Nameless

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Im trying to get my plot line started for this story but here it is so far

Nameless is about a dark wolf in the year 1429, he finds himself somewhere in a forest in france after waking up. When he wakes up he is weak and does not know who he is or where he is, his only clue is a strange marking on the back of his hand.

Thats it so far its a work in progress, what do you guys think? Is it good is it bad just tell me 

[Jet]

See, now the name makes sense. I thought you couldnt find a name for it either, then you talk about the wolf not knowing WHO he is and the name of the story fits right in. The basic stuff you got here are good. Of course you need an actual plot for it. Maybe his adventures to find out who he is and why he can't remember anything. Remember to take in the mental side of things. When I write I really focus on the characters' minds. How they react to things and the way they see the world. If they are a very flawed character with serious issues mentally, its a good idea to have another more stable character to assist and guide the more broken character. It sounds like this character is alone for now, and I dont know his mental status, but thats ok because you should probably get a good storyline before messing with complicated things like personality quirks. Make it interesting, fun, and based on the mystery surrounding his past, I would suggest making the story unexpecting and always keeps the audience guessing.

By the way, just out of pure curiosity, is the main character here feral or anthro. Also is the story told in first person, or third, and is it past tense or present tense. Sorry for all the questions, I am just interested.

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Well the character is anthro, the story is going to be in 1st person, and it is present tense. And thanks for the feed back like i said i do not have a solid plot line yet but you have given me few ideas about a side character

[Jet]

Glad I could help. When I first started my novel I had no ideas, just a world. So I made up a person and started writing, but it quickly stopped making sense. Originally I had only four characters... Now, because of the high levels of stress and emotional manipulations, I have about twelve important characters and some others that arent really important. Altogether maybe about 15 or 17. Somewhere around there. But I had written for a year before I actually developed a solid storyline. I had a general Idea, but nowhere it was going by the end. I still dont have a name for the novel and Im more than a year in. It'll all come to you if you stay focused and passionate about the story. Good luck.

[Nabru Wolfpup]

I am now thinking about making a world insted of putting it in medevil france, it gives more room for me to customize the story

[Jet]

Thats a great idea. Having a whole world to work with from scratch gives you the freedom to do whatever you want really.

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Ok so the land that this story takes place in is called High Ulfur (which means wolf) The races in the story are going to be from fox's and wolfs to dragons and bulls. This land High Ulfur is ruled by the Ulfur empire that oppresses its people for believing in other gods that the high king does not worship

Side note: There is no name for the high king yet or the side characters or the cities but this story is moving along nicely and if you have any suggestions feel free to tell me 

[Nabru Wolfpup]

                                           Nameless                               By: Alex (Nabru) Wolf

   I awake to find myself in a forest, alone and beaten. I look down at my body I am coved in rags. I can feel my paw throbbing in pain, I look down at my paw to see a half burnt off symbol. “Where am I?” I asked myself. As I stager to my feet I can see smoke off in the distance. “Thank the Gods a village!” As I stager out of the forest and onto the road to the village I remember something. A man dressed in black robes dragging me into the forest from the village, he is wearing an amulet, I can not make out what it is but it resembles the burnt off symbol on the back of my paw.

   As I stagger into town I can see a crowd starting to form around a stage, as I nudge to the front I can see a strong arctic wolf in shiny new armor, to his left was an old fox in rusty beaten armor. The arctic wolf unrolls a scroll and reads from it “Gargon of Hjirum, you are charged with high treason and the murder of General Yarum. By order of high king Nabru Ulfur you are sentenced to death, what say you in your defense?” The fox opens his mouth and says “One day all of you Ulfur empire scum will die.” The arctic wolf forces the old fox to his knees and slams his head on a stool. A bull walks up the stage with a giant ax “May the gods welcome me home.” The fox says as the bull chops his head off, his head rolls off the stage and lands right in front of me.

   I back away from the old mans head holding back the urge to vomit. I do not know what just happened but I just want to find this man in the black robes and leave. I walk though the village, kids at play, men working, flowers bloom. I come upon the Inn, I read the sign above it “The Headless Drunk Inn?” I mutter to myself “what an appropriate name.” As I enter the Inn there are two guards standing at the entrance, they have light steel armor on, each had a shield made out of wood with a steel trimming on it, on the shield was a wolf paw print and it was painted red. I walk past the bard playing songs of the land and go straight to the shop keep. “Have you seen a man in dark robes last night” I asked the shop keep “Who wants to know” the shop keep asked. “Me” I replied “Who is me” the shop keep asked “My name is….its…” Why can’t I remember my own name, I think to myself. “See, your just some drunk, look at what you have on, rags. Get out of here you scum” the shop keep told me. The shop keep was a big lion with a scare across his face, but I was not going to let someone talk down to me. I grab him by his apron; bring him down to my level and say right to his face “Are you going to tell me what I need to know or do I have to gut it from you!”

   I hear the unsheathing of a blade behind me “Stop right there!” a guard yells to me. I put the shop keep down as I feel an ice cold blade poke me in the back “You are coming with me trouble maker” the guard said “We don’t like trouble makers in our town.” As they walk me to the door of the Inn I hear the shop keep yell “Wait, This is all a big misunderstanding” he walks over to me and puts his arm around me “You see my friend here is not right in the head, he gets delusional sometimes” he said “Ok but if he causes anymore trouble its to the stocks with him” the guard said. “Why did you stop them” I asked “I need your help” he replied “and if you be good I will tell you what you need to know.


This is my story so far, any questions or advice?

[Jet]

This is a great start. You still have some ways to go, but I think this is a good beginning. I can tell you some things I noticed that may improve your writing if you wish to read them. Firstly, it's customary that each new set of dialog gets a new paragraph. That means that when someone new talks, you make a new paragraph for what they say, then another for another character's speech, and so on. Also, maybe describe things more, go into more details. I felt it sort of sped up through the town without the character really noticing anything. Maybe as he walks he describes some of the people or things he sees. it felt too fast for me. These are just some things that I noticed. I hope this helped some, and I like this story so far. Sounds like a great story.

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Thanks for the feedback, i will take your advice and try to describe stuff a little more and try to slow down. As for the dialog, that will not change because there would be alot of one sentence paragraphs back and forth so i do not think that would look nice. Maybe one day if this story gets "famous" i will sit down and edit the dialog. And i can't believe no one has noticed im the bad guy, im King Nabru Ulfur. I wanted myself in the story but not as the main character

[Jet]

I was suspicious that you were the king, but I didn't really say anything. I find it interesting yet that you didn't want to be the main character. Of course it's your story and you can write it any way you want, so go ahead and be an evil king if you want. I plan to write a story about my fursona and his past. I will of course be the main character in the novel, but that's just how I picture it.

Also, I know it would create lots of one sentence paragraphs. That's dialog for ya. My novel has tons of small paragraphs because of dialog, and I dont think it looks bad, but Im not you... sooo..... But I was just mentioning it because it is a standard or something of English writing. There's no technical rules to writing, but there are some ideals that are generally followed by all. Among many things, a new paragraph for each dialog and idea is one of those generally followed ideas. Again, its your writing and you may do it any way you want, I just felt the need to mention the paragraph thing.

Can't wait to read more of it though!

[WOLFWOOF]

Will I still think its a good plot ^.^

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Nameless continued

   The shop keep walks me to a back room full of books and gold sitting on a desk. There was a manikin made of wood with leather armor on it in the corner

   “So let’s get to the point, what do you want from me” I asked the shop keep

   “Simple” the shop keep said “someone owes me a lot of coin and if you ever want to know about the man in black robes you will help me”

   “Fine” I said “who is it that owes you coin”

   “Ragvore, that giant bull at the execution earlier today” the shop keep told me

   I felt a paralyzing fear run through my body, standing up to the shop keep was one thing, but that bull Ragvore could rip me in half without any effort. Ragvore is huge and you can tell he has been in battle, half of his left horn was cut off from a major battle I suspect, and the look in his eyes as he executed the old fox was as if he enjoyed it.

   “Ok fine, but I need a dagger” I replied

   “Ha, you think you’re getting your paws on my dagger from the Great War! Just do the job before I change my mind” the shop keep tells me

   “How do you know I won’t take off with your gold” I ask

   “Because” the shop keep said “you want to know about this man so bad you are willing to go to the stocks for the information”

   The shop keep walks me out of the Inn and points to a building across the way. The building had a forge in the back with its own well for easy access, as I walk to the back of the building I can see Ragvore sharpening his ax. I see a fresh new blade cooling off in a bucket of water; I pick it up and press it against his back.

   “I’m here for the coin you owe the shop keep, Ragvore” I say in an intimidating

   “Ha, that little pussy cat sent you? What a coward” Ragvore says in a thick native accent “tell him if he wants his gold he can come get it”

   I jump on Ragvore’s back putting the dagger to his throat.

   “Give me the coin or I will gut you” I say

   I hear Ragvore let out a laugh as he reaches around to grab the back of my shirt. He gets a hold of my shirt and chucks me across the forge; I hit the ground hard and a sharp pain runs up my right side. He then picks me up by my throat

   “Go tell the shop keep Caju to get over here now!” He yells at me
   
   Ragvore drops me to the ground; I gasp for air and try to find the dagger. As I pick up the dagger I realize that if I attack him again he will show no mercy and kill me. As I walk back to the Inn the fear of not being able to know what happened to me sets in, maybe he will understand. I walk to the back room of the Inn holding my side in pain.

   “R…Ragvor said if you want your gold to come get it yourself” I told Caju

   “You can’t take care of it yourself!” Caju yells at me “come on you stupid little pup”
   
   Caju walks to the forge dragging me behind him. He comes up behind Ragvore

   “Give me my gold Ragvore” Caju tells him.

   “Here you go” Ragvore throws a coin purse full of gold to Caju. Caju opens it up and checks to see if all the gold is there

   “Wait just a moment!” I yell “If you were going to give him his gold then why the hell did you beat me up!”

   Ragvore tells me “You jumped on my back and put a dagger to my throat, what did you expect me to do?”

   “It’s all here” Caju says “and as for you, I will tell you what you want to know. The man you are looking for stopped by my Inn last night, bought a cold bottle of wine, and started walking down the road out of town.”
   
   “What did he look like” I asked

   “I don’t know” Caju tells me “he had a hood on. Look you did not help me much but to still be standing after a round with Ragvore you deserve it, go buy some descent clothes”

   He tosses me one gold coin, it’s not much but at least it’s something. I walk down the cobblestone road to a shop and buy a cheap tunic, it had a hole in the chest as if an arrow had hit it, at least it was better than what I had on. I put it on and start to walk down the road out of town. I am all alone in this land, but I have to know who I am and where I come from. I will never stop looking until my heart stops beating and my soul if with the gods
   

   

   

[Kek]

my fursonas not a fish but you have me hooked! hahahahaha *face palms* i know cheesey joke, but i try.

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Here is my FA, when i get around to it i will update it here http://www.furaffinity.net/user/nabru-wolfpup/

[Old Rabbit]

Nice story and plot.. 

Remember to build the world and characters to fill the
readers imagination.

Your doing good to add bits of the world through the action.

If your going to write being the main character, be sure
not to add things he couldn't know.

Course since he lost his memory he could have little instances
of knowing things.

Example  "Some how he knows there is a back room. ect"

Perhaps as your main character moves through his world
he could find clues that helps uncover his past.

It's good to keep these clues subtle so the reader can enjoy
the mystery.

Hope this all is helpful.

Keep up the good work.

[Nabru Wolfpup]

Thanks for the advice Rabbit. I plan to start writing more soon ^_^