Author Topic: Coming out? (Read 8162 times)

vlad · « **on:** February 19, 2010, 01:51:07 pm »

Do you feel like being a furry is something you need to "come out" as? Why or why not? If you've come out as furry and as something else, how do the two experiences compare?

I think if being furry were a spiritual thing for you, you might want to be able to talk openly about it, but if it were just a hobby I don't think it would be relevant. I think it's kind of like model trains...people who love trains don't need to "come out" as train enthusiast, they just set up their models and go through life without a second glance from anyone.

I got thinking about this because I was talking to someone about anonymity online and identity theft. I told her "well, there's no concern for me because as far as anyone online knows I'm a five foot tall talking fox." She laughed, but I wondered if saying something like that might have been nerve wracking for someone else.

Martin_Aresian · « **Reply #1 on:** February 19, 2010, 02:59:47 pm »

Do I think it's something you need to come out as? No. Absolutely not. I think people make a much bigger deal out of it then is even remotely necessary. Let's say you want to 'come out' to your parents or your friends, the two most common. Your parents will either not care, think you're mildly crazy but mostly not care, or throw a big hissy fit in which case they're crazy and you've got bigger problems the liking anthropomorphic animals. Your friends will also most likely not care, though they will tease you mercilessly about it and it will be hilarious.

As for the deeper "spiritual" stuff, I don't think you need to come out as that either. Even if you tell people that you want to be a wolf in real life, they're unlikely to respond with anything other then bafflement and slight uneasiness. Spare them. Leave your deeper furry stuff for the fandom and a few very very trusted individuals. I don't think of it as a closet. I think of it as 'everybody doesn't need to know everything', especially when it comes to the stranger stuff. Don't answer a question that wasn't asked.

Sky Striker · « **Reply #2 on:** February 19, 2010, 06:38:24 pm »

I completely agree with Martin, but it's hard to admit that to your friends if they have heard about furries on the internet. Your parents most likely won't know anything about furries and therefore won't care too much, but if your friends already have heard about furries, they may have some common misconceptions about us.

I think that the best way to tell your friends is to do so very casually. If they start acting weird tell them a little bit of what part of the fandom you are in to dispel any negative thoughts they may have.

TCD · « **Reply #3 on:** February 19, 2010, 07:46:35 pm »

Argh. No. Even if it's some sort of super spiritual thing. The more you make a big deal of it, the more other people are going to make a big deal of it and no one wants that.

furtopia02 · « **Reply #4 on:** February 19, 2010, 08:32:50 pm »

Not directed at anyone - I didn't read the replies yet.

I don't think it is something that should be HIDDEN to begin with - its just an interest based around art and literature. Since it shouldn't be hidden to begin with you can't 'come out' if you are not hiding it. Doesn't mean you have to shove it in people's faces to be 'openly furry'. I have furry artwork in my portfolio for anyone that wants to view (and I show it to other art students and people I know at school), and I post stuff (art and some fursuit photos) on my Facebook. It is there is someone wants to look at it and isn't anything to be ashamed of. If you made it a 'huge secret' it only makes it look bad or suspicious when it does get found out. Personally, I like being able to mention what I drew the night before at home when I am in art class the next morning and someone asks me rather than saying I did nothing and hope they don't notice I am lying and wonder what I am hiding. If you do have something you feel you must keep hidden from everyone though, go for it, but the general stuff like "i like furry art and stories" or "i draw furry art" doesn't seem like anything to hide anymore (to me).

Read some replies now:

On a side note concerning furry fandom's impression.. until more "sane", normal, every day furries decide to be open about our genre of various art forms then only the "crazy" or "minority" voice will continue to be heard. Just a thought.

Nicholai · « **Reply #5 on:** February 19, 2010, 08:49:46 pm »

I do agree with Rusty and TCD, that it's probably somthing that you shouldn't make a big deal out of. On the other hand, tread with caution.
I am rather open about my involvement in the fandom, so I've had situations where I've just said to someone "Yes, I am a furry" and left it that. Problem was, their only exposure to the fandom was CSI, or some joke on the internet about fursuits. Confusion and awkwardness followed.

My advice, make sure they know what furry is before you even say the phrase "furry fandom."

Uncle Kage has done multiple con panels on "Presenting furry fandom to the public", and they are all quite good, so look those up on Youtube right now! He talks about using the right language, how to not confuse people, how to deal with stereotypes/misconceptions, and all sorts of useful stuff.

Martin_Aresian · « **Reply #6 on:** February 19, 2010, 09:45:22 pm »

Quote from: Nicholai on February 19, 2010, 08:49:46 pm

Uncle Kage has done multiple con panels on "Presenting furry fandom to the public", and they are all quite good, so look those up on Youtube right now! He talks about using the right language, how to not confuse people, how to deal with stereotypes/misconceptions, and all sorts of useful stuff.

I just want to second this. It's great advice.

Fenny the Fox · « **Reply #7 on:** February 19, 2010, 10:12:13 pm »

I, for one, don't see it as something because of which you need to "come out". I draw some artwork, and I post it on Facebook. I am rather open about liking all things "furry" really. Everyone knows I collect plushies, am pretty much addicted to anything animated, etc.

Sure, a few people have asked if I am a furry, I simply let them decide, honestly. I don't say no, and generally say "yeah, I like that stuff." And then I leave it there. If you make it a big deal, they definitely will. I don't think it is something to hide, but as has been said, approach telling people with due caution - at least expect the typical reaction of them having pre-existing stereotypes.

LordFenrir · « **Reply #8 on:** February 20, 2010, 07:57:44 am »

No! Furry is not something you need to "come out" about. As stated above, for most people, it's a hobby. I wear a tail and a wolf ear hat around all the time, openly browse on these forums, and draw furry art, and my parents know it, but I never "came out" about being a furry, nor do they require a word to describe it. It's just something I do, and they accept it.

My friends are another matter. They all have seen the CSI episode and so forth, but they also know that it's fiction, and they're cool with hanging with a moderately open furry. Even people who I meet on the street who ask why I wear the tail, I only reply "Because it's fun, why not?" I don't feel the need to say "I'm a furry" because why do they need to know?

Now, if you have some spiritual aspect, such as therian or otherkin that you're dying to tell people about, consider it first. Would you tell your parents if you changed your religious affiliation? Say you switched from Catholicism to being Atheist as I have, but your parents never ask you to go to church or pray at dinner anyway. Do you still feel the need to inform them of your anti-spirituality? Not directly. I never once told my parents I'm Atheist, and they don't seem to press the issue, respecting the fact that I'm mature enough to make lifestyle choices for myself, and that they've been an improvement so far, so that's good enough for them.

Fen-Fen · « **Reply #9 on:** February 20, 2010, 04:25:54 pm »

Quote from: TCD on February 19, 2010, 07:46:35 pm

Argh. No. Even if it's some sort of super spiritual thing. The more you make a big deal of it, the more other people are going to make a big deal of it and no one wants that.

Oh I totally agree with this. When I "came out" to my mother a few years back, she took it as something big because I made it into something big. As the years passed, she saw that I wasn't doing drugs, getting pregnant, or harming myself so she kind of accepted it.

vlad · « **Reply #10 on:** February 20, 2010, 11:21:43 pm »

wow, I'm surprised by these responses. XD I was sort of expecting someone to say "furry is teh serious bizznass mmkay?"

I occasionally run across horror stories on forums along the lines of "my parents found out I'm a furry and kicked me out", and I'm always suspicious of them, and think theres more to the story than just that.

Onion · « **Reply #11 on:** February 21, 2010, 12:07:27 am »

perhaps the single greatist piece of advice ever given to me.

"What others think about me, is none of my business." - Mr.Brinker

"Hate is like a harsh wind in a storm. All other trees may crack and break. But the bambo thrives on. Be like the bambo, Strongly determed, And flexable in thought. Dont not let the thoughts of others break you. Yet bend like the bambo, let the thoughts of others pass over or by you. and be strong enough to live boldly and without fear." - tao

Martin_Aresian · « **Reply #12 on:** February 21, 2010, 01:18:51 pm »

Quote from: Onion Knight on February 21, 2010, 12:07:27 am

perhaps the single greatist piece of advice ever given to me.

"What others think about me, is none of my business." - Mr.Brinker

"Hate is like a harsh wind in a storm. All other trees may crack and break. But the bambo thrives on. Be like the bambo, Strongly determed, And flexable in thought. Dont not let the thoughts of others break you. Yet bend like the bambo, let the thoughts of others pass over or by you. and be strong enough to live boldly and without fear." - tao

Both awesome quotes and good words to live by.

Sky Striker · « **Reply #13 on:** February 21, 2010, 01:57:57 pm »

Quote from: Onion Knight on February 21, 2010, 12:07:27 am

perhaps the single greatist piece of advice ever given to me.

"What others think about me, is none of my business." - Mr.Brinker

Bwahahaha, best quote ever!

I already try to live as close to that rule as possible. I don't live 100% by it but doing so makes you so much happier. You shouldn't have to lie to yourself to be happy. And that's why if someone asks me if I'm a furry I say yes, but I don't go around telling people about it.

Nathan Wolf · « **Reply #14 on:** February 21, 2010, 11:57:42 pm »

Well, I truly see it as realizing I was a furry myself, my personality changed completely changed, so none the less I would have to admit it to someone.
The thing is, no one in my entire town is a furry so far. In my other posts I spent less than an hour in a mall out of town and ran into a furry within 20 minutes and spent the rest of the time talking about it.

Because you see, if I walk around in public wearing a collar, because nothing can embarrass me now, I let people choose to talk to me about it.
If a guy or girl in school just yells. "Why are you wearing a collar?" or "You're gay" or my personal favorite, people barking at me, they obviously don't know that I am a furry, because they do not understand what furry is. So after I explained to my mother what a furry was she couldn't care less about the collar. My dad didn't either surprisingly enough. So now I can wear it all day, anywhere, regardless if it's in a school full of naive children trying to insult me with incorrect sexual orientations. So all in all, you wouldn't need to come out as a furry to anyone unless you want to talk about it, or if people ask why your wearing a collar. Because simply if their not interested, they are not going to care.

Like my employee's for example, I got to explain what my orientation, as a Bisexual, was and I explained why I wore a collar, what a furry was and what they look like.
They thought, I was trying to pull them into the world of a crazy fetish. >.> I told you everyone is ignorant here. But I might have sparked yet another furry, I won't speak of anything personal about Austin mainly because he could read this, and if he understands what I am talking about, he knows he will have to admit that fact on his own terms here. This place may just be the very thing he needs because he even admitted to his curiosity about the whole idea of furries.

And no, I do not brainwash apoplexy to come here. I am just one of the nicest teenagers in the whole city. Like breaking people for using gay to describe something they don't like.
That just annoys me. But once again I am off topic so I guess Ill stop ranting about my town, I'm moving soon hopefully anyway.

Sorry, some spelling errors I fixed...

TCD · « **Reply #15 on:** February 22, 2010, 05:51:03 pm »

Quote from: Nathan Wolf on February 21, 2010, 11:57:42 pm

Like my employee's for example, I got to explain what my orientation was

Furry is not an orientation or an identity.
Furry is not an orientation or an identity.
Furry is not an orientation or an identity.
Furry is not an orientation or an identity.
Furry is not an orientation or an identity.
Furry is not an orientation or an identity.

You're acting like it is and call them ignorant for not understanding what SHOULD be a hobby. No wonder why people bark at you. Do you think people who collect and trade baseball cards act like this? Or Star Trek fans? Even the weird ones who wear uniforms everywhere understand that what they're into is not, should not, be their entire life and their entire identity. It's. Not. Healthy.

If I were to give advice to people new to the fandom, it would be this:

Keep it low key.

The more you make a big deal of it, the more other people will make it a big deal. So, don't make a big deal of your wearing a collar or tell EVERYONE you meet for the first time that you solely identify as a member of THE FURRY FANDOM and you have no other interests and you beter accept it or else, and no one else will make it a big deal either or remember you solely as "that guy".

Nathan Wolf · « **Reply #16 on:** February 22, 2010, 08:32:42 pm »

I did not mean to say that my orientation was related to me being a furry. My Sexual orientation is that I am a Bisexual.

Sorry if I confused you...

I just feel like getting yelled at should make anything better.

CanzetYote · « **Reply #17 on:** April 26, 2010, 05:29:43 pm »

I told my job coach I was a furry and he was cool with it. I explained to him about ears/tails/collars and he just said "no way" and I told him that I find it appealing so he asked me if I would come to day program wearing ears/tail/etc and I told him probably not when it comes to job training sites. I've told him several times about my spiritual feelings about wolves before telling him about the furry thing. I still haven't told my friend Rob yet but I think I will in a couple months or so. He's your typical geek, hopefully he'll be cool with it.

Nashee · « **Reply #18 on:** April 26, 2010, 07:50:45 pm »

I'm pretty out there. Not very many people like me, or understand me so it's not like I'm doing anything unusual. My parents know I'm weird and I'm into strange things, but they don't know I'm exactly furry. I wear my collar a lot though, and I tend to meow without even realizing it.

I think my hubby is used to me nuzzling him, walking on all fours, and rolling around on the bed sheets. And playing with strings 0.0
He enjoys calling "Pssst, here kitty kitty" and watching me run into the room.

k, maybe I'm a little strange. But yeah, I didn't actually "come out" I was just... out. I never realized announced it. It just happened.

josh down · « **Reply #19 on:** April 26, 2010, 08:08:04 pm »

i don't really feel the need to come out. i don't think i hide it in the slightest; my band clearly know cause most of my pieces are based on animals, my housemates and parents know cause i have plushies and posters...

and plus, the main reaction that you get when you tell people you're a furry is "what's that?" ... so it can hardily be called an identity if no-one knows what it is. just tell people you love animals and animal themed things.

Sky Striker · « **Reply #20 on:** April 27, 2010, 06:59:58 pm »

Quote from: josh down on April 26, 2010, 08:08:04 pm

i don't really feel the need to come out. i don't think i hide it in the slightest; my band clearly know cause most of my pieces are based on animals, my housemates and parents know cause i have plushies and posters...

and plus, the main reaction that you get when you tell people you're a furry is "what's that?" ... so it can hardily be called an identity if no-one knows what it is. just tell people you love animals and animal themed things.

That's pretty much exactly how I feel. Seriously, nobody at my school knows what a furry is (probably, just from the demographics there) but I know for a fact that most of the people at my sister's school do!

Vlada Drachulf · « **Reply #21 on:** May 02, 2010, 06:59:55 am »

I take the same stance on being a furry as I do with being a lesbian...which is, basically, it's no one else's business. That's not WHO I am. Either one. If it's relevant, I talk about it. I agree with everyone who's said acting like it's a big deal makes everyone else act like it's a big deal. It's not something to be ashamed of. It's not who you are, just as your orientation doesn't define WHO you are.

DrysKale · « **Reply #22 on:** June 25, 2010, 03:02:16 am »

I never came out nor see it as something I need to come out about. I sketch animal people and talk on forums with a lizard avatar and enjoy comics and movies that have anthro themes, but I also have hundreds of other interests. I never came out as a Prog Rock or Metal fan or a Scifi fan, so I treat furry as that. Heck most people don't know my religious or sexual orientation so furry is the last thing on my list of things I need to come out as.

Cakez the Husky · « **Reply #23 on:** June 28, 2010, 07:03:58 pm »

the only reason to "come out" that most people know is if your not 18 or 19 (whatever it is). So that you can get a hotel room. or if you need a ride >.< Otherwise. Its only good to tell people your furry if they are to. Which is kinda hard if your hiding it or not sharing

Cimarron · « **Reply #24 on:** June 28, 2010, 07:19:53 pm »

Pull up a chair and sit a spell... Cimarron has a story.
Today... I got a call from a friend who I went to college with and maybe get together with 2 or 3 times a year. She asked me what I was doing on this particular Saturday in July... it was a Laff bowling day, and since I had so much fun at the last one, I want to go again. So I told her I joined a bowling league, and couldnt make it. To which she replied she loves bowling, and she wants to show up to watch. None of my friends know anyhing about furry anything, and I would never volunteer anything. I told her it was a small place, and really crowded, and she wouldnt have a good time. She said it didnt matter and was still going to show up. I debated telling her that I wasnt going to go, and just wait for August.... but then I figured eh, whats one more person in the world who thinks Im wierd, and probably won't talk to me anymore... so I gradually explained furry to her. I started by saying that most of the people are comic/animae/art people, and some of them draw... some of them write, photograph, and some of them make, and show up in mascot-style costumes of their characters (I didnt want to use the word fursona) Well, i was expecting a "Youve done lost your mind... have a nice life." reaction. Turns out she thought the whole concept was awesome. She must have did some research on the internet, as she called me back, and said."Ya know, were so going to Midwest Furfest together." So yeah, it went pretty well.