a big fuss over it, then maybe they'll understand and will let you get involved in it.

If you hide or deny furry, then that equals SUSPICION, FEAR, & PANIC.

If you talk about furry openly, wear your tail, show your artwork, etc., then maybe there will be more openess and understanding.

Which do you want?
--- End quote ---

Seriously, Why the need? Why must a kid/teen feel like they have to come out to a friend/parent about being furry? Is it because you feel like you'll be accepted more? Is "acceptance" the big reason here? Do you think people will find you more cool or fun to hang around with if you share your interests with other people? What is the real reason? Why? Why? WHY?
If you think your friends and family will not be accepting of your interest in furry, THEN DON'T TELL THEM! Sheesh! Don't tell them you want a collar, Don't tell them you want a fursuit, Don't tell anything "bad" that happens in the fandom, etc.
And if buying/wearing a collar, ears, etc. freaks your parents/friends out, then don't wear it around them. Save that stuff for when they're not around or for when you move out of the house.

I just don't understand the need. For those that feel like they HAVE to come out of the closet, let me ask you this: If it's not about being "accepted/acceptance", then does it have anything to do with peer pressure and/or the feeling that someone or something is making/pushing you to tell other people about being a furry?

If for any reason people do need to explain the furry fandom to friends and family, then here are some sample links to websites and videos with lots of informative information about "anthropomorphics".

Presenting Furry Fandom to the Public, Anthrocon 2009
Part 1 -
Part 2 -
Part 3 -
Part 4 -
Part 5 -
Part 6 -

I actually agree with most of what he says. Of course, I see the furry world through ruby colored glasses and i know how to tell people about the fandom and my role in it. When i do talk about it to someone, like my OCS class last drill, its followed by about 4 or 5 minutes of questions, then its back to business as usual and no one thinks any different of me.

I remember finding out about the fandom through 2 the ranting gryphon, never heard of it anywhere else before. I also remember that he used to make a big deal about furries getting harassed, but I never saw this harassment.  It wasn't until I asked some other forum buddies about it, and found out that its nothing but self creating drama.

The only time I've ever " come out" as a fur was when I went to Indyfurcon, and that was only because my family was interested in where I was going for the weekend. I didn't make a big deal about it and all was fine. Half my work knows I like Anthro and fantasy art because I sketch all the time in the breakroom and even talk about it when asked ( big hint, I don't make a habit of telling people).

On the other hand, I had a friend at my work who I got interested in the fandom, but because of his self esteem issues, made a big deal about it not being freaky. I eventually calmed him down, but it was his own fault people where creeped out.

Oh well.

I agree and I am part of the younger generation I don't get it either why others need to tell everyone

You are a hero Mr Green Husky!  Lord Fenrir must get around to knighting or lording you sometime ;)

Furry is, as my quote suggests (for Lord Fenrir is proud of his stance on the matter) merely a hobby, no matter how "into it" you may think you are.  I guarantee you I am just as "into it" as some of you new furs.  I draw furry art almost exclusively, I use furry vocab in public, I wear my tail in public most of the time when I'm not at work, OK, I'm as furry as it comes before it becomes creepy.

The fact of the matter is that I never, EVER "came out" to anyone as a fur.  Granted, my family is pretty open about a lot of stuff, but I never explained it, therefore I never explained the fandom by what it is NOT.  

I repeat this, for it is a mistake most new furs make:


The example I use is the "motorcycle enthusiast".  Let's say you come up upon a "motorcycle enthusiast" group in all their black leather clad, chained, tattooed, etc etc etc glory and you ask "What is this?"  They will respond "We are motorcycle enthusiasts".  I bet at least half will say "So you're a motorcycle gang?"  Let us assume the response is then "Oh no, we're not a gang!  It's actually a little known fact that most of us do not engage in gang violence, and the rape and murder is only a small part of what it's all about."

What is the first image and thought in your head now.

Personally, I am thinking I want to get as far as I can away from this man.  Chances are, most of you would too, since the image has already been planted, and it's of murder, rape and violence, even though he said it is only a small part of what they did.

Furries "coming out" usually explain it by what it is not.  "We don't all have sex in animal costumes; it's only a small part of what we do."  If you weren't a fur, what is the first image you'd think of if someone explained the fandom like that.

Food for thought.


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