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furry games and gaming discussions => word games => Topic started by: Onion on August 25, 2011, 01:03:30 am

Title: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on August 25, 2011, 01:03:30 am
Here how you play.

Post a Chuck Norris Fact. It can be tottaly original or a good one you seen somewhere, you'd like to share.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on August 25, 2011, 01:06:29 am
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 25, 2011, 01:08:54 am
Chuck Norris can shoot bullets without a gun.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 25, 2011, 01:14:46 am
Chuck Norris can stare at the sun.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 25, 2011, 01:17:03 am
Chuck Norris doesn't have to go to Burger King or Subway to have it his way.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Loc on August 25, 2011, 03:12:18 am
Chuck Norris doesn't pay attention - Attention pays him.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Ragnorrock_13 on August 25, 2011, 09:35:15 am
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands. When he left, they were just called the Islands.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: 489109 on August 25, 2011, 01:43:41 pm
.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Loc on August 25, 2011, 01:48:30 pm
Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jacoby Quinn on August 25, 2011, 06:01:51 pm
cuuck norris uses a razorwire back scratcher (replaced after every use)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on August 25, 2011, 08:58:56 pm
Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter.  (:
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 26, 2011, 12:13:13 am
Chuck Norris doesn't need a Lytro  (http://www.lytro.com/cameras)camera...he's always in focus.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Ragnorrock_13 on August 26, 2011, 12:20:03 am
Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with Medusa. You can probably guess who won.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 26, 2011, 12:48:49 am
Hydrogen forms helium when Chuck Norris punches the air.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Ragnorrock_13 on August 26, 2011, 01:10:22 am
Chuck Norris once lost a fight, only to understand the feeling.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on August 26, 2011, 03:36:18 am
That Earthquake in Virginia was just Chuck Norris doing jumping jacks.

Couple of classics I like:

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.
Under Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Kobuk on August 26, 2011, 06:25:57 am
Chuck Norris can "Do the Dew". ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIgey9NLdhk
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Alsek on August 26, 2011, 10:30:52 am
Chuck Norris is an Ungulate!

You're doing it wrong.



Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Eddy on August 26, 2011, 11:25:27 am
Chuck Norris has an extra fist underneath his beard.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Kobuk on August 26, 2011, 04:34:21 pm
Chuck Norris is actually a carnivore furry wearing a human disguise. ;)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on August 26, 2011, 04:36:52 pm
When Chuck Norris reads a Chuck Norris Fact, he doesn't laugh. he simply nods.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on August 26, 2011, 10:23:03 pm
Chuck Norris can out dance Mr.Six
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on August 26, 2011, 10:50:55 pm
Yes, Chuck Norris can in fact "Kill you with kindness"!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Ragnorrock_13 on August 26, 2011, 11:56:51 pm
Neil Armstrong is not the first man on the moon. Chuck Norris round house kicked a man onto the moon three weeks before the Apollo mission was even imagined.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Avor on August 27, 2011, 04:16:51 am
Chuck Norris got his but kicked by BRice Lee.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Ragnorrock_13 on August 27, 2011, 10:42:51 am
If Chuck Norris is Jesus, then what does that make Bruce Lee?

Buddha
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 28, 2011, 02:44:02 pm
When we were looking for weapons of mass destruction in the Middle East, we found out that Chuck Norris was just vacationing there.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Morphy on August 28, 2011, 10:22:23 pm
Chuck Norris has won The Game... twice.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on August 30, 2011, 10:21:58 pm
Chuck Norris went to Jared!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on August 30, 2011, 10:48:27 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't buy airplane tickets.  He jumps, roundhouse kicks the earth, and lands. 
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Ragnorrock_13 on August 31, 2011, 12:08:56 am
Chuck Norris has better taste than the most interesting man in the world. He drinks Sierra Nevada. 8)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Morphy on September 13, 2011, 02:01:37 am
Chuck Norris once tried shadow kick-boxing. Six weeks later, his shadow was released from the hospital and still walks with a limp to this day.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on September 13, 2011, 10:59:38 pm
We only see one side of the moon because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the other side. 
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Sunny Snowflame on September 23, 2011, 10:49:05 am
Chuck Norris can touch 'dis!!

It's Hammer Time!  (: :) (: :)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Arashi_Calunata on October 09, 2011, 09:26:15 pm
My lord... I have three posters of this sort of thing.

-Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
-Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are known today as Giraffes.
-Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Sheeta on October 09, 2011, 10:23:57 pm
Most kids wear Superman pajamas.  Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Tommy Fox Stone on October 11, 2011, 07:31:15 pm
Chuck Norris is so fast he is able too run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on November 14, 2011, 10:05:26 am
Chuck Noris' helicopter doesn't hover. It beats the air into submission.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: MWBrantley on November 15, 2011, 07:20:07 pm
Most earthquakes are actually caused by Chuck Norris doing pushups.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: dragonfire on November 17, 2011, 01:18:22 am
Chuch norris can beast a statue in a staring contest
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on November 17, 2011, 01:36:57 am
Chuck Norris will argue with a fense post, and win.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: MWBrantley on November 17, 2011, 12:01:07 pm
does not fly to a distant city. He sits in the airplane and the distant city flies to him.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Richter on November 17, 2011, 06:28:55 pm
Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's Potato Chip.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: MWBrantley on November 20, 2011, 10:04:06 pm
Chuck Norris just puckers his lips, and the candles on his birthday cake blow themselves out.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Hashira on December 15, 2011, 07:24:54 pm
Chuck Norris threw a grenade, it killed fifty people, then the grenade blew up.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 28, 2011, 10:53:00 pm
Chuck Norris upset the Periodic Table. He only recognizes the element of surprise.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: aspect on December 29, 2011, 12:30:14 am
Some people can bend a spoon with only their mind. Chuck Norris can bend a spoon without even using his mind.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: aspect on December 29, 2011, 12:32:48 am
Chuck Norris' consciousness doesn't move forward through time, time moves backward through Chuck Norris.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Soulneko on December 29, 2011, 04:16:23 am
Chuck Norris can simply walk into mordor
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 29, 2011, 09:31:52 pm
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick satellites into orbit.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: victorwolf on December 29, 2011, 10:16:35 pm
chuck Norris won a staring contest against the sun
god pays tribute to chuck norris
when chuck norris sleeps the sun goes down in respect
when chuck norris takes a shower he uses corrosive acid insted of water
chuck norris doesn't use a gun, his stare will put holes in you
chuck norris is the only one in the world whose able to play the worlds smallest violin
chuck norris doesn't use a light switch when ever he walks into a room the lights automatically turn on
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS IS HUNGRY a deer automatically cooks its self and put its self on the table just before he gets there
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: aspect on December 30, 2011, 01:26:03 am
God granted Chuck Norris the ability to create laws of physics, so Chuck Norris created himself.

Chuck Norris doesn't have real enemies; they're too afraid to be born.

When a bullet exits a gun in Chuck Norris' presence it's because it thinks it can get away from him.

When Chuck Norris builds a nuclear weapon, energy equals mass times the speed of Chuck Norris squared.

Chuck Norris can know the speed and position of a particle simultaneously. But scientists cannot know Chuck Norris' speed or position.

Chuck Norris writes Chuck Norris facts sometimes but to him they all seem to be direct logical consequences of the Peano Axioms, so it's an unnecessary exercise.

When Chuck Norris writes Chuck Norris facts, the jokes are never too obscure.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: victorwolf on December 30, 2011, 12:16:10 pm
chuck norris eats coal and poos diamonds
chuck norris already died but death is to afraid to tell him
chuck norris cooks food by looking at it
when chuck norris wants to make a phone call the phone dials its self
before every meal chuck norris thanks himself for the bounty
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 30, 2011, 03:31:54 pm
Chuck Norris can unring a bell.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: aspect on December 30, 2011, 11:48:31 pm
Everyone thinks their baby is the cutest, but Chuck Norris actually was the cutest baby.

Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that if the Internet had existed when he was born there would have been no cat pictures on it. All our desktops would be Baby Chuck Norris desktops.
Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that other mothers had to be quarantined from him in the hospital so that they would still take care of their children.
Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that if someone had put a baby-sized cowboy hat on him, the Universe would have reached its maximum cuteness level and kittens would start spontaneously dying to keep the fabric of reality from collapsing.
The word "Kawaii" originally entered the Japanese language in order to describe baby Chuck Norris.
Baby Chuck Norris was so cute that the Gerber baby wet his pants.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Hashira on December 31, 2011, 12:25:08 am
Chuck Norris's mother spanked him once... ONCE.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 31, 2011, 12:44:14 am
The main export of Chuck Norris is PAIN.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: aspect on December 31, 2011, 02:17:37 pm
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris doesn't wait... he sleeps.
In Soviet Russia, Death died years ago and Chuck Norris doesn't have the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shipped off to Siberia, Siberia gets sent to Chuck Norris.
In Soviet Russia, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. (Yes, this is a Chuck Norris joke. :D )
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Soulneko on December 31, 2011, 05:13:42 pm
chuck norris can stop shuffling
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: aspect on December 31, 2011, 07:12:47 pm
Nobody really dies of fear; they die of Chuck Norris.
The moon doesn't really orbit the Earth. Chuck Norris is spinning it around his head and waiting for the right moment to release it.
Chuck Norris looks Medusa in the eye when he wants to make his skin softer than steel.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Hashira on January 01, 2012, 12:20:23 am
Chuck Norris aimed a sniper rifle at an enemy 750 yards away, he killed the enemy, then he fired the rifle.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on January 03, 2012, 10:30:58 pm
Revenge is a dish best served by Chuck Norris.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: victorwolf on January 07, 2012, 09:22:29 pm
chuck norris is so strong he won an arm wrestling match against the hulk
when chuck norris gets shot at the bullet doesn't leave the barrel and the gun explodes not hurting chuck norris at all
chuck norris is the only person to be able to beat some one up so bad that their great grandchildren will enharet the broken bones
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on April 28, 2012, 11:58:45 pm
Hurricanes are what happen when Chuck Norris yawns.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on April 29, 2012, 10:12:32 pm
You slept with a teddy bear. Chuck Norris sleeps with a live grizzly bear.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: McMajik on May 06, 2012, 08:11:57 pm
Chuck Norris does not catch diseases, diseases catch Chuck Norris
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Akita on May 10, 2012, 04:16:42 pm
Ok here we go....
Chuck Norris does not jump. He forces gravity to pick him up. :)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity.... Chuck Norris got it back
Chuck Norris has counted to Infinity... Twice
Chuck Norris does not churn butter... Instead he roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Yes i did read these from a Chuck Norris list of facts poster  ;)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: McMajik on May 11, 2012, 04:09:13 pm
Chuck Norris does not talk, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks words straight into peoples brains
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Akita on May 14, 2012, 02:15:30 pm


Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his bedroom.. The bear is not dead, It is just too scared to move
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Hashira on May 27, 2012, 01:47:44 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Leeseetsa on May 27, 2012, 01:51:00 pm
Chuck Norris can scale Mt. Everist in 3 sec. flat.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Hashira on May 27, 2012, 01:53:19 pm
When you say nobody is perfect chuck Norris takes that as a personal offense.

Chuck Norris threw a banana peel out the window so if could decompose, and a bird slipped on it in mid air.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Fuchsia Puff on May 31, 2012, 06:50:22 am
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: victorwolf on June 05, 2012, 11:28:03 am
chuck norris is the leader of the world, all of the "world leaders" ask him what to do when something goes wrong.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 08, 2012, 02:07:58 pm
Night occurs when Chuck Norris switches the Sun off.
Chuck Norris can catch lightning in a jar.
Chuck Norris rides shotgun on Santa's Christmas sleigh rides.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Gauthar on June 08, 2012, 06:24:33 pm
Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 12, 2012, 04:34:52 pm
The capitol of (insert country, province, or state) is Chuck Norris.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: DarkDemon on June 12, 2012, 06:22:52 pm
"Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird." "Originally, God had eight days to create the Earth; Chuck Norris gave him seven" <- Sorry if that offends somebody, I thought it was funny :3
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 14, 2012, 10:34:20 pm
Tidal waves result from Chuck Norris giving the ocean a roundhouse kick.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Onion on June 15, 2012, 12:04:11 am
Chuck norris can reenact every flight scene from top gun in a kayake!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: The Wise one on June 15, 2012, 12:34:59 am
Every time chuck norris roundhouse kicks someone, a galaxy is born.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Akita on June 18, 2012, 05:27:47 pm
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane in WWII by aiming his finger at it and saying "Bang"
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: JakeWolf on June 25, 2012, 01:37:25 am
Chuck Norris..... was killed by Bruce Lee
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Psycho on July 02, 2012, 05:21:25 pm
Chuck Norris is a washed up old has-been who needs to be on Wow commercials for money.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mylo on July 02, 2012, 05:44:12 pm
Chuck Norris is a washed up old has-been who needs to be on Wow commercials for money.

*exaggerated gasp*

Please O Chuck Norris...Psycho did not mean that!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Psycho on July 02, 2012, 05:58:27 pm
...Yes I did  (:
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Kek on August 16, 2012, 09:05:59 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't swim. Water just likes to be around him.
Chuck Norris doesn't walk, the ground moves for him.
Chuck Norris cures cancer with his tears.
Chuck Norris invented rap when his heart started beating.
Chuck Norris doesn't battle he just allows you to lose.
Chuck Norris spread more blood and gore than forty scores of Abe's civil wars.
Chuck Norris split the union with a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris' fists make the speed of light wish it was faster.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on August 25, 2012, 01:02:38 pm
Chuck Norris can crack walnuts with his eyelids.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Iara Warriorfeather on September 19, 2012, 12:25:19 am
Chuck Norris can transcend time and space with a wink and a nod.

Forget about plate tectonics: Chuck Norris is the reason Pangea split into Laurasia and Gondwana.

 :D
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 30, 2012, 10:07:01 pm
Chuck Norris can gargle with peanut butter.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Tommy Fox Stone on March 28, 2013, 09:34:43 pm
Acobra onces bit Chuck Norris on the leg, after 5 days of excruciating pain the cobra died...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jacoby Quinn on March 29, 2013, 12:56:46 am
chuck norris once tried to join the military, the UN drew up a contract and he had to quit

it is called the Geneva convention 
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on March 30, 2013, 06:01:20 pm
Each year about this time, the Easter Bunny leaves Chuck Norris a basket filled with chocolate bullets and grenades.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Tommy Fox Stone on April 11, 2013, 10:36:05 pm
(http://www.wordans.ca/wvc-1326232163/worldansfiles/product_previews/2012/1/10/3974/3974_650.jpg)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Kobuk on April 11, 2013, 10:40:39 pm
(http://www.wordans.ca/wvc-1326232163/worldansfiles/product_previews/2012/1/10/3974/3974_650.jpg)

Your image isn't showing?
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jacoby Quinn on April 12, 2013, 03:34:00 am
white isn't a color because chuck norris killed the fourth color, the other three had to fill the fourth colors job

jesus turns water into wine, chuck norris turns water into vodka

the flying spaghetti monster was made when chuck norris cooked

chuck norris was bored with chicken, shellfish, pork and beef, so he found a pig and glared at it, causing it to grow a new muscle, we call this bacon

the meteor in russia only exploded because it remembered chuck norris lives on this planet

the bermuda triangle loses people, in reality, chuck norris just does not want them near his house

when jesus dies, he has to wait three days to respawn, when chuck norris dies well...it is a dream

chuck norris tried to join a buddhist temple, but they said it was already too hard to reach nirvana, they didn't want to raise the bar

chuck norris does not need an army, his imaginary friends can kill you

(made these myself)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rushjunkie2112 on April 12, 2013, 03:23:26 pm
Of course unfortunately the only business venture that ever failed for Chuck was his line of toilet paper.  Yes it would cover your butt but it wouldn't take crap off anyone!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Tommy Fox Stone on April 26, 2013, 11:44:45 pm
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: flatout442 on April 28, 2013, 06:54:24 am
Chuck Norris was supposed to die 15 years ago but Death is to afraid to tell him.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on April 28, 2013, 11:02:07 pm
Chuck Norris does push-ups with his eyeballs.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: flatout442 on April 29, 2013, 01:29:12 pm
(actual facts) Chuck Norris was in the military, Air Force. Chuck Norris was born the day before the Nazis surrendered.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on April 29, 2013, 01:48:00 pm
So... The Nazis surrendered simply because they heard Chuck Norris was born? Lol
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: flatout442 on April 29, 2013, 02:57:37 pm
So... The Nazis surrendered simply because they heard Chuck Norris was born? Lol

I guess so.

The North Koreans were going to attack us but they heard that Chuck Norris had been deployed.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: ColonelMustang on April 29, 2013, 05:56:59 pm
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on May 28, 2013, 03:07:16 pm
Chuck Norris audited the IRS.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Aedus on May 28, 2013, 09:40:51 pm
Chuck Norris was once asked how many push-ups he could do.
His response: all of them
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on May 29, 2013, 09:39:28 pm
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas when he goes to bed at night.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 02, 2013, 05:07:45 pm
The drummer from Def Leppard once gave Chuck Norris a high five. He won't make that mistake again.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: HazardJackal on June 03, 2013, 01:36:37 am
(to my knowledge, these are all my own, as i made them up on the spot)

Chuck Norris knows what happened to Elvis

When Chuck Norris runs a red light, he gets a check in the mail

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Norris? (an awful lot)

Chuck Norris beat a wall in a staring contest

Chuck Norris can shuffle a deck of cards without touching them

Chuck Norris can finish race before it begins

At one point, Chuck Norris played baseball.  he broke the bat, stole every base, and the ball right flew out of the park.  he never even picked up the bat.

Chuck Norris chose to have Andrew Ryan as his slave.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T once had an arm wrestle.  the earth split in half,leaving one on each side.  they have yet to find a table that will support their combined strength.

Handsome jack wears his mask because of his encounter with Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris hit a grand slam while bowling

Chuck Norris has Chewbaca as his pet

If Chuck Norris licks a frozen pole, his tongue does not get stuck; the pole melts

Chuck Norris does not win lotteries; they give themselves up willingly

Chuck Norris can win in a game of chess on the first turn

One day at school, Little Johny heard his friends talking about what who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris, Bruce lee, and Mr T.  Johny said that they were a bunch of old men, and he could take them all on by himself.  on the way home, Johny got lost in the alleyways, and found himself in a T-shaped intersection.  he turned to his left, and saw Chuck Norris walking towards him, looking most displeased.  he turned to his right, and there was Bruce lee.  he turned behind him, and yep, there was Mr T.  the three of them suddenly took off into a run, yelling at Johny and holding out their fists.  Johny did not exist.  ever.  he was never born, nobody was ever knew him.  he was not "taken out of existence" he just never existed in the first place.  
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 06, 2013, 09:40:47 pm
Chuck Norris once punched a horse. It's offspring are forever known as giraffes.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Furenzied on June 08, 2013, 02:01:38 pm
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 14, 2013, 10:33:02 pm
Chuck Norris plays Battleship with real ships.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Furenzied on June 15, 2013, 07:53:56 am
When you google Chuck Norris nothing shows up, because google knows that you don't find Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris finds you.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: HazardJackal on June 23, 2013, 08:50:47 pm
The Mayans said that the world would end at 2012.  the Mayans did not factor Chuck Norris into the equation
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Furenzied on June 24, 2013, 02:03:47 pm
Chuck Norris is so stealthy HE hunts the Predator.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Narei Mooncatt on June 24, 2013, 02:37:43 pm
Time stops for Chuck Norris.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: ColonelMustang on June 25, 2013, 03:57:00 am
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats Unicorns.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 27, 2013, 09:01:44 pm
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's showing how many seconds you have left to live.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Tommy Fox Stone on July 16, 2013, 03:10:59 pm
The only difference between  Chuck Norris and God is that Chuck Norris does not believe he is God...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on August 29, 2013, 10:39:26 pm
Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked a clock so he could see time fly.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Mu Rho Ni on August 30, 2013, 12:34:16 am
chuck noris doesn't mow his lawn, he stares at the grass and dares it to grow. :D
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: SkyFire on August 30, 2013, 12:38:53 am
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris is so stupid he runs around the world to punch himself in the back of his head. (Srry, one of my friends came up with this...)
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: HazardJackal on August 30, 2013, 06:22:49 pm
Donald Trump fired Chuck Noris.  Apparently Chuck Noris wasn't good enough to be Chuck Noris.

The universe was created when Chuck Noris and Mr T fist bumped.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on August 30, 2013, 10:32:49 pm
Yo' Mama so fat, Chuck Norris thought she was The Octogon.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Tommy Fox Stone on September 14, 2013, 11:07:02 am
It was Chuck Norris that actually destroyed the Berlin Wall...
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on September 14, 2013, 02:12:37 pm
Chuck Norris is unaffected by continental drift.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on September 28, 2013, 09:35:00 pm
When Chuck Norris punched a bag of charcoal, it turned into a bag of diamonds.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: HazardJackal on October 01, 2013, 11:56:54 pm
Nobody can understand the workings of Spoonman's mind.  Many believe that Chuck Norris is an exception.  While this may be false, he DID roundhouse kick Spoonman into another dimension, much to that dimension's displeasure.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on October 19, 2013, 08:49:51 pm
Chuck Norris is monitoring the NSA.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Kobuk on July 26, 2016, 03:12:34 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't catch Pokemon. The Pokemon surrender to him.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: ShopePapilloma on July 26, 2016, 06:29:51 pm
Chuck Norris invented the cheeseburger by throwing a cow at a barbed wire fence.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Doc on July 26, 2016, 07:01:02 pm
There are two from The Expendables 2 that I really like: Barney: "Rumor has it you were dead." Chuck Norris: "Yeah, I heard that too. So how's life treating you?" Then this one: Barney: "I heard another rumor that you were bitten by a King Cobra?" Chuck Norris: "Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died." *The Expendables got nervous*
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jakoo on August 05, 2016, 06:44:13 pm
Chuck Norris tried to swim in lava once. He nearly drowned.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Robert_Silvermyst on August 20, 2016, 07:45:33 pm
God said 'Let there be light!' Chuck Norris replied 'Say please.'
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on August 21, 2016, 04:01:26 pm
Chuck Norris is tough because he eats marble cake, rock candy, and brick ice cream.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on August 31, 2016, 06:28:37 pm
Chuck Norris uses live Civil War cannonballs as Ben-Wah Balls.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on February 11, 2017, 10:40:45 pm
When Chuck Norris falls into the ocean, he doesn't get wet--the ocean gets "Chuck Norrissed".
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rainy on February 22, 2017, 05:32:47 pm
Earthquakes are made from Chuck Norris jumping.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on March 18, 2017, 10:23:30 pm
Chuck Norris likes his eggs hard-boiled.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on November 13, 2017, 11:23:31 pm
While serving in the Air Force, Chuck Norris started the engines of a B-57 by breathing into the air intakes instead of employing the cartridge start method.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on November 23, 2017, 11:51:24 pm
For Daylight Savings Time, rather than reset his clocks, Chuck Norris just gives the Earth a slight roundhouse kick in the proper direction.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Kobuk on August 12, 2019, 07:39:51 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't cry or say Sorry in his movies. He lets a stunt double do it instead.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jade Sinapu on August 12, 2019, 08:23:28 pm
When Chuck Norris punches someone out, he breaks every bone in their body with one hit, and same for everyone in their immediate family.   :D
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on August 13, 2019, 08:55:24 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't fear Death, but Death has a healthy respect for Chuck Norris
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on September 01, 2019, 12:27:39 pm
Chuck Norris is so awesome that Ray Charles even said so...in Braille.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: FarFar on September 11, 2019, 07:31:17 pm
Chuck Norris can deflect a hurricane just by looking at it.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jade Sinapu on September 11, 2019, 11:31:53 pm
When Chuck Norris works on cars, he uses no tools because he has vice like grip. And for rusted bolts, he just scares them off.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on October 02, 2019, 09:09:07 pm
The Great Red Spot of planet Jupiter is the result of a Chuck Norris punch.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jade Sinapu on October 02, 2019, 09:38:49 pm
The only who can resist assimilation by the Borg is Chuck Norris
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on October 11, 2019, 09:49:32 pm
Chuck Norris had his own cartoon show.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: FarFar on October 30, 2019, 08:07:34 am
Chuck Norris can modify the path of an asteroid by just thinking about it.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on November 14, 2019, 05:37:30 pm
Chuck Norris punched someone so hard that the bad guy's great grandchildren said "ouch!"
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: FarFar on November 29, 2019, 08:31:51 am
He IS Chuck Norris...enough said!!
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 08, 2019, 05:08:08 pm
Chuck Norris invented ground beef when he tricked a bull into charging a stump grinder.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: FarFar on December 24, 2019, 09:11:20 am
Chuck Norris invented the smoothie by looking at a basket of fruit.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 29, 2019, 06:12:41 pm
Chuck Norris can heat a pot of coffee just by staring at it.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on April 07, 2020, 06:36:59 pm
Chuck Norris was exposed to COVID-19, but the virus quarantined itself.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on June 28, 2020, 03:22:41 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't listen to heavy metal, he eats it for breakfast.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on September 12, 2020, 12:25:47 am
Chuck Norris doesn't reset his watch for Daylight Savings Time, the world resets to Chuck Norris Time.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jade Sinapu on September 19, 2020, 04:00:21 am
 The threads in bullet proof vests are spun from Chuck Norris chest hair.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on September 26, 2020, 10:05:53 pm
Chuck Norris can crack cinder blocks with his pinky fingers.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Jade Sinapu on October 07, 2020, 12:32:14 am
A construction crew needed an additional jack hammer,  and for 2 hours,  used Chuck Norris with an erection to bust a concrete wall.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on October 10, 2020, 10:16:34 am
Chuck Norris requires neither food nor drink. He stands downwind of a restaurant and draws nourishment from the fumes.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on March 10, 2021, 10:43:02 pm
His birthday was today.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on April 03, 2021, 11:52:49 pm
Chuck Norris freed that freighter stuck in the Suez Canal with a roundhouse kick.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on December 19, 2021, 10:31:03 pm
If you put a sea shell to your ear, you can hear the ocean. But if you put a spent .45 shell to your ear, you'll hear Chuck Norris giving someone a roundhouse kick.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Facts
Post by: Rocket T. Coyote on April 01, 2022, 07:45:32 pm
When Chuck Norris makes a joke about Jada, Will Smith slaps himself.