Author Topic: Good Bye, and my final thoughts  (Read 2981 times)

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Offline Supersonic

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« on: June 10, 2005, 08:42:11 pm »
I’ve had some awful experiences being involved in the furry fandom or even being involved with the therians and otherkin, but to me I classify it all the same. I am a fan of furry and therians, shifters is something I grow up in awe about. As I discovered the Internet I fell try away into the massive trap of wanting to be something different and special. I found some websites on how to become a therain at the time I was a totally new so I believed every word of it. I changed phenotypes so often back then and I still have no fursona. As I became more involved I started having dreams of shifting into a werewolf, I believe this was only a call for power because my life seemed so powerless, I felt I had no control over anything. I believed it so much and I was very depressed this thing being “therain” or “furry” kept me feeling I was special or independent. I just couldn’t live with the fact of being human in the body I have now.  I came to realize that all this has caused me so much trouble in my life and it still does. I left the Internet for four months or so maybe five, but that whole time I still had the shifting dreams and the thoughts of being a therain or something. I’ve been going though this since I was ten years old even then I had to believe I was some sort of creature. I think I had to believe I was something because I knew I was otherwise worthless with out having another side to me. Each time I believed I was a different creature it some how seemed to changed my personality and I lost a piece of myself more and more each time.
I lost myself many times as I changed more and more then when I found myself again I’d jump right back into believing I was a creature a different one each time something else has gone wrong in my life. I one time I archly believed I was otherkin, therain, and furry and more that I will not discuss. I felt I was otherkin because of the dragon I believed myself to be, therain for this wolf side I thought I had, furry more a fursona hedgehog I had.
Once I returned to the fandom or communities for the second time after I should have learned to stay away from it because I feel I don’t belong, I had gotten a boy friend who was a ploywere. I thought for sure he was my soul mate, I mean he understood me, at lest I thought, I stayed with him because he was a therain and I believed myself as one as well. In the end he used me and hurt me, and I rejected the ideal of everything I opened my eyes to and thought I awaken too this vampire side. I became a whole other person while believing that my family said I turned into the wrecked witch and I pushed everyone away from me. I soon realized what I was into wasn’t me at all despite the continuing dreams. I was then gone another four months or so then I came back yet again, but this time I realize something. I’m not all of the things I mentioned before, I’m just a human person with a desire to be something other then myself, which in return gotten me into such horrible problems. I feel my life will never be the way it was before I came onto the Internet only to destroy myself.

I wrote this to some up how I felt and to show someone what it is like to go though a sample or what I did :

“You are lost life feels like war. Maybe you are a no body, maybe people hate you, maybe you have family issues, a short of depression or just simple life problems. War! Your life just feels like war raining down on you. You don't even have control of your life anymore. It's plain and simple you think war leaves people feeling disillusioned. Suddenly life feels like there’s no purpose there is no reason to be around. Everything becomes a false hope and you start to lack something in your life. You wonder upon this lack, but you see it's simple. You lack power and control. You start drawing disillusioned conclusions from web sites, from others "like" you. You notice they have powers they have abilities you can create your own hopes. You become something of a vamp/were creature/furry/or otherkin something powerful something expected. Suddenly you draw conclusions of being a predator a creature who can win this war in your life. It seems to click but only because the ideal is cool but that you truly are this creature deep inside your soul is nothing but human. The powers you obtain create a feeling of uncertainly nothing no matter how cool seems to fit, and you forget to realize it doesn't fit because you are human inside. Now this creature in your life serves a function it makes you feel special it gives you a purpose and power to over come others. You become egotist and forget about others around you because you believe you are high above them only forgetting this creature is in your mind and is your mind only. You slowly become this creature and lose yourself in more disillusion and uncertainly still forgetting your human and there is a real world around you. Finally you have excepted your troubles and became a character in your own story, soon you lose your self and who you are. But a character is a caricature nothing more.

Stop for a second and look in the mirror, anyone who believes they are such things, what do you see? Not this creature, but a human a human the rest of the world can see. Nothing high powered. In fact, being disillusioned gets you no power. Instead of hiding behind a mask face your problems and enjoy loved one's. You are human, you soul is human. How can I say this? Ask God if you believe in him and he will tell you the answer. Just what would be the purpose of an animal soul in a human? None. It doesn't exist your soul is who you are inside. Your personality is what's inside not a creature, but a fragment of your mind and personality. You are human you can see that sometimes all you need is the truth and not this lie you've created. “




As I leave this place forever, yes, forever I was going to also get a discussion started, what do you think of my story relating to your own life? Have you had these same experiences? I still my believe I am something, I am not a furry (life styler) , therain, otherkin, or vampire. Yes, I still love weres and furry artwork and stories and always will. I am nothing more, but the thing I hated being the most a human, but as began to think of the fandom and all I began to realize I do not belong here, and I am not a furry.

*hugs you all on the way out*  Now if you will excuse me I have a new life to get a hold on.

Bye forever:

Supersonic

~But now I know she never was and never will be…
With out the mask where will I hide, can’t find myself lost in my mind, I know the truth now.
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Offline Savaaha

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2005, 09:03:16 pm »
**HUGS** youll be missed Sonic. You already know Im not just Furry abut also a therian/Werehorse. Ive also had bad dealings with therians, the 1st other werehorse I met attacked me becouse she searched my name and saw me here. She said a furry Zorse couldnt be a therian horse and she openly attacked me on 2 boards.  I dont care. Its not her its not ther therian community , its only myself that I have to be happy with. You cant let a few make you think all are bad. I am happy with who I am and Im happy with who my friends are. I know they are True Friends. I wish you well in any venture you set forth on and always know you have friends here.

Offline Koneko

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2005, 09:15:03 pm »
I'm sorry you're leaving, and I'm sorry to hear that you've had a bad time being a furry.
It sounds like you're looking for someting that you can't find here.  Being a furry isn't about denying who you are, its about expressing the person inside you, the person you can't be normally. It isn't about power, its about freedom, its about being yourself. And most of all, its about friendship. Remember that you'll always have friends here should you ever want to come back.
*HUGS*
I hope that you have fun in your new life and that you find what you are looking for. Don't forget to listen to you're heart.
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Offline Kada-Ru

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2005, 09:18:52 pm »
I'm sorry to hear you leaving.

You do have to remember that what you have gone through is just that. What YOU have gone through. Not everyone feels this way. I know I don't. I'm human but I love animals and I love being surrounded by them. Yes, there are humans that I don't like but that doesn't mean I have to associate with them just because they are human as well.

I don't know about therians' and the others you brought up. I do know me. As you know yourself.

I hope you don't feel that all of the people in the fandom are lost souls. I also hope you don't let a couple people that have hurt you to turn you against everyone else. That would not be fair.

I wish you luck in your new path. Take care of yourself and you know you will always be welcomed back.
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Offline Om

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2005, 09:39:01 pm »
Good luck with your life, Summer.

My parting comment to you is much like the others that came before it... you know how difficult it would be to pin down an exact definition of what a furry is... likewise with the other "lifestyles" you've mentioned. What I'm going to request is that you don't judge the whole by the parts you've encountered.

Sure. We're all human. Some of us would prefer to be something else. Some of us believe that we're misplaced. Some of us just like the art... or the camraderie. It's different for everyone. I'm sorry that you feel like you were sucked into something wholly negative and that we're all misguided hairless apes here.

But you know, you're doing something positive for yourself, and that's the biggest thing I think you should take away from this - if something isn't a positive force in your life and you have the ability to leave it behind, leave it and don't look back.

As for me, being furry is a positive force in my life. I feel special for who I am. Part of that is my involvement with the fandom. I have purposes... too many to mention without writing a book here, and being furry is only one of a large number of those. I am powerful, not because I have the soul of a dog, but because I'm fortunate to have all the opportunities I have, including my freedom to believe in religion. Last time I asked, the Big Guy upstairs didn't have a problem with my canine nature. He wouldn't have made it such a positive force in my life if He didn't like it.

*shrugs* For what it's worth, if you're even returning to read...

Again, good luck with your ventures. I hope that you, too, can find your true self someday. It took 20 years for me.

-Kai. (aspiring to be a shepherd, but falling short of perfection)
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Offline Prince Karo

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2005, 09:49:01 pm »
*hugs* good bye.. we'll miss you...
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Offline Midnight Fury

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2005, 10:58:23 pm »
I'm sorry to see you leaving. I hadn't gotten to know you all that well yet, and I rather like you. But I do hope the best for you in whatever you do from now on.

As for your story, I'm very sorry to hear you've had such rough times. I whole heartedly hope that you can overcome all that. However, I can't say that anything you said relates to me at all.
I bid thee farewell, oh furry fandom! May we meet again.

Offline Darkness Falls

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2005, 12:23:27 am »
We're sorry to lose you, Supersonic.

I had the same concerns when I first discovered therianthropy. What does this mean? Is this just me trying to be something I'm not? Am I deluding myself into this?

I've sat and thought about it long and hard, and the end answer I've come up with is this: I am me. No matter what trappings I surround myself with, or by what means I choose to define myself, I am, and will always be, me, and nothing can change that except me. I could choose to deny the wolfy side of myself, but I don't, I choose to accept it. I could choose to deny my enjoyment of the furry fandom, but I don't.

I didn't go seeking therianthropy, but it found me nonetheless. I am not forced into it anymore (I could try to repress it if I chose), but I choose to define myself by it. The choice to accept it doesn't make it 'fake' or 'less real', it just means I'm not fighting myself all the time. Therianthropy (and furrydom, for that matter) isn't about trying to be what I'm not, it's about expressing my Self (used here with capitals to differentiate it from merely being artistic). I don't know why I should feel like this, or what causes this strange admixture of identity, and I'm reserving judgement on the 'animal soul in human body' position until I die and can get a better perspective on the matter. Personally, I don't feel myself to be wholly animal, just as I don't feel wholly human. I'm just me, and it happens that my 'configuration' (for want of a better word; alternatives might include 'mindset' and 'natural state of being' ) seems to me to be different from that of a lot of people who I've met during my life. Therianthropy is, among other things, an excellent way of explaining why that might be so.

I'm sorry that you feel you've been misled all this time, and I hope that you can find peace (and, perhaps, find yourself) in your travels. Whether furry, were, otherkin, or human, we will always remain your friends.

Good luck, and we'll miss you!

D.F.




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Offline Mika Feldy

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2005, 01:58:31 am »
*hugs* Sorry to hear you had such a bad time, sorry to see you go.

Just remember, everybody has a place in the world, you'll find yours some day. It takes everybody a long time to find it, but everybody does find it.

Offline Burr

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2005, 11:04:25 am »
Quote (kaisilverfire @ June 10 2005, 9:39 pm)
But you know, you're doing something positive for yourself, and that's the biggest thing I think you should take away from this - if something isn't a positive force in your life and you have the ability to leave it behind, leave it and don't look back.

*nods*

You gotta do what you gotta do. I think a lot of furries would do well to examine matters the way you did, Supersonic. I think there are many others who are unhappy that instead of leaving continue to use it as a crutch for negative behavior (like well, the people who have given you such a rough time). I've always been adamant about maintaining a connection with reality. You can't just let the fandom (or really, ANY other interest) consume you the way some people do.




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Offline CarLOS

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2005, 05:41:19 pm »
Hey Super, I enjoyed your time with us.

Take care.

*hugs*

Offline Kobuk

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2005, 04:10:06 pm »
Sorry to see you go. *hugs* Take care.
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Offline River Ceed

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2005, 06:07:35 pm »
Sonic ... on the off chance that you are still reading this, I'd like to give a reply.  And if Sonic isn't reading it, perhaps my reply will do someone reading it some good.  Who knows.

My opinion on your story is that you did what a great deal of people do in their life when coping with reality isn't what they wish to do.  So they create an alternate self via the web (or sometimes merely in their own mind) to help them along with dealing as days pass.  Some people who do this never grow out of it, never gain the ability to stop using the crutch they created as a coping tool, and thus stay in their 'character' self for life.  Others, like yourself, realize that reality is to be faced head on and that they don't need the persona anymore.  They accept it and move on, learning who they are again.  It's a common thing, not limited to furries, but rather humans in all walks of life.

Psychologists have been studying it for years, in addition to the split personality syndromes --which are very similar many times in how it starts --as a reaction to trauma or situations which were too great for the person's psyche to handle at the time of the incident.   Except with split personality disorders, the person begins to slip in and out of both their 'real' personality (the one prior to the incident) and whatever new ones they've created as coping tools, no longer having control of reality as to who 'they' are.  They aren't switching at will with a strong hold on who they are in reality, but instead are randomly stimulated to reacted in whtever character/alterego they subconsciously feel would best handle that moment.

Are all therians/otherkin/furries with fursonas they hold dear like that? In my opinion, no.... only the ones who adopted the alteregos as a coping tool are.  I do feel there are people who enjoy having an alterego to use in a fun way, like in roleplay or when joking with friends.  And I see nothing wrong with it, so long as they have a good level head in knowing who they are when the role play or fun and games are over.

I do also know for a fact that there is the rare case every now and then of a person literally having the memories and experiences of another being, be it a human or another form of creature.  And in rarer cases, there are those which share souls, living two lives simultaneously -- a body on each two planes of existance, with awareness of each shifting during waking and sleeping (usually, although at times there is an overlap and one can experience both places at once through your senses.  Think of it like a double film exposure --but live action.)  The latter is what my daily life is like.

And I know there are alot of posers calling themselves otherkin and pretending to be in the plight I described in the last paragraph above.  (Trust me...plight is the correct word.)  It sounds as though you've encountered a few of that type when forming your opinion.

Many times the ones who are fakes are just as eager to get others to beleive and validate their alteregos as you suggested that you once were.  In the course of doing so, they hurt others sometimes with their prejudices and selfishness.  Not to mention that when they walk around pretending and claiming to be things which they aren't, or say they are going through situations when they aren't and are later found to be liars, it makes it incredibly difficult for people in my situation to be beleived when they -do- discuss their truths.

But from my experiences confronting a few of them when I could plainly see through their lies, deep down the fakes pretty much feel just the way you described in your post, sometimes making them strive harder to be seen as 'really real (choose species) stuck in a human'.  Entire concoctions of fantastical histories and pasts, usually including violent deaths and lonely pasts .. all the things which would naturally inspire the 'aww, you poor thing' respose from humans spew from them in an effort to make their lies seem more true.

You mentioned a key phrase though that is important to note.
Quote
You start drawing disillusioned conclusions from web sites, from others "like" you.


Just for future reference, if it takes the internet and finding a website to get someone to see what 'they' are and have been inside, for the first time; chances are, it's a coping tool that they've created, not a real situation they've had since birth.  It's that very type of person -- the ones who come online, see a website and say "OH! ME TOO! ..Now what sort of story can I concoct so others think I've been like this forever?" -- that is the reason I've not spoken very much about me and who ""I" am on these boards or anywhere else.  It's the reason I do not like classifying myself as Otherkin.  It sickens me to see people thinking it's cool to be a shared soul, thinking it makes them more powerful, more special then who they really are in the begining.  And I want no association with liars.  So I don't label "me".

And I don't go around crowing about my situation either, as its a very personal matter and to put it bluntly, just how life is for me.  You learn to cope, you learn to adjust, and you wait things out.  It's not any big deal.  It's like having a disease from childhood, you grow up, adapt, and deal with it.  But at the same time, it's frustrating as hell to see posers acting in ways that hurt others while trying to gain more and more of a following of 'believers' -- who usually turn out to be just as fake and feeding off everyone's lies, often with the attitude of 'I won't question the wierd holes in your story if you don't question mine. And if others do, we'll gang up on them!' attitudes.

To place it in another example, imagine having cancer (a mutated abnormality by definition which is similar to what I feel my situation is) and dealing with it daily. And then picture seeing others walk around, faking symptoms and pretending to be as affected as yourself and essentially making a game out of it.  Irritating?..hell yes.  So, I usually say nothing about myself, in an effort to make it difficult for others to gain knowledge or facts which would give them a better angle for their lies, mixing truth with bulls**t.  In short, I don't want to teach them how to be better liars --because in the process of telling them, they can hurt others in their quest to 'be believable'.

It's nice that you challenged those out there who are the posers to take a good look in the mirror.  But realize, there really -are- those who can look in a mirror and see not only the reflection of their human self, but also experience other places through other eyes at the same moment.  It's rare, but out there.

As for yourself, I'm glad you're on the road to recovery as far as self dicsovery and self realization and accepting life's reality.  Good Luck in your future endeavors.

~River





Offline Mazz

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2005, 07:08:00 pm »
bye. stay up, stay kind, stay alive.(my old tag back in the day)

You'll be missed
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Offline Nikko

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2005, 09:13:08 pm »
'<img'>  I think you have miss one very important part of furry....

 It's a feeling and it's a fandom....

 There isn't hope in a fandom. There is simply friendship and comrodery. I have friends I would have never made just being "Hooman" I have feelings I wouldn't have explored just looking in the mirror. I feel good being a furry because it fits me. I don't think I have a animal soul traped in me. I think I have a rich love and devotion to creation. ultimately I think that I have found this to be one of the greatest things I have ever felt. I am never happyer then I am right now. I am typeing messages to my friends. I know I am human because I can comunicate like this but when I am at a con it's chilling to me how loved I feel. I don't need to make furry my faith to feel good. I just need people around me who feel different and outcast so that we can get past all the crap and cut to the chase and have a good conversation. Ultimately alot of these people happen to become friends. It's not hard being that we all have an interest that's much the same. I love the art... how many others will say that on this site... Almost every one here will agree with loveing the art and then now we have something to talk about. My life isn't always good but I have my furry pals that I have made to talk to about things. It's not that furry is a failed hope for me. It's that I see it for what it is and so I love it. I took furry for the flaws and for all it's pros. I knew what I was a part of when I signed on. It's bigger then me but smaller then us. It's something thatz truely wonderful... If you don't want it, that is your choice...

 I am passionate about who I am. My identity isn't furry... however it's part of me. Those who know Nikko know that I am special and different and I am fiercely loayal. I love them and I want the best for eveyone... and in the same breath they know that I talk way to much and that I am full of too much energy. Sometimes I go overboard and become annoying. There are even times that I would have just been better off staying home... That is me though... i have grown to accept that not everyone wantz me in there life. It's fine though. Human or furry... Anyone that want's to love me can...

 This is something I think you need to think about...

 It's not about the fandom... It's about you. You wanna be loved but you have too many expectations of everything around you. go with the flow and just look and see who is trying to love you.  don't get bitter... get better.

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Offline whitedingo

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #15 on: June 15, 2005, 04:54:09 am »
pointless saying goodbye as you proberly wont see this but hugs and bye from a friend.l've been questioning parts of the furrie comunity latley dont know if its just me but there seems to be a lot of rude and vindictive folks out there
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Offline Kada-Ru

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2005, 09:47:14 am »
WD, I know there can be those types of people EVERY WHERE in life and not just the fandom. Remember that.
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Offline whitedingo

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2005, 05:12:28 am »
yer l know that all to well ,just thinking out loud .l have to admit that this site is the friendliest l've found its a nice refuge
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Offline Patrick Rangerwolf

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2005, 10:35:37 am »
Sonic,

Allow me to join you.  Recently, I renounced being a Furry lifestyler, on the same grounds.  There is nothing wrong with being human.  After all, that is what you were dealt in the DNA card shuffle.  Take pleasure in it.  Sometimes RL is more fantastic than fantasy.

Edited: Let me offer something before I get hit with all kinds of angry thoughts.  I saw stuff in the fandom that got to me, not in good ways.  Mind you, this was my experience.  I saw too many that used Furriness to escape instead of cope with life, whether they used animalistic sexual practises or spent every waking moment avoiding humanity by acting like an animal.  It bothered me.  As said by many, not everyone will have the same experience.  Each life is sovereign and goes through life experiences on their own path.  One cannot travel someone else's path.  What happened to you, happened only to you.  What I saw and experienced, was see and experienced only by me.  I have made many friends here in the fandom.  Many of those friendships I will treasure.  I even found my wife through the fandom, but too many extremities have caused me to just act as a spectator and not participate as heavily.  Once again, this is caused by my own personal experience as your predicament was caused by your experiences.

Blessings follow ye!




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"Any movie with a "preachy" message, be it Christianity, environmentalism, political positions, or what have you, turns away people because rather than letting the audience figure out for themselves what the meaning is, they are told exactly what they ought to think and usually in terms of slogans and buzz words". ~ Brian Godawa

Offline Ulario

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #19 on: June 16, 2005, 10:43:47 am »
I used to use my fursona as a crutch, wanting to be her more then I wanted to be myself.

As I grew up and matured, I began to realize that my fursona and I are one.  I am her and she is me, so I really don't feel the need to wear a furry mask.  Of course, I will always dream of being a gryphon... but I have learned to embrace my human-ness as well.

I do see some of my other characters as a way to release some of my maternal instinct.  I don't want or plan to have children of my own (many reasons I won't get into), so I love and nurture them like they were my children.  To me, it's been a healthier way of releasing the feeling that I need to love and care for something rather then letting the tension build up inside of me... or spoiling my pets.
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Offline Simo

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Good Bye, and my final thoughts
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2005, 05:17:10 am »
Mind you, this was my experience.  I saw too many that used Furriness to escape instead of cope with life, whether they used animalistic sexual practises or spent every waking moment avoiding humanity by acting like an animal.  It bothered me.

Unforch, we can't hang a sign at the doorway to Furry-dom that reads: "@55-holes need not apply". You will find those types in every fandom, and outside of every fandom.  '<img'>  As for myself, I have had no such experiences, and all the Furs I have ever met knew the difference between a hobby and an obsession.

llegitimi Non Carborundum.   '<img'>
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