Author Topic: I need some advice  (Read 1889 times)

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Offline Kiki the Ferret

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I need some advice
« on: April 02, 2004, 03:15:56 am »
Well, here's the story.  My boyfriend has at least a strong intrest tworads the furry side, and i'm not really sure where to go or what to do with it.  As far as appreciation of anthro art, i'm about ten steps ahead of him.  I love it!  

As far as seeing anthro animals sexually interesting, I just don't understand.  (And accept that.) I know he's mastrubated to furry porn before (he told me as much).

 I also know, as do many of his friends, that he is obsessed with pikachu.  Very, very obsessed.  I know that some pikachuness figures into his sexual fantasies (again, he told me as much), but i'm not really sure where the lines go.  He makes a lot of jokes about furry culture in general, and more specifically about sex, and about pikachu, and such.  He is quick to agree when i say something is odd, but i can't help thinking hes testing me for opinion.  I've tried to never be negative, mostly just confused (I didn't even know about this subculture a few months ago)

 But I admit I'm a bit confused and not sure how to handle this or even how to bring the subject up.  I don't know if i'd tell the truth in his position- he's got a lot to loose and no garuntee about my opinions.  This is a realtively new relationship- a couple months.  I guess in a lot of ways i'm curious (for the record, i think pikachu is adorable).

but also, i kind of want to figure out what his desires are, and process my level of compliance (and also, understand just what this whole pikachu thing means! ) But its very very hard to get information out of him when he's at all worried or shy, and so...um.... i'm looking for advice!  

someone help? or at least talk to me?

*smile*
Kiki

Offline Drake Blackpaw

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I need some advice
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2004, 08:00:44 am »
Kiki,

On average, males tend to be more visually oriented when it comes to sexual arousal than females.  (I know there are many women who are aroused by erotic art, that's why the on average disclaimer).  Most furry or anthro based art is basically human in form or shape, so I think it is natural for someone who gets aroused by images to be aroused by furry adult art.

Case in point, I find furry erotic images arousing.  However, while my girlfriend appreciates furry erotic images as art, she doesn't particularly get aroused by it.  What she fines arousing is stories, thus reads furry erotica (and writes) stories.  As I have a picture collection, she has a story collection.

Reed Waller, the artist for the comic Omaha the Cat Dancer, wrote that furry art can be more arousing because if the characters in the pictures are human, we focus more on the drawings imperfections than on the subject matter of the drawing itself.  Usually we are attracted to a certain shape or form and if a human in the drawing doesn't fit that exactly, we don't find the picture really arousing.  On the other hand, since furries aren't 100% human, we don't question if the characters look exactly right or are our type as much and can focus more on the content of the picture.

Your boyfriend may be telling you all this because he is afraid you will reject him when you find out.  Many furries feel persecuted for being in the fandom, especially if they are attracted to the sexual side of it.  Some people deal with this but shoving it in another person's face and saying..."look, I'm into all this sick stuff...do you still love me."  He probably is afraid of rejection and thus pushes the issue out there to say if you are going to reject me, do it now.  He may even feel guilty about his attraction since he will make self depricating remarks about it.

Just remember, being sexually aroused by images is normal for males (and yes I know there are males who aren't).  How would you feel if he told you he had a stash of Hustler magazines and used them to help masturbate?  It really is not much different (except most furry females look more real than the ones in pictured Hustler).  As for the pickachu obession, I would ask yourself if it does any harm?  If not, then chalk it up as one more eccentricity your boyfriend has.  

If you feel he talks about it excessively, tell him you feel it is alright that he finds furry erotica arousing, but it's something you don't.  You accept him as he is, but are just not interested in talking about erotic fantasies as much as him.  That may get him to discuss it less.  It gets past the "you are going to reject me fear so I will push you away now thing" and also says lets talk about other things since it is an interest I don't share.

Sorry for the long post.  I hope some of what I wrote helps you out.

Drake





Offline Kada-Ru

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I need some advice
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2004, 12:19:02 pm »
I think Drake summed it up all perfectly. (smiles)
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Offline Kiki the Ferret

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I need some advice
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2004, 01:39:44 pm »
Sure doesn't hurt anything '<img'>

I guess I'm just worried.... I don't want to offend him or crush him by saying I'm not into things (pikachu related, in this case, as this is where the conversations have gone lately) when i'm really just not caring- if something was important to him and he wanted me involved, I'd consider it.  

But yeah, I agree, it does seem to be a pretty strong fear of rejection, and I'm just not sure how to bring the subject up.  I'm afraid if I confront him he'll panick.  I guess I don't know how deep it goes and I don't know how to find out.  (And I'd as soon find out, this really doesn't qualify as a bad thing.)

And yes, the visual thing is so true!  Hehe, I hate  porn but read erotica.... So case in point.  Thanks Drake!!

Any suggestions for bringing it up seriously? (but delicatly, so he is less scared?)

*happy kiki*

Offline Kada-Ru

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I need some advice
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2004, 02:21:43 pm »
In any relationship worth keeping, talking things out is always the best. No matter the subject.

Just tell him you two need to talk. Tell him you are fine with what he is interested in but you are not interested in it yourself.

You will both have your own interests and being in a relationship doesn't mean you both have to like the same things all the time. If we were all the same life would be rather boring.

It is especially best to get things out in the open at the beginning of a relationship.

If he loves you, he won't be crushed by you talking to him about how YOU feel about his likes and dislikes. He will most likely be more relieved that you were willing to discuss things openly with him. '<img'>
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Offline Kiki the Ferret

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I need some advice
« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2004, 12:49:54 am »
I figured I'd mention, I got brave today when we were on a walk and asked him about it.  He was indeed very open and not hurt about anything.  He admited it could have been a very sensitive subject, but as he tends to stay more on the fringe of things, other than having lots of friends thru the communities, it was, as he put it, "easy to talk about at this point in the relationship"  All in all, most of what drake said well applied.

Thanks guys!

*huggles*

Offline BlueNinja

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I need some advice
« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2004, 02:09:01 pm »
Quote
by Drake Blackpaw -
most furry females look more real than the ones in pictured Hustler
 Damnit Drake, I was eating!  I just choked on a cookie because I was laughing at that. '<img'>

Kiki, glad to hear you talked about it all a little bit with him.  Most of the people I know are rather scared of talking with anyone (sometimes especially their bf/gf) about some of their odd fantasies.  But from what you said, I don't think you have anything to worry about until he starts asking you to dress up like Pikachu for sex. '<img'>

As for the furry erotica stuff, I think I'm not a typical guy in this case ... while I like normal human porn, I rarely find furry porn arousing.  But some stories I've read ... WOW. ':blush:'
Good night, and may the good lord take a Viking to you! - Ralph the Dog
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Offline Kiki the Ferret

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I need some advice
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2004, 07:29:21 pm »
nope, not a typhical guy.  but i think thats a good thing.  i've actually never read furry erotica- i guess i'm boring ':p'

and yes, people tend to be shy.  kind of why i was scared to bring it up with him...

and uh, yes on the hustler quote!  I meant to bring it up before actually.  Damn plastic pamela anderson.... *shudder*

Offline Lascivus_Lutra

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I need some advice
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2004, 09:07:28 pm »
Always remember:

Honesty goes a long way.

Never do anything you are not comfortable doing.

Talk about it and then talk some more.
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Offline CoyoteCretin

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I need some advice
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2005, 11:15:52 am »
you should try to talk to him bout it and just whatever you do dont be really judgemental.
Avatar by Nagoma Foxx

I need some advice
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2005, 02:52:59 pm »
hi Kiki my names Mik. from one ferret to another. I wouldn't stress to much. My girlfriend, who is also a ferret and is relativly new to theculture is awesome we talk about stuff like this all the time. you have to think about it from his point of view. He cares about you alot and wants to be able to talk to you about things. and I mean, an obsession with pikachu really isn't all that bad. I mean there are WAY worse things to be into other than pikachu. which sounds like a relativly harmless infatuation. great to see so many ferrets. its great.anyways. talk about it with him.
-Mik Genocide