Author Topic: Help with accepting my furriness  (Read 2184 times)

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Offline Nago

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Help with accepting my furriness
« on: July 18, 2005, 04:06:59 pm »
This is my first topic  ':blush:' so please, bear with me.

The thing is basically, I don't feel comfortable in Nago's skin like I used to. But the reason isn't a decreased love with the fandom...

Time for a small confession...A long time ago I did things as her I'm not proud of. And when she became both a tool and the brunt of some drama involving friends, I finally said "thats it", and retired her. But even after leaving I had dreams...and those little hallucination-like things you have right before falling asleep- involving furs. I still drew lots of anthro.
The point is even though I left, it obviously didn't leave me.

So recently I decided to come back. But the thing is, the past still haunts me. I feel ashamed of myself, which is silly because I know I shouldn't.

How do I learn to accept myself? Should I retire Nago entirely and bring a new character to life? Leave the fandom entirely? What should I do...

Offline Ulario

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« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2005, 04:30:38 pm »
Well, I agree with you when you say you are probably being too hard on yourself.  Whatever you have done, it is in the past now... and it may be hard to release yourself from the past, it would probably do a lot of good for you.

If you feel like you absoloutely can't let go, there are other options.  You could create a new fursona, but if you feel that your fursona is who/what your fursona is meant to be, then I don't recommend doing so, as I have strong beliefs that your fursona should be a reflection of yourself and who you are.  

I don't recommend leaving the fandom, either if you truely want to be furry.  I say that because it tends to be difficult to separate oneself from the fandom.  If I was in your shoes, trying to do that would be tougher then trying to forget the things in my past.

I hope this helps, I'm bad at giving advice.
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Offline Drake Blackpaw

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« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2005, 05:18:36 pm »
*Hugs*

Most of us have done things in the past that we are not proud of.  The best thing to do is learn, make amends if possible and forgive yourself as well.  Usually we are just doing the best we can at that time in place where the events we are not proud of happened.

If the association for your past conduct is not only with the fandom, but with your fursona as well, why not create a new fursona?  Perhaps a new fursona, with a clean history will help you not associate your past actions with what you do in the fandom today.

It's good you came back.  Furry can be a great environment and an interesting and fun activity/hobby or even passion.  It's easy to leave something behind when we associate it with something we did wrong in the past.  I think it is a sign of growth to be able to go back and rejoin a community after feeling bad about something you've done.

Offline Nago

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« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2005, 05:31:29 pm »
Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice so far.
I tried a new fursona a while back. But the thing is, Nago is close to me. The other character I made felt empty, hollow. I really don't want to start anew because Nago IS me, and no matter what species or personality I typed up for her she'd end up being a Nago clone anyway.

Offline Kassandra_Haymer

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« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2005, 08:13:58 pm »
You are being too hard on yourself, the past is the past and there is no point in lementing what has gone and cannot be changed.

If I may give some advice of my own? It seems like what you want is a break from your past, a way to say 'that was me but I've changed since then' without totally abandoning who you are, correct? Have you considered 'modifying' your fursona, so to speak? Prehaps what you need to do is take a good long look at them and see what about them reflects the past you do not want to be haunted by, or what could be added to make a distinction between who you where then and who you are now? Some symbol of what you where involved in and how you grew through it maybe? Something that will distinguish you and mark you as one who no longer wishes to be associated with such things..

This is something I do from time to time myself, though I would not say it is because I am ashamed of myself - The simple fact is people change and its not all that bad an idea to have your fursona change with you, especially as you view it as a part of yourself.

Obviously though its just a suggestion, since you do not wish to change fursonas completely and this is the simplist way to make a statement to yourself and others about the fact you have moved on. This is just something I think might help, but I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you went through or anything like that, and thus I know that this advice may proof to be of no help whatsoever.
At the very least though, I hope it gives you an incite into the fact that this need not be a simple case of deciding wether to keep a form you have unpleasent memories tied to or take on one that would leave you feeling hollow inside.

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Offline Nikko

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« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2005, 01:58:26 am »
'<img'>  I think that you think to much....  I know that sounds like an odd statement but you must look at this from my perspective. You joined the fandom at one point because you liked it and then you were a touch foolish but not any more or less then most people. Yes your fursona is close to you but have you ever stoped to ask your self why that is..... I can tell you right now....

 YOUR FURSONA IS VERY MUCH YOU!!!!

 You much not understand this because you think it's so different but realy it's you. If you created it and give it life and lived it out then it's very much you. Look at your actions and compair them with your fursonas... you might desciver how close to you it is. The only difference is your fursona has scales and you IRL don't. I'll admit your being a touch hard on your self but even more so I would say that your not seeing the bigger picture. You love the fandom.... that is why it can't leave you... Secretly you love it... Deeply and truely... I do to it's ok to... Just don't loose yur self in this fantastic dream... We all wanna be our fursonas... none of use will get to realize this dream... However if you still enjoy this all for what it is you'll have a great time. It's not a game... it's much to big for that... However it's not EVERYTHING... it's just a fair part of the bigger picture that creats you and I.

 Best of time's in your return to the fandom. Make the most of it and make some friends... no one can have enough of them.

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Offline FuzzlePup

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« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2005, 10:12:30 pm »
"First Post"

I wish I could help you out. But I'm having trouble accepting it myself. Due to my christian beliefs and the whole sexual aspect of these furries, Its just about impossible for me to let myself know its normal and okay. I'll be ever on the hunt tho...So all I can say is, Don't give up looking for yourself, and when you think you know yourself completly, you may really not...because we are always changing. But never hurt yourself emotionally like I do because of this. Chin up. Or muzzle '<img'>
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Offline Seelas

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« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2005, 12:59:24 am »
Nago:

I wouldn't recommend leaving the fandom or abandoning your fursona over past mishaps. I'm not going to tell you that what you did was trivial or not a big deal because a) I don't know what it was and b) I'm in no position to judge something like that simply because I'm not you. But your fursona is very much a part of yourself, and that includes her flaws and mistakes. If your fursona was a perfect being that never made any mistakes, then I think you'd have a hard time relating to her! So my advice would be to just take it in stride. We all do things we aren't proud of, but that doesn't make us bad people. Or animals.  '<img'>
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Offline Far_Raptor

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« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2005, 02:01:39 am »
*raptorhugz*
Nago,

What's in the past is in the past.  Everyone makes mistakes every now and again; it's never too late to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on to start anew (even if its with the same fursona).  So long as you learned from whatever mistakes you made back then, life is good.

I know you can learn and change from such things, because I did not too long ago.  I used to be a [unsaid nasty message board] goon, and a nasty one at that.  I caused all sorts of drama for a lot of people that didn't deserve it, and said a lot of hurtful things I now regret.  

But I learned (emphasize the learned), and I changed.  Now I'm here with some good people discovering an aspect of myself I that never knew of before.  This place is wonderful, and so are most of the people here.  I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay.  '<img'>

Best,

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Offline firefox_b

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« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2005, 12:31:22 pm »
(hugs)

--You're never too old (or too young) to re-invent yourself...and many of us have skeletons in the closet...the bones come in handy to chew upon when food is scarce!

--Most fursons are non-judgemental, or at least tend to think of you in terms of the present self...things done in the past tend to have a short half-life...you are always in the process of becoming yourself...just be you...  You're fine that way!   '<img'>
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Offline TigerWiccan

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« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2005, 12:59:09 pm »
I know this sounds silly, and maybe to some even crazy, but why don't you have a conversation with Nago?  Summon her outside of yourself and ask her why she did the things she did?  And make her promise to never do them again.  Just an idea that popped in my head as I was reading this thread, and I just felt called to share it.
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Offline StealthCat2k

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« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2005, 03:09:34 am »
Quote (TigerWiccan @ July 26 2005, 12:59 pm)
I know this sounds silly, and maybe to some even crazy, but why don't you have a conversation with Nago?  Summon her outside of yourself and ask her why she did the things she did?  And make her promise to never do them again.  Just an idea that popped in my head as I was reading this thread, and I just felt called to share it.

Dose not sound crazy to me I do that all the time and what ever I am talking to seems to talk back to me. It dose work tho.
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Offline Agent_Blayze

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« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2005, 10:27:38 pm »
Quote (Nago @ July 18 2005, 4:06 pm)
This is my first topic  ':blush:' so please, bear with me.

The thing is basically, I don't feel comfortable in Nago's skin like I used to. But the reason isn't a decreased love with the fandom...

Time for a small confession...A long time ago I did things as her I'm not proud of. And when she became both a tool and the brunt of some drama involving friends, I finally said "thats it", and retired her. But even after leaving I had dreams...and those little hallucination-like things you have right before falling asleep- involving furs. I still drew lots of anthro.
The point is even though I left, it obviously didn't leave me.

So recently I decided to come back. But the thing is, the past still haunts me. I feel ashamed of myself, which is silly because I know I shouldn't.

How do I learn to accept myself? Should I retire Nago entirely and bring a new character to life? Leave the fandom entirely? What should I do...

You never learn to accept yourself, really. Just as you never "try" to do something. You either do, or you don't. No matter what, we all have a choice with any matter that comes our way.

You are seperating Nago into a seperate entity; She is you and you are her, just as my fursona is Agent Blayze and Agent Blayze is me. It kind of sounds like you're putting the blame on Nago for your actions, but you must realize that Nago isn't anything seperate from you; she IS you, and you are her. You did those things.

As for dreams, in my experience, dreams have never let me forget about the people I've hurt in my stupidity or the people that feel a particularly strong sense of negativity towards me. Thinking back now, it was probably my guilt that kept reminding me of it. Perhaps you feel guilty for your actions on some subconscious level, and this is why you dream of it.

Anyway, don't learn to accept yourself, just do it. Sure, you may have been a skud in the past, but you know that now, don't you? That's a very important step that so many fail to see; that they were wrong. Anyway, the past is the past, and is the only truely finite thing in this world. Accept your past, and your actions. You have a choice, and you can make that choice [to accept yourself] with surprising ease.

Offline Nago

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« Reply #13 on: August 05, 2005, 01:54:44 am »
I would just like to thank everyone who has supported me on this.
What I did was accept it, and move on. I didn't let Nago's last actions be the ones that made me retire her in the first place. She is me; her actions were mine, and even though she had come to represent those actions..by continuing to use her, to draw her- to bring her to life and in turn give her a new life- I have almost completely banished what had once been, to nothing more than ugly old memories.

Thanks again, everyone.

Offline DJ Wolfsin

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« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2005, 06:52:35 am »
That's good. Your Fursona hung onto you that's interesting. I have never herd of it, but welcome back. *hugs* As for what you should do its entirely up to you.

**Its up to you and how you feel really--As for what should you do. If you feel like you lost something or felt like one of the ropes broke from the swing and are scared to let go, think of newer soul-lutions. But if you allow them to brake and know you can land it on your feet, then your ok and thus life re-starts again for you.

Either way you'll be welcomed for who you are, fur or not. '<img'>

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