Author Topic: Fates Fantasy (Part 1)  (Read 1152 times)

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Offline Becky

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Fates Fantasy (Part 1)
« on: February 27, 2012, 01:59:07 am »
The cell was cramped and the only source of light was the barred window that faced north. An unlit candle sat on the table, near a worn mattress sitting on the floor. As the sun went down, shadows slowly crept across the room and the cold air seeped in through the bars. Winter was approaching fast, and as the nights grew shorter and colder Evelyn knew time was running out.

She closed her eyes and wrapped the tattered old blanket tighter around her shoulders to keep the cold out. She needed an escape plan, and soon. Her friends were too far away to help her right now. As she sat there trying to think of a plan, her mind wandered…

One week earlier…

“Hurry up Sarah; we’re going to be late again!” Evelyn sighed as she impatiently waited for her sister to come downstairs. She always took forever to get ready for school, and they were already running late.

“I’m coming Evelyn, just wait a few more seconds!” Sarah said back, dashing past the top of the stairs.

“We needed to be there ten minutes ago, class has already started and you’re still doing your makeup!” Evelyn took two steps back as Sarah came running down the stairs, picked up her back pack and headed for the door. Evelyn followed right behind her, and they climbed into the jeep. Evelyn put the key in the ignition, and was starting up the car when she noticed Sarah staring at her.

“Is everything okay, Sarah?” She turned to look at her sister, giving her a worried look.

Sis, do you think mom and dad are watching over us?” Sarah looked down at her feet and shifted uncomfortably.

“Of course they are. Mom and dad loved us dearly, and I’m sure if they knew that deer would have run out in front of them that night, they would have taken a different route home. No one can see the future, and what happened is already done. We just need to be strong and keep doing the things that would have made them proud.” Evelyn gave her sister an encouraging smile, and before backing the car out of the driveway gave her a long hug.

The girls talked about school, the upcoming graduation, and their friends during the car ride. Sarah was laughing and smiling as they pulled into the parking lot of the school, but her smile suddenly faded and her face grew pale as they parked. She looked over at Evelyn, and her sister handed her backpack to her.

“Just take a deep breath, and let’s go. The worst he can do is yelling at us.” Evelyn opened her door and got out, then walked over and gave Sarah’s hand a gentle squeeze as they walked towards their guardian and the headmaster of the school, Professor Johnson.

“Girls, this is the third time this month that you are late. You know this school has a low tolerance for tardiness. Follow me to my office, please.” He turned without another word, and walked towards the entrance of the school. Sarah looked up at Evelyn, and then walked into the building and up the stairs to the main office. When they walked into the Professor’s office, they each sat down in a chair in front of his desk.

“Evelyn, I understand that having a younger sister to look after and having no parents to help is a lot of responsibility, however, Sarah is almost eighteen. Both of you need to step up to the plate and act like responsible young ladies. If you don’t improve your attendance and your grades, we will make sure that Sarah goes into a foster home until she graduates. Am I understood?” He walked across the room as he spoke, stopping to look out the window.

“Professor, you can’t do that! I’m all she has left!” Evelyn shouted as she stood up out of her chair, causing Sarah to cringe.
“Do not yell at me, young lady. I understand that you two are still coping with the loss of your parents, but they left you in my care and you have no excuses for your behavior. Sarah, you have two months. Improve your grades and punctuality, or you’re going to a new home. You are now dismissed, get to class immediately.”

The girls walked out of the office and into the hallway in silence. Sarah took Evelyn’s hand, and gave it a very gentle squeeze.

“I’m so sorry…this is entirely my fault sis. I should have been ready on time.” Sarah looked down as her sister hugged her close.

“No, it’s not your fault. He’s right; I should have taken more responsibility myself. We can fix this though. From now on, we will not be late. And I think it’s time for the others to move in with us, that way we can all get our work done. The professor will no longer have any reason to take you away.” Evelyn took a step back and smiled. “While you’re in class, I’ll make some phone calls and gather them for discussion after you’re out.”

“Good idea… I should get to class before he finds me here. I love you sis, and I’ll see you after school.” They shared another quick hug, and Sarah headed off to class while Evelyn walked outside and pulled out her phone.

After school got out, the group got together at Sarah and Evelyn’s house to discuss the living arrangements. They discussed a few different options, and then decided that Saturday they would all move into the house where Sarah and Evelyn used to live with their parents. It was big enough for all of them to live there and still have plenty of room. Evelyn looked over, to check on Sarah, and noticed her laughing and talking with the others. When it started to get late, everyone said their goodbyes and headed home.


A noise startled Evelyn, and brought her back to the present. She looked up, just as the cell door opened and a man walked in. What was going on?

“Make sure the car is ready to go. I’ll only be a minute. And send the doctor up, with something to put out our prisoner for transportation.” The stranger turned to face Evelyn, and smiled.
Evelyn’s mind and heart raced as she heard the conversation between the man and the guards. This was her opportunity. She was finally going to be free. She stood up and tossed the blanket aside, getting ready to make a run for it the next time the cell door is opened.

“Well, look who’s awake. I wanted to talk to you before we move you. Your kind is very scarce, and it would be a shame to fight you to get what we want. Keep in mind, this is my final offer. Join us, and convince your friends to do so as well. Once we’ve taken over the world and wiped out most of the human race, then you’ll all be free to live your lives the way you please. If you keep refusing us, and fighting us, we will destroy you.” He walked closer to Evelyn, and watched her every move.

“You already know my answer, Dimitri.” She took two steps backwards, towards the table. Moving slowly, she felt around behind her for anything light she could throw.

The cell door opened, and a man stepped inside with a needle. Without any hesitation, Evelyn picked up the candle off the table and chucked it at the doctor. He ducked, and the candle collided against the wall, the holder making a loud clanging noise as it bounced off the wall and hit the floor. She then proceeded to tip the table over and use it to swing at Dimitri, who was still standing before her. The guard came running into the room, and hollered “Look out, Dimitri!” then dove in front of him. The table collided with the guards’ chest, knocking the wind out of him and sending them both toppling backwards.

“Doctor, put her out now!” Dimitri turned around to flee the room and the doctor rushed forward before Evelyn could regain her balance.

She quickly went to swing at the doctor, but it was too late. She felt a sharp pain in her left arm, and then a numbing sensation as the anesthesia began to spread. Before Evelyn could reach for the needle, her mind emptied and the room began to spin. Everything went black, just as her head hit the stone floor.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2012, 09:04:54 am by Becky »
Two hearts, two minds, in time, did find, one love, one aim, two paths, the same!

Offline Jet

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Re: Fates Fantasy (Part 1)
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2012, 01:50:47 am »
this is pretty good. i like it. I noticed though that you used "dived" there toward the end. you would use "dove" as dived isn't a word. Its alright i do that from time to time too. :D I can only read what you have posted for us, but it sounds like Anthros are taking over and destroying all humans? I dont have much info yet, but i like it. Thats how i write too, at first let the reader guess a little then fill in some details as the story progresses. I'm only assuming the main character is human because Dimitri says he will destroy all humans except her if she cooperates, and the only reason i figure that they are anthros is because you posted it on an anthro site. if i saw this anywhere else, i would assume aliens. :P i like it so far, though.
"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


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Offline Becky

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Re: Fates Fantasy (Part 1)
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2012, 09:06:49 am »
Actually, they're not humans :) They're a special group of people who can morph into animals. And the bad people, are werewolves in a way. And thanks for pointing out that spelling error for me :) I fixed it
Two hearts, two minds, in time, did find, one love, one aim, two paths, the same!

Offline Jet

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Re: Fates Fantasy (Part 1)
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2012, 12:42:18 pm »
Okay, now i'm getting a little more of the story in my head. Just keep up on the whole grammar and spelling thing. I mess up from time to time in my novels, too. i find it helps if a write a few pages, then when the story settles down a little, go through and read out loud from start to where i left off to make sure it sounds right and is spelled correctly. after i finish the whole story, i would go through it again to make sure. You read the story until your sick of it, then you read it again! :D

Just a side topic about your story. what are the "werewolves" trying to do with these morphing humans? are they trying to find a way to transform all humans instead of destroy them, or are they just curious how these ones can transform? You don't have to answer of course, I'm just interested in a good story. :)
"Miniscule conflicts are insignificant in relation to the paradox of life itself." - Me, Josh Karels


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Offline typingwithpaws

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Re: Fates Fantasy (Part 1)
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2012, 06:44:11 am »
this is gonna be good becca :D
"Nothing will ever surpass the beauty and elegance of a bad idea"