Ragnorrock atempting poetry... that can't be good.

[Ragnorrock_13]

These are two different poems. I hope you like.

Ti's a pity, that this city,
has banned me from its doors.
My life, my love,
is not for me no more.
I must flee, from this city
or else declare war.
I am a monster,
who cowers from the light,
from mankind's cruelty
and titanic might.

I live on my own.
Enduring the heat
and chilling to the bone.
I do not belong to this world,
and this world does not belong to me.
I must flee this world,
and let the residence bee.


Here I am at world's end,
where nature fights and strains
to heal and mend.
I have reached my destination,
only to be stopped by others desperation.
I see with my own eyes the one before me.
and yet, I do not understand,
for whom lye's before the,
is me.

There I stand, but here I am.
How can this be?
How is it me?
Yet there I stand, and here I am at world's end,
where nature fights and strains
to heal and mend.

I fight to flee, to be free,
and yet there I see,
as I fight to return and to see
the other me...

They need a little adjusting... Come to think about it A LOT of adjusting.

Any tips?

[Avor]

They need a little adjusting... Come to think about it A LOT of adjusting.

Any tips?

Not bad, but I feel you are right, ajustnents are needed. But they are just little things, like changing a single word and moveing the punctuation around a bit.

I don't want to re-write your poems, but here's an example of what I mean.

I would change this

"Here I am at world's end,
as nature fights and strains,
to fix and mend"

into something like this

'Here I am at world's end,
where nature fights and strains
to heal and mend."

Changed "as" and "fix", and took out the pause at the ebd of the second line. I could be totaly off my game, biut the idea is there. Just read  over you poems over (and over), and you will get a feel for what sounds right, and what would better convay your message and feeelings

[Ragnorrock_13]

Thanks. Adjustments have been made.

[Ragnorrock_13]

New one

The fool once saw,the pool of blood,
that would stain this ground.
hearing the rumble of marching
as the drums would sound.

Pain, pain the unholy pain
that I try to withstand,
hold and contain.

Two warriors forced and bound.
to fight each other at the ring of the sound.
whose blood will stain this ground.