Author Topic: Why the need to tell about furry? (Read 78284 times)

Grizztof Grünwald · « **Reply #75 on:** February 13, 2012, 04:38:29 am »

For the same reason I tell my friends about my other hobbies, I want to tell them about furry. Telling about furry is an opportunity to then share it with them. It'd be great to take a friend to a con. It'd be nice if they just got a kick out of fursuit pics. At the very least, it will be a relief to not be hiding it from them anymore.

Yes, I'm an adult and worry about telling people that I'm a furry. I don't worry about complimenting a cool Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt, didn't worry about going to see The Lion King 3D with a co-worker, freely let people know I like wolves and other animals, am not worried if they notice that I heavily favor furry characters in videogames. What I fear is the negative steroetypes that are attached to the label "furry" messing things up when I tell them I'm in the fandom.

With that said, attitudes change with time. Five months ago, when I first called myself a furry, I swore it would be a secret (outside of furry friends made on the internet) that I would take to the grave. That's no longer the case.

She-King · « **Reply #76 on:** March 09, 2012, 10:55:19 pm »

The reason why young people are confused, is because nobody has taken the time to explain the difference between the hobby and the names of the religious practices of acting like an animal. Thus, people think that's what they like to do in a whole, even if they KNOW, they don't do that. They think they have no choice but to be put in a general category, subject to recieve ridicule from family, friends, and the general public. They're ashamed to even be called a "Furry" because it's so damn generalized and not even other furries, hobbyists or not, have figured out how to explain what they themselves are when they post on the forums and what other kinds of people there are in the fandom!

People read this website and other websites and they might not know how to research or that therianothropy is some bizarre religion that contradicts their own!

I hope this helps some hobbyists start to mention what they are and are not and at least start putting the differences in brochures or on subject matter pages people new to the fandom have to read. All those poor teens think it's a lifestyle of shame and corruption. Someone needs to list and explain everything in literal detail for newcomers SOMEWHERE!

The art styles, the pornographic tastes, styles, and practices, and anything else that people generalize. THAT'S why necomers are confused and this is such a ridonkulous issue. I'm only so serious about this because I, myself, was confused about what it really was. Go into detail! Some people are so confused they NEED IT!

That way the people that aren't doing anything unspeakable can have fun and not get so confused they miss out or they do research and see and find things they regret or get into that's something awful!

Kobuk · « **Reply #77 on:** March 11, 2012, 01:58:22 pm »

Quote from: She-King on March 09, 2012, 10:55:19 pm

The reason why young people are confused, is because nobody has taken the time to explain the difference between the hobby and the names of the religious practices of acting like an animal. Thus, people think that's what they like to do in a whole, even if they KNOW, they don't do that. They think they have no choice but to be put in a general category, subject to recieve ridicule from family, friends, and the general public. They're ashamed to even be called a "Furry" because it's so damn generalized and not even other furries, hobbyists or not, have figured out how to explain what they themselves are when they post on the forums and what other kinds of people there are in the fandom!

People read this website and other websites and they might not know how to research or that therianothropy is some bizarre religion that contradicts their own!

I hope this helps some hobbyists start to mention what they are and are not and at least start putting the differences in brochures or on subject matter pages people new to the fandom have to read. All those poor teens think it's a lifestyle of shame and corruption. Someone needs to list and explain everything in literal detail for newcomers SOMEWHERE!

The art styles, the pornographic tastes, styles, and practices, and anything else that people generalize. THAT'S why necomers are confused and this is such a ridonkulous issue. I'm only so serious about this because I, myself, was confused about what it really was. Go into detail! Some people are so confused they NEED IT!

That way the people that aren't doing anything unspeakable can have fun and not get so confused they miss out or they do research and see and find things they regret or get into that's something awful!

I didn't intend for my entire thread here to explain the differences between furry and therian. That's not what this thread is about. But.......I did put some links to websites and videos in my first post on Page 1 of this thread to help explain furry to people should they ever need to "come out" to friends and family.

Brunn · « **Reply #78 on:** March 15, 2012, 12:41:58 pm »

I can understand the need to tell. The internet is so common nowadays that younger people are finding out there's a whole subculture that feels and does the same things they do. It's very exciting when you first realize there are TONS of other people out there who've made up fursonas, or love stuffed animals, or still watch animal cartoons. Or when you first discover you can go to whole conventions on the subject. I remember being super excited when at 16 I found this forum! But unfortunately, when you have a young kid, getting into something that parents have likely never heard of, then making a big deal about it, their reaction should be expected.

Sometimes I have the same reaction to the kids who get on and gush about 'how hard it is to be the only furry in junior high' or feelings like they have to 'come out' about their furryness. But then I remember that when I was only 14, it was just as big a deal to me too. I guess we furrys mellow as we get older

ElementalQuest · « **Reply #79 on:** July 01, 2012, 03:36:42 pm »

I think that for most they want to "come out" because furry is a big part of who they are, and the reason that both furries and anti-furs are everywhere. Let me tell a story or two to help bring my message across.

At the time, I had been into the furry fandom for about 6 months and was loving it. My friend, who goes by "Rainpath989" online, mostly drew ferals and on occasion anthros, so I asked her one day at lunch "Do you know what a furry is?". She _luckily responded positively, saying that she knew and was one, so I let her in that I was too and quickly came up with the "fur-five" where you high five with your finger curled up like a paw. Anyways, much to our hatred, disbelief, and amusement, an anti-fur was sitting right beside us and quickly began expressing his biased view of the fandom while yelling "Furries don't exist!" at our every correction.

I also began to wear my tail to school a week or two before school ended. Most of the reactions where very, very negative. "Take the tail off!", "You're not f***ing part animal!", "This girl thinks she's part fox!" and my personal favorite: "Are you part mythical creature or something?" Oy vey. It did get some positive words though like "I like you're tail." and people asking if they could pet it. I never took any of the negative comments to heart and kept wearing it. The response to it stayed strong til the last day which I found quite surprising.

My point is that both furs and anti-furs can be found where you'd least expect, making furs a bit shy to come out at first. I don't think I'll wear my tail to the first day of next year (as that is my first day of high school, which means tons of new people who could react differently that I'm used to), but if I acquire a collar by then, I'll most likely wear that.

Korvus · « **Reply #80 on:** July 01, 2012, 05:50:04 pm »

I remember feeling the need back when I first had joined the fandom, I was a great deal younger back then and it was mostly out of the euphora of that sweet sense of belonging. (I even made an entire powerpoint presentation to present it :p)

Today though I consider that a pretty silly act. In retrospect I've found that (at least to me) being a furry isn't much different than being an anime-fan or, hell, a fan of certain genres of movies or music. Perhaps for some it 'is' the big and caring community that makes them feel like they belong it in it more, like it is their family, and they want to present their 'family' to others.

The need to spread the word has passed for me, but I remember it. Whatever I did though my parents didn't care and neither did my friends as none of them even remember I 'came out' as a furry, or what that furry thing is all about again.

That aside, I've recently come across another video that also gives a pretty good view on furries (and one that doesn't seem to be in the list of the opening post) http://vimeo.com/17995012

Nike Bluepaw · « **Reply #81 on:** September 29, 2012, 01:42:37 am »

I agree with pretty much everything you said here, but I just don't know if I can tell my parents, not while I'm living with them anyway. I'd rather wait until I move out to tell them, since I'll have my own life. It's not that they think being furry is weird; on the contrary, I doubt they even know what it is. All the same, my mom blew things way out of proportion when I told her I was a brony. She called it immature and gay. I don't know what she told my dad, and I've yet to talk to him about it. It's this that makes me hesitant to reveal my furriness- what if they take this as another "abnormal" interest of mine? I'm not sure if explaining it would do any good. I explained what a brony was to my mom as best I could, talking about all the good stuff and that more and more guys my age dig it. She still doesn't accept it. She even tells me how horrible I am for participating in something that would cause her so much stress. She says I'm selfish for not caring about her happiness but doesn't even stop to consider mine. I just don't think my parents are willing to accept any of my interests.

kuroneko jusan · « **Reply #82 on:** September 29, 2012, 08:13:30 am »

I lived with someone like that for a long time and I think you're right to just completely avoid the topic (with her, especially). This is no 'furry closet', it is simply a way to avoid some poorly formed yet ridged assumptions on their part (and the accompanying unnecessary fights), which, given the examples you listed, are pretty likely to occur.

There is no wrongdoing on your part, so there is no need to shine a spotlight on it. If it does come up, be honest, but use technical terms and avoid the buzz words (Furry, when typed into google, will likely reveal more of the CSI style listings than the good places like this), and hype the creative side of the fandom that seems to have helped draw you here... As you mentioned in your intro, anthros are a challenge to draw! It's important practice as an artist, to learn new styles and techniques, and you couldn't find a more supportive and helpful community to learn in! Finally, Be you in whatever ways you can, stay happy, and know you will always find friends here.

Nike Bluepaw · « **Reply #83 on:** October 02, 2012, 07:06:01 pm »

Quote from: kuroneko jusan on September 29, 2012, 08:13:30 am

I lived with someone like that for a long time and I think you're right to just completely avoid the topic (with her, especially). This is no 'furry closet', it is simply a way to avoid some poorly formed yet ridged assumptions on their part (and the accompanying unnecessary fights), which, given the examples you listed, are pretty likely to occur. There is no wrongdoing on your part, so there is no need to shine a spotlight on it. If it does come up, be honest, but use technical terms and avoid the buzz words (Furry, when typed into google, will likely reveal more of the CSI style listings than the good places like this), and hype the creative side of the fandom that seems to have helped draw you here... As you mentioned in your intro, anthros are a challenge to draw! It's important practice as an artist, to learn new styles and techniques, and you couldn't find a more supportive and helpful community to learn in! Finally, Be you in whatever ways you can, stay happy, and know you will always find friends here.

Thanks, makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one dealing with close-minded relatives. I'll wait until I'm living on my own to make it known, unless someone brings it up before then.

werecat2012 · « **Reply #84 on:** October 23, 2012, 02:18:20 am »

Many people, even adults unfortunately, are very closed-minded and unable to deal with people who are different from them. Either that, or they simply want someone to feel superior to or blame problems on.

If your parents go ballistic over every little thing that they find to be "weird" or "stupid", then maybe wait until you move out before saying anything about being a furry.

In my case, I've never felt the need to tell anyone or just randomly bring it up in conversation. My computer usually has an animal wallpaper though. My facebook avatar is a tiger. I have a few t-shirts with pictures of animals on them. I also have a winter hat with cat ear things on them. So someone who really knows me might at least notice that I like animals, though they might not know I'm a furry fan unless they've heard of furry before.

Edit: Corrected a typo.

charcoal · « **Reply #85 on:** November 10, 2012, 08:19:09 pm »

i had to tell them i had a near death experience from an accident i had a vision that my soul wasn't at peace

ImaLionRoarr · « **Reply #86 on:** January 14, 2013, 07:20:07 am »

We're in a a world where being understood seems to be a basic thing, everyone wants to be understood.
While most years ago would lock themselves up and didn't feel the need to tell anyone nowadays we feel that need way more, especially because we're now able to express ourselves more through the internet.

Huskywolf · « **Reply #87 on:** May 25, 2013, 04:46:07 pm »

Quote from: werecat2012 on October 23, 2012, 02:18:20 am

If your parents go ballistic over every little thing that they find to be "weird" or "stupid",

SOUNDS FAMILIAR

Jackie · « **Reply #88 on:** May 27, 2013, 12:51:34 pm »

I have been watching uncle kage and 2 all day and i thought one of his rants was pretty funny, He said,

"I get these letters all the time and they all say stuff like, 2, my mom says that if she ever found out that i was a furry that she would rip my head off and rough me up and dump me in a barrel behind a 7/11, my dad says that if he ever found out i was a furry he would hang me upside down until i died....now my question is, how can i explain to my parents that i am a furry?"

I'll let you guess what he put as the answer. If you really want to let them know and you know they will take it well, then by all means do so, more power to you, but if you know that they are going to flip out at you, don't tell them, it is your life and they have no right to know what you enjoy. If they are suspicious and wont stop asking, just tell them you like posting and looking at cartoons on an art forum, and make sure they know it's clean.

At the end of the day, your private life is exactly that, Private! You tell people about it when you want to, how would your parents feel if you asked them what they were looking at all the time, it's (to me) the equivalent of you demanding that they show you their emails.

Jackie · « **Reply #89 on:** May 27, 2013, 01:06:33 pm »

And as for the thing about people thinking something is stupid or weird, uncle kage also had a moment on a panel where he asked if there were any twilight fans out there, (I am not one if i am honest, i have never read or seen them) To which almost everyone booed and called the fans weirdos, So uncle kage got up and said, "So you are discriminating people because they are members of a fandom which you don't like and you think is weird? Doesn't that sound familiar?" and everyone had a little moment of realization.

If your parents, or anyone else for that matter thinks you are weird because you are furry, then i am sure that the shoe would be on the other foot if you said they were weird for liking i don't know knitting, or a certain T.V. show. which just makes people like that look hypocritical.

Another thing which 2 said is, "You see thousands upon thousands of people who cram themselves into great domes that make the Colosseum look small, half naked, painted half red and half blue, jumping up and down screaming because some guys in the middle are throwing round a football, and that's normal, but a bunch of people wearing ears and a tail, no no no that's just weird and wrong"

P.S. i have no problems with twilight or football, i quite like football, i just feel that it is hypocritical to (Within reason) class one thing as normal and the other as weird just because you don't like it.

Kobuk · « **Reply #90 on:** May 27, 2013, 01:06:42 pm »

Son: "Dad, I'm a furry and I want to wear a fursuit."

Father: Sighs, and looks at the floor, ashamed of his child.

DON'T LET THE FOLLOWING HAPPEN TO YOU! THERE IS NO "NEED" TO TELL.

Jackie · « **Reply #91 on:** May 27, 2013, 01:09:08 pm »

I feel so sorry for whoever is in that suit, the woman's expression is horrible, whoever is in that suit must feel terrible. Some people need to learn to accept or at least live with other peoples decisions.

Those toony eyes look so sad too!

NeoFur · « **Reply #92 on:** May 27, 2013, 02:11:41 pm »

Keep it secret, keep it safe.

Madam Glitch · « **Reply #93 on:** June 21, 2013, 11:49:24 pm »

Well my mom knows I'm a furry, but I don't think that she knows what a Furry is. I kind of told her I was a Furry by telling her about a story that Uncle Kage had told in a YouTube video. However, I don't think I really want to try to delve into telling her what a furry is until I manage to get a Fursuit. I might not even tell her then if at all possible. I just don't know.

Kasuni · « **Reply #94 on:** July 02, 2013, 12:22:13 am »

I disagree. I believe it is important to tell your parents if you are apart of the younger fandom such as myself. the main reason. my parents would find about the bad side to furries. my family has always been open. so hiding this feels wrong. I feel the need to tell them because we are an open family. I am afraid to tell them because of "yiff".

my dad would think its weird and he doesn't normally accept different things. Example, he thinks people should never be gay. I for one support people who are gay.

my mom would blow things put of proportion. it wasn't till a little while ago I was the weird girl no one liked. my mom wanted me to wear clothes I didn't like or telling me to be more social. I wanted friends but I wanted them to accept me. once I learned I like making people laugh, I kept doing that and I have very few enemies now. my mom is still wants me to fit in and be different from who I am. she would think furriness is weird and I shouldn't do it.

the real problem would be if my aunt and uncle found out I was furry or even brony. they judge everything harshly and are very over protected of their kids. they judge people before they know them and make horrible assumptions. for a long time, they didn't trust their daughter's band teacher because he wasn't married and was around kids a lot. they judge everything and everyone to make them feel better. they make fun of my school because its smaller. when In reality, my school is rated in the top 10 for my state.

to sum it up, I do believe you should tell those who are important to you that you are a furry so they don't get wrong info

ladymichichan · « **Reply #95 on:** July 09, 2013, 11:21:35 am »

Would you tell a person you never meet you social security number? People now days have a habit of telling more than people want to know. If they want to know they will ask.

crocogator78 · « **Reply #96 on:** July 12, 2013, 07:42:54 pm »

I am not ashamed of being a furry. The reason I feel the need to tell my friends and family, is because they don't know what a furry is and think its all about sex. I'm tired of them making jokes about it and I think if I told them they would understand or they might hate me... Either way I would just feel better that I told them.

That Blue Fox · « **Reply #97 on:** July 28, 2013, 12:57:49 pm »

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with the OP as well..I believe there's nothing wrong with telling...but HOW you tell makes the difference.

First off: Why tell? Firstly I believe that as we get older our need for approval or a sense of social belonging tends to fade....perhaps that is why some of the older members here don't see the need. They've already for the most part figured out who they are.

But when you're younger...and still in the process of figuring yourself out...a new concept or subculture can become a deep part of one's identity, especially for those people who have had trouble fitting in with other social circles and finally find other furries who share the common interest. Sadly with as many differences as exist within the fandom itself..even here some people find rejection because other furs might not agree with what "their" idea of being a furry is.

We are a diverse group of people..to be sure. But I personally believe that if identifying with the furry fandom...or even incorporating some of its elements into ones personal identity...has a net positive effect on your self confidence and happiness...then you should do that....provided you don't impose on anyone else.

We are all free to live our lives in a way that makes us happiest when given time that is ours to spend as we choose. I too wear a tail..and like Grizztof...at one point I was terrified of people's reactions to me being a fur.

Now I actively go out and promote a more positive image of furry by simply wearing my tail as I go about my usual business. It asked what it means, I explain about self expression. If someone has the wrong idea about what a furry is, I educate them on what furry means to me and break down some of the stereotypes they may have encountered.

I have affected many positive changes with this...two people who previously thought furries were people who like to have sex with animals have, at my encouragement, taken a look at some fursuit videos and the gallery of thanshuhai and completely changed their minds about it all. One even said it looked cool enough that he might sign up for an FA account.

Sure I still get jeers, sneers, stares and snide comments from people when I'm out with my tail...but one in ten people think my tail is awesome and approach me to ask about it. And about six in ten have never heard of furry and are just confused what the tail is about. So often it is only a minority of people who have an actual axe to grind against the concept of Furry.

Finally, I have to very strongly disagree with any claims that the fandom is "just a silly hobby". No...it really isn't confined to being a hobby. More like...it is a large subculture full of many different subsets of people following the idea of furry in different ways. So...there are Furry hobbyists, furry lifestylers, furry "fans" who may not entirely identify with being called furries but still love the art and people of the fandom, you've got your fursuiters and tail wearing ambassadors such as myself who can be part of any subsection of the fandom, and of course therians and otherkin. The list goes on and no single one of us truly can say that one way of being furry is more valid than another.

I bristle when people in the fandom give therians crap just for being therian. I don't see what's wrong with belief in having an animal soul..many religions believe in such things. Its when that belief becomes an excuse to dodge personal responsibility or interferes with your ability to function in the world that it's a problem.

So don't hate based on the category or the label....instead look at how the person is conducting themselves and judge based on actions. Some therians are perfectly functional people with their beliefs....others can't or refuse to function . It's the latter people who could benefit from help learning to balance their beliefs with the needs of functioning in our society.

Its never open and shut. Every case has its complexities.

Finally....I'd like to say that the statement "There is no NEED to tell" hints that a person should not tell. I would instead amend this to "There is no obligation to tell...but if you do...there no NEED to be dramatic." If you wish to tell someone that you are a furry, don't make a big deal out of the presentation. The more you make it sound like a deep dark secret...the more the person will automatically gain a negative perception.

When someone asks if I'm a furry, I say yes without hesitation. If someone says something negative about furries....I act confused and say "well that certainly isn't what furry is about for me or any other furries I know" and so on.

Don't go on and on about how there's weird people and you "aren't like them". Instead say "Rule 34, man...every fandom has it...look at the bronies and anime fans...we're no different" and stuff like that.

In other words when confronted with negativity DO NOT FEED IT. Remove its power. Laugh it off. Act like its no big deal. People will be disarmed in this way. You have to imagine people's hate coming from not understanding. Don't plant more seeds of discontent by taking your expression of who you are to imposing levels or over-defending yourself. Protesting too much is almost as bad as not correcting the misconception at all.

So I say again....it isn't that you SHOULDN'T tell. Maybe you really want to share this part of yourself.

It's that there's no NEED to be dramatic. Express yourself in a way that doesn't threaten others..be prepared for some negativity to come your way...and when it does...be cool.about it. Don't give people a reason to fuel their misperceptions.

A Wanderer · « **Reply #98 on:** July 28, 2013, 09:53:48 pm »

Quote from: That Blue Fox on July 28, 2013, 12:57:49 pm

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with the OP as well..I believe there's nothing wrong with telling...but HOW you tell makes the difference.

snip

Very well said, TBF. +rep.

Christiaan · « **Reply #99 on:** August 25, 2013, 11:59:01 am »

I know that some people don't like the "coming out as gay" comparison. I'll use it anyway because it's really a very useful parallel, so tough nuts.

I once talked to a gay guy from the state of Washington. His family were obviously extremely liberal Christians, and his mother already knew and was "whatever" about it. His father sounded like more of a flaming pinko commie than his mother. The boy had also had a very impressive track record of being able to tell people in his life that he was gay and get a very "whatever, yeah-and-I'm-really-a-redhead-beneath-this-blonde," sort of reaction. He was still insecure about telling his father, though. I told him basically to quit being stupid, and come all the way out. His dad actually took it better than anyone so far.

Other people I have talked to had very nice parents who were also from a more traditional background. What I tell them is that their parents obviously love them and are very nice people, and there is no need to upset them. I tell them that they ought to wait until they have a steady partner they can depend on and more maturity, so they will be better prepared to handle their parents' reaction. If they are teenagers, I tell them, "you may think you won't do this, but you are young: if your parents reject you for this, you will get angry. You will say things that you don't mean. When you are older, you will have the maturity and sensibility to smooth things over. For heaven's sake, wait for just a little while longer. You only have two more years before you can manage on your own if you have to."

Only you can decide whether or not your family are the types of people who can understand something like this. If they have consistently chastised you for doing anything that they regard as "childish" or "stupid," do you really expect this to be any different? If they have a history of being harshly critical and nasty over anything about you that they didn't instill into you, do you expect this to be any different? If your parents are the least freethinking people in the universe, do you really think that you are going to change them?

You are not stupid. I do not give you permission to be stupid. You can figure this out for yourself. If your people are truly freethinking and fun-loving people who would probably embrace this about you, you will be able to tell. Some people are lucky. I know some kids whose parents actually take them to conventions, and the parents have more fun than their kids! I'm not kidding! The only regret they ever have is if their parents end up being more into it than they are, and they find it kind of embarrassing.

Just don't try to force your parents to be that way. You don't have a right to change them. You should do what you wish they would do for you: love them for who they are. If they are stodgy, conservative Christians, love them FOR that, not just in spite of it, even if you disagree with those beliefs. Maybe, if you learn to show them this kind of love, they will learn to reciprocate someday. You are the one who has to learn this very adult perspective, though.