Good poetry, I'm really digging the metaphors. (I'm also a fan of dark poetry.) The only real thing I would say is watch your spelling, and I know it's kind of a cliche thing to say, but it's true. For example, "Nothing seems to make sence" Should really be "Nothing seems to make sense".
If you want to get into the still more technical side, there are some things you could do with the meter, to make it flow better. Think (and I know it sounds stupid) back to when you read Dr. Seuss. He is the absolute poetic king of iambic pentameter. Ignoring the fancy words, basically every line had five "stressed" syllables alternating with 5 unstressed in a 'u S u S u S u S u S' pattern. By no means do you have to use that meter. Just say your poem out loud to yourself and add in what you feel is necessary.
