Author Topic: Anxiety: My Hateful Companion  (Read 764 times)

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Offline Rjgano

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Anxiety: My Hateful Companion
« on: November 13, 2010, 01:38:23 pm »
I have kept quiet too often, the hateful, harassful, and evil voice of anxiety holding me from saying what I feel is right.It loves giving me worst case scenarios, never showing a realistic outcome... always making me become a different person. This is how it feels to have anxiety picking at your soul, holding you back from every opprotunity, leaving you alone and heartbroken.

It is said that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all... Sadly, I get the short end of the  stick in love situations.I try to motivate myself as anxiety spins it web of lies, fear consumes me, shredding my soul to bits, making me wait to ask just her name. Eventually, it becomes too late and she moves on while I am still trying to work up confidence, making me feel hated, ashamed, and unlovable.

Even situations with some of my friends turn sour. Anytime I am offered to stay the night, my worst case scenarios start to awaken, I feel like I am being told that I am not allowed to go right then and there by my parents. I make akward excuses, even if I'd like to spend time with them. It makes my friends wonder why I don't like them, even though they are the most important things in my life. I have been forced to watch as one after another either backstab me or slowly drift away.

I have been forced to keep too much of myself secret. I don't even know how to tell some of my best friends things that should be easy to talk about, atleast with them. I feel that if I tell them, then they will reject me, hate me, possibly even betray me. I sit on my bed, wondering what I am doing, trying to work up confidence, just to have it ripped away right infront of them.

I have lost countless moments to  this disorder. I feel angry towards myself, hindsight shouts at me, telling me what I should've done, saying that even IF this nearly impossible situation happened, it wouldn't be a big deal. But the counter motivation is too strong wwhen the moment comes around, the voice of anxiety pushinng me around, and away from everyone I love.

This is only a rough draft, seeing as it only took an hour of my time, of my free form poem. I may update it in the future, or I may even delete it, out of anxiety, sadly enough.