Author Topic: *Story* Cold Heart - Strangers Behind Me (13y+ users please)  (Read 3847 times)

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Offline DazWizzle

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*Story* Cold Heart - Strangers Behind Me (13y+ users please)
« on: April 22, 2017, 09:26:12 am »
Hello and thanks for stopping by.

Apologies for the following few lines of Legal Jargon but best I lay it out before anything else.

DISCLAIMER - Please be aware some parts of the story do cover adult topics including but not limited to PTSD, Murder, Suicide, and other topics I will not list here. Those parts will not be posted or talked about in this section of the forum but can be found via the links on Fiction press. That said although this is a work of Fiction, chapters are based on person experience, friends and family.

"Cold Heart" and the material within, side story's and images are all Copyright protected by Australian copyright law (

*Derivative works and Fandom*
1. Derivative works are allowed however are to be posted ONLY with a CC - BY-NC License.
2. Fan Fiction (If I get any). Please stay loyal to the Canon of the story. The 20+ main characters are requested not to deviate without prior permission. I am to be linked to any posts on any sites. (CC - BY-NC License).
3. I own all parts of this fiction, I am god within the story's universe and what I say goes.  :P

Now all that is out of the way and sorry to be blunt, this is going into editing shortly and onto publishing later on this year so I want to protect my IP as best as I can. There are a few little side projects to come from the book I will explain later in the post.

Cold Heart - The boring 9 years of work to get to now.

In 2008 I began work on an animation project for a Neon Genesis Evangelion Dojinshi called Re-Take (all ages). This Project ran into several problems and resulted in a take-down notice being issued and the project ultimately closing at the end of 2008 with 1 of the 6 episodes completed but never uploaded. Having been through all the take down stuff and a few lessons from that story and playing with it a little I finally came to the conclusion that I would begin a rewrite and create something of my own. I wanted a story that was unique to me and had characters I created in my own setting. I loved the way NGE finished and how Re-Take was adapted to suit the ending so this new work of fiction began based around that type of story. I travel a lot with work, spending a lot of time away from home as Sea. Ships are an interesting place to work from and to write, the characters you interact with are always different from what you would see daily around your home town. I continued writing at home and incorporated some of my children upbringings in to the story however most of these parts ended up being scrapped due to the adult nature and direction this story peruses. Fans of NGE (both the original and remake) will know what I am talking about.

The story over the past 9 years has changes so much from where it started with some of the line I wished to keep totally removed now all together.
"From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, I am yours. Not a single hair is spared". I was sad to see that line go but that's when I really started to enjoy the story.

The Very first time I put pen to paper establishing my own IP was probably one of the hardest things I have done on a computer. Forget an idea, plot or setting, start with a character. This is what I did and I created Gina. A 19 year old girl dealing with life mid way through the tunnel. She was based on my sister and issues I was having with her at the time. I wont explain here but Gina had a few problems with temper and a boy she was overly attached too. So I played with Gina and Darnell, Both names very deliberate and set up personalities for the characters. It was at this point (end of 2009) I pulled out a sketch pad and drew Gina for the very first time as a Human. What I found was the body's were good but I could not draw the faces. No matter how many times I tried they just would not work. As a laugh I looked at our pet dog, a border collie named Archie. Only problem was he is a he so talking to my wife (who was watching the animals of farthing wood at the time) suggested Foxes. A little googling and some work with Photoshop to get a basic idea I created the first plan for Gina.

The story continued to progress through 2009/10 until I became unhappy with its direction and decided to scrap the modern day setting. Having my character driving cars looked a little bit too odd. So I went to space and started with a Mass Effect style story based around a 5 an crew of an orbital defense Frigate. This story suited a more earth-like situation and being able to use points of reference in space. So the idea was shelved (and actually came up again not too recently but that isn't for this site). Both the characters, Gina and Darnell had developed substantially from the start of 2009 and I decided to take a step back and look heavily at what story I exactly wanted to tell. Story, I still had no story to tell and that became my focus. The end of 2010 and half of 2011 were really trying times for me and the family. I already had one child and spent a large amount of time over those two years on ships traveling. Each time something would happen that I found effected me, I would write it down and try keep an idea of what happened and how it would work in a story.

2012 and 2013 not a lot got done but I had chosen a medieval setting for the game and started to explore the ideas behind the world and creating a plot. The plot was an interesting one to come up with and how to reveal the ending but I will keep that for those who choose to read the book to work out for themselves. But I had a story. It is called End of Light and was written as a side scrolling video-game. I always wanted my own game or animation and for a large amount of time was torn between both. A full synopsis of end of light with basic script and character development included with the introduction of a new character, Kolin. Kolin was to be a relationship option in the game with the player being able to choose from either Gina or Darnell. An extra female character was created to act as the Female relation ship option, Kaida. The biggest problem I had with end of light and trying to write a video game was story. How to make a game fun and tell a specific story. This didn't work and like the first few attempts was shelved for a later date. This lead me to 2015 and the birth of my third child and where the story changed once more. I ended up having to live away from home for 9 months and spent most of my time developing the world and ideas behind it. 2016 I spent drafting a plot and by the end of the year had the basic story line worked out and character setups. How much they all changed and for the better. Gina and Darnell were now enemies and I had introduced a whole new enemy, the plagued. The last half of 2016 up to this point so below I present the setting up for Cold Heart - Strangers behind me.


Its been almost 13 years since the mysterious plagued appeared on Orion, wiping mods of the Canidae population from the planet. In a last effort to save the remaining Canidae's from being over run the five Shaman's of power activated a barrier now know as the dark Gate. The war is abruptly ended almost as soon as it begun restoring peace to the surviving part of the region. Now two years after the death of her mother, Gina takes solitude in the towns abandoned and derelict warning tower to watch the sun set each night as she once did with her mother. When signs of another persons footprints appear, the young girl attempts to discover who shares the tower with her and make contact by writing messages on the wall. Follow Gina a young Vulpes (red fox) as she discovers the mysteries behind Orion, the shamans and stones of power and her ultimate choice, that you the reader make.

I do apologies in advanced for any spelling/grammar errors in the story as I have not yet gotten back to editing yet. Once a final edit has been conducted the chapters will be removed from the internet ready for publishing.

I am after feedback on the story though regarding plot holes or anything that you may feel could need some more explaining. I really hope this is the right place to post this. I really like the Furry's I have created.

Thanks for taking the time to Read this lengthy post.

Cold Heart Part 1 - Messages on the Wall
Cold Heart Part 2 - The Blind Truth
Parts 3 and 4 contain adult content and can be found via my fiction press profile
Parts 5 and 6 are in editing and will be posted one chapter at a time to fiction press.
If you wish to discuss parts 3 and 4 please keep it family friendly here, PM me for the adult stuff if you have questions until I have access to the adult forums.


Andric Eleta                                               ANN-DRIK   EL-ETT-AH
Vicky Eleta - Deceased                              VIC-KEY 
Gina Eleta                                                 GEE-NAH
Raydn Akodi                                              RAY-DEN  AH-KO-DEE
Hayley Akodi                                             HAY-LEE
Kolin Akodi                                                COLL-IN
Kaida Akodi                                               K-EYE-DA
Amphion Darnell                                        AM-FI-ON  DARR-NEL
- Partner – Deceased
- Son – Deceased
Theodore Marko (Mr.Marko)                      THEO-DOOR  MAR-CO
Andrea Marko                                           AND-REA
Phil-Byron Coolac                                      PHIL-BY-RON COOL-ACK
Arnold Teptor                                            ARN-OLD  TEP-TOR
Nieve Teptor – Shaman of Forsight           NE-EVE
- Jessica                                                    JESS-IKA
Sar Iovius – Shamon of Pain                     SAR   IOV-IUS
Terrin Clarus – Shaman of Life                  TER-RIN  CL-ARUS
Elton Petrovich – Shamon of Eternal Life  EL-TON  PET-ROV-ICH
Tiatha Dima – Shaman of Power               TY-ATH-AH  DEE-MA
Philip Vacnerian – Comdr of the Altona      PHIL-IP  VAS-NERI-AN
Etad Caetus – Crown                                ET-ADD  CAY-TUS
Kipp Ryfan                                                 KIPP   RIF-FAN
Reed Lawarn                                             REED   LAW-ARN
Ryman Saxor                                             R-EYE-MAN  SAX-OR
Alyssa Tedral                                             AL-EYE-SA  TED-RAL

The Planet Orion is one of 7 planets in its star system. It can be found on Orion's belt and has a nice view of the horse head Nebula in the night sky. It is an earth like world with a 378 day Rotation and 24 hour days.
The months are split into 12 the same as ours under the following names.

Each time period is named after a significant event in a 100 year period. The story of Cold Heart (messages on the wall) is the "Century of 3 kings 63".
The story behind the name.
The continent is split into three large areas separated by mountains. The main trade routs between each country are through the middle of these mountains. War between the 3 countries broke out with the lands and wealth at stake by three power hungry Kings. A proposal from the five Shaman  was each king face each-other in a fight to settle the rights for the lands and spare all the Canidae's within the lands. The Victor would wed a wife in each region and heir a son to each wife. The sons would be bought up to love and respect each other giving the land and its people peace. This was agreed on and proved to be a successful way to establish freedom under a united government.

Religion: No religion exists on Orion, if it did when the Plagued appeared all of it was lost.

Canidae: The Canidae people are split into 4 main different Races. Canina, Cerdocyonina, Vulpini and Urocyon.
It is considered Taboo for Canidae to breed outside of their race with another race. Each race had several sub races.
Canina are divided into the following:
Lupus, Latrans, Anthus, Simensis, Aureus, Alpinus, Pictus and Asustus.
Cerdocyonina are divided into the following:
Chysocyon, Vetulus, Filvipes, Griseus, Gymnpcercus, Culpaesu, Thous and Microtis.
Vulpini are divided into the following:
Zedra, Cana, Chama, Vulpes, Corsac, Ferrilata, Macrotis and Lagopus.
Finally Urocyon are divided into the following:
Littoralis and Cinereoargenteus.

How Canidae talk about one another: Canidae is often abbreviated to Canis or Canid depending on the area a Canidae had been bought up in. A Canidae will call another Canidae they don't know by their sub race for example Gina is referred to as Vulpes at times however if the Canidae's name is known calling a Canidae by their race is concerned highly insulting and even racist.

Five Shamans exist each holding a stone. During the life of a Shaman each one has a power used to keep the world in balance and identify areas where the lands or people are suffering. A Shaman is immortal until they bare offspring. The Child of a Shaman is tought how to use the stone and inherits a power from the mother or father. Once a Shaman has handed over the stone they are destine to live out their days as mortals. The oldest of the Shamans is Sar at 316 years.

Life expectancy:
The average life span of a Canidae is 82 years with some living as long as 105.

The Plagued:
Little is known about the plagued. They are a highly intelligent parasite that infects a host turning them feral. Some instances can infect within a matter of minutes and others within days. The only know cure is death. Plagued are unable to cross into the region of Craydon (last remaining region of living Canidae.

Four different languages exist on Orion.
Sek (Latin) - Language of the Shamans (Hardly ever used or known about).
Drish (English) - Language of the South
Nudnete (Spanish) - Language of the North
Kulo (Welsh) - Language of the East.

If I can think of anything else I will add it later.

Thanks again, any questions please ask :)
« Last Edit: April 23, 2017, 06:22:40 am by DazWizzle »