Sometimes, I just have to write... this was one of those times.
Perspective
In memory of Lance Drake born/died November 4th, 2000
By River Ceed '03
My silence was strange, I heard a nurse say,
as she wisked the remains of my breakfast away.
I cracked a smile and insane must have looked,
A woman in mourning, lips turned up like hooks.
I calmly relaxed into my thoughts,
amazed at the serene peace that it brought.
My son, who had died, was better off I knew
then staying on earth with me and you.
His heart never troubled, his mind not perplexed,
His body resting, not once being vexed.
He'll never know hardship, never know fear,
never know the hurtful things which are here.
He stayed long enough to make himself known,
but then promptly departed, on feathered wings flown.
His lesson was love and blessings bestowed.
though to see it that way, you'd have to know....
He only knew joy, the leap of my heart,
the soft crooning tones while we weren't apart.
He experienced music, dancing inside,
while lullabyes played, his feet kicking in stride.
His spirit so free and filled with zest,
It's that I remember most and love best.
Our heatbeats mingled, machines playing them back,
We had a long talk, laying in the soft black.
"If it's too hard on you, feel free to go.
You're so small and not done yet I know.
I love you so much but I do understand,
If the time comes to take God's hand."
That night I dreamed of a smiling face,
engulfed in soft light, like a warm embrace.
A few days later, Lance made his debute,
Sudden and strong, but still much too soon.
Their faces showed it when I came around,
the medication's effects distorting their sounds.
The docs words were kind, but terribly sharp.
Instead of a rattle, my child holds a harp.
I knew what had happened and tried to adjust,
my mind racing faster, heart threatening to bust.
I needed escape, needed to cope,
to search for silver lining, some sort of hope.
So into my thoughts I did retreat,
and pondered the outcomes of this feat.
Recalling the warning of medical personel,
rough roads ahead, if he survived, a living hell.
That's not what I'd want, not what I'd choose,
So in a large way, Lance and I did not lose.
So silent I was about my loss,
the nurse sending 'help', a counseling boss.
When I calmly explained it was better this way,
the woman clearly didn't know what to say.
Smiling gently I saw confusion from her eyes,
shaking my head slowly, I did realize,
To truely love, she didn't know,
sometimes means you've got to let go.
