Author Topic: Chuck Norris Facts  (Read 11158 times)

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Offline flatout442

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #100 on: April 29, 2013, 01:29:12 pm »
(actual facts) Chuck Norris was in the military, Air Force. Chuck Norris was born the day before the Nazis surrendered.
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Offline Narei Mooncatt

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #101 on: April 29, 2013, 01:48:00 pm »
So... The Nazis surrendered simply because they heard Chuck Norris was born? Lol
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Offline flatout442

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #102 on: April 29, 2013, 02:57:37 pm »
So... The Nazis surrendered simply because they heard Chuck Norris was born? Lol

I guess so.

The North Koreans were going to attack us but they heard that Chuck Norris had been deployed.
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Offline ColonelMustang

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #103 on: April 29, 2013, 05:56:59 pm »
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #104 on: May 28, 2013, 03:07:16 pm »
Chuck Norris audited the IRS.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
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Offline Aedus

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #105 on: May 28, 2013, 09:40:51 pm »
Chuck Norris was once asked how many push-ups he could do.
His response: all of them

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #106 on: May 29, 2013, 09:39:28 pm »
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas when he goes to bed at night.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #107 on: June 02, 2013, 05:07:45 pm »
The drummer from Def Leppard once gave Chuck Norris a high five. He won't make that mistake again.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline HazardJackal

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #108 on: June 03, 2013, 01:36:37 am »
(to my knowledge, these are all my own, as i made them up on the spot)

Chuck Norris knows what happened to Elvis

When Chuck Norris runs a red light, he gets a check in the mail

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Norris? (an awful lot)

Chuck Norris beat a wall in a staring contest

Chuck Norris can shuffle a deck of cards without touching them

Chuck Norris can finish race before it begins

At one point, Chuck Norris played baseball.  he broke the bat, stole every base, and the ball right flew out of the park.  he never even picked up the bat.

Chuck Norris chose to have Andrew Ryan as his slave.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T once had an arm wrestle.  the earth split in half,leaving one on each side.  they have yet to find a table that will support their combined strength.

Handsome jack wears his mask because of his encounter with Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris hit a grand slam while bowling

Chuck Norris has Chewbaca as his pet

If Chuck Norris licks a frozen pole, his tongue does not get stuck; the pole melts

Chuck Norris does not win lotteries; they give themselves up willingly

Chuck Norris can win in a game of chess on the first turn

One day at school, Little Johny heard his friends talking about what who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris, Bruce lee, and Mr T.  Johny said that they were a bunch of old men, and he could take them all on by himself.  on the way home, Johny got lost in the alleyways, and found himself in a T-shaped intersection.  he turned to his left, and saw Chuck Norris walking towards him, looking most displeased.  he turned to his right, and there was Bruce lee.  he turned behind him, and yep, there was Mr T.  the three of them suddenly took off into a run, yelling at Johny and holding out their fists.  Johny did not exist.  ever.  he was never born, nobody was ever knew him.  he was not "taken out of existence" he just never existed in the first place.  
« Last Edit: June 03, 2013, 12:07:36 pm by Ralph Skebington »

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #109 on: June 06, 2013, 09:40:47 pm »
Chuck Norris once punched a horse. It's offspring are forever known as giraffes.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Furenzied

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #110 on: June 08, 2013, 02:01:38 pm »
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #111 on: June 14, 2013, 10:33:02 pm »
Chuck Norris plays Battleship with real ships.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Furenzied

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #112 on: June 15, 2013, 07:53:56 am »
When you google Chuck Norris nothing shows up, because google knows that you don't find Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris finds you.
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Offline HazardJackal

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #113 on: June 23, 2013, 08:50:47 pm »
The Mayans said that the world would end at 2012.  the Mayans did not factor Chuck Norris into the equation

Offline Furenzied

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #114 on: June 24, 2013, 02:03:47 pm »
Chuck Norris is so stealthy HE hunts the Predator.
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Offline Narei Mooncatt

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #115 on: June 24, 2013, 02:37:43 pm »
Time stops for Chuck Norris.
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Offline ColonelMustang

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #116 on: June 25, 2013, 03:57:00 am »
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats Unicorns.
Sarzon! <-- inside joke


Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #117 on: June 27, 2013, 09:01:44 pm »
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's showing how many seconds you have left to live.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Tommy Fox Stone

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #118 on: July 16, 2013, 03:10:59 pm »
The only difference between  Chuck Norris and God is that Chuck Norris does not believe he is God...
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Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #119 on: August 29, 2013, 10:39:26 pm »
Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked a clock so he could see time fly.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Mu Rho Ni

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #120 on: August 30, 2013, 12:34:16 am »
chuck noris doesn't mow his lawn, he stares at the grass and dares it to grow. :D
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Offline SkyFire

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #121 on: August 30, 2013, 12:38:53 am »
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris is so stupid he runs around the world to punch himself in the back of his head. (Srry, one of my friends came up with this...)
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Offline HazardJackal

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #122 on: August 30, 2013, 06:22:49 pm »
Donald Trump fired Chuck Noris.  Apparently Chuck Noris wasn't good enough to be Chuck Noris.

The universe was created when Chuck Noris and Mr T fist bumped.

Offline Rocket T. Coyote

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #123 on: August 30, 2013, 10:32:49 pm »
Yo' Mama so fat, Chuck Norris thought she was The Octogon.
"The coyote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck, and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him. And even the fleas would dessert him for a velocipide."~Mark Twain
(Baps the old humorist.)

Offline Tommy Fox Stone

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts
« Reply #124 on: September 14, 2013, 11:07:02 am »
It was Chuck Norris that actually destroyed the Berlin Wall...
Captain T F Stone
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One Photon Torpedo Can Ruin Your Whole Day THINK ABOUT IT


Another winters day Another grey reminder of what used too be that has gone away Its really hard too say how long we have too live with our insanity we have too pay for all we use and we never think before we light the fuse...

Member of the Millennium Club...

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GOD BLESS TRUMP!...