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general furry discussion => general furry discussion => Topic started by: Kobuk on September 12, 2010, 03:11:30 pm

Title: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on September 12, 2010, 03:11:30 pm
*takes off Admin badge while I post the following*

*stands on soapbox*

Seriously, W..T..H?  :o After nearly 7 years in the fandom, I just don't get it, and I don't think I ever will.  :P I just don't understand the mindset of today's youth (Anywhere from 12 to about early 20's) where some of them feel like they NEED to come out to friends and family about being furry. THERE IS NO "NEED" , FOLKS! If you feel like you absolutely MUST tell people about being furry, then you're making the issue much bigger than it needs to be and you're blowing things way out of proportion. Do yourself a favor and chill and calm down.

Let me give the younger generation a couple quotes from other threads by members from long ago:

Quote
I have a query, why?  Why did you feel the need to "tell your parents you're a furry?"

Honestly, the fandom is just a hobby.  There is no need to "come out about it".  Would you "come out" as a stamp collector?  No!  Furry is no different.

Quote
Everyone is so seriously nervous and seemingly paranoid about being furries! Whats to be afraid of? If for you furry isnt a sexuality, religion, or way of life, whats to fear? Tell everyone what you are and forget about what you arent! What is being a fur to you, ask yourself this. Then repeat your answer to all who might ask when you figure it out!

Well, still, if its something youre ashamed of in any way, or should be so dang cautious about, then should you be doing it? If you're going to do something, you have to accept the consequences, and then go on and enjoy it! I just hope this kinda helps around here.

Quote
1.) There is no anti-fur conspiracy.

2.) Your parents most likely don't even know WHAT furry is, let alone care.  Even if they have heard about it they don't know what it is.  Or care.  No one else does, either (except for people IN IT).  There is no furry closet.  If, for some reason, you NEED to tell them to make them understand, YOU ARE ALREADY MAKING TOO BIG A DEAL OUT OF IT.  If you start obsessing about stuff then OF COURSE it looks weird.

3.) If you make these problems up, THEY WILL EXIST.  If you don't, they will not.  If you say to your friends "I'm into cartoons and animals and stuff" I really doubt they will think anything of it.  If you say "I found out I'm a furry, and I'm not in it for the secks and stuff but I needed to tell you because I think it changes things a lot and I hope you don't hate me, yadda, yadda, yadda....." then they will think it's weird.

There is a pattern developing here.  Make a big deal out of it and it becomes one.  Don't and it never will....

Quote
There is one part about coming out about furry that I don't understand. I've read some posts here at Furtopia and elsewhere in the past where furs/people are over the age of 18, are an adult, are out living on their own and not living with parents, but yet are still worried about coming out of the furry closet? I don't get it? If you've met the criteria above, then certainly you can do whatever you want with your life, right? Only you have to deal with the consequences of your actions whether they be bad or good. No one else has the right to tell you what to say or do or how to act. You're an individual and you have freedom. Use it. If you want to enjoy furry and wear your tail and also talk about furry to friends or maybe draw furry artwork while someone is watching you, then go ahead and do these things. Who cares what others think. IT'S YOUR LIFE, NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S.

On the other paw, if you're over 18, an adult, but yet still living with your parents, then things might be slightly different. Yes, you're an adult and have freedoms and can do whatever you want. But if you're living in your parent's house, they may still have rules about what you can and can't do and are probably still concerned about how you will live your life.

Now if you're under 18 and living with your parents, that's an entirely different ballgame. Parents have a right to ask what their children are getting into and naturally will be overly concerned and suspicious of new things. Face it, the things like Internet, raves, drug use among teens, etc. probably didn't exist much, if at all, back in the days when your parents were growing up. A lot has changed over time and parent's attitudes and suspicions about stuff change also. A parent only wants to see that their children grow up and live a happy normal life as best as possible. Parents only want the best for their children. If you hide or deny something, then they will get suspicious and ask about it and also probably not want you getting into whatever that something is. But if you talk openly about furry without making a big fuss over it, then maybe they'll understand and will let you get involved in it.

If you hide or deny furry, then that equals SUSPICION, FEAR, & PANIC.

If you talk about furry openly, wear your tail, show your artwork, etc., then maybe there will be more openess and understanding.

Which do you want?

Seriously, Why the need? Why must a kid/teen feel like they have to come out to a friend/parent about being furry? Is it because you feel like you'll be accepted more? Is "acceptance" the big reason here? Do you think people will find you more cool or fun to hang around with if you share your interests with other people? What is the real reason? Why? Why? WHY?
If you think your friends and family will not be accepting of your interest in furry, THEN DON'T TELL THEM! Sheesh! Don't tell them you want a collar, Don't tell them you want a fursuit, Don't tell anything "bad" that happens in the fandom, etc.
And if buying/wearing a collar, ears, etc. freaks your parents/friends out, then don't wear it around them. Save that stuff for when they're not around or for when you move out of the house.

I just don't understand the need. For those that feel like they HAVE to come out of the closet, let me ask you this: If it's not about being "accepted/acceptance", then does it have anything to do with peer pressure and/or the feeling that someone or something is making/pushing you to tell other people about being a furry?


If for any reason people do need to explain the furry fandom to friends and family, then here are some sample links to websites and videos with lots of informative information about "anthropomorphics".

http://www.xydexx.com/anthrofurry/
http://www.visi.com/~phantos/furrysoc.html
http://www.tigerden.com/~infopage/furry/
http://www.humantruth.info/furry.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furry_fandom
http://www.anthrocon.org/about-furry
http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/WikiFur_Furry_Central

Presenting Furry Fandom to the Public, Anthrocon 2009
Part 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2DSc8GHl5g
Part 2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPeDc2wdZ9Q&feature=related
Part 3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6azE7IDmTbY&feature=related
Part 4 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1m_vfNFWkM&feature=related
Part 5 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPAmlZpuf-s&feature=related
Part 6 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcTrlMDO7_0&feature=related
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: 489109 on September 12, 2010, 03:37:35 pm
I actually agree with most of what he says. Of course, I see the furry world through ruby colored glasses and i know how to tell people about the fandom and my role in it. When i do talk about it to someone, like my OCS class last drill, its followed by about 4 or 5 minutes of questions, then its back to business as usual and no one thinks any different of me.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: DrysKale on September 12, 2010, 03:52:14 pm
I remember finding out about the fandom through 2 the ranting gryphon, never heard of it anywhere else before. I also remember that he used to make a big deal about furries getting harassed, but I never saw this harassment.  It wasn't until I asked some other forum buddies about it, and found out that its nothing but self creating drama.

The only time I've ever " come out" as a fur was when I went to Indyfurcon, and that was only because my family was interested in where I was going for the weekend. I didn't make a big deal about it and all was fine. Half my work knows I like Anthro and fantasy art because I sketch all the time in the breakroom and even talk about it when asked ( big hint, I don't make a habit of telling people).

On the other hand, I had a friend at my work who I got interested in the fandom, but because of his self esteem issues, made a big deal about it not being freaky. I eventually calmed him down, but it was his own fault people where creeped out.

Oh well.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kr2i on September 12, 2010, 04:09:00 pm
I agree and I am part of the younger generation I don't get it either why others need to tell everyone
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: LordFenrir on September 12, 2010, 04:12:55 pm
You are a hero Mr Green Husky!  Lord Fenrir must get around to knighting or lording you sometime ;)

Furry is, as my quote suggests (for Lord Fenrir is proud of his stance on the matter) merely a hobby, no matter how "into it" you may think you are.  I guarantee you I am just as "into it" as some of you new furs.  I draw furry art almost exclusively, I use furry vocab in public, I wear my tail in public most of the time when I'm not at work, OK, I'm as furry as it comes before it becomes creepy.

The fact of the matter is that I never, EVER "came out" to anyone as a fur.  Granted, my family is pretty open about a lot of stuff, but I never explained it, therefore I never explained the fandom by what it is NOT.  

I repeat this, for it is a mistake most new furs make:

NEVER EXPLAIN FURRY BY WHAT IT IS NOT!!

The example I use is the "motorcycle enthusiast".  Let's say you come up upon a "motorcycle enthusiast" group in all their black leather clad, chained, tattooed, etc etc etc glory and you ask "What is this?"  They will respond "We are motorcycle enthusiasts".  I bet at least half will say "So you're a motorcycle gang?"  Let us assume the response is then "Oh no, we're not a gang!  It's actually a little known fact that most of us do not engage in gang violence, and the rape and murder is only a small part of what it's all about."

What is the first image and thought in your head now.

Personally, I am thinking I want to get as far as I can away from this man.  Chances are, most of you would too, since the image has already been planted, and it's of murder, rape and violence, even though he said it is only a small part of what they did.

Furries "coming out" usually explain it by what it is not.  "We don't all have sex in animal costumes; it's only a small part of what we do."  If you weren't a fur, what is the first image you'd think of if someone explained the fandom like that.

Food for thought.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: furtopia02 on September 12, 2010, 04:13:09 pm
I actually told mine because hiding fursuit construction in my bedroom and never allowing anyone in there and spending mass amounts of hours without coming out of there was getting to be suspicious and questions were being asked. I finally goofed and forgot to clean up a mess of fur from where I cut something out in the den rather than the bedroom when no one was home and then it REALLY got weird. I am not one to lie and make up some ridiculous story about what I was doing instead why I was building a mascot outfit essentially. Lying isn't a good thing to do to your family. Neither is being super secretive of your interests. Parents will assume something bad is going on (notably drugs, and illegal things) and worry about what you are doing, often leading to snooping around while you are gone instead. Snooping around and turning up 'animal costumes' etc would usually lead to a Google search by the more tech savvy parents possibly leading to more assumptions that are not accurate for the individual. Now they are faced with repairing their reputation with their family that would have never been scarred if it had been more open and just part of daily like (e.g. "Yeah, I like horror movies").

If anyone feels the need to HIDE their furry interests like its a dark secret.. then well... sounds more like it isn't so innocent afterall and might BE a dark secret. Sure, hide that if you feel that way about it. If you knew they'd hate you for it because of something you do in the fandom then yeah.. you probably wouldn't want to tell them if their assumptions were true anyway (or not as bad as what was really going on). I hate how everyone acts like liking furry art has to be hidden from people because "OH NO THEY JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND and it might cause conflicts!!". Don't shove it in people's faces like you are fighting for equal rights or some stupid junk, but if they ask then don't act like they just asked you to tell your inner most fantasies to an audience of 500 people. If its deeper than what you'd want everyone to know then don't go that deep.

I mean really.. if its being preached that most people don't hate furries (which is true) then why on earth are people so dang protective about their 'dark little secret'? I was worried about telling my family what I had been doing because it already was something built up badly from hiding it. If I had been open from the start I wouldn't have even been nervous. Now that they know I like furry stuff its barely even mentioned (the FURRY word) at all but they don't bug me about what I am doing, I can carry boxes of fur and stuff around the house without being sneaky, heck - my mom has taken photos of me in fursuit before, so has my brother. Its fun, and they actually really like it. Mom has furry art on her computer now too that she sets as wallpapers every now and then. My brother even messes around in furry fandom now, and I found out my cousin has had an FA account for as long or longer than I have. *shrug* It's just an art driven fandom. It is nothing to be ashamed of and feel dirty about all the time. Its also not something that needs to be 'fought for' in public like you are being oppressed - both attitudes are equally ridiculous, imo. I can tell someone I like furry or anthro art just the same as I can tell them I like nature photography. Mentioning it casually in related conversation is NOT making a big deal out of it - HIDING it sure does though.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Shim on September 12, 2010, 04:15:20 pm
Now if you're under 18 and living with your parents, that's an entirely different ballgame. Parents have a right to ask what their children are getting into and naturally will be overly concerned and suspicious of new things. Face it, the things like Internet, raves, drug use among teens, etc. probably didn't exist much, if at all, back in the days when your parents were growing up. A lot has changed over time and parent's attitudes and suspicions about stuff change also. A parent only wants to see that their children grow up and live a happy normal life as best as possible. Parents only want the best for their children. If you hide or deny something, then they will get suspicious and ask about it and also probably not want you getting into whatever that something is. But if you talk openly about furry without making a big fuss over it, then maybe they'll understand and will let you get involved in it.

If you hide or deny furry, then that equals SUSPICION, FEAR, & PANIC.

If you talk about furry openly, wear your tail, show your artwork, etc., then maybe there will be more openess and understanding.

Which do you want?

That's precisely why.

I have no problem talking about it with friends, because..To me, its really not that big a deal. On the other hand, I feel as though my family are the ones blowing it way out of proportion. My parents feel as though its going to ruin my life, if I let it get further than the internet (Cons, wearing a tail, or even a collar for that matter). I don't make a big deal over it at home, but I wish my parents understood what it is I'm trying to convey: "Its not that big a deal. Its really no different than going to any other con." But something is lost there, and doesn't connect.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Nicholai on September 12, 2010, 04:16:10 pm
I agree with most of what you say Kobuk (save for your choice of big red and yellow text  :D ) but to play devil's advocate, everybody sees the fandom differently.

The idea of 'fandom is a hobby' vs. 'fandom is a way of life' started with the sci-fi community, but it applies to furries as well. For a lot of people, the fandom represents a major part of their identity, and not just a 'casual thing.' For those people, it's a lot harder to bottle it up  and say 'nobody needs to know.'

From wikipedia:

Quote
In political, casual, or even humorous contexts, "coming out" means by extension the self-disclosure of a person's secret behaviors, beliefs, affiliations, tastes, and interests that may cause astonishment or bring shame.

People 'come out' about all sorts of things; their sexuality, political and religious beliefs, so on. A lot of times they know it will get them into trouble, but they still do it. This is because nobody likes to hide a major part of their identity from people they know and love.


Quote
Would you "come out" as a stamp collector?  No!  Furry is no different.
Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. You come out as a stamp collector by saying 'I collect stamps' and that's the end of it. The only reason we are having this discussion is because nobody knows what the word 'furry' means. When someone wants to come out of the furry closet, they have to explain it. It's this explanation that gets people into trouble.

I come out of the furry closet all the time. When someone asks me 'what do you do in your spare time' or 'what are your hobbies' one of the many thing I'll say is 'cartoon animals.'  There! Done!

To quote me:

Quote
Never use 'buzz words' to explain the furry fandom, it confuses people and ups the 'weird factor'.
- Say 'cartoon' not 'anthro' or 'furry'
-say 'character' or 'persona' not 'fursona'
-say 'costume' not 'fursuit'.

Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: furtopia02 on September 12, 2010, 04:27:24 pm
The idea of 'fandom is a hobby' vs. 'fandom is a way of life' started with the sci-fi community, but it applies to furries as well. For a lot of people, the fandom represents a major part of their identity, and not just a 'casual thing.' For those people, it's a lot harder to bottle it up  and say 'nobody needs to know.'

Never use 'buzz words' to explain the furry fandom, it confuses people and ups the 'weird factor'.
- Say 'cartoon' not 'anthro' or 'furry'
-say 'character' or 'persona' not 'fursona'
-say 'costume' not 'fursuit'.



Yep, I guess I should have noted in my own post that even though I have a coupe fursuits I made and like furry art I do not consider myself "a furry". I LIKE furry STUFF. It's not "me". I don't consider myself any particular label. I guess if some where to come close as a general "me" description it would be entertainer, or artist. I love to entertain people - whether that be with my art, my music, my videos, stories, etc. I get the most joy from making things others find pleasure and joy in. As far as fandom stuff goes I'm decently involved with Pokémon fandom (after all that's why I'm around furry fandom since many artists and writers hang out on FA essentially). So yeah.. I'm not worried. I've worn a fursuit in public, not at a con, around hundreds upon hundreds of people (somewhere between 1 and 2 thousand or so). I even had to give my license and get ID'd by police to get permission to do it. If I were worried about anyone finding out what I enjoy I wouldn't have done that.

You are right on with that last part. I've shown my costumes to tons of people when talking about halloween stuff and drama things. People love sharing theirs too. Never even had someone go "OMG A FURRY!" when I've shown them on my phone here. I had ONE person at that day fursuiting ask me if I was a furry (other than the other furries I ran in to walking around) to which I nodded and he said "Oh man!! awesome!! Can't I get a photo with you?". Which naturally I let him, and the other 200 people or so that I posed with that day for photos. *shrug*
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on September 12, 2010, 04:31:10 pm
Others will have differing opinions/descriptions, but here's my thought on the following:

Don't say furry, but instead use the word(s) "anthropomorphics" and/or "cartoon animals".

If you want a fursuit, tail, ears, then say it's for Halloween.

If you're going to get a collar for any reason, then say that you're making a "bracelet" out of it instead or using it for some other art craft project. ;)

If you like drawing non-adultish "anthropomorphic" artwork, then why hide it? Let your friends and parents see for crying out loud. Why feel ashamed about it if it isn't perverted in any way?

As has been mentioned before, DON'T tell friends/parents/etc. about any of the bad aspects of the furry fandom. Tell them about the good things instead like fursuit bowling, charities the fandom helps with, etc.

If you want to go to a con and need to tell your parents, then tell them it's a "science fiction/fantasy" convention, not a furry convention. Or just say it's a convention dedicated to the history and interest of anthropomorphics. Seriously, the furry fandom is an offshoot of the sci-fi/fantasy/anime genre's.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Alsek on September 12, 2010, 04:43:28 pm
I agree.

I think on some level it gets to be a little more important to most folks than just a hobby though...  This may not be the case for everyone,   but there came a point in time where i realized that between here,  IRC (several networks),  DA,  drawing,  and skyping with furs,   that furry had become my,  "main hobby."

It's now just,  "what i do."  I also have a few other hobbies but i don't spend nearly as much time,  energy,  or thought around any of them.  It's important to me,  and it does seem weird that no one around me knows about it...  At all.  I think that builds up every time someone asks you what you do with your hobbies are and you purposeful omit the thing you do the most.

When that builds up,  it seems like a much bigger deal to folks than it really is...  All people need is a little reality check now and then to push things back into perspective.  That doesn't mean it's difficult to understand why someone was making it a bigger deal than it was.



Personally i just kind of let my folks figure it out...  There was a little stress and a little tension over it (honestly) for a little while but it's died down and things went exactly back to how they were.  It was worth it to me.  I avoid topics like fursuits as much as i can but it's still nice to be able to say,  "my online friend told me this today," or,  "oh hey,   look at this drawing,"  every once in a long while...   ^.^
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Murkrow on September 12, 2010, 08:30:45 pm
eh, i let my parents figure it out. but they only know so much.  ;)

but i think its a more "i see myself as a different species than what i really am." kinda deal, in some cases. you see yourself as this species for so long, it gets to the point where you wanna tell somebody so badly what you see yourself as, & hope that they dont think your crazy. that fear seems to drive someone to say "will they accept me if they think im crazy for wanting to be something else?" & then the whole thing escalates into a problem with emotions & stress, & you know where it all goes.

idk, thats how i sees it. *shrugs*
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sigurd Volsung on September 13, 2010, 12:39:25 am
At one point Spirit said something to the effect that her mother brought up the subject of furries being 'dirty perverts, who do things that should never be mentioned in public/ or something to that effect, I really don't want to dig around and look for the direct quote. I sent her as link to a news article where a report went under cover, since fur-cons don't allow the media in for reasons that are understandable. The article said, to put it simply, that furries are normal people who like talking animals, and that anything adult is kept away from youngsters like what is done at other cons, (Having been to Gen Con it sounds that the fur con she went to did a better job of keeping kids away from adult material). She even went to the furball and was amazed that a parent was sitting back watching his three year old daughter dancing with the fursuiters. He told her that he could trust the people at the con and that for his daughter the people in fursuits were just giant plush toys come to life. The report went in to the con looking for sleaze but her report simply said that we were normal people with a relatively unique hobby.

I have said before that yes I do talk to some of my coworkers about being furry and have even shown them some of the tame stuff I have on my lap top (Though one guy got a little goody over a picture of two femmes in bikinis sitting on a log, not goofy in a bad way more like a twelve year old looking through his dad's stack of Play Boys then again he's just strange). I treat it like any other hobby I don't give a Delta about you fantasy football draft, so don't talk to me about it with out expecting me to talk to you about one of my hobbies.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Alsek on September 13, 2010, 02:33:50 am
Quote from: Jennifer Abel
“Every half-hour I went to the bathroom to take notes in a private stall, and at 9 p.m. wrote: "May as well have gone to a Catholic school Halloween party."

—Jennifer Abel, Hell Hath No Furries

^.^


But yeah... I have serious doubts that anyone with irrational,  illogical,  or unfounded opinions are going to be convinced forcefully with evidence.  If they weren't using logic in the first place it's doubtful they'll do in while being confronted.  It does happen on rare occasion though.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Acton on September 13, 2010, 03:07:47 pm
Kobuk, it is obivious you are not a parent, and you advice is wrong will cause more problems in a Parent child relationship  If a parent  is worth their salt, they would want to  keep tabs what their children is doing. It come with the job of being a parent. Lying or hiding ones furriness is the worst thing a child can do. The parent is going to assume the worst if the child is lying to them.

This goes true as an adult child; I had to explain furry to my mom because of the unusual time I was home and going to Rainfurrest 2007. I never was home on a Thursday and left on Friday Morning. Furthermore if mom came to my apartment I would have to explain my choice in decoration.

The best way to explain fury to parents or when engaging in furry activity in public is to keep it simple, "I am a fan of fictional cartoon animals".
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Serra Belvoule on September 13, 2010, 05:59:43 pm
That's some big text you've posted there, buddy >>;
I think it's important for some people to be honest about what they are, and that includes letting them know you're into furries...
I don't know, I never had the interest of letting people know I'm furry or gay or into math. It's something that might or might not come out in a conversation, and if it does I wouldn't hide it (most of the time), but I'm not one to write in my presentation card "Serra, furry & gay. Also psychologist."
seriously.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: redyoshi49q on September 13, 2010, 06:16:15 pm
I did tell my parents about furry.  I told them for several reasons.


The conversation went relatively well.  Since then, I've been to two cons with my mom (my aforementioned supervision), and I plan on going to a third.

From what I've seen, many furries who enter the fandom and contemplate "coming out" consider an antagonistic response to be more likely than it actually is because of the availability heuristic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heuristic).  Put simply, "furry bashing" is more commonly noted by furries, and thus can seem more common to furries than it is.

I don't think that people should feel like they have to hide furry from their family/friends, nor do I think that people should feel obligated/forced to say anything, either.  The decision on this should be dependent on various factors, such as family/community values/tolerance, age, relevance to the relationship in question, and the degree to which furry is a part of individual identity.

I also agree with the "talk about what furry *is*" paradigm.  The availability heuristic applies to those you talk to as well, and what's available to them is what you say.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sigurd Volsung on September 14, 2010, 03:39:48 am
Hotel the only reason I told my parent's that I was furry I was stuck in the car with them and needed to find something to talk about so I brought the subject up when they asked me what I was up to. I simply told them that at the moment along with several other projects I was working on a furry story. When they asked what a furry was I told them and they merely found it interesting and unsurprising since I had always been a little strange over my, at the time, twenty-eight years of life.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Avan on September 14, 2010, 10:16:21 pm
Thank you for posting this kobuk. I rather did want to say it, but... I don't have an admin badge. I doubt I could have gotten away with big-font usage :D
Seriously, people making such a big deal out of this (being a furry) only makes problems worse. Why do you need to come out? Exactly.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Serra Belvoule on September 15, 2010, 10:35:26 am
Thank you for posting this kobuk. I rather did want to say it, but... I don't have an admin badge. I doubt I could have gotten away with big-font usage :D
Technically you can, if you're not spamming, post in any color, font or size that furtopia allows, if I recall correctly.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Avan on September 15, 2010, 10:45:55 am
Technically, but I would just end up making myself look like a drama-inducer  :D
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: NX01class on September 16, 2010, 01:22:54 am
Personally, I was never going to tell anyone, but I eventually did and frankly, I've never had any problems from anyone.  If anything, I'm getting more curiosity from others about the fandom.  Now, would I go out and loud mouth it to just anyone, no I wouldn't.

Entire family knows about me being furry.  None of them care.  Actually, my grandma is really interested in the topic.  lol

I understand your POV, but that also comes with how you grew up.  I grew up with a very understanding family and friends.  I'm straight, but if I were to tell them I'm gay or something, they'd accept it.  Sure they wouldn't understand it, but none the less, they'd accept it if that's what I was, which I'm not.

Just my 2 cents.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Bai on September 16, 2010, 04:35:48 am
I guess younger kids that live with their parents don't like thinking they're hiding something they consider a big part of their lives, in case their parents find out a different way and have a negative reaction to it. I've told other people about furry because I thought a few might be interested in it. Both my parents know, mum thinks its normal - lol!
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sky Striker on September 16, 2010, 05:17:12 pm
I'd like to tell my friends just because I'd like them to know. It's good for your friends to know things about you. Of course it's never really come up in conversation so I haven't really had the chance.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Apollo the Incinermyn on September 17, 2010, 11:40:22 am
Yeah, I'm one of those young folks who felt the need to 'tell' everyone he knew that he was a furry, but rather than being so outright I just said that I was interested in the fandom on Facebook and was wondering if anyone I knew knew anything about it.  Surprisingly, nobody had a clue, and one of my friends basically said "if you like, try it.  Who cares what others think?"  And, that's just what I did...

In retrospect, though, I agree with everything that's been said up to this point (particularly by Kobuk).  There's no need, one shouldn't feel the compulsion to announce their furrydom to the world, and if the need arises (which it most likely won't), don't make a bigger deal out of it than need be.  As far as my parents were ever concerned, the only time fandoms became an issue were when they started manifesting themselves outside the internet (case in-point: they knew I was into Pokemon for years and I didn't actually start getting into the fandom stuff until a few years ago, most of which is limited to online activities because nothing Pokemon or anime related really happens in or near the area I live at.  The same goes with furry stuff too; though it's only my dad who really knows about it, my mom suspects something and doesn't know what I'm into for sure yet...but that might be ending soon since I'm almost ready to get materials I need to start making the fursuits I've been planning on for a little while now).
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Stigandr on September 17, 2010, 11:28:40 pm
being of the younger age...I have never felt the NEED to tell anyone. If it comes up in conversation then why not! I wouldn't go out of the way to tell people though. Fury should be fun and by stressing about telling people about it just seems to bring unneeded tension.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kishi on September 18, 2010, 12:24:03 am
Exactly why I don't bother telling my mom what I do with my free time, it may just be my teenage rebellion, but Im 16, Junior in High School, I leave for college in just under 2 years, my mom doesn't need to know what I'm doing 24/7.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: James Moon on September 18, 2010, 07:38:16 am
Who here has other hobbies besides furries? Model ship building, stamp collecting, even things like sewing? Do you hide it? Are they something to be ashamed of? It is a need for people to feel accepted. Plus, sometimes it is just nice to be able to let people into your life. I dont know how many times I almost let it slip that I bought a collar or a fursuit.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sky Striker on September 18, 2010, 10:20:23 am
Who here has other hobbies besides furries? Model ship building, stamp collecting, even things like sewing? Do you hide it? Are they something to be ashamed of? It is a need for people to feel accepted. Plus, sometimes it is just nice to be able to let people into your life. I dont know how many times I almost let it slip that I bought a collar or a fursuit.

I've actually gone and let it... slip... that I bought a collar for... April Fool's Day... and that I also wore it around town... just to see everyone's reaction... when I passed by.

I also once, and only once to a very tollerant friend, let it... slip that I went to a furmeet. However the slip was so subtle that I don't think she noticed it.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Serra Belvoule on September 18, 2010, 07:41:29 pm
I've actually gone and let it... slip... that I bought a collar for... April Fool's Day... and that I also wore it around town... just to see everyone's reaction... when I passed by.

I also once, and only once to a very tollerant friend, let it... slip that I went to a furmeet. However the slip was so subtle that I don't think she noticed it.
That still counts as coming out... and not that effectively since not many actually notice, or care enough to notice  :D
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sky Striker on September 19, 2010, 02:18:53 pm
I've actually gone and let it... slip... that I bought a collar for... April Fool's Day... and that I also wore it around town... just to see everyone's reaction... when I passed by.

I also once, and only once to a very tollerant friend, let it... slip that I went to a furmeet. However the slip was so subtle that I don't think she noticed it.
That still counts as coming out... and not that effectively since not many actually notice, or care enough to notice  :D

I don't like the phrase coming out when it comes to the fandom but yeah, I guess I've tried to "come out" to others. I just think it's important for friends to know things about you.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Lynk on September 20, 2010, 11:59:08 am
I haven't mentioned it anywhere except for this forum - heck, even signing up for this took some guts for me. Chances are, if I were to talk about it on any other forum, I'd be trolled to no end (Which is why I'm using a different username here). As for in real life... Well, I only have one really good friend, and I guess he would probably not think much of it. He's a sci-fi geek, and is into a ton of random stuff, so it probably wouldn't seem like anything too strange. I don't plan on bringing it up though, but he asks, I probably wouldn't lie and admit it. As for my parents... I don't have a clue how they would react. Their views on it could range from not caring at all (Yeah, ok. Just don't do anything that could get you in trouble) to total hostility (We're banning you from the computer for a half a year and getting you some mental help), so I'm not going to take the chance. I guess that's why I joined this place - so I could actually talk about it without getting mocked or anything. Although, if they happen to walk by as I'm on this site... Well, I don't know what I'll do.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Serra Belvoule on September 20, 2010, 06:11:22 pm
Well, it's metaphorical to say "coming out"... but it kinda fits because it's something some people have a need to make public and some others hide it, and some even don't care.
You know? X3 just like being gay
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Otacon on September 22, 2010, 07:31:27 pm
I agree with the OP.  I keep to myself.  But say for example that, I'm in my room looking through my furry art on my laptop (None of them are sexual) and my mom comes in and sees. What do I say?

EDIT: Some of the pictures are of two male furs cuddling or kissing.  The thing is I'm straight, but I adore when they cuddle.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Spirit on September 22, 2010, 07:44:10 pm
It's anthro animal art! What if you were looking at Mickey Mouse and your parents walked in? Same thing basically. As long as it's not adult, it's completely normal to look at that stuff. And you said it isn't, so yeah.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mooshi on September 22, 2010, 07:59:13 pm
You could go for the cultural approach and say it's kemono art if the characters were of anthro animals acting human. That kinda stuff has been around Japan since the 1300's. Saying it's anthro might still give the weird "zuh?" expression. At least with kemono, you can at least let them know you studied history. :D
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Otacon on September 22, 2010, 08:54:39 pm
@ Spirit:  Good point, I suppose  :)  I don't really care what my parents say anyway.

@ Mooshi: I lol'd that is a very interesting approach.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sigurd Volsung on September 23, 2010, 01:59:47 pm
First at Mooshi Where can I find this Kemono art you mentioned, it sounds very interesting

Second if it becomes an issue just point to all the cultures that have worshiped animal gods like say the bloody Ancient Egyptians. Or the fact that much of European folk lore has talking animals such as Puss 'n Boots.

I have said before and I'll say it again, furry is not new, only the fandom is and that is a direct result of the internet which allowed people to share art, stories, and other such silliness. Let's face it part of being furry is being silly, I don't care if you have a sexual attraction to Zig Zag, or any other hot bodied femme out there, or if you buy a six thousand dollar fursuit (yes I have seen them that expensive but you can't beat the quality) it's still silly. We furries need to be able to laugh at ourselves, if you take the fandom to seriously of course people are going to give you a hard time. I don't mean that you have to push it on people, but if you're a kid and your parent comes into your room and see a picture of a bikini clad vixen on a beach and gets worried just say, "Yeah I found this neat picture online, I think it's kind of cute." Just brush it off and be done with it, if they still give you a hard time tell them that it could be worse and you could be looking up porn, just don't have the Yiffy stuff, if you have any, where they can find it.

The othre thing I have said on numerous occasions is that there is a time and place for everything, and it is not always appropriate to wear a tail, a collar is easier to get away with under certain conditions. A furry friend in Denmark told me of a serious Pagan get together I believe it was in England where some girl showed up in cat ears and a tail. I'm sorry that just being stupid, it's being highly inappropriate, and that's where people get the wrong idea of the fandom. I went to a furmeet in Cali a few years back when I went there for my wife's niece's wedding and I went to another in Tennesse  a few years later. In Cali we got together at a restaruant, I was the youngest by a couple of years, and while most of us owned tail none of us wore them because it was not an appropriate thing to do. At the one in Tennesse just about everyone wore a tail, even the people who were almost old enough to be my parents, and I was twenty-nine at the time, because it was at a fellow furries house and who gave a Delta. That same group of people met the next day for breakfast at a Cracker Barrel and nobody wore their tail.

My point is this. Think!
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mooshi on September 23, 2010, 02:38:10 pm
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/59/Japanese_traditional_furry_art2.jpg/310px-Japanese_traditional_furry_art2.jpg)

The above picture is hundreds of years old, but you probably couldn't have guessed that on art style alone. :3

If furries are humans who act like animals (talking about the fandom here, I don't call the anthros themselves "furry" to avoid confusion), kemono would be animals acting human. The beauty of kemono is that they have human mannerisms and rarely act like the animal they represent. No random woofs and meows here.

Sometimes there is overlap between being a fan of kemono art (which literally translates to beast) and a furry when it comes to characters. (depending on how they are drawn) If they are an anthro character that acts human, stands upright, wears clothes and engage in people activities, you could consider it kemono.

Characters like Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse will still be labled "funny animal", but I like cartoons too. :3
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on September 23, 2010, 06:47:25 pm
I understand you're replying to Sigurd's comment, Mooshi. But if you want to talk more about kemono, then please start a new thread so this current thread doesn't go too off topic. Thanks.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Serra Belvoule on September 24, 2010, 08:28:20 pm
I suppose what Mooshi's trying to say is that humans have an attraction towards anthro animals, and as such they want to bring it out on their everyday lives, considering how many managed to make it a form of art.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sky Striker on September 24, 2010, 09:36:57 pm
I suppose what Mooshi's trying to say is that humans have an attraction towards anthro animals, and as such they want to bring it out on their everyday lives, considering how many managed to make it a form of art.

Yeah, pretty much all humans do. Look at all the anthro mascots, even for adult thinks like Geico.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Serra Belvoule on September 26, 2010, 08:56:05 am
Yeah, geiko is a good example. Sometimes certain topics are marked with stereotypes and automatic thoughts such as "An insurance salesman is a sneaky evil person" or something like that. Solution? Use a cute little critter. It's fun, it's interesting, new and different.
And people go nuts when the company's mascot talk to you. It's something about iconic characters that drive people...
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sk Skunk on February 01, 2011, 03:58:27 pm
At the direction of another thread, I'll kick start this over here.

The question has been brought up, why? For the most part, the answer is "there is no need to make a big deal about furry", which is not really an answer to the question. "It's just a hobby" is not an answer either. They are valid points, but they are not answers.

It comes up again, and again. Why the need to come out of the cage? Why make such a big deal about it? What is it about this hobby that catches some of us in such a strong way?

Simple answer: I think we are a bunch of really odd people, and in furry, we found a home. :) We have found our long lost family.

Not simple: When I discovered other people were touched by this madness, there was an excitement that I've felt very seldom in my lifetime. I may be an oddball, but I'm not alone. I have ridden the roller coaster, and things have leveled out. I'm also eagerly awaiting the next hill. I'll also get off the ride and just walk around the park. There is something about furry that is different from any other hobby I've been involved in.

I have considered myself to be a loaner. I have never really fit in, and readily isolated from others. This is the true madness. No matter what we think, being alone is not normal. We want to belong, be a part of something.

Sometimes the home is not a happy one. We have our crazy aunt in the attic, the uncle in prison, the cousin that we cant stand, the little brother/sister that acts up to the point we want to scream, the stubborn friend that just doesn't understand. There are those that have left on their own, some have been shown the door. I would bet that many of those that have gone on, would be welcomed back with open arms, disagreements forgiven with time. A few would be chased away again, because they deserve it.

A home, family, belonging, with all the baggage that comes with it. That's my take, how about you?

I'm betting some will read this and face palm. For the ones that do, why do you put up with all of this? Why would you stick around all of the emo/drama/insanity? If you have gone away, why did you return?

tl;dr Even the most solitary skunk needs a place to call home, or at least a garden party to invade. :D
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Landrav on February 01, 2011, 04:22:09 pm
Whenever threads like this come up, it tends to evolve into a thread about telling people what/how to tell people you're furry (or even NOT to).  However, because they come up so often, I'm really intrigued as to the reasons people feel this need.  It's been discussed here a little bit (nice post, SK), and I'm sure I've posted something like this before, but I really want to hear why people think this feeling is so widespread in the fandom.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mouselion on February 01, 2011, 04:52:48 pm
Well, friends and family know that I'm a furry, except at work because screw that noise.

It's not that I "came out" as one would "come out" with being gay. It's more like people were just noticing things like I'd disappear to go to parties and conventions and I'd meet really freakin' weird people. And my best friend was the first to be concerned, "who the hell are these people, and where is it that you go? I feel like you're leading some kind of weird double-life" he would say.

So finally I was like "...Well I'll take you with me to Further Confusion this January, and what you see is what you get." And actually he had a blast which made me more comfortable just telling people who stumbled into bringing it up, which doesn't happen often except my friends all are nerds and people who know talk, therefore it eventually does happen. For some reason, anyone who finds out that I'm a furry has a positive reaction. I'm an extrovert and people know me really well, they already know I'm kind of an eccentric guy so they're not exactly shocked when I say something like "well that's because I'm one of those furry freaks."

It's not like I give people every seedy detail about what turns me on and how pathetic some people are. But.. yeah. It's not like it's been an embarassment to admit I have this hobby. People don't make fun of me in a malicious way, people aren't awkward around me, in general people I know are having fun with knowing that about me.

But I see your point in the sense that people shouldn't really feel "compelled" to tell people about this. LoL. One can certianly survive happily without ever telling other people they're a furry. But it's not always such a disasterous decision, either... LoL.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Magna on February 02, 2011, 12:35:41 pm
I'm a very private person to begin with, so "coming out" isn't really an issue for me. I'll just keep acting the way I do, and if someone notices something I might explain further. It's not that big a deal though, and I've never been that open about my hobbies to begin with.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mr. Apple on February 03, 2011, 02:15:01 pm
just got out of that phase about a week ago thank god :P
I was going to call you out on originality but saw that you posted this topic before me :o
anyway, it's a subculture/hobby. I usually use it as something i joke about when having a conversation with friends.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Landrav on February 03, 2011, 02:23:05 pm
just got out of that phase about a week ago thank god :P
I was going to call you out on originality but saw that you posted this topic before me :o
anyway, it's a subculture/hobby. I usually use it as something i joke about when having a conversation with friends.

Looking back on how you felt, what do you think triggered that feeling?  (Still trying to steer discussion into the "WHY" behind the feeling instead of how to deal with it ;)  )
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Wolf Fenrir on February 03, 2011, 11:00:25 pm
As far as I'm concerned being a furry is my business. I keep it to myself I don't care if anyone who knows me knows about me being furry. I won't go out of my way to tell them but if they ask I won't hide. My parents asked about a collar I had once and I gave them a little info and they didn't like it so I do t wear a collar around them and they don't care as ling as they don't know. Simpler for me
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Korial Fox on February 03, 2011, 11:14:56 pm
I think this is very much question of certain people psychic  x_x I think some people are afraid, from some reason have secrets  x_x Also, if I would start to wear fursuit here in Czech Republic on streets, I would get instantly very popular, because it's so very unknown here  :D There are many reasons why yes and why not. One of them I want to point out, some people want to change the world to be more like their world, so they tell everybody about being a furry maybe hoping the whole world will be one day full of furries  :) It's silly thought, but all great thoughts in the world always had to start in one brain, and I think people just don't give up  ;) Other reasons are depending on situation, people, and many other factors. To solve things is only effective to be in their center, I would not radically join any side for I can't see to all ends from my position :)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Emerald Blade on February 03, 2011, 11:48:42 pm
The telling phase for me was like "OO I HAS NEW TOY" type thing.  It was like a new part of me I wanted to show off.  Although I didn't really treat it like a "hey guys....I'm a furry  :o." I just posted some stuff on my steam profile and let them ask me.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: rbargholz on May 23, 2011, 04:27:51 am
This advice helped heaps, at school today, I just used the 'cartoon animals' speech and it was fine, the girl i like just went about her daily business once again
THANKS KOBUK
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mylo on May 24, 2011, 01:47:50 am
From what I have read online, some people like the idea of furry as a hobby, something they do for fun, something they do when they are bored, or just something that they can do with friends. Furry is an artistic hobby, too...some people like the imagination. 

Furry might be a daily visit to a website, a drawing of your fursona, an art trade, a conversation, a dream, a passing thought, a medium for expression, or just part of a multitude of hobbies you may have.

But, from what I have read, some people attribute more to this particular hobby. In fact, to them, it is more than a hobby, ranging from a daily interest to a way of life (or an imagined way of life).  To them, they identify with anthros for some reason. They may also express this by wearing a collar or a tail, but to them, it is an idea that they wish to live. Some turn to dreams, maybe stories. But to them, it is very much a part of themselves, an deep interest. I've seen some people who wish they could see what it would be like to live in an anthro body, for the feeling of inhabiting a body other than their own...

And to some, this interest may be a bit abnormal...

I honestly don't see a need in coming out on your own terms; if someone asks, just tell them what it is.
But for others, who might take it a bit more serious, who knows...they feel the need to come out like a non-straight person feels the need to tell his family that the charge doesn't always repel itself. Maybe for them, it's a liitle more than furry.

And for the furries feeling the need to come out, it can be caused by a lot of things. Maybe it's a way of getting attention. Maybe it's because you want to feel accepted. Maybe you enjoy being open, or you want to refrain from being closed. Maybe, this hobby is being blown out of proportion. Who knows? :)

Let's just enjoy it
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Cchytale Murilega on May 24, 2011, 02:57:49 pm
I just always will think of it and treat it as nothing more than a hobby like video gaming or playing music. It's just weird how people think of it as something like being gay or whatever it's not.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Sky Striker on May 24, 2011, 09:55:47 pm
There are also many who view the fandom as a religion, which is why they feel the need to, "spread the word" so to speak. But I suppose that every group has its extremists. To quote a bored shinigami, "Humans really are... interesting."

(And no, I'm not one of those furs who thinks themselves to be non-human in real life.)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Slifer on May 26, 2011, 03:54:45 am
I see the points in each of the quotes Kobuk posted and agree with them. For several years I knew I liked different things than the norm. After finding out that I consider myself a furry I did not brag about it or even bring it up. A few weeks ago I changed my "about me" on my facebook to include that I am a furry. I figured if someone sees it and asks i'll explain, if not, I don't bring it up. The reason I even went that far is because I personally felt like I wasn't being myself just to gain acceptance. Recently though, I thought "I don't care what people think of me. I am doing what I want because I want to."
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Cchytale Murilega on May 26, 2011, 01:08:03 pm
A few weeks ago I changed my "about me" on my facebook to include that I am a furry. I figured if someone sees it and asks i'll explain, if not, I don't bring it up.

Omg that's the same thing I did except I added "furry fandom" to my interests.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: andreastar on May 29, 2011, 08:38:22 pm
There is no "furry closet". The fandom is not something you need to shout from the rooftops. As Kobuk said, you don't shout to everyone nervously "Oh, well I have a STAMP COLLECTION!". It's pointless information for these people.

The only time one should feel the need to talk about being furry is in the company of other furs, or if someone asks (nicely) why you are wearing a tail in the metro station.



Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kay Alett on May 29, 2011, 09:07:09 pm
Mom....Dad.....I have a confession to make. I'm........I'm a trekkie. (Seriously, it's the same kinda conversation. It's just a fanbase. not a religion or something lightenup kids.)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on May 29, 2011, 09:29:38 pm
And if coming out and telling about furry wasn't bad enough, There also seems to be the need to explain about collars.  :P  :P If your friends and/or family are not going to like you wearing a collar for whatever reason, THEN DON'T.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Avan on May 29, 2011, 09:37:54 pm
Or don't worry about them.  :P They don't like it, their problem (if you are up to taking that attitude)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Landrav on May 29, 2011, 10:38:25 pm
While I agree with the majority view here, I still think that you guys are ignoring a fundamental aspect of this discussion: WHY.  Of course the right thing to do is to treat it like any other hobby, but there are underlying reasons why people feel the need, and you guys are (unintentionally) coming off as dismissive for people who have this feeling which must come from somewhere.

I can't say I have a good answer for it, but my guess is that this feeling has something to do with the "uncanny valley (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley)."  I would say the odds are good that everyone here has met at least one person who seemed put off by anthro animals.  I can say that when I first joined up, I had this gut feeling that my family would react weirdly to furries.  This was totally separate from concerns about them finding out about the dirty art, since I could control their introduction, but the fear was still there.  I now believe I was justified in this caution because, as I slowly introduce my furry stories to my mom, she says that the "animal-people characters are kind of weird."

So, thoughts?
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mylo on May 29, 2011, 11:33:34 pm
While I agree with the majority view here, I still think that you guys are ignoring a fundamental aspect of this discussion: WHY.  Of course the right thing to do is to treat it like any other hobby, but there are underlying reasons why people feel the need, and you guys are (unintentionally) coming off as dismissive for people who have this feeling which must come from somewhere.

I can't say I have a good answer for it, but my guess is that this feeling has something to do with the "uncanny valley (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley)."  I would say the odds are good that everyone here has met at least one person who seemed put off by anthro animals.  I can say that when I first joined up, I had this gut feeling that my family would react weirdly to furries.  This was totally separate from concerns about them finding out about the dirty art, since I could control their introduction, but the fear was still there.  I now believe I was justified in this caution because, as I slowly introduce my furry stories to my mom, she says that the "animal-people characters are kind of weird."

So, thoughts?

That's the fundamental point Landrav. 
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Acton on July 20, 2011, 12:57:14 am
There one thing that bothers me about you opinion Kubuk; you are not me. Furry is more than a hobby and if you want to think otherwise then we can agree to disagree. In addition I am very non-conformist, I really do care what society think. If I want to walk around with my tail on I going to do well as I please.
The reason I tell what I am a furry is when I go out a hello Kitty back pack or my tail, I want to try to control perceptions. I can think of wost than telling am a furry  like  just telling them it just a hobby which is  lie or leave it to them and let them assume I a child predator because I have plushies in my truck.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Wereaibo on July 20, 2011, 01:00:18 pm
I don't feel the need to come out and tell people "Hey, I'm a Furry" in those words. But my interest in dogs is well known. I have tons of robotic dogs, most of my interests listed on Facebook are dog related and all the favorite movies/TV shows listed are dog related as well. Anyone who knows me would have to be blind to not notice I'm into dogs.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Leeseetsa on November 10, 2011, 09:28:10 pm
(For anybody that wants a concise history of a "closet fur" (: ) At first, whenever I figured out that I WAS into the fandom, I briefly mentioned the fact of my furriness to a bit of people, but then started to back down from the whole "need to tell" dealie. Actually, the first time I've mentioned (coughcough hinted) at my being a furry since.... July (0.o) to someone new was a groupmate for an JROTC project (we had to write a rap-song about decision making skills, and the beat was totatly RIPPED from:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxFvV5PXK7A (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxFvV5PXK7A)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on November 10, 2011, 11:46:54 pm
An associate who is a disabled vet from the Iraq War admitted to me she is a furry. She reported that a local TV station was doing a segment on furry. As the one in the costume, expect to be a magnet for such news.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: EmmaCornell on November 12, 2011, 10:08:03 am
I've seen this happen before. In middle school a friend of mine who was a furry seemed like she tried to make the school a social networking site by telling everyone she was a furry. She even wore a pair of homemade cat ears once. If you know how viscious middle school kids are then you can figure out that that was a terrible idea on her part. For the rest of that school year I saw her depressed and/or crying because people who either didn't know what a furry was or knew the types of furries that the media criticized about were harassing her. So I kept my love of furries a secret to everyone. It wasn't until high school when people found out I was a furry, and that was only because I wrote about furries for an essay in my english class. But even so they either respected it or ignored it. The only people in my family who know I'm a furry are my parents, and they respect it. I understand though that this isn't the case for everyone though. My friend who was harrassed says I'm the only one who she can talk to about being a furry because her friends and family aren't as excepting. So my point is, I agree. If you don't think the people in your area are respectful or not as excepting to new or unheard of ideas, then there's no need to shout "I'm a Furry!" from the top of your roof top.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: furtopia02 on November 12, 2011, 12:10:38 pm
I've seen this happen before. In middle school a friend of mine who was a furry seemed like she tried to make the school a social networking site by telling everyone she was a furry.

Umm.. school IS a location for social networking. The online revolution of social networking sites mimics real life in person interaction. E.g. Chat rooms are an alternative to actually talking face to face; friend lists are a circle of friends (though some treat it as a numbers game but this is done in real life too); before internet people used to share photos in photo albums with each other (and many still do); and people advertise what they like all the time with tshirts, bumper stickers, attending different events and shows, TALKING about it with others (yes, most people can have a conversation about what they enjoy doing without feeling socially awkward) and getting to know each other. That's how people become friends. Why be friends with someone if they don't share anything with you? It isn't impolite to share your interests and hobbies with people that are willing to hear about them. I'm not talking about being obnoxious (that's just social awkward again) but I'm talking about its okay to talk about what you like doing in your free time with people who are trying to get to know you. I swear some people are so balled up in the fetal position and need to get out there and be human.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Libis on December 23, 2011, 03:10:54 am
Maybe I'm just not as much of a furry as everybody here, but I just tell people I'm into costuming and start talking about my sister and me making animal costumes and monster suits and sewing my own dresses/catsuits/corsets/etc and styling wigs/makeup to go to nerd conventions (easiest way for people to know what I mean by a con + I only really go to anime/all genre cons b/c I can go there as anything I feel like that day).  In the same breath I mention being interested in Victorian fashion and other vintage.  It doesn't take much more talking to me before people see my love of animals. 

Anyways, this explanation of just calling it all "costuming and sewing" is pretty easily accepted and lets people understand exactly what I'm doing without any fear and lots of interest/enthusiasm--especially from older ladies who don't expect the younger generation to know how to sew.  I feel like it's not very scary to anyone when it is easy to understand what you're doing and why you like it.  (I'm in it for creativity/art mostly--I'm not sure how I would explain being a lifestyler.)  (This explanation covers several hobbies for me: furry, cosplay, steampunk, lolita, general costuming, and basic sewing.  I feel like it is very practical and sensible because it covers all of this in one swoop.) 

I don't do so much 2D anthro art on paper as others here, so I don't really explain that to people much--plus people already expect to see fantasy art from me.

I have only had problems with one person who already hates/fears everything (anime, pokemon, and furry to name a few) and almost everyone and who I'd honestly advise people to avoid.  (I would also avoid that person, but I'm related to them...)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Libis on December 23, 2011, 03:17:28 am
Mom....Dad.....I have a confession to make. I'm........I'm a trekkie. (Seriously, it's the same kinda conversation. It's just a fanbase. not a religion or something lightenup kids.)

What's funny is, my dad would champion that--he loves trekkies lol, but he's terrified of/hates furries.  (He spent a whole day looking for things to be mad about while we were at an anime con, and furries being at said con were one of the things he came up with. )
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Hashira on December 23, 2011, 11:16:40 am
I haven't read everything everyone has posted but what about furry in plain sight? Like drawing anthros and showing your friends, talk on and on about your favorite animals, but not wearing a tail or anything around a friend, that's where they might get suspicious. Otherwise, I think that's the best thing to do.
Now I have no idea why I told my parents. It was definitely one of the stupidest things I've ever done.  My mom seems to have forgotten and my dad still asks me about furry every once in a while.
Sometimes I think 'Why not tell people?' only the closest people which are the hardest to pick out. What would be better for a kid fur than having all your friends furry, your parents planning on getting you a fursuit, and not having to worry about it? But there's a VERY SLIM chance that it will happen and I think it's a risk you shouldn't take if it can spin in a whole different direction.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: warriorsfan1812 on December 23, 2011, 06:19:44 pm
Carter that's what I'm doing, and it's working beautifully. Just ease into it.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on December 23, 2011, 06:29:41 pm
Pinning this thread for future reference.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Grizztof Grünwald on February 13, 2012, 04:38:29 am
For the same reason I tell my friends about my other hobbies, I want to tell them about furry. Telling about furry is an opportunity to then share it with them. It'd be great to take a friend to a con. It'd be nice if they just got a kick out of fursuit pics. At the very least, it will be a relief to not be hiding it from them anymore.

Yes, I'm an adult and worry about telling people that I'm a furry. I don't worry about complimenting a cool Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt, didn't worry about going to see The Lion King 3D with a co-worker, freely let people know I like wolves and other animals, am not worried if they notice that I heavily favor furry characters in videogames. What I fear is the negative steroetypes that are attached to the label "furry" messing things up when I tell them I'm in the fandom.

With that said, attitudes change with time. Five months ago, when I first called myself a furry, I swore it would be a secret (outside of furry friends made on the internet) that I would take to the grave. That's no longer the case.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: She-King on March 09, 2012, 10:55:19 pm
The reason why young people are confused, is because nobody has taken the time to explain the difference between the hobby and the names of the religious practices of acting like an animal. Thus, people think that's what they like to do in a whole, even if they KNOW, they don't do that. They think they have no choice but to be put in a general category, subject to recieve ridicule from family, friends, and the general public. They're ashamed to even be called a "Furry" because it's so damn generalized and not even other furries, hobbyists or not, have figured out how to explain what they themselves are when they post on the forums and what other kinds of people there are in the fandom!

People read this website and other websites and they might not know how to research or that therianothropy is some bizarre religion that contradicts their own!

I hope this helps some hobbyists start to mention what they are and are not and at least start putting the differences in brochures or on subject matter pages people new to the fandom have to read. All those poor teens think it's a lifestyle of shame and corruption. Someone needs to list and explain everything in literal detail for newcomers SOMEWHERE!

The art styles, the pornographic tastes, styles, and practices, and anything else that people generalize. THAT'S why necomers are confused and this is such a ridonkulous issue. I'm only so serious about this because I, myself, was confused about what it really was. Go into detail! Some people are so confused they NEED IT!

That way the people that aren't doing anything unspeakable can have fun and not get so confused they miss out or they do research and see and find things they regret or get into that's something awful!
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on March 11, 2012, 01:58:22 pm
The reason why young people are confused, is because nobody has taken the time to explain the difference between the hobby and the names of the religious practices of acting like an animal. Thus, people think that's what they like to do in a whole, even if they KNOW, they don't do that. They think they have no choice but to be put in a general category, subject to recieve ridicule from family, friends, and the general public. They're ashamed to even be called a "Furry" because it's so damn generalized and not even other furries, hobbyists or not, have figured out how to explain what they themselves are when they post on the forums and what other kinds of people there are in the fandom!

People read this website and other websites and they might not know how to research or that therianothropy is some bizarre religion that contradicts their own!

I hope this helps some hobbyists start to mention what they are and are not and at least start putting the differences in brochures or on subject matter pages people new to the fandom have to read. All those poor teens think it's a lifestyle of shame and corruption. Someone needs to list and explain everything in literal detail for newcomers SOMEWHERE!

The art styles, the pornographic tastes, styles, and practices, and anything else that people generalize. THAT'S why necomers are confused and this is such a ridonkulous issue. I'm only so serious about this because I, myself, was confused about what it really was. Go into detail! Some people are so confused they NEED IT!

That way the people that aren't doing anything unspeakable can have fun and not get so confused they miss out or they do research and see and find things they regret or get into that's something awful!

I didn't intend for my entire thread here to explain the differences between furry and therian. That's not what this thread is about. But.......I did put some links to websites and videos in my first post on Page 1 of this thread to help explain furry to people should they ever need to "come out" to friends and family.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Brunn on March 15, 2012, 12:41:58 pm
I can understand the need to tell. The internet is so common nowadays that younger people are finding out there's a whole subculture that feels and does the same things they do. It's very exciting when you first realize there are TONS of other people out there who've made up fursonas, or love stuffed animals, or still watch animal cartoons. Or when you first discover you can go to whole conventions on the subject. I remember being super excited when at 16 I found this forum! But unfortunately, when you have a young kid, getting into something that parents have likely never heard of, then making a big deal about it, their reaction should be expected.

Sometimes I have the same reaction to the kids who get on and gush about 'how hard it is to be the only furry in junior high' or feelings like they have to 'come out' about their furryness. But then I remember that when I was only 14, it was just as big a deal to me too. I guess we furrys mellow as we get older  :D
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: ElementalQuest on July 01, 2012, 03:36:42 pm
I think that for most they want to "come out" because furry is a big part of who they are, and the reason that both furries and anti-furs are everywhere. Let me tell a story or two to help bring my message across.

At the time, I had been into the furry fandom for about 6 months and was loving it. My friend, who goes by "Rainpath989" online, mostly drew ferals and on occasion anthros, so I asked her one day at lunch "Do you know what a furry is?". She luckily responded positively, saying that she knew and was one, so I let her in that I was too and quickly came up with the "fur-five" where you high five with your finger curled up like a paw. Anyways, much to our hatred, disbelief, and amusement, an anti-fur was sitting right beside us and quickly began expressing his biased view of the fandom while yelling "Furries don't exist!" at our every correction.

I also began to wear my tail to school a week or two before school ended. Most of the reactions where very, very negative. "Take the tail off!", "You're not f***ing part animal!", "This girl thinks she's part fox!" and my personal favorite: "Are you part mythical creature or something?" Oy vey. It did get some positive words though like "I like you're tail." and people asking if they could pet it. I never took any of the negative comments to heart and kept wearing it. The response to it stayed strong til the last day which I found quite surprising.

My point is that both furs and anti-furs can be found where you'd least expect, making furs a bit shy to come out at first. I don't think I'll wear my tail to the first day of next year (as that is my first day of high school, which means tons of new people who could react differently that I'm used to), but if I acquire a collar by then, I'll most likely wear that.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Korvus on July 01, 2012, 05:50:04 pm
I remember feeling the need back when I first had joined the fandom, I was a great deal younger back then and it was mostly out of the euphora of that sweet sense of belonging. (I even made an entire powerpoint presentation to present it :p)

Today though I consider that a pretty silly act. In retrospect I've found that (at least to me) being a furry isn't much different than being an anime-fan or, hell, a fan of certain genres of movies or music. Perhaps for some it 'is' the big and caring community that makes them feel like they belong it in it more, like it is their family, and they want to present their 'family' to others.

The need to spread the word has passed for me, but I remember it. Whatever I did though my parents didn't care and neither did my friends as none of them even remember I 'came out' as a furry, or what that furry thing is all about again.

That aside, I've recently come across another video that also gives a pretty good view on furries (and one that doesn't seem to be in the list of the opening post) http://vimeo.com/17995012
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Nike Bluepaw on September 29, 2012, 01:42:37 am
I agree with pretty much everything you said here, but I just don't know if I can tell my parents, not while I'm living with them anyway. I'd rather wait until I move out to tell them, since I'll have my own life. It's not that they think being furry is weird; on the contrary, I doubt they even know what it is. All the same, my mom blew things way out of proportion when I told her I was a brony. She called it immature and gay. I don't know what she told my dad, and I've yet to talk to him about it. It's this that makes me hesitant to reveal my furriness- what if they take this as another "abnormal" interest of mine? I'm not sure if explaining it would do any good. I explained what a brony was to my mom as best I could, talking about all the good stuff and that more and more guys my age dig it. She still doesn't accept it. She even tells me how horrible I am for participating in something that would cause her so much stress. She says I'm selfish for not caring about her happiness but doesn't even stop to consider mine. I just don't think my parents are willing to accept any of my interests.  :'(
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: kuroneko jusan on September 29, 2012, 08:13:30 am
I lived with someone like that for a long time and I think you're right to just completely avoid the topic (with her, especially).  This is no 'furry closet', it is simply a way to avoid some poorly formed yet ridged assumptions on their part (and the accompanying unnecessary fights), which, given the examples you listed, are pretty likely to occur. :P  There is no wrongdoing on your part, so there is no need to shine a spotlight on it.  If it does come up, be honest, but use technical terms and avoid the buzz words (Furry, when typed into google, will likely reveal more of the CSI style listings than the good places like this), and hype the creative side of the fandom that seems to have helped draw you here... As you mentioned in your intro, anthros are a challenge to draw! It's important practice as an artist, to learn new styles and techniques, and you couldn't find a more supportive and helpful community to learn in!  Finally, Be you in whatever ways you can, stay happy, and know you will always find friends here. :)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Nike Bluepaw on October 02, 2012, 07:06:01 pm
I lived with someone like that for a long time and I think you're right to just completely avoid the topic (with her, especially).  This is no 'furry closet', it is simply a way to avoid some poorly formed yet ridged assumptions on their part (and the accompanying unnecessary fights), which, given the examples you listed, are pretty likely to occur. :P  There is no wrongdoing on your part, so there is no need to shine a spotlight on it.  If it does come up, be honest, but use technical terms and avoid the buzz words (Furry, when typed into google, will likely reveal more of the CSI style listings than the good places like this), and hype the creative side of the fandom that seems to have helped draw you here... As you mentioned in your intro, anthros are a challenge to draw! It's important practice as an artist, to learn new styles and techniques, and you couldn't find a more supportive and helpful community to learn in!  Finally, Be you in whatever ways you can, stay happy, and know you will always find friends here. :)

Thanks, makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one dealing with close-minded relatives. I'll wait until I'm living on my own to make it known, unless someone brings it up before then.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: werecat2012 on October 23, 2012, 02:18:20 am
Many people, even adults unfortunately, are very closed-minded and unable to deal with people who are different from them. Either that, or they simply want someone to feel superior to or blame problems on.

If your parents go ballistic over every little thing that they find to be "weird" or "stupid", then maybe wait until you move out before saying anything about being a furry.

In my case, I've never felt the need to tell anyone or just randomly bring it up in conversation. My computer usually has an animal wallpaper though. My facebook avatar is a tiger. I have a few t-shirts with pictures of animals on them. I also have a winter hat with cat ear things on them. So someone who really knows me might at least notice that I like animals, though they might not know I'm a furry fan unless they've heard of furry before.

Edit: Corrected a typo.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: charcoal on November 10, 2012, 08:19:09 pm
i had to tell them i had a near death experience  from an accident  i  had a vision that my soul wasn't at peace
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: ImaLionRoarr on January 14, 2013, 07:20:07 am
We're in a a world where being understood seems to be a basic thing, everyone wants to be understood.
While most years ago would lock themselves up and didn't feel the need to tell anyone nowadays we feel that need way more, especially because we're now able to express ourselves more through the internet.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Huskywolf on May 25, 2013, 04:46:07 pm
If your parents go ballistic over every little thing that they find to be "weird" or "stupid",

 SOUNDS FAMILIAR  >:( 
 
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Jackie on May 27, 2013, 12:51:34 pm
I have been watching uncle kage and 2 all day and i thought one of his rants was pretty funny, He said,

"I get these letters all the time and they all say stuff like, 2, my mom says that if she ever found out that i was a furry that she would rip my head off and rough me up and dump me in a barrel behind a 7/11, my dad says that if he ever found out i was a furry he would hang me upside down until i died....now my question is, how can i explain to my parents that i am a furry?"

I'll let you guess what he put as the answer. If you really want to let them know and you know they will take it well, then by all means do so, more power to you, but if you know that they are going to flip out at you, don't tell them, it is your life and they have no right to know what you enjoy. If they are suspicious and wont stop asking, just tell them you like posting and looking at cartoons on an art forum, and make sure they know it's clean.

At the end of the day, your private life is exactly that, Private! You tell people about it when you want to, how would your parents feel if you asked them what they were looking at all the time, it's (to me) the equivalent of you demanding that they show you their emails.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Jackie on May 27, 2013, 01:06:33 pm
And as for the thing about people thinking something is stupid or weird, uncle kage also had a moment on a panel where he asked if there were any twilight fans out there, (I am not one if i am honest, i have never read or seen them) To which almost everyone booed and called the fans weirdos, So uncle kage got up and said, "So you are discriminating people because they are members of a fandom which you don't like and you think is weird? Doesn't that sound familiar?" and everyone had a little moment of realization.

If your parents, or anyone else for that matter thinks you are weird because you are furry, then i am sure that the shoe would be on the other foot if you said they were weird for liking i don't know knitting, or a certain T.V. show. which just makes people like that look hypocritical.

Another thing which 2 said is, "You see thousands upon thousands of people who cram themselves into great domes that make the Colosseum look small, half naked, painted half red and half blue, jumping up and down screaming because some guys in the middle are throwing round a football, and that's normal, but a bunch of people wearing ears and a tail, no no no that's just weird and wrong"

P.S. i have no problems with twilight or football, i quite like football, i just feel that it is hypocritical to (Within reason) class one thing as normal and the other as weird just because you don't like it.   
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on May 27, 2013, 01:06:42 pm
Son: "Dad, I'm a furry and I want to wear a fursuit."

Father:  Sighs, and looks at the floor, ashamed of his child.


DON'T LET THE FOLLOWING HAPPEN TO YOU! THERE IS NO "NEED" TO TELL.




(http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/1/23842000/ngbbs4f6b97fd2ce50.jpg)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Jackie on May 27, 2013, 01:09:08 pm
 :( I feel so sorry for whoever is in that suit, the woman's expression is horrible, whoever is in that suit must feel terrible. Some people need to learn to accept or at least live with other peoples decisions. >:( Those toony eyes look so sad too!
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: NeoFur on May 27, 2013, 02:11:41 pm
Keep it secret, keep it safe.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Madam Glitch on June 21, 2013, 11:49:24 pm
Well my mom knows I'm a furry, but I don't think that she knows what a Furry is. I kind of told her I was a Furry by telling her about a story that Uncle Kage had told in a YouTube video. However, I don't think I really want to try to delve into telling her what a furry is until I manage to get a Fursuit. I might not even tell her then if at all possible. I just don't know.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kasuni on July 02, 2013, 12:22:13 am
I disagree. I believe it is important to tell your parents if you are apart of the younger fandom such as myself. the main reason. my parents would find about the bad side to furries. my family has always been open. so hiding this feels wrong. I feel the need to tell them because we are an open family. I am afraid to tell them because of "yiff".

my dad would think its weird and he doesn't normally accept different things. Example, he thinks people should never be gay. I for one support people who are gay.

my mom would blow things put of proportion. it wasn't till a little while ago I was the weird girl no one liked. my mom wanted me to wear clothes I didn't like or telling me to be more social. I wanted friends but I wanted them to accept me. once I learned I like making people laugh, I kept doing that and I have very few enemies now. my mom is still wants me to fit in and be different from who I am. she would think furriness is weird and I shouldn't do it.

the real problem would be if my aunt and uncle found out I was furry or even brony. they judge everything harshly and are very over protected of their kids. they judge people before they know them and make horrible assumptions.  for a long time, they didn't trust their daughter's band teacher because he wasn't married and was around kids a lot. they judge everything and everyone to make them feel better.  they make fun of my school because its smaller. when In reality, my school is rated in the top 10 for my state.

to sum it up, I do believe you should tell those who are important to you that you are a furry so they don't get wrong info
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: ladymichichan on July 09, 2013, 11:21:35 am
Would you tell a person you never meet you social security number? People now days have a habit of telling more than people want to know. If they want to know they will ask.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: crocogator78 on July 12, 2013, 07:42:54 pm
I am not ashamed of being a furry. The reason I feel the need to tell my friends and family, is because they don't know what a furry is and think its all about sex. I'm tired of them making jokes about it and I think if I told them they would understand or they might hate me... Either way I would just feel better that I told them.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: That Blue Fox on July 28, 2013, 12:57:49 pm
I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with the OP as well..I believe there's nothing wrong with telling...but HOW you tell makes the difference.

First off: Why tell? Firstly I believe that as we get older our need for approval or a sense of social belonging tends to fade....perhaps that is why some of the older members here don't see the need. They've already for the most part figured out who they are.

But when you're younger...and still in the process of figuring yourself out...a new concept or subculture can become a deep part of one's identity, especially for those people who have had trouble fitting in with other social circles and finally find other furries who share the common interest. Sadly with as many differences as exist within the fandom itself..even here some people find rejection because other furs might not agree with what "their" idea of being a furry is.

We are a diverse group of people..to be sure. But I personally believe that if identifying with the furry fandom...or even incorporating some of its elements into ones personal identity...has a net positive effect on your self confidence and happiness...then you should do that....provided you don't impose on anyone else.

We are all free to live our lives in a way that makes us happiest when given time that is ours to spend as we choose. I too wear a tail..and like Grizztof...at one point I was terrified of people's reactions to me being a fur.

Now I actively go out and promote a more positive image of furry by simply wearing my tail as I go about my usual business. It asked what it means, I explain about self expression. If someone has the wrong idea about what a furry is, I educate them on what furry means to me and break down some of the stereotypes they may have encountered.

I have affected many positive changes with this...two people who previously thought furries were people who like to have sex with animals have, at my encouragement, taken a look at some fursuit videos and the gallery of thanshuhai and completely changed their minds about it all. One even said it looked cool enough that he might sign up for an FA account.

Sure I still get jeers, sneers, stares and snide comments from people when I'm out with my tail...but one in ten people think my tail is awesome and approach me to ask about it. And about six in ten have never heard of furry and are just confused what the tail is about. So often it is only a minority of people who have an actual axe to grind against the concept of Furry.

Finally, I have to very strongly disagree with any claims that the fandom is "just a silly hobby". No...it really isn't confined to being a hobby. More like...it is a large subculture full of many different subsets of people following the idea of furry in different ways. So...there are Furry hobbyists, furry lifestylers, furry "fans" who may not entirely identify with being called furries but still love the art and people of the fandom, you've got your fursuiters and tail wearing ambassadors such as myself who can be part of any subsection of the fandom, and of course therians and otherkin. The list goes on and no single one of us truly can say that one way of being furry is more valid than another.

I bristle when people in the fandom give therians crap just for being therian. I don't see what's wrong with belief in having an animal soul..many religions believe in such things. Its when that belief becomes an excuse to dodge personal responsibility or interferes with your ability to function in the world that it's a problem.

So don't hate based on the category or the label....instead look at how the person is conducting themselves and judge based on actions. Some therians are perfectly functional people with their beliefs....others can't or refuse to function . It's the latter people who could benefit from help learning to balance their beliefs with the needs of functioning in our society.

Its never open and shut. Every case has its complexities.


Finally....I'd like to say that the statement "There is no NEED to tell" hints that a person should not tell. I would instead amend this to "There is no obligation to tell...but if you do...there no NEED to be dramatic." If you wish to tell someone that you are a furry, don't make a big deal out of the presentation. The more you make it sound like a deep dark secret...the more the person will automatically gain a negative perception.

When someone asks if I'm a furry, I say yes without hesitation. If someone says something negative about furries....I act confused and say "well that certainly isn't what furry is about for me or any other furries I know" and so on.

Don't go on and on about how there's weird people and you "aren't like them". Instead say "Rule 34, man...every fandom has it...look at the bronies and anime fans...we're no different" and stuff like that.

In other words when confronted with negativity DO NOT FEED IT. Remove its power. Laugh it off. Act like its no big deal. People will be disarmed in this way. You have to imagine people's hate coming from not understanding. Don't plant more seeds of discontent by taking your expression of who you are to imposing levels or over-defending yourself. Protesting too much is almost as bad as not correcting the misconception at all.

So I say again....it isn't that you SHOULDN'T tell. Maybe you really want to share this part of yourself.

It's that there's no NEED to be dramatic. Express yourself in a way that doesn't threaten others..be prepared for some negativity to come your way...and when it does...be cool.about it. Don't give people a reason to fuel their misperceptions.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: A Wanderer on July 28, 2013, 09:53:48 pm
I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with the OP as well..I believe there's nothing wrong with telling...but HOW you tell makes the difference.

snip

Very well said, TBF. +rep.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Christiaan on August 25, 2013, 11:59:01 am
I know that some people don't like the "coming out as gay" comparison. I'll use it anyway because it's really a very useful parallel, so tough nuts.

I once talked to a gay guy from the state of Washington. His family were obviously extremely liberal Christians, and his mother already knew and was "whatever" about it. His father sounded like more of a flaming pinko commie than his mother. The boy had also had a very impressive track record of being able to tell people in his life that he was gay and get a very "whatever, yeah-and-I'm-really-a-redhead-beneath-this-blonde," sort of reaction. He was still insecure about telling his father, though. I told him basically to quit being stupid, and come all the way out. His dad actually took it better than anyone so far.

Other people I have talked to had very nice parents who were also from a more traditional background. What I tell them is that their parents obviously love them and are very nice people, and there is no need to upset them. I tell them that they ought to wait until they have a steady partner they can depend on and more maturity, so they will be better prepared to handle their parents' reaction. If they are teenagers, I tell them, "you may think you won't do this, but you are young: if your parents reject you for this, you will get angry. You will say things that you don't mean. When you are older, you will have the maturity and sensibility to smooth things over. For heaven's sake, wait for just a little while longer. You only have two more years before you can manage on your own if you have to."

Only you can decide whether or not your family are the types of people who can understand something like this. If they have consistently chastised you for doing anything that they regard as "childish" or "stupid," do you really expect this to be any different? If they have a history of being harshly critical and nasty over anything about you that they didn't instill into you, do you expect this to be any different? If your parents are the least freethinking people in the universe, do you really think that you are going to change them?

You are not stupid. I do not give you permission to be stupid. You can figure this out for yourself. If your people are truly freethinking and fun-loving people who would probably embrace this about you, you will be able to tell. Some people are lucky. I know some kids whose parents actually take them to conventions, and the parents have more fun than their kids! I'm not kidding! The only regret they ever have is if their parents end up being more into it than they are, and they find it kind of embarrassing.

Just don't try to force your parents to be that way. You don't have a right to change them. You should do what you wish they would do for you: love them for who they are. If they are stodgy, conservative Christians, love them FOR that, not just in spite of it, even if you disagree with those beliefs. Maybe, if you learn to show them this kind of love, they will learn to reciprocate someday. You are the one who has to learn this very adult perspective, though.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Wrangell on September 11, 2013, 09:04:32 pm
I haven't seen a problem expressing my furry side. Everyone I've talked about it to thinks it's cool! I still live with my mom and she is pretty cool with it and has been helping me do my anthro drawings. Your worst enemy is yourself, people are less judgmental then you think ;)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Christiaan on September 12, 2013, 05:25:26 pm
Sorry, Wrangell, but some parents are not very tolerant of their children having remotely different interests.

My father attempted from the day I was born to instill in me an interest in hunting and other aspects of the "I wanna be a redneck, harrr, fart, moon-pies, let's go sling some mud" doctrine. When I was 8, I told him that I questioned the ethics of hunting, and I intimated that I had a more intellectual bent in my character and different interests from his.

What followed was ten years of feeling like a scantly-trained soldier trying to survive behind enemy lines. If you really want to hear what that is like, ask anybody who has gone through the misery of being rejected by their families and communities. It isn't pretty. I've heard stories that make mine look relatively tame.

I've known furries in places like P. Bucket County, South Carolina who have been driven to the point of being forced to drop out of school out of fear for their very lives, and one of them that I talked to recently couldn't even get his parents to give him a lift in the morning to try to earn his GED after going to that extreme.

The rejection that some people would face for being anything but a carbon-copy of their moms or dads (only more mindless and obedient) can really be that intense.

But I've also known furries who described their families and communities to me, and I said readily, "Okay, so your Dad is a sci-fi nut who reads more Manga than you do and actually speaks fluent Japanese from watching so much undubbed anime, and your mother is a Jewish Wiccan who believes in tree-spirits? Go ahead and tell them. I can guarantee your dad would personally drive you to Anthrocon and have a bigger blast than you." And I have often been right about those kinds of assessments.

The point is, everyone's situation is different, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what kind of situation you are in. You, Wrangell, are extremely blessed to have such a supportive family and community. I hope that you realize that.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: GrayWolf448 on September 13, 2013, 02:02:30 am
ya im one of those few who want to tell my family. i have no idea why i want to tho :/ for me iv got to say it's a little more than a hobby. but after maybe 3-5 months still no luck :/ just cant find the right time. well... i did a few times but i didn't take it kinda wish i did.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Wrangell on September 13, 2013, 02:31:39 am
Thank you Christiaan. I did skip over some parts didn't I. Everyone's situation is different. Some people live with families that don't accept you for who you are and some do. Even though I told my mom and she is helping me with my art she still has no clue what a furry is (even though I told her I was a furry). The reason she helps me is because she is an  art teacher. I do feel blessed to have her, but the dark side is she is all I have right now as far as immediate family goes. My dad passed away 5 years ago on a rafting accident we were on.  To this day it haunts me and it messes with my head, being a furry has helped me cope with this. My situation is a hit and miss and only time will tell the more I express who I am.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: GrayWolf448 on September 13, 2013, 02:41:38 am
My dad passed away 5 years ago on a rafting accident we were on.  To this day it haunts me and it messes with my head, being a furry has helped me cope with this. My situation is a hit and miss and only time will tell the more I express who I am.

sorry to hear about your dad :/ hope things in life are going good for you.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Wrangell on September 13, 2013, 02:58:00 am
My dad passed away 5 years ago on a rafting accident we were on.  To this day it haunts me and it messes with my head, being a furry has helped me cope with this. My situation is a hit and miss and only time will tell the more I express who I am.

sorry to hear about your dad :/ hope things in life are going good for you.
Life is going as good as it can be. I read that you want to tell your parents. Depending on their personalities will depend on how you should address this information. What I'm doing is a slow and steady method by not just full out saying "hay everybody I'm a furry!" people will mostly likely not get it. just start doing little things like practicing art. then move on to just talk about your fursona as a character you created. somehow put it in your everyday life without overwhelming changes. This might not work for everyone, but it's something to try if you like. Hope this helps
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: GrayWolf448 on September 16, 2013, 03:08:06 am
my parents will most likely be ok with it. iv just been waiting for the right time. sadly my mom has been spending less time with us lately and more time with her friends. so far only my brother knows and he is keeping it very secret.  


Edit: just today i finally told my mom :D after 3 months i finally just said sc**w it and said "i have no idea why kids at school hate furries" good thing is she didn't know what a furry is. also she took it very well she said that she was proud that i found something else i like than the computer lol  oh almost forgot i told my mom about fursuits and she offered to make me one... that would be very cool for holloween but my dad still doesn't know but my mom may tell him not sure tho. also not so sure if i would wear it to school and we would have only a month to make it.

Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Graywolf440 on September 21, 2013, 10:47:03 pm
my parents will most likely be ok with it. iv just been waiting for the right time. sadly my mom has been spending less time with us lately and more time with her friends. so far only my brother knows and he is keeping it very secret. 


Edit: just today i finally told my mom :D after 3 months i finally just said sc**w it and said "i have no idea why kids at school hate furries" good thing is she didn't know what a furry is. also she took it very well she said that she was proud that i found something else i like than the computer lol  oh almost forgot i told my mom about fursuits and she offered to make me one... that would be very cool for holloween but my dad still doesn't know but my mom may tell him not sure tho. also not so sure if i would wear it to school and we would have only a month to make it.
 8)




You sure have an awesome mom. And how interesting. We have nearly identicle names 8)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: GrayWolf448 on September 22, 2013, 02:06:24 am
You sure have an awesome mom. And how interesting. We have nearly identicle names

wow thats strange XD
oh btw happy b-day was just looking at the calender and noticed it was you b-day 26 minutes ago.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Scupper on October 02, 2013, 01:16:09 am
I concur. The only time I felt a need to tell anyone anything was when I commissioned my fursuit. I just couldn’t contain myself.
All but one of the comments I got from the people I showed were good, along the lines of "Sweet costume man." that sort of thing.
Now if I had made a big deal about it or something I am pretty sure that the opposite would have occurred. Its just a hobby, Some people are more into it than others, but don't make it confusing for people that don't share your feelings.

Skupper Out~
 
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Kobuk on October 09, 2013, 03:32:18 pm
Quote
The only people that are making the fandom look bad and creating all the negativity ARE THE FURRIES THEMSELVES, not the media, not your friends, not your family! The more you whine and complain about what the media, friends, family, etc. is doing to the fandom, and the more you "advertise" (talk and/or show) about any bad aspects within the fandom, then the more the media, friends, family, etc. will pick up on that stuff and write about it. Non-furry people aren't to blame here, folks. It's us! We're the ones creating the drama and negativity. Need more proof? Just go look in a mirror sometime.  :P
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: jinxy on February 24, 2014, 04:24:10 am
I know this thread is old but I thought I would add my concerns on 'coming out'.

I've loved anthro since I was little but only discovered the furry scene recently at a comic con. However one of my friends HATES furrys because he had some work 'friends' that do the whole fur sex thing. Of course this dissuades most of my other friends too, although I am never afraid to point out the talent and skill in making such things.
That said I think I am slowly getting them used to the concept of furrys, first by my faun Cosplay and then by talk of making a quad suit (for another Cosplay). I also love to remind them that not everyone who spends hours making these suits wants to get them dirty. I guess to most people I know, they view furrys as a kinky/ freaky sex thing as opposed to a hobby. It is a real pity that people miss out simply because they can be naive or narrow minded.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: the lone shadow wolf on March 26, 2014, 10:41:12 pm
thats exactly why i dont want to reveal it to other friends and family because i dont want them to see me and all other furries in the wrong aspect because i would not have the nerve, gut or credibility to change such a terrible view about my liking. :(
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Acton on December 13, 2014, 08:55:30 pm
Another reason why I tell is a moral reason . I try to live a clear and moral life,  For me  to lie to  somebody if asked whether I'm a furry is a sin.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Shim on December 15, 2014, 03:15:45 pm
4 years later, let's try this again.

It's a pretty vital part of my life. A lot of my friends are furries, and my parents are pretty liberal about whatever it is I want to do with my life so it hasn't changed our relationship any. My Dad was willing to drive out to Rosemont from where i live at 3:00 AM to pick me, Ziel, Alsek, Choco, and Relaxing Dragon up from the hotel during the chlorine shennanigans.

Given it's such an important part of my life, I don't see why I should have to keep it "hidden" from anybody else. It's a fandom. Come on. As long as you're not being weird about it, nobody will really care one way or another.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: HazardJackal on December 15, 2014, 04:02:50 pm
Well, i've pretty much decided that i have no choice but to call myself one of you now.  I honestly don't know how much my parents know about the fandom, or how deeply involved i am in it, but they haven't said anything negative about it yet.  As for my friends... well only two of them actually know and they don't seem particularly happy about it, but i don't feel that it's impacted our friendship in any significant way.

So yeah, i don't feel the need to tell people any more than what they want to hear.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Doc on May 11, 2015, 11:24:45 pm
I am part of the new, young generation of Furries (14 years old) and I only told two people on this planet. One: my mom. She asked and has a right to know. She knows nothing of what the fandom is except what I explained to her. The other person is a classmate of mine. I was viewing the Geek Hierarchy and asked where she was on it. She didn't see her place and asked where I was. I pointed at "Furries" which was at the very top. She asked what it was and I kept it simple: it is a fandom. She said OK and the matter was dropped.

I don't know why people want to "come out" as Furries, either. It is an interest. A hobby. Nobody "comes out" as a Minecrafter. Or a Halo player. I did, however, post a picture of my first drawing on Facebook and Instagram. Got a few likes and comments, but no questions as to why I drew him.

If a Hindu is in a room full of Muslims, the Hindu isn't going to tell anybody. Unless a Muslim asks, then the Hindu might tell. The Hindu isn't going to announce that he is Hindu, because who knows what will happen? The point is, font tell anybody you're furry unless they ask. Simple as that.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on September 08, 2015, 10:35:04 pm
As the comedy troupe Da Yoopers' had a motto: The Most Fun You Can Have With Your Clothes On.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Bronx on September 08, 2015, 11:00:49 pm
I guess the only reason for me to tell people would be for me to be able to fully express myself. I may tell my aunt soon, because we are very close, and she was the first one I told that I had HOCD (that was a year ago, I'm over it now.) She was really embracing and encouraging and I feel like she would do the same here.

I most likely won't tell my friends unless they ask, which they might considering I'm showing it more and more. However, my best friend is kind of a wildcard. I don't know how he would take it; the only reason he doesn't like (or acts like he doesn't like) furries is because of all the crap I told him back when I thought furries were weird. If he asks, I wouldn't lie about it, but I feel like he would be really confused ;)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: The Fox Man on November 30, 2015, 12:18:33 am
Hey kobuk! I Tottaly had the same proplem when i became a furry (about 3 months ago). when i found out I was a furry, after a couple of days i had to vent it somehow. so i started drawing furry art (even though i suck at it). I finnaly told someone. that someone was my greatest friend Ethan. I told him because he is in a fandom almost even more embarasing. He is a Brony. so the moral is, you dont have to hold in your secret all your life, find a "vent" or tell your furryness to someone you trust (not mom or dad, they will think your weird.)

Your Freindly Fox
-Alex
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Literate Lycan on January 07, 2016, 12:53:01 am
I'm approaching this from a very different perspective.

I'm a widowed parent of two teenagers. I'm the furry--relatively new to the fandom, but in hindsight I've been one for years. My kids are not. One of the kids asked if I was, and I evaded the question. The other, who's an anime fan and cosplayer, probably hasn't even thought about it.

Would I say anything to them? Not at present. They'd  be convinced that Dad's gone completely around the bend.

What about other family? No. They don't live anywhere near me. They have their own interests and hobbies; I have mine.

What if one of my kids becomes involved in furry fandom? I would hope that they'd trust me not to disparage their choice and that I'd be cool with it. Even if I wasn't a furry myself I'd support their interest. I'd be the kind of parent who, as one earlier poster said, goes to a fur con and has as much fun as my kid.

Eventually I may relent and say something to the anime-fan teen. I keep hinting about showing up at an anime con in a cosplay outfit...like a fursuit. :-)
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Tomasina on March 18, 2016, 02:37:53 pm
I didn't even know for the longest time there was a name for furry fans or that there was a community.  I came up with these half cat half human characters when i was little and played them all the time and when i was to old to play I continued to just drawl them and make up stories.  I remember finding out there was a actual community when someone saw my pictures and started teasing me and calling me a furry.  I just looked at him like he was stupid I had no idea what he was talking about.  I went home and looked it up and found out I was apart of something!  It was really exciting to see other peoples versions of what Ive always been into. 
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Literate Lycan on April 06, 2016, 03:06:51 am
Well, my kids now know Dad's a furry. They seem reasonably OK with it. It was time to say something. After having little social life for the past few years, they were probably wondering why Dad was going out with friends every week or so. They deserved to hear the truth.

I have revealed nothing to any other family member.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: ZedCoyote on April 06, 2016, 09:17:34 pm
I answered this question many years ago. Long story short my family found out about furry fandom through me making fursuit stuff and not cleaning up my mess properly. It wasn't a big deal at all, and never ended up one with my parents. It's so little of a deal the word "furry" never even really came up after that but they knew I had a great appreciation for animal artwork and such. My parents buy me fox figures and other similar things time to time. Some people I absolutely wish I never shared it with though; even if they seemed very open about it and loved it at first. Not everyone will like everything you like or everything about you; and some won't be okay with it, some will try to influence you to change what you like.

I came out of a different closet years later. Honestly there was no comparison to the amount of fear experienced between the two. Furry stuff just doesn't seem like a big deal at all to me still. It's something fun and just like any other science fiction based fandom out there. Above all, being a furry is a choice. So deciding to share something that is a choice and being ridiculed for it is quite different than being ridiculed for something that isn't choice. The openness is similar though. When we open up to people and share parts of our life with them its a motion of trust so it can be extremely painful when you are rejected by those close to you for something. Humans crave other human bonding, and we bond by sharing ourselves with others. We crave making those connections and its difficult not to share things about yourself to those you want to be closer to. We want others to know more about us and in turn hopefully learn more about them too. I'd rather have a few people that really like me for being me than lots of people like me when I'm trying to be what I think they want me to be (that's exhausting).

I'm pretty sleepy right now so that may come off as a lot of rambling but hopefully its somewhat understandable. ><;  Just be you. If furry fandom is something that excites you so much you just can't help but feel like sharing it with others then that is great! If it's not quite that important but you still enjoy it but identify more with other hobbies and things that make you you then that is great too. It doesn't really matter as long as you are being authentic. Also remember that no one is liked by everyone.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on July 17, 2016, 02:14:49 pm
More recently, in our local CAP cadet promotion review boards a certain question asked of the candidate has become a standard: "If you could be any animal, which one would you be?" It helps break the ice.

It wasn't my idea either.
Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Old Rabbit on May 19, 2017, 01:04:01 pm
There isn't any reason to talk about being furry, or any other
hobby you have an interest in. Instead I would suggest finding
people with the same interests by going to conventions and
other places where you can learn more. That's one nice thing
about the internet. It's easy to find others with the same
interests.

The furry fandom being what it is often requires explantions to
to convince others your not strange, but have an honest interest
in art, and stories of fantasy. So it's best to avoid public displays
by yourself. These days individuals in costume are often looked at
with suspicion. Especially if they are alone.

Title: Re: Why the need to tell about furry?
Post by: Mizan on September 20, 2020, 03:47:07 pm
In my case my mother saw a group of furries having an orgy in the desert in their fursuits on "1000 Ways to Die" so, naturally now she thinks that's what I'm into and that I need to "cut that crap out". At least that's what she said some five odd years ago or so... I just don't bring it up anymore. No need to.

It sucks that my parents have such a limited and negative understanding of what it means to be part of this fandom. It makes me feel like I have to be a little secretive or just let them look over my shoulder when drawing but not explain it to them. I just never thought they'd completely understand. =/