Author Topic: Starting a story. Feedback?  (Read 1919 times)

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Offline Kasuni

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Starting a story. Feedback?
« on: September 01, 2012, 11:52:16 pm »
     The Wolf Pack
                                                   By: Rebecca Christopher
                  Chapter 1

   They ran. They fast and quickly. So silent. Their paws quiet on the grass, leaves, and dirt. You coundn't even hear them breathe. They ran in search of food. They ran as one pack, as one wolf. Moving swiftly through the forest. They slow down as the alpha, Maya, and her mate, Amaroq, stop and sniff the air. They smelled food. A bull moose, big enough to feed to whole pack. The pack gets excited at the smell of food, but are quickly silenced by one look from their alphas. They run again, moving like the wind, heading to the moose. They find him in a clearing. Maya tells them how to line up so they can hunt. They all circle the moose, he smells them and runs, but he runs into Maya and Amaroq. They jump, aiming for the throat. The others join in. Some attacking, some trying to kill it. Finally, it lays still.
   They all thank the Spirit for the food. They ask the Spirit to help the moose's spirit lay safe, and thank him for his meat. The alphas eat first, then every one else joins in. They all eat til their bellies are full. They are happy to have food. They look up and see the moon is full. Maya sits up and starts howling. Amaroq joins her. They sound like music, their voices mixing together. The pack joins in, all of them soon sounding like one magestic wolf howling. The small pups join in. They are slighty off key but this just makes the adults chuckle. They all stop howling. They look at the moose, and get up to drag it back to the den. The alphas lead the way, followed by the pups, then the aults, then the wolves pulling the moose. the soon come the den and leave moose outside, covered with leaves. They all head in, and sleep well, with full bellies.
            Chapter 2
   Maya yawns as she awakes. She opens her eyes slowly and looks at Amaroq. She smiles. Amaroq is so beautiful when he sleeps. She yawns again, and nuzzles Amaroq awake.
Amaroq: *yawns* "good morning"
Maya: "morning. im going for a walk. would you like to join me?"
Amaroq: "no. i think i'll sleep more. ask Night, she might want to."
Maya: "ok. bye love you" *nuzzles Amaroq*
Amaroq: "bye, love you" *yawns and falls back asleep.*
   Maya walks around other wolves, trying not to desturb  them. She searches the area when Night normally sleeps. She finds Night sleeping peacefully. Maya walks over to Night and smiles, she remembers the day they found Night.
   It was 2 years ago. It had been a hard winter. There was a blizzard almost every day. Food became scarce. All the animals had left. Many wolves had died. Maya and Amaroq knew the had to leave, so as soon as a blizzard had ended they left. They couldn't run because they hadn't had food in a while. They walked as far as they could. They didn't go far, but they came down the mountain which they lived on, and were in a forest. Luckily, on the way down, they came across a sick and injuried doe. They put it out its misery and fed well. They had taken the deer with them and were resting in a clump of trees that protected them from the wind and snow. They were all reating peacefully when Maya got up to check on all the wolves. As she started heading back to Amaroq, she heard a whimper. She listened more closely and heard it again. She woke Amaroq and they went to see what was making the noise. Soon, they had found Night. She was missing a leg, she had been attacked and you could see her blood staining the snow. She was whimpering slightly, her breathing was shallow, and she was about to die. Maya had ran to her side and told Amaroq to tell a healer to come here. Maya told Night she would be fine, and starting licking her wounds. Maya started to worry about her missing a leg but, when she looked, the leg's skin grown over it and healed, like it happend some time ago. Soon the healer came and they all carried Night back to were they were sleeping. Other wolves started to wake. The other healers helped and the other wolves helped the healers. In a few day when Night was well, she told them her story. Night's full name was Night Stalker. she lost her leg to a bear trap, and she had been attacked when she and the wolf she loved had mated against the pack rules. They had been chased out, her mate ran and she couldn't run well cause just a couple weeks before being attacked is when she lost her leg. They attcked but didnt kill. So, when they were done, she went as far as she could. A few days later, they saw her again and attacked. Then Maya had found her. So they had accepted Night into their pack. From then on, Night had been very loyal, she became high ranked in the pack, and Maya's best friend.
Maya: *sighs and nuzzle Night*
Night: "huh?" *yawns* "oh. Good Morning Maya"
Maya: "Morning Night. im going for a walk to the lake. would you like to join me?"
Night: "sure" *stands up and yawns while stretching* "can we eat first?"
Maya: "sure. im a little hungry myself"
   Together, the walk outside the den and head to moose. They eat a little then head to the lake. Maya looks at Night.
Maya: "Night, you have such a beautiful coat."
Night: "no you do. im all black with a missing leg and green eyes. You have a perfect balance of grey, black, and white. your eyes are a stunning blue. Amaroq also has a beautiful coat. Grey and white with a black tail. his eyes are stunning blue too and shine like the stars." *sighs*
Maya: *stops walking and stares at Night* "you miss him, don't you?"
Night: *stops walking and looks away* "yeah. every day."
   When they found Night and she could walk they searched to see if they could find her mate. They didn't, but Night soon found out that they had mated long enough to become prenaut. All the pups but one were born dead. The last one died a month later. This had crushed her so much she almost never talked it or said his name.
Night: "we had been friends since we could walk. at one year old we started falling for each other. A month later he told me he loved me and i told him i loved him. we asked our alpha when mating season came, that since would be old enough, if we could mate. She said no but we did. Another wolf that liked Midnight followed us to see where we were going and told the alpha what she saw. She thought they would only kick out me, but they threw us both out." *sighs turns away from Maya*
Maya: "hey dont worry" *walks over to Night and nuzzles her* " i dont care if its the last thing i do, i swear to the Spirit, we will find him."
Night: *smiles and sighs* "thanks" *nuzzles Maya back.*
Maya: "we should probly head back to the den"
Night: i kinda want to go to the lake. i need a bath. how bout we rac there, we have to jump in, and run back to see who can make it back first?"
Maya: "ok! Ready. Set. GO!"

Offline Kasuni

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Re: Starting a story. Feedback?
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2012, 11:57:43 pm »
how i came up with this story is at a website called "howrse" you can own a virtual horse and stable. at your stable you can have a forum and in lots of forums there is stuff like "a horse herd" "a lion pride". so i made a wolf pack. thats where the story came from. and its also where my fursona's name came from.

Offline Old Rabbit

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Re: Starting a story. Feedback?
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2012, 12:50:25 pm »
Nice story, and well written too.. Thanks for sharing. :orbunny:
Avatar drawn by me.