shadowed light

[PupLilith17]

be honest and tell me what you think

tis lost in light
  and blind in shadow
  within dust walks
    and in sun sorrow
    living dead
     and loss of soul
     woke on the eclipe of sun
        and found myself within your shadow

[Avor]

It's not very clear to me what you are getting at. It could be me, but I think grammar is needed and you seem to be trying to hard to sound cryptic. I realy like the "lost in light and blind in shadow" bit, but should the words "lost" and "blind" switched? Or is there a deeper mean to the current arrangement?

[PupLilith17]

its about a werewolf
blind in shadow was to show that she lost herself
lost in light was about memory

[Avor]

its about a werewolf

OK, now everything makes sense now, thanks. But I'm still in support of grammar, so it isn't a giantr run-on sentance.

[PupLilith17]

tis lost in light
  and blind in shadow.
  within dust walks
    and in sun sorrow.
    living dead
     and loss of soul.
     woke on the eclipe of sun
        and found myself within your shadow.
punctuation:3

[Avor]

punctuation:3

YAY!  Alwaya remember...

[PupLilith17]

happieness has come and gone,
 now i am your tortured pawn.
sorrow wakes where joy has failed,
 i now see how she has pailed.
no more is she by my side,
 i can see that she has cried.
puffy eyes and stuffy nose,
 i cry for my lovely rose.

 This one rhymes
what do you think?

[Rush]

punctuation:3

YAY!  Alwaya remember...

I love this.
And i do like the poetry. (the first one, i only glanced at the second one) very... something. it's looking to find an ending. I like the tension it leaves, it's like it wants to be finished, but ends there. if you understand what i mean.

[PupLilith17]

i do enjoy writing poetry
but my sis is better
she`s in the forums too,
if she`d post some

[Rush]

i do enjoy writing poetry
but my sis is better
she`s in the forums too,
if she`d post some

hey if it's something you enjoy doing then by all means keep it up. I can't say much without sounding like someone who thinks he's all that (because I don't), but at the risk of sounding like a teacher, keep it up! 

[PupLilith17]

im just making this up as i go along

play among the moon beams tonight,
and sing the devils prayer with me.
dance the devils suduction,
and call to the forbidden love.

or maybe

let the devil posses you,
and the demons rise.
i will not stop you.
i will not stand by your side.

ok that came out.....dark

[Rush]

hehe that's my favorite kind.