Author Topic: Outcast...  (Read 2825 times)

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Offline Kayf

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« on: May 19, 2005, 09:12:18 am »
I have a bit of a problem. I am a lion (or a house cat - lets not go into that now), but I'm also a human with a job and college and a wife and responsibilities. This shouldn't present too much of a problem, except that I relate more to feline aspects of my personality more than the homo sapiens. Also not a problem, I suppose, but my wife thinks of furries like we would look at Mork and Mindy fans: thats nice, but a) why bother and b) you're wierd. I haven't even TRIED approaching my family about it. Most of them live over 4 hours away, and would flip out and hang up before I could really explain anything. Besides, being furry isn't the sort of thing one calls people about - its not like I won something. All my friends from school are gamers/hackers, all my friends from work are 20-40 years older than me. I have no furry support at all:
I'm alone.
Is this a common way to feel? I can't be the only one to feel this way, can I? (wow, lotr soundtrack is way too depressing to listen to when writing about something like this - Gollum's Song playing now)
Please, I could use some help. How do you deal with it? Do you deal with it?
Thanks
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Offline Drake Blackpaw

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« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2005, 10:12:03 am »
I think your wife's opinion of furries is that held by the general population.  Basically, well it's kind of weird being obsessed by that stuff, but it is mostly harmless.  Not the best environment to go and talk about your interests with others.

If I were you, I'd suggest searching through yahoo, msn and other places for furry groups that are local to where you live.  This will hopefully let you get in touch with a few furries in real life that you can share your interests and act out your feline tendencies.

I can sympathize with having a wife that feels way she does about furry.  My ex-wife had a similar view.  She didn't mind my participation, but she wasn't happy if I displayed anything furry to the outside world or talked about it with other peoples cause she didn't want to be thought of as weird due to her association with me.  

That said, we often have different interests than our mates and it is something we learn to work around.  Good luck in finding some real life furs to hang out with and take care of your furry fix.

Outcast...
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2005, 02:19:55 pm »
When I was in elementary school, I was very intelligent and had a 129 IQ when they finally tested me in grade 8.  As a result of being intelligent and a doormat, I was picked on throughout school.

After a while, as I changed as a sentient being, I just really stopped giving a damn about what people said or did.  I became a legacy leaving class clown and number one prankster doing my own thing, and people liked me for it.

If you do what you want people will appreciate you for it. Not everyone, mind you, but there will be people.  For instance, my mother disproves of me being a cartoonist and freelance artist and wishes I'd "grow up" and go back to college in a "real" profession, but on the other hand the people I went to school with think I'm pretty awesome for doing what I want and sticking with it as they let their biggest dreams and aspirations die when they let things get in the way of them.

My advice? Don't even deal with it.
I mean, why care?  I'm too busy to be bothered about what people think of me.

Offline Mazz

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« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2005, 02:44:41 pm »
I havnt told my rents. most my friends are furry. and i think my sister knows.
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Offline River Ceed

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« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2005, 11:21:21 am »
Perhaps you should take another look at your situation from this perspective:

Instead of focusing on what you have in your life/personailty/hobbies that are different from others around you, try focusing on the commonalities you have with others.  You are going to college...lots of people do that.  You are married, lots of people do that.  You work and lots of people do that.  Find things in common with those people and you can make friends.  As to your furriness, save it for online or for times when you have found people of a like-mind that can go on outings and such with you.

Being different in hobbies can be rough if it's the ONLY thing you concentrate on.  But life can be alot of fun if you instead find common things between yourself and those you'd enjoy being friends with.  Sometimes circumstance sticks people in a place where there may be no one who shares an interest you have (in this case furriness--as far as you know).  It's those times that you have to look beyond your favorite interest and expand your horizons to include other interests you have and can enjoy with those around you.

Not saying you have to give up furriness.. not at all.  Instead, find ways to incorporate it into your friendships with others.  For example, see if your gamer friends will play (or teach you if you don't know how) a game which includes anthro characters -- like street fighter, sonic, spyro, ect.  It's an interest you can share with their gaming hobby and still fit in.  See if your wife would like to go out to a movie with you which also includes anthros or something else you favor --you don't NEED to tell her why you want to see it.  And the fact you want to go out with her should earn you brownie points with her too --an added bonus!

As far as college goes.... you've got lots of options there, including starting a furry group if you find that others are interested too.  You never know how many people around you are including themselves in a subculture unless you inquire about it, mainly because so many people are just like you and a little skittish of blaring it out to the world when they feel it's something which will get them teased or looked down on.  Post a flyer somewhere asking if there's an interest in furry.  Use the campus internet to scan for furs by posting an anonymous 'anyfur out there' type message, if you are afraid of exposing yourself openly.  Talk to the person who dons that mascot suit for games at your college... they may know someone or be furry themselves.

  If all else fails, enjoy furryness on the internet and in select events --like cons.  And the rest of the time, enjoy life as 'you' without applying a label.  After all... without a label you can't be stereotyped as easily. :-)  Your happiness is up to you and how you handle the world around you.

~River





Offline Kayf

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« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2005, 11:53:14 am »
I know, it really isn't that big of a deal. It really is just another aspect of my life, and not the largest. I don't suffer intensely from the isolation from other furries, its more of a little sad twinge on the edge of my days. I'm no stranger to being strange, though. I was home schooled from 4th to 11th grades and went public for final year of HS, joined the army straight out of there, and NOW at 24 I'm working on my associates degree with people 3 to 6 years younger than me. I'm sufficiently strange without telling everyone that I wish I was a lion (or at least a cat - like my new avatar?). As for setting something up on campus, its a very small community college - like a fish bowl, almost. I can say with almost complete confidence that the only people likely to respond to a general "anyfur" call are the anime club (I hate to say it, but these guys are the poeple ALL anime fan-boy steriotypes are based off of. I like anime, and I can't even associate with these people).

So that leaves me right where I knew I was to begin with: thanking you all your support  '<img'>  Its all I could ask for and more! So, I'll just take a deep breath and stop being all angsty and depressed. I'm not alone, but I needed to hear it (or read it - you know what I mean!'<img'>.
Thanks! '<img'>
"But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me!" ~Rudyard Kipling
Q:  I'm having problems with my Windows software. Will you help me?
A:  Yes. Go to a DOS prompt and type "format c:". Any problems you are experiencing will cease within a few minutes

Offline Far_Raptor

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« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2005, 10:20:23 pm »
I'm also new to this, and in much the same situation.  

I'm a grad-student at a fairly pretigious university.  I work daily with professors and graduate students whom I would *never* reveal my furyness to.  Doing so would be politically bad at this point in my carrear (I don't need people thinking I'm into bestiality or some rediculous stereotype that they would automatically associate with the term furry).  Once my career is established and I'm financially set, then maybe I'd do something outwardly furry (like put up a group-photo on the wall of my office).

Same with work.  Most of the induviduals I consult with are (conservative) engineers, contractors, and architects.  I don't even want to know what they would think of me if they heard I was a furry.  I'd never hear the end of it.

So I don't tell them.  But it doesn't bother me...it's frankly none of their buisness, and I save furry discussion and thinking for this place, or for the conventions (the first of such experiences I'll be attending tomorrow morning!  '<img'>).  

More or less, I agree with everything River (who is always right about everything--so far as I can tell '<img'>) and the rest said.  

~FaR~


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Offline Bluetail

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« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2005, 05:10:10 pm »
Quote (Kayf @ May 20 2005, 11:53 am)
I can say with almost complete confidence that the only people likely to respond to a general "anyfur" call are the anime club (I hate to say it, but these guys are the poeple ALL anime fan-boy steriotypes are based off of. I like anime, and I can't even associate with these people).

Bwaaah haa haa! I helped found my former high school's anime club and in less than a year it became a haven for fanboys everyone didn't really like. It grew from the diverse to the DBZ =\ and the ocassional episode of Ebichu the Hamster on the side. Poor Ebichu. I left the dang thing to burn the first year, and don't know -what- happened to them! But, it did get some shy introverts to have friends, so it wasn't a total disaster XD.

Bleh to those who are overly concearned with public image who are -not- in a fragiley powerful position. Heck, if you want to try awkward, being a female furry gamer would be harsh if you had to deal with conventional guys. Thankfully I have some fur guys to bug and they're actually accepting of my innate evil gamer-ness.

Be you, and be confident of yourself. You -do- have social contact which is important. At least you relate on some level, so it's much better than being a frightened hobo-in-a-box. Because nobody will talk to them no matter how sad they are. Enjoy being you!

Outcast...
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2005, 10:58:41 am »
...according to an enemy of mine, 'lone wolves die' but I honestly have yet to see proof of this.

I was alone in for a major part of my life, the part where someone NEEDS support and friends, and I had none. Look at me, still here and making many friends.

Offline Xarries

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« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2005, 09:48:57 am »
Ah college...

You need friends, family, happiness, and you need to LIVE! On Saturday (assuming you don't have to work) wake up, take a deep breath, stop caring for a day, and do what you want to do! Listen to some inspirational music, and really, be happy you're alive, there are ALOT of people who never had a chance to live, and will regret it forever. You're young, strong, and intelligent, person and if you are ashamed or not accepted for who you are, it's the other person that has an issue. Really if they don't want to let you live in happiness then convince them, show them, and if they still don't understand, do one of three things: leave and find a more hospitable place, stick with them(for the sake of love), or tone down the furriness. Whatever you do, don't get down on yourself, that is the worst thing you can do.

Hey you have all the support you could ever need here! But as for RL get active in th ecommunity start up a club or something!  '<img'>

Outcast...
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2005, 11:08:42 pm »
((OOC))
I was well out of school/college before I realized I was a Fur and before Xiongmao made his final attempt to make himself known to me (he's been with me all my life).  Before I met my mate, I didn't tell anyone I was a Fur. Now, tho, my mate knows and I have some Furiends whom I've met several times. Two of them are here on the boards: Zero and Roadie. I haven't yet told my parents as they wouldn't take it well. I asked my Mum if she would help me to make a tail. All she said was that she wouldn't ask me what it was for. I almost told her but couldn't.
I know how hard it is to tell family about bein a Fur. Just wait till you feel yer ready then tell 'em.
I.....ummm....dammit! I've lost what the point of this reply was!!
Anyway, as Xarries said: "You have all the support you could ever need right here".  '<img'>

Offline Kayf

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« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2005, 10:09:03 pm »
Wow, my subscription to this post ran out and people are still being helpful! '<img'> Thanks everyone, it really does help!
"But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me!" ~Rudyard Kipling
Q:  I'm having problems with my Windows software. Will you help me?
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Offline Black Foot

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« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2005, 01:57:29 am »
Hey there Kayf I bet most of us furries on here haven't told our parents that we were furry, but as for your wife she mite think furries do alot of yiffing cuz of what MTV (Sex2K), CSI (Fur & Loathing) cuz both of them talked about how we all first meet online, wear costomes to conventions and then yiff at them. I myself haven't told my parents that I'm a furry but I think that my mom knows because she peeks in once in a while to find out what I'm doin and sees me into furry art pictures and of furry chat room. I know it mite possiblely bottle up inside you but I guess it would be like that until u are ready to tell everyone that cares about you that you are a furry feline but til then don't mention it to no one unless u know that they are one as well.
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Offline Kayf

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« Reply #13 on: July 04, 2005, 07:20:12 am »
Its odd, actually. She doesn't really know anything about furry but what I tell her - that we like animals. At this point she just thinks I'm addicted to "posting." Her web presence is limited to emai (barely), so she doesn't hear anything about it ':?:'
"But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me!" ~Rudyard Kipling
Q:  I'm having problems with my Windows software. Will you help me?
A:  Yes. Go to a DOS prompt and type "format c:". Any problems you are experiencing will cease within a few minutes

Offline DJ Wolfsin

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« Reply #14 on: July 07, 2005, 03:14:38 pm »
Don't feel alone,  I didn't know what a furry was until *2 years ago, and realized that I was one myself... oh and btw: HI.

I always acted like a wolf since age 4, my family just called it a phase. But as I got older they accepted it.
Maybe your family will to. ^^ try introducing your wife into, whats her favorite animal?  

*2 years ago I enetered a program called Job Corps and met other furries there.
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Offline wolfie77

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« Reply #15 on: July 09, 2005, 08:20:25 pm »
Well it seems your doing fine!! You mentioned that its not a big deal. I think it kinda is. No one wants to feel excluded. im an older guy in the military.(so I know what its like to feel alone) I have no close friends,or poeple who realy understand where I comming from. I had a series of events which put me here. ITs hard, I know. but thnk of it this way. you have people who love you, you have friends online. You have an endless list of people who will talk to you when you need it. Ive been seeing some realy good advice here!!